Don’t Forget to Remember Me (40 page)

“I think it sounds wonderful.”

“Good. Because our moms are already working
on it with Ellie and Jen.”

Her head snapped back and her eyes widened.
“Is this a conspiracy?” She climbed up to straddle my lap. Julia
clutched the sheet around her, holding it together at her breasts
and I shifted beneath her until I was sitting up against the
headboard.

I tugged on the sheet until she let it fall,
revealing the glorious treasures underneath. “Yes,” I whispered. “I
conspire to make love to you, everyday for the rest of my life.” I
leaned up and slid my arms around her back and hips, pulling her
closer as I rained kisses over her chest and over her shoulders.
Finally, our mouths married in another series of soft, yet
passionate kisses.

My hands lightly traced the soft curves,
roaming over the side swells of her breasts, thumbs circling both
nipples over and over. Her eyes glistened, almost glowing in the
darkness and her hips surged into mine. I could feel her heat
against my hardness. I wanted it.

I let the back of one of my hands brush over
her taut stomach, the place where my child used to be and I
swallowed the pain, knowing that, more than anything, I wanted to
see her swell with the evidence of our incredible love. I drew in a
breath and kissed along her chin and spoke against her skin.

“Julia…have you thought
about…
children
.” My heart stopped
as I waited for her answer, continuing to kiss her softly. Would
this make her remember? She needed the opportunity to remember
before we were married, in case she was angry and didn’t want to be
with me. I waited without speaking as she drew in a
breath.

“Of course, I’ve thought about it.” Her hand
went up to my face, her fingers feathering across my chin and jaw.
I watched her reaction carefully, but I didn’t find any
recognition. “I love you…so, yes, I want your children. If…you do.
I think you’ll be just an amazing father. You’re so full of love.”
Her voice trembled on the words and my heart exploded inside my
chest.

I sat up suddenly and gathered her close,
burying my face in her hair. “Oh, sweetheart. Of course I do.
Nothing in the world could make me happier. I want to give you
everything. I love you so much.”

Once again…she left me breathless.

Ryan pushed the food around his plate
without eating. His beautiful brow was furrowed and his mouth set.
I knew what was bothering him. I was going back to New York for the
final two weeks before his graduation, to get back to work and give
him the space he needed to concentrate on finals. I took a deep
breath. Ryan heard me, his bright eyes flashing angrily.

“What?” he asked sharply.

I reached forward so that I could take his
big hand in mine. “Babe…it’s only two weeks and…” I began, but he
interrupted me.

“Yes, I
know
,” he retorted shortly. “I was there
when we discussed it. Remember?”

Moody ass
was
rearing his ugly head. I bit my lip to hide a smile. It made my
heart fill that he was upset that I was leaving, but at the same
time, I was concerned how it would affect him. He’d already been
through so much.

“Ryan,” I said quietly, urging him to look
at me once again. He sucked in a ragged breath.

“Look, I need to get to
the hospital.” He was already dressed in scrubs and ready to leave.
Jenna was taking me to the train station later that morning. This
would be the last time we’d
see each
other
until I came back for the graduation and the wedding.
The
wedding. It was really happening.

I got up and lifted the arm he had resting
on the table so I could climb on his lap. He stiffened and turned
his head away as I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pressed
my forehead to his cheek. He smelled so wonderful, the scent of his
cologne so heady. I pushed my fingers up his chest, around his neck
and into the thick hair at his nape. I gave it a little tug and
drew back to look into his eyes.

“I am well aware of your objections, but
this is the absolute last time we’ll be separated. I need to get
back to work so when you’re there, I can concentrate more on us.
This is a new beginning.”

“I like our old one,” Ryan snapped sourly.
His lower lip jutted out like a petulant child. I tugged on his
hair again. Usually that brought a reaction but, when he still
didn’t move, I bent my face closer. My breath fanned out over his
face and his eyes finally moved to mine before closing slowly.

I smiled and pulled
that
lower
lip between both of mine and
sucked lightly. I could feel him softening, as my mouth coaxed his
to come out and play. “Come on. You know you can’t resist,” I
teased. Finally one arm slid across my thighs and the other moved
up my back as he turned into the kiss, finally opening his mouth
hungrily over mine.

Truthfully, I was torn as well. I did need
to get back to work, but I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want
to miss the last times I’d find him hunched over his computer
studying, when I could rub his shoulders and bring him coffee or
food. It was a big chapter that was closing and even though the
future was bright, my heart couldn’t help but feel a little loss.
I’d been remembering more of the past, but there were still a lot
of holes. Like the time just before the accident. I still struggled
with it, but was trying to concentrate on the present. Now that
Ryan was with me, my life was pretty much perfect.

He threaded his hands through my hair as his
mouth lifted breathlessly from mine and he groaned in protest.
“Ugh…I’ll miss you. I don’t want you to go.”

“You know I need to go.” His arms tightened
and pulled me into a tight hug, as he buried his face in my neck
and shook his head.

