Don’t Forget to Remember Me (43 page)

Ellie was next. By this time, I felt like my
skin was literally falling off of my body. My palms were sweating
and I was sure my heart would leap from my chest. Her gown was a
lighter shade of the same color and with some sort of fluttery
fabric on the skirt. Ellie smiled as she took her place next to
Jenna. I took one last calming breath and looked at my feet for a
split second trying to steady myself for what I was about to
see.

When I looked up, Julia was standing in the
doorway with Paul and my lungs stopped working.

Holy mother of God.
She literally took my breath away. My mother was right.
Heartbreakingly beautiful…unbelievably stunning. It was like my
heart was made of glass and it had just shattered in a million
shards inside my chest. My hand went to the front of my suit in a
silent plea for breath to fill my lungs.

My eyes widened as I
looked at her, trying to comprehend the magnitude of the vision
before me as I tried to memorize every line. This was a sight that
would be with me for the rest of my life. Her white dress dipped in
a low scoop on her chest, leaving the top swell of her breasts bare
and the neckline continued up to the slope of her shoulders. It was
barely sitting on the top of them, accenting the graceful curve of
her neck and collarbones. It was fitted until just below her
breasts where it fell from an empire waistline straight to the
floor. The design was simple but the lace dress glistened softly
from top to bottom. She wore white gloves that went to about two
inches below her elbows, but otherwise, her arms were bare. Her
skin was radiant and with a soft blush to her cheeks, and her mouth
a soft shade of pink. Her hair was piled up in soft curls atop her
head and adorned with my grandmother’s diamond pins and two or
three white camellias nestled in the chestnut
strands
. She held a bouquet of more camellias and
some other small white flowers. Her veil was one layer and edged
in
the
same shimmering lace of her gown,
cascading down her back to the floor to drag behind her and the
blusher over her face fell just above the flowers in her hand.
Completely mesmerized, I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

As she came closer, I
watched her face. Her large green eyes were liquid and her lower
lip, trembling. My heart swelled and my throat constricted
painfully. I swallowed hard,
my fingers aching for hers, as
Julia waited on the other side of her father
.

“Dearly beloved…” the minister began, his
words muted as my eyes locked with hers. She was so beautiful, I
wasn’t even aware of anything else. I wanted to touch the porcelain
skin on her face and shoulders, feel the heat of it under my
fingers, and to kiss her full mouth. All I could think about was
how much I loved her and that she belonged to me.

“Who gives this woman to this man?”

“I do,” Paul said and then he bent to kiss
Julia’s cheek through her blusher. When she turned to hug him, I
could see the back of her dress, the scoop neckline echoing the
front, but dipping lower, almost to her waist. She looked every bit
the bride. Perfect in every way.

Paul placed her hand in mine and finally, my
world felt complete. I used my free hand to cover hers, holding it
between both of mine.

“Julia and Ryan have made it through so much
and have loved each other more because of, and in spite of, all of
their obstacles. They have asked that they be allowed to pledge
their love with vows that they have written for each other as we
all bear witness as they declare their love for one another under
the eyes of God. Please join both hands.”

Ellie moved forward and took Julia’s bouquet
and soon both of my thumbs were rubbing over the tops of her gloved
hands, my eyes never leaving hers.

“Ryan, you may begin.”

This was it, time to tell her how much she
meant to me. I knew it wasn’t possible to put the magnitude of my
feelings into words, but I was going to give it my best effort. I
tried to swallow the emotion, but my eyes were already starting to
sting and my throat ached with the effort. I drew in my breath and
prepared myself to completely lose it. When I spoke, my voice
shook, but the love in her eyes was so reassuring.

“My beautiful Julia. You
are…the most stunning thing I have
ever
seen
.” I watched her reaction to every word,
and when her lower lip began to tremble, I had to stop for a few
seconds as my own emotions welled up.

“I can’t comprehend what I’ve done to
deserve someone as wonderful, giving and amazing as you. The fact
that you have chosen to spend your life with me confounds and
humbles me like I’ve never been.” The first tear slipped from my
eyes as two fat drops finally spilled on to Julia’s cheeks and
tumbled down her face. I cleared my throat for control.

“From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve
known that your gorgeous face…is the last thing I want to see this
side of heaven.” She closed her eyes as more tears squeezed out. I
felt myself breaking yet I pressed on through the tears and the
crack in my voice. “You were meant for me and I’ve loved you since
before either of us was even born. Everything about you calls to me
and I want to protect you and give you everything in my power to
give you. I would lay down my life with just a word from you.”

Her fingers squeezed
around mine as she gasped, trying so hard not to sob out loud. I
could see her struggling, her throat constricted and her chin
visibly trembled. “You make me want to be a better man, to be more
than I am…for you and you alone. This
mad, mad
love that we share is…a truly immeasurable a
gift…the most precious miracle of my life.”

I had to stop then and
fight for control. I glanced down at our entwined hands and I
rubbed my thumbs over her fingers again and again. This was much
harder than I’d ever imagined. Not the words, but holding in the
emotions that they stemmed from, was impossible. “I promise to be
your husband and everything you need me to be, to take care of you
and to love you with all my heart, to worship you with my body.
With everything I am, I love you and I am yours, now and forever. I
want your time, I want your love and I want your children…I
want
you,
always.
To tell you that I will love you forever can never be enough.” The
tears were rolling down my face as her luminous eyes burned into
mine. I watched the tears spill from her eyes as I said the last
part of my vows, “Forever
will never be long enough
to love you
, Julia.”

