Evenfall (144 page)

The suggestion wouldn't have been surprising hours ago, or more accurately months ago, but after everything that had been said between them in the past thirty minutes, for some reason it was. Even so, it wasn't something he was going to turn down, not when the idea of that kind of proximity was more than a little appealing.

"Okay."  There was a brief pause. "If you're sure."

Boyd nodded, looking slightly relieved. "Okay." He watched Sin for a moment and then turned towards his room.

Sin trailed behind him, feeling more exhausted by the moment. He came to the conclusion that it really had been nothing more than adrenaline that had driven him for the past couple of hours. The anxiety over what had happened to Boyd had pushed him but now that the paranoia and hot anger was fading, he wasn't left with much more than fatigue.

His head was spinning and his vision dimmed at the edges, making Boyd's room seem even darker and his bed seem even more inviting. As he collapsed on Boyd's bed, he swore he was seeing spots. He was barely aware of Boyd pulling the curtains closed. By the time Boyd had crawled up on to the bed beside him, he was already asleep.

===

Sin was dead asleep until he felt his shoulder shake and heard Boyd's voice telling him to wake up. His eyes snapped open and his body tensed. "Is it late?"

"It's just past seven," Boyd replied quietly, as if it would alert the agents outside to the fact they were awake if he spoke any louder. "I haven't heard anything but I just woke recently." Somehow, his hand didn't quite make it away from Sin's shoulder.

Sin groaned and brought his hand up to his head, wincing slightly. The pain wasn't entirely gone but he felt far more alert and prepared to deal with the Agency than he had the night before. "I should go soon. I'd rather leave before they come and physically try to remove me."

Boyd studied Sin and for a moment it looked as though he was about to say something but instead he just nodded and sat up fully, looking at the curtains as if he could see through them to what the agents were doing. "That's probably best," he agreed, though something about his expression seemed a little reluctant. "That way it doesn't give Connors or my mother time to give the order, if they haven't already."

Despite his comment about leaving, Sin didn't get up and instead stared up at Boyd with his hand still resting against his forehead.

"What did he say to you at your debriefing?" he asked suddenly.

Boyd watched Sin for a moment and then shook his head with slightly narrowed eyes and a faint frown. "Basically that I'm a failure on all accounts. I was hired to be your partner, if I'd done my job none of this would have happened, I fucked Thierry and got faulty Intel and then caused an international incident..." He paused. "And that my sexual relationship with you must have influenced my decision to insist they didn't let you die."

Sin stared at him blankly for a moment before speaking. "How does he know we have a sexual relationship?"

"I suspect he was expanding on his belief from earlier," Boyd said, looking over at Sin again, "when he saw the surveillance video of before you were sent to the box. But I can't be certain."

"I see." Sin wondered if he'd be 'neutered' now. His hand unconsciously dropped to his crotch as if suddenly paranoid that something had been done to him to make it... unworkable. "Well he's a fucking moron anyway. What did Vivienne say?"

"That was the strange part, actually." Boyd drew his eyebrows down thoughtfully. "She was understandably angry that I was seen, but she seemed equally displeased with Connors. After he dismissed me, she followed me out of the room to speak with me. She's never done that before. She kept saying I needed to learn my lessons more thoroughly but that it was for my safety as well as others." He paused, seeming confused as he added, "It seems so unlike her, but... I think she was trying to warn me of where I was headed."

"Maybe she was. Maybe she knew it was bullshit."

Boyd shook his head. "Was it?" he asked rhetorically although his tone was a little dark. "If you take into account everything I've done, even back to when I broke you off the fourth, and also how many people were hurt because of me in Mexico..." He shook his head. "I'm probably lucky that's all I got. I'm probably lucky they let me off the floor at all."

Sin shook his head but didn't say anything more on the topic, not wanting to get on another debate about what was Boyd's fault and what he deserved or didn't deserve because of it. "And whose decision was it for you to no longer be an agent?"

"I don't know. Probably Connors'." Boyd's eyes narrowed slightly although his tone remained calm. "All I know is I returned home to find my termination letter waiting for me. And agents watching me. At least, I thought so. It took me awhile to decide that was true."

