Evenfall (148 page)

Sin leaned against the counter and watched Boyd, his previous easy going attitude turning into a far more serious one. One long finger tapped against the collar on his neck absently. "But he did make it pretty clear that if I ever 'let myself fall into such a state' again, he'll personally remove me from life support."

Boyd's gaze lingered in displeasure on the collar. "I see he hasn't lost any of his charm since I last interacted with him."

Sin shrugged. "I know that above everyone is a higher power and that he definitely answers to someone, just like Vivienne ultimately does.  The way I took this information was that it isn't our unit or our failure that led him to become that way; it was something that was building before we even set foot in the convention center, the entire time we were gone. Although if you want to be technical about it, Janus is after the American government in general and of all the groups and things the Agency deals with, they are the ones everyone most wants gone. They're this generation of politician's focus, the terrorist organization that must be stopped at all cost, even if they're not necessarily terrorists so much as insurgents although the government uses their earlier actions to give them the label."

There was a long pause as Sin fished out the crumpled pack of Lucky Strikes and brought one to his lips. "They're very well known by the people and even the most liberal of the left wing are against them, or at least they are publicly. Defeating them has become propaganda for every politician hoping to get into office. We're not even the only unit that deals with them. There's an undercover unit with people trying to get in on the inside, there's a unit specifically for intelligence gathering... we're involved in something that's a big deal to a lot of people. So when Connors told whoever that we had a chance to decapitate their organization and then that fell through, I imagine he heard some shit about it; although now I suppose he knows that it wasn't our fault, and he still essentially needs us at least until he replaces us if he wants to get shit done, that's probably why he's so frantic to find Thierry. Not only is Thierry too much of a wild card to have on the loose if he is working with Janus, but we can get a lot of information out of him regarding not only Janus, but every other rebel organization he's involved with which would be useful to many other units in this agency." Another brief pause. "I kind of feel sorry for the bastard if we do find him."

"I don't know what I think of Thierry," Boyd said, thinking about the brief time he'd been in contact with the man. "I barely know him and certainly did not spend enough time around him to truly understand how he works. He seemed sincere, yet his very life depended on the ability to appear so to everyone regardless of his true nature. It does make me wonder what really happened and what he will say if we find him, though if Connors thinks finding Thierry will solve many of his problems, I doubt that's the case."

Boyd paused, not knowing what he felt about that. If Thierry had betrayed them, he would have less sympathy for him than if he hadn't. On the other hand, he had seen what Janus did to those it was displeased with and he couldn't tell if he would ever wish that on Thierry regardless of what choice he had made. The only reason he wasn't certain where his sympathies lay was the fact that if Thierry had purposefully given them bad information, then in a way he also shared responsibility for what had happened to Sin.

"Maybe. But he's had Owen and Ryan harassing every contact to find him."

"I see," Boyd said . Then mention of Ryan reminded him of his earlier question. "Have you seen Ryan? I was surprised he wasn't at the meeting."

"No, but I've had no reason to yet."

"Is he working on something special?" Boyd pressed, wondering what exactly had indisposed him. "Owen was missing from a few meetings at one point as well; is that a typical cycle of their position?"

"I have no idea." Sin lit his cigarette, not seeming very concerned. "Why don't you just go see for yourself."

"I will, I just thought you may know," Boyd said with a shrug. "I'll probably ask him after I stop by HR."

Sin didn't say anything and Boyd fell silent, watching him for a moment before he thought to check his watch. It was still several hours until the administrative levels with Human Resources closed but he had no idea how long it would take to get his ID card and phone. Theoretically, it was something that should just take a few minutes where he'd just have to pick them up, verify he was clear in the system, and leave, but it was exactly because of that simplicity that it would probably turn out to take hours; bureaucracy tended to complicate matters unnecessarily.

Boyd pushed himself away from the counter. "I should go. I'll be around the compound, though, and if they've changed my cell number I'll give you the new one if you need to contact me for some reason."

Sin nodded, watching Boyd with a long, lingering gaze as he got ready to leave. It looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped as they got closer to the door. With an irritated glance at the door, or more accurately the guards on the other side of the door, Sin just ran his fingers lightly over the side of Boyd's face. In response, Boyd caught his hand and briefly pressed his lips against it. They looked at each other for another long stretch before Boyd flashed a slight smile and turned to go.