The room was so quiet you
could have heard a pin drop, save for the soft snuffling, as many
of
our guests
cried with us.

“Now, Julia,” the minister said softly,
“whenever you’re ready, my dear.”

My heart thrummed inside my body. I realized
that my entire life was just a pathway to this one moment. Here,
standing in front of me, in this beautiful and loving package, was
the entire rest of my life. My heart was so full it ached as I
tried to prepare myself for her words.

“Ryan. Every
day…you
amaze
me.” Her voice was
shaking, her hands trembling in mine and tears flowing freely down
her face. She sucked in a shaky breath, pausing to
breathe
, but her eyes never left mine. “The way
you always put my needs ahead of your own, leaves me in awe and
inspires in me the need to give you
everything
. Everything you do tells me how
much,” her voice broke on a sob, “you love me and I’m overwhelmed
by how much I love you in return. I sometimes can’t believe
that
a love like this
even exists.”

I wanted to gather her in
my arms and never let go of her for the rest of my life. I felt
like my heart was going to explode and kill me on the spot. “If
this intensity isn’t a dream, I am certain that we are the only two
people to ever love this much.” She closed her eyes and I rubbed my
fingers over hers in silent communication. “I love you so much it
consumes me; fills me up so completely that I am left shaking,
wanting and breathless…just
undone
.
Every time you look at me or whenever you touch me, there is
nothing I want more in this life…than to be with you, to be your
wife, to have your children, to be certain that you are mine.
I
feel
you within me and it is the
greatest gift I will ever receive. You are truly…” her voice broke
again, the tears in each and every word, “truly a
miracle
to me; the love of my life, my
very heart and soul…now and always. Without you, I am only half of
myself…with you, I am whole. I will love you and I am yours,
will only be yours
, forever.”

I was a mess and I didn’t care. I was
completely and utterly lost in her words and her eyes. The emotions
running between us were palpable and I was certain the hundred or
so people in the room could feel what flowed between us.

Even the minister was affected. “Uhggg…” he
cleared his throat. “Ryan, do you take Julia to be your wife, to
have and to hold, for all the days of your life?”

“I do.” Finally, words easy to say. She
smiled through her tears and my face split into a wide smile in
return.

“And Julia, do you take Ryan to be your
husband, to have and to hold, for all the days of your life?”

“Yes, I do.” She nodded; the smile still
firmly in place on her beautiful, tear-stained face. Her eyes were
clear and sparkling, the tears still coming, clinging to her dark
lashes.

“Julia and Ryan will now give the symbol of
their unity and pledge. The rings, please.”

We let go of each other’s
hands briefly as Ellie and Aaron produced the rings. Julia removed
her left glove and handed it to Ellie at the same time as she took
the ring. I took her left hand in mine as I slid her rings back
onto her finger. My hands were shaking so much I was surprised I
didn’t drop
them.
Her long, graceful
fingers were freshly manicured, as beautiful as the rest of her,
and her bracelet glittered on her wrist. “With this ring, I thee
wed.”

I could hear her intake of breath as I said
the words. My eyes darted up to meet hers and I brought her hand up
to my mouth to kiss it.

She repeated the process and slid the
platinum band with one large diamond bezel set in the center onto
my hand. “With this ring, I thee wed.” Her little fingers closed
warmly over mine and I waited for the words that would allow me to
pull her into my arms.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ryan,
you may kiss your bride.”

I inhaled deeply as I looked at Julia while
gently lifting her veil. After all we’d been through and all it
took to get to this place, I wasn’t about to rush any part of it. I
touched her face, brushing away the tears, which only made her cry
harder. I wasn’t sure how it even happened, but she was in my arms,
her feet dangling off of the floor as we held each other tight. We
were laughing and crying together as I turned my face into her neck
and breathed in the scent of her perfume, her skin and her
tears.

“Julia, I love you. I love you so much.” I
held her as tight as I could. “So much, I can’t breathe.”

“Ryan,” she sobbed into me. “Oh, God, I love
you, too.”

Then our mouths were moving with and on each
other’s and there was no one in the room but us. This was no chaste
kiss, but more of a desperate and hungry plea. I held her tight and
kissed her as the room erupted in applause and cheers. “Ladies and
gentlemen, may I present, Ryan and Julia Matthews!”

I didn’t want to let go, but I reluctantly
set her on her feet and took her hand in mine as Ellie handed back
her bouquet and we walked back down the aisle and ran straight to
the elevators. The staff had to get ready for the reception so we
had a few minutes before we needed to be back for pictures. Time we
wanted alone.

I wiped my thumb under both of my eyes
before I took her into my arms again. “You are so beautiful.
Utterly breathtaking. I can’t tell you how I felt when I saw
you…knowing you were mine. I’m so happy right now!”

She laughed through her tears. “The
vows…Ryan, they were so incredible. I wanted to sob my eyes out.
Those words were so beautiful, they physically hurt. I love you so
much.”

“Julia, yours too, sweetheart. Just
amazing.”

“We’ve got it bad.”

“Yes. I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mrs.
Matthews.” It wasn’t the first time I’d called her that, but now it
was real.

We spent a few minutes, clinging and
kissing. Long, reverent moments of silence, lost in each other, in
our love…realizing that we were married. Ryan balked gently when I
asked him if I should take off my veil before going back
downstairs.