A slight frown crossed Sin's face and he sat up finally. "Something about that seems off. There has to be more to this 'termination' than meets the eye. I've never heard of an actual field agent ever resigning or being fired. Anytime anyone has left service before, it usually led to them being permanently silenced because of the risk it would be to have someone wandering around who knew so much about an organization that isn't even supposed to exist. I don't even think your mother's influence would change that."

Boyd considered that. "I don't know what happened, then. I don't see why they wouldn't follow normal procedures just to be safe. It's not as though killing me would've made much of an impact on the Agency as a whole and that way they would've been covered."

Sin's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I have no idea. This all just seems really strange in general. I guess we won't know for sure until... I don't know. Until someone really tells us what the hell the deal is."

They fell silent for a few moments; Boyd didn't have an answer to that and Sin didn't have anything else to ask. He had no intentions of questioning Boyd about what had gone on during his time with Shane. It was unnecessary and most likely not something Boyd would want to talk about any time soon, if ever.

Boyd studied Sin and seemed to hesitate, as if wondering if he should ask or not, but then he said, "I've been wondering... How did they manage to catch you?"

Sin's eyes dropped and he stared at the black sheets uncomfortably. He'd been anticipating the question and even though he'd explained it without hesitation to Carhart. After Boyd's admission that his attitude towards Jessica had been over his own personal dislike, over jealousy, something in him held him back from telling the whole story. He didn't want Boyd to know that she'd died anyway, that he'd ultimately been the one to pull the trigger even if it'd been an accident. Just one look, one comment, one hint that Boyd was pleased by the knowledge would make that same anger build inside of him again. It was something that he wanted to avoid. It was something about Boyd that he didn't even want to acknowledge.

"I'd ultimately planned to drop her off in a park on the way to meeting you but all routes to safe houses were pretty much blocked by emergency people so I had to take a different way that I hadn't previously scouted. I dropped her off briefly in a deserted area, scouted, came back with the intentions of moving her somewhere more public since she'd still been unconscious when I left but she'd already woken up by the time I returned. She'd called her uncle to pick her up and he turned out to be Hale Clemons, even though she was obviously unaware that he had ties with Janus. She seemed to have no real idea what was going on. Long story short, they managed to overpower me and knock me out."

Boyd slid his eyes closed and tilted his head down; although he didn't say anything at first, judging by his expression, it was along the lines of what he'd expected to hear. He shook his head once and said quietly, "Even if she knew he was tied to Janus, there was no reason she wouldn't call; she didn't know you were an agent. But... Hale Clemons? I wouldn't have expected her to have any connection with him. His background check didn't reveal her relation to him and any time I tried to get any information about him, no one like her was mentioned."

"Yeah. I'm assuming they aren't related by blood. She called him her uncle but that doesn't necessarily mean they're legally or closely related. He may be nothing more than a close family friend. Who knows." He shrugged again and continued to study the sheets. "That's pretty much the long and short of it. Mostly everything after that is vague, I just remember bits and pieces of interrogation. I don't recall much honestly until I woke up yesterday in one of the compound's medical facilities. I wasn't even aware that I'd been brought back to the Agency."

"I could see that; you were in terrible shape," Boyd said somberly. He shook his head as if to stop thinking about that. "How did you get here, then?"

Sin glanced up at Boyd again. "I... left. Knocked out a couple of doctors and escaped the facility, pretty much. At that point I had no idea what was going on or whether or not you'd even made it back okay so I went to Carhart and got a few answers although for the most part, Connors had him in the dark as well." He stood up finally, glancing at the window. "I should probably get out of here."

Boyd looked to the window as well even though nothing could be seen through the curtains. He nodded a little distractedly, then stood. "If... Well, I know you won't. But if you happen to get off the compound and you need anything... I'll be here."

The corners of Sin's mouth turned down a bit and he pushed Boyd lightly, almost playfully. For a moment there was a feeling of old familiarity, the motion bringing to mind the things that had passed between them more than a year ago when they'd first started to become accustomed to
each other’s
company.

"After all the shit I just went through trying to convince you not to ditch me, do you really think I'll let them keep me away?"

Boyd looked caught off guard, but then he smiled slightly. "No, I suppose not."