It didn't take him long to make it to HR but it turned out to be good that he'd allowed so much time; in the end, he had to wait around for half an hour and even when he could speak to Susan Green, it was another hour and a half before everything was settled and he was able to leave. It turned out he had the same cell number as before, which was convenient. He headed towards Complex C and used his newly returned ID card to get inside the building. He didn't recognize the guard at the entrance but he hadn't been to Ryan's in
a while
so that was nothing strange.

As he headed toward Ryan's apartment, he wondered what he could possibly be working on that would have caused him to miss the meeting. Although Boyd assumed he was probably researching Thierry's whereabouts, it must have been very difficult information to procure if Ryan was missing meetings for it. As far as that went, what had Owen been working on previously that had caused him to disappear as well? Then again, each of them was in charge of researching and keeping tabs on the rebel groups in half the world, which was a formidable job for anyone.

It wouldn't be surprising if they temporarily got sidetracked by other things, even if Janus was now their main focus while the unit was active. Boyd stopped in front of the door labeled 15H and hesitated. He very much wanted to see Ryan but he wondered if he would be disturbing him in the middle of something important. On the other hand, if Ryan knew he'd returned to the complex after over a year and hadn't bothered to stop by, he'd probably think that Boyd didn't care about him and that would hurt his feelings more than being interrupted in the middle of research. That made the decision for him and he knocked loudly on the door, making sure he was standing in view of the eye hole so Ryan could see who it was.

More than a full minute passed without an answer and after a moment of debating leaving and trying another day, Boyd knocked again. This time there was a muffled call through the door followed by a brief fit of coughing and after
a while
the door swung open. Boyd was greeted to the sight of a very disheveled looking Ryan who appeared to have just rolled out of bed. His clothing was rumpled and his unruly black hair stuck out all over the place but the most shocking thing was his actual pallor and emaciated form. It looked like he hadn't been outside in weeks, months maybe, and the pastiness of his skin screamed illness; even his lips looked pale. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and his sweater hung off him alarmingly; he'd always been thin but now he looked barely more than skin and bones. But despite this, his mouth widened into a huge smile and his eyes lit up as he focused on Boyd. It didn't take him long to launch himself at the other man and when he wrapped his thin arms around Boyd, he was shocked at how fragile Ryan felt in his arms.

"You're really back!"

The shock of Ryan's appearance briefly made Boyd forget anything he'd meant to say, so he just reacted physically rather than speaking. He automatically hugged him back but didn't dare tighten his arms too strong around him for fear of hurting him. Of course he knew Ryan had an illness, but he hadn't been prepared for the sight or feel of his friend. Concern and worry settled in an uncomfortable knot in his stomach and he wondered how he had grown so much more ill during the time he'd been away.

Ryan didn't pull away from him immediately and Boyd couldn't help holding him a little closer despite himself; Ryan still had the ability to comfort him simply by his presence and he realized at that moment exactly how much he had missed him. He wanted to ask him if he was alright, why he looked especially sick, but he didn't think it would be appropriate to bring up in the doorway where anyone could hear down the hall, so instead he said, "I'm sorry if I woke you; I wanted to see you and let you know that I'm here and I'll be around again."

"Don't apologize," Ryan said quickly, finally pulling away. He grinned up at Boyd before backing up and waving him into the apartment. "I've missed you so much. I know that sounds gay but seriously, I did."

As Boyd stepped into the apartment he saw that it was as unorganized as ever but now the presence of a very large and very hi-tech humidifier and air filter were hooked up in the living room. The entire apartment, at least what he could see of it, seemed to be sealed airtight. He looked around the apartment briefly before refocusing on Ryan. "I missed you too," he said honestly. As happy as he was to see Ryan, the pallor of his skin seemed starker inside the apartment, to the point that he couldn't wait any longer to ask. "Ryan... Are you alright?"

Ryan stiffened visibly, shoulders tensing but he continued to smile and waved the question off. "Yeah, you know how it is. I'm always crappy after the winter months. It sucks that you have to see me like this though. Embarrassing."

"I'm happy to see you regardless of how healthy you seem, and I'm not trying to be rude, it's just..." Boyd brought a hand up without thinking and touched Ryan's cheek, noting that his temperature felt relatively normal. His eyebrows drew down in thought. "I don't recall it being quite like this after last winter. Does it go in cycles across the years as well or have you just been too stressed with work?"