“All I know is that I need you with me.”
When he pulled away, his features had softened and he looked deeply
into my eyes. His fingers traced my cheekbone, jaw, and temple in
soft butterfly touches.

“I will be, soon. We’re
getting married, remember?” He smiled; despite himself and he was
so gorgeous. “I have to get the dress fitted. Doctor’s orders. He
won’t marry me without it, remember?” Many different emotions
flooded his features and I wanted to comfort him. “Just don’t
let
Lola
chase you too much in a
last ditch effort to land you before you’re off the market,” I
challenged, crooking an eyebrow and grinning. “You didn’t invite
her to the wedding did you?”

He burst out laughing. “Hell, no! She’s one
of the things I will not miss about Boston.”

“Mmmm,” I murmured. It was only 6:30 am and
Ryan had to be at the hospital in half an hour. “Does Aaron work
today?” I asked.

“Yeah. Later I think.”

My mind raced with an idea. “Ryan…Jen wants
to get married soon, too. Should we invite them to have a double
wedding with us?”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed slightly. He hesitated
only briefly. “No.”

I was surprised at the shortness of his
reply. “Why? Your parents will be with us already and Aaron and Jen
do everything with us. Ellie and Harris will be here. They could
stand up with us. It just seems logical.”

“They don’t do everything
with us. Not
this
.”

“But…”

“I said
no
,” he said adamantly
and shook his head once. “I don’t want to share this. It belongs to
us, Julia. For one damn day the world is going to revolve around
you and me.
Please
.”

My heart tightened at his
tender words. I nodded. “Okay.” I placed a soft kiss on his mouth.
“Like the world doesn’t revolve around you
every
damn day,” I teased.

The lopsided grin I adored split out on his
face. “If that were entirely true, you’d keep your sexy ass in
Boston until we could go to New York together.”

I was silent in his arms, both of us
stroking the other. My arms around his shoulders allowed for my
hand to thread through his hair and Ryan had one arm around my
waist and the other rubbing the top of my thigh.

“Julia, it’s just…I’ve
shared you with your job, with distance, with time…I’m so
done
. I won’t give anything else
up.”

Thud. My heart stopped in my chest. The
words that fell from his lips never ceased to amaze me.

“I love you so much,” I whispered against
his mouth as his lips brushed over mine in another series of
kisses. “Only two more weeks and forever starts.”

“Oh, honey, it started eight years ago in
Psych 101.”

This past week was a whirlwind. Andrea was
happy to have me back, although I was unsure what our roles would
be. She’d been doing my job quite well for the past four months. I
glanced at her from where I was sitting behind my desk. She was
efficiently continuing on with details for the August issue and my
heart dropped; glad to be back, yet seeing how smooth the machine
was running. I wondered if Ryan had been right and I should have
stayed in Boston until the wedding.

Thinking about it filled me with excitement,
yet I was calm. I couldn’t reconcile it. Elyse and my mother were
arranging everything via internet and phone with Jenna acting as
the liaison in Boston, while Ellie wrangled the dress designers in
L.A. While some brides might want to be more involved, I was
grateful for the help. We decided on shades of a silvery moss green
for Ellie and Jenna; Ellie’s a lighter hue and then a silvery white
for my dress. My dress I hadn’t seen, but described to Ellie and I
trusted her to make it happen. She had access to some of the top
designers in the world and it would be made to order. Extremely
expensive, but she insisted it was her wedding gift. I felt a surge
of melancholy at her tangible absence in my day-to-day life.

I spoke briefly with Ryan every night by
phone. He was finishing finals, and the last week before graduation
would be spent packing up his apartment. I was filled with pride at
all he’d accomplished,

Gabriel and Elyse, along with Jenna’s
parents had already arrived. Somehow, the wedding guest list had
swelled to around one hundred people and it was all falling into
place. Mike Turner called from Los Angeles and offered to fly in
for the wedding photos. I was truly touched by the gesture.

The pages before me
blurred as I struggled to write the vows that I would say to Ryan
next Saturday evening. My throat ached as I poured over how to put
into words exactly what he meant to me.
Impossible.

When we talked about it
the night before, he’d been so tender, and I missed him immensely.
There were no doubts, not one, that marrying Ryan was the only
choice. He wasn’t really perfect in the true sense of the
word…everyone has flaws, but he was perfect
to
me
. Incredibly so.

My eyes finally overflowed as I pulled
myself back toward the headboard and rolled to my side, bringing
the notebook with me, to rest on the pillow next to mine. Ryan’s
pillow. My hand ran over it lightly. Surely, my heart would explode
as I gazed at the wall to where his poem hung next to one of my
portraits of him. As if he could read my mind, my phone rang as it
rested on the comforter next to me. I answered and pressed it to my
ear.

“Hello?” I murmured softly.

“Hey, how’s my beautiful girl?”

“Missing you.
Bad
.”

“Oh, babe. Me, too. I can’t stand it.”

I closed my eyes, picturing him sitting in
the near darkness on the bed with his legs stretched out in front
of him.