"Alright then."

They didn't exchange words after that and Boyd trailed behind him quietly as Sin strode towards the door. In the light of the morning with the pale, almost ghostly rays of sunshine straining to break through the ashes, it was hard to believe that the events that had taken place the night before in the darkened shadows of the house had actually occurred.

Even so, as they made their way to the front door to part ways for what could be the last time in a long time, neither of them mentioned what had taken place. There was something close to awkwardness between them, a hesitation and uncertainty that hadn't been there six months ago. That was unsurprising given the circumstances. Despite the fact that the majority of their relationship had started in Lexington, at the Agency, they'd never been that close there. Sin hadn't really considered how their interaction would be affected upon their return and he suspected Boyd hadn't either.

The fact that agents were watching their every move didn't help matters. That, combined with the uncomfortable embarrassment that shadowed the outpouring of feelings the night before, made for a very quiet farewell.

Chapter 42

Boyd had spent months too tired or depressed to get out of his bed to do little more than wander around the house or eat whatever small amount of food he could bother with at the time. Earlier his dreams and nightmares had been so vivid that they'd spread into the days. He still didn't know which parts he had and had not hallucinated, which parts were only dreams and which reality. But that could not have sustained itself forever; with enough time, even his imagination had lost all sense of color or intensity during the day and instead he'd fallen into an all-encompassing state of apathy. After long enough, it had seemed like he would have nothing else to look forward to; that the days spent in a half-slumbering state were just carbon copied and repeated indefinitely. So when Sin had suddenly appeared one night alive and relatively well, it was with a sense of confused shock that Boyd had responded, and even long after he'd disappeared, he had found himself glancing quickly at the door as if wondering if that had really happened or thinking maybe, somehow, Sin was coming back sooner than either had expected.

Sometimes it was almost like it hadn't happened. But even if the bullet hole was not there, he could recall too clearly the feel of those tense, broad shoulders beneath his hands, the smell that wasn't quite right surrounding him as he'd buried his face in Sin's hoody. But thinking so much about that started to bring back other thoughts, too. When he'd first returned from the Agency he'd found himself snapping awake from the midst of nightmares and the images would follow into reality. When his hands got caught under the sheets or he buried them under the pillow, his heart would jolt and he'd throw himself awake, terrified that he was still being held down, that he was still in that room with those pictures and those words surrounding him. The image of Lou being slaughtered pasted on the ceiling above him and his screams mixing with the screams of himself when he was younger, when he'd lost everything; even, temporarily, his sanity and sense of self. When he'd first been released from fourth, he'd had terrible dreams of Sin; of his death, of his dying, of watching the results of the torture bloom across his body and the echoing crack of bones dislocating and breaking under the onslaught of Janus' disregard for his life. And the entire time Sin would watch him, unforgiving and unrelenting, demanding without words why Boyd had let them do that to him.

Previously, he'd just let it happen; he'd believed every condemning word he could hear whispered in the dark, in his mind, and he'd turned it upon himself. But with the possibility of Sin still being alive, and, most of all, not blaming him for what had happened even if Boyd still couldn't understand why, he was trying to change that mindset. Now, he tried to turn the thoughts in other directions. When he started thinking about JKS and everything that had gone wrong there, he tried instead to think about the times before that; the way Sin looked when he smirked and the sound of that first startled laugh. When he dreamed in slow motion of finding Sin in the basement, of the flickering lights and the blood like paint splashed around the room, when he jerked awake and the shadows were like heavy poison around him, he'd breathe as steadily as he could and try to think instead of Sin's words that he hadn't blamed Boyd for any of that.

Even so, the days stretched endlessly before him. He still felt somehow confined to his house despite the fact that he could technically leave if he so chose. But he had nowhere to go. He wasn't about to try to visit Johnson's Pharmaceuticals for several reasons, the main of which was that he no longer worked there and, if the possibly-imagined Sin was correct, then it was an anomaly that he was still alive so pushing it would probably result in his death.