"Who knows," the smaller man responded vaguely. "It comes, it goes, it's bad, it's good. I'll never really known what causes it to behave so erratically unless there's suddenly some ground breaking discovery in the study of the disease. It's not too bad, really. It means I get to do my work in my pajamas and e-mail the heads instead of going in for meetings." He plopped down on one of the sofas in the living room and shoved a stack of comic books and magazine off the neighboring cushion. "How are you? How's everything? Tell me everything."

"I'm alright." Boyd sat down next to him, still studying him despite Ryan's words. He looked briefly around the apartment again, trying to reacquaint himself with the idea of just being around someone he could easily talk to again. Having the ability to be around Sin and Ryan helped to relieve some sense of tension he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. He'd primarily intended to stop by to check on Ryan and hadn't thought about how Ryan would probably have many questions for him as well. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts.

Finally, he looked back at him and said, "I suppose everything is fine right now although to be honest, I'm still a little off-balance being back at the Agency after so long. It seemed surreal when I first walked in and now the routine is returning to me." He paused, running a hand through his hair to get the choppy brown and blond out of his eyes. "As for anything else... I don't know where to start."

Ryan rested his chin against his palm and gazed at Boyd silently for a moment. His lips parted briefly before he sealed them again, seeming to be unsure of what to ask or what to say. Boyd wasn't sure exactly what Ryan knew about what had happened when he'd returned but when Ryan finally spoke, he was relieved that his punishment or meeting with Connors didn't come up. Instead Ryan's wide eyes grew rounder as if he'd suddenly remembered something and he leaned forward. "How was nearly a year of living with Hsin?"

"Ah." That was a logical question, but in a way, an awkward one to answer honestly. "That was... interesting at first, but overall it was good," he said, trying to determine the best wording, his tone relaxed and calm. "Neither of us was accustomed to the heat and, at least for me, being attracted to him but in such close quarters made it difficult at first." He leaned back, having forgotten how comfortable Ryan's sofa was. "Eventually, it got better. I probably should have listened to you earlier, though; you were right that the attraction was on both sides."

Ryan's dark eyebrows shot up and for a moment he seemed stunned into silence but then his lips stretched into a wide grin. "I knew something would happen! Well I was pretty sure anyway. I should have bet someone but I had no one to bet. ...Wait. Something
did
happen, didn't it? It wasn't just some mutual confession that was quickly ignored? Man, he
did
actually say it didn't he? You didn't just figure it out on your own and then never mention it?"

"It was initially more action than confession but, no, it wasn't ignored," Boyd said, thinking about the first time Sin and he had fooled around. "I think if the same catalysts had occurred here it may not have turned out as it did, but we were far away from anyone watching us and it made it easier to just do what we wanted. We've had sex several times since then so the physical attraction became pretty obvious. Although it's not exactly information we plan to advertise so it's best if no one else knows."

"Wow. I'm impressed. Seriously." Ryan stared at him in amazement. "Wow." A brief moment passed and he shook his head slowly. "
Someday
I'll be able to think of something more clever than that to say but at the moment I'm freakin' floored. I mean-- so are you two... I don't know. Wow."

Boyd raised an eyebrow, amused by the reaction. "Is it really that impressive? I suppose it's been awhile since I've seen you so it seems more normal to me."

Ryan shrugged and scratched the back of his head. "Well I mean... he's just so... I don't know. I always had the feeling he was interested in you but now that I think of it, I can't really picture him... not being all... Sin-like. I dunno." He shook his head and smiled again. "Wow that's a hot mental image now that I've conjured it up."

That made Boyd laugh briefly; that was another reason he'd missed Ryan, just by being himself he somehow managed to relax him enough that natural reactions of laughter or amusement were more likely to surface. "Well, I won't lie and say the mental image is probably wrong. His personality became far more relaxed after the time spent there, though, and remnants of that change remain. You may experience some of it when you next see him."

Ryan nodded but his expression grew slightly more serious. "So does that mean he's really okay? I mean they made it sound like he'd never wake up, I was really unsure when suddenly I was told that he was around again."

Boyd's expression darkened and he dropped his gaze to his hands. "I know. I didn't believe it either, even when I saw and spoke to him. I couldn't understand how he was fine, but somehow he seems to be." He paused a moment then looked back up at Ryan. "It's beyond me," he admitted. "I honestly believed he was dead or would be brain damaged. I doubt there's anyone else who would have somehow managed to make it through that and even have a full recovery. I can't imagine I would have."

The other man snorted. "I can't even survive a cool breeze. I'm sure if anyone ever tries to torture me for interrogation my body would give up as soon as the idea was brought to attention."