It was while he was in a similar state of thought while blankly staring at his comforter that he heard a knock at his front door. Boyd stilled, his heart rate automatically increasing, and he turned his attention solely to listen for the sound again, thinking for a moment he had imagined it. A few seconds passed and then, once more, the steady and deep rapping of someone calmly knocking on the door. Boyd walked to the front door feeling a mixture of paranoia, caution, and hope. When he paused in front of it, he hesitated before looking out the peephole just as he started to hear the knocking again, more insistent this time.

Some part of him must have wished it was Sin, returning as he'd said he would, because he felt an inexplicable sense of disappointment when he saw the blank-faced man standing on the other side. Not that it made sense but hope and desire rarely followed a logical path, as he felt was a definite case-in-point for him whenever Sin was involved. Just as the fourth knock was resounding across the wood, Boyd opened the door and warily looked outside, brown eyes squinting against the light. The man was nondescript; dark hair, dark eyes, a forgettable face, nothing particularly noticeable about his clothing, and it was for those reasons alone Boyd knew this was one of the agents that had been tailing him. He didn't say anything, just watched the man silently with an automatic sense of foreboding.

The agent nodded curtly at him then stood to attention, his hands held behind his back smartly. Despite the pose, Boyd knew fully well that he was not compromised; he would easily be able to react to any attack Boyd may have planned. "You've been summoned," he stated calmly.

Surprise and fear mixed as Boyd said, "What?"

When the agent didn't bother replying, obviously knowing it had been an automatic and meaningless question, Boyd looked around them quickly, searching for any other agents. He didn't see anyone else except the SUV, which had moved so it was directly across the street, its sides shining deep black and windows glinting in a manner that made it impossible to see inside.

"Why?" Boyd tried again, returning his attention to the agent.

"Orders," the agent said simply and Boyd shook his head once in a vague sense of annoyance.

"No. Why am I being summoned?"

The agent raised his eyebrows and said, "I just get the orders and carry them out. It's best if you come with me now."

Although he didn't say anything further, Boyd wouldn't have been surprised if the second half of those orders were to bring him in by force if he didn't comply. So, with one last quick glance around, Boyd said, "Just one moment, then," and grabbed the keys to the house so he could lock the door on his way out as he followed the agent to the SUV.

The ride to the Agency was uneventful and silent; Boyd spent the time staring out the window and felt a sense of dιjΰ vu from when he'd been passing through Monterrey in a similar van. W
hen they reached Johnson's Pharmaceuticals, Boyd stared at the massive skyscraper with an increased sense of foreboding; the building rose into the air in a manner that was far more intimidating to him in that moment than it ever had before. He didn't know exactly why he felt that way, but it was there and the feeling clawed at him from deep in his stomach. Although he kept the anxiety from showing in his expression, it didn't make it any less real for him.

After a moment the van stopped and when neither agent moved, Boyd glanced at them and stepped out of the vehicle, shutting the door behind him and peering at the compound through the gates. He expected the other two to get out as well but they stayed inside. The first agent rolled down his window and said, "General Carhart is waiting in briefing room 7-D. You are to see him immediately."

Boyd stared at the man in a sense of confusion and disbelief. "What-- Briefing?"
The agent didn't bother to respond; he simply gave him a look that stated he had best follow the orders as well, and the two drove off. Boyd stared after the van as it turned around the corner and, after a moment, he looked distractedly back at the guards who stood stone-faced, one watching him while the other scanned the surroundings. Boyd walked up to the gate, not knowing exactly how this was supposed to work because they had confiscated his agency cards and cell phone after releasing him but the guards just nodded at him and let him in. They probably had been alerted to his visit beforehand and were given authorization to let him through.

Walking through the compound was bizarre and rather unnerving; he felt more vulnerable at that moment than he had even during the previous winter when rumors had run rampant. The paranoia he'd been feeling at home would not quite go away and heightened his senses in a manner that made the situation worse. He felt like everyone was watching him but when he glanced around, very few actually were. He kept his posture and expression calm and intent in order to hide any sense of insecurity he was feeling, but there was still a part of him that was afraid. It was possible that this was as much a "briefing" as the second stage of the "debriefing" had been what he'd expected the last time he'd been on the compound.

However, he found himself going the same route he'd always gone to the room where his unit had met, and very little happened along the way. The conference table was there as always, with the same projector resting near Carhart and the same seats around the table. Carhart looked exactly as he always had, as if no time at all had passed and when he looked over at Boyd, it was with the same expression he'd always given him. Sin was sitting there, his expression bored, but his posture somehow led Boyd to believe that he was impatient although he looked over at Boyd when he entered. His hair was cut short the way Boyd last remembered and he was wearing his usual clothing; an old t-shirt and over-sized black cargo pants.

Jeffrey sat in his usual spot, pouring over a stack of papers with his briefcase at his side with his hair and clothing as immaculate as always. He flicked a glance Boyd's way and something about it seemed less dismissive; more aware than it had been in the past. Owen was there looking awake for once with a large, steaming cup of coffee resting near his hand, though his clothing was as disheveled as always. But to Boyd's disappointment Ryan was missing; he'd really been hoping to see him.

Not saying anything, Boyd simply walked around the table and took his usual seat at Sin's side, feeling that this entire situation was very strange, almost as if he had to be dreaming it even if he knew he wasn't.

The silence stretched uncomfortably and finally Sin's gaze dragged from Boyd's face and focused on Carhart as his fingers tapped against the table impatiently. "Are we going to sit here and jerk off or are you going to get to the point of this little gathering?"

Carhart's eyebrows rose and his hazel eyes observed Sin for a moment before he folded his hands in front of him neatly. "The point is an assignment, of course."

Boyd gave Carhart a confused look. "Wait... I was terminated, so if this is really a briefing, I don't understand why I was summoned here."

The General's calm gaze moved to him and although there was nothing terribly telling in his expression, the slight tilt of his head and the almost too casual way he shrugged his broad shoulders, gave away the fact that he was obviously pleased with what he was about to say. "Termination at Johnson's Pharmaceuticals is only official when an employee is officially terminated." The comment was both vague and telling at once and he continued. "Thus the reason why you were never removed from the system."

Boyd stared at him. "But I received a termination letter that also stated my codes had been wiped from the system. What was that then, if not termination? Unofficial extended leave without pay? Why wouldn't they just say so if that was the case?"

"I imagine that their decisions about what they choose and refuse to disclose are for very specific, intentional reasons." Carhart held eye contact for a brief moment before repeating meaningfully. "And like I said, termination is only official when employees are officially terminated."

"I understand what you mean," Boyd said, shaking his head. "I just meant," he started to say, then stopped. Specific, intentional reasons. It was Connors' idea to 'terminate' him, he had little doubt of that judging by his mother's reactions. If she had been the one in charge, she would have been upfront about it and would have informed him that he was suspended which was in essence what had occurred. He suspected that leading him to believe he'd been fired was also Connors' idea and perhaps the reason was simply to mess with his mind for an extended period of time. If he'd known he was just suspended it would have been different;  he would not have had the feeling that his access to everyone he knew or cared about was unequivocally severed. He would not have lost all hope so completely, possibly. It made him wonder about Connors' wording, that being a field agent went along with being Sin's partner. If Sin had died, would they have brought him back or would they have killed him at that point?
"Never mind. So... Now I'm just being brought back to start in missions again?"

Sin's eyes went from Boyd to Carhart and then back again. His eyebrows were drawn together slightly but other than that, his face was unreadable. He didn't say anything and it was Carhart who spoke again. "Correct."

"I've been gone for an extended period of time, though," Boyd pointed out. "What if I'm not agent material
anymore
? Or if I don't want to return?"

This time Sin sat up straight and he sent Boyd a glare so dark that everyone else in the room picked up on it, looking at him before their gazes returned to Boyd. But once again, he didn't say anything, even as his green eyes narrowed dangerously.

"The first question was stupid and the second was ignorant, so I am going to ignore both," Carhart replied flatly.

Boyd looked at Sin with a slight shake of his head, then turned to Carhart. "I didn't say that was the case, I was just curious. I suppose I wondered how obvious and quick the termination would be." More than anything, it was simply that they were such obvious questions to him that he felt they needed to be asked aloud, even if he wasn't serious about them. He noticed Jeffrey giving him a half irritated, half incredulous look but he ignored him. "I apologize for the interruption. You were talking about this mission?"