Disillusion Meets Delight (25 page)

“Do you have your receipt there, uh, Natalie?”  She asks me with a bit of annoyance in her tone. 

“Yes, I have it right here.  That’s how I got your…” 

“You see the bottom of the receipt?  What does it say?”  She asks even more annoyed. 

“It says…oh, um… all sales are final.”  I reply quietly.  I think I have been defeated.

“But, but I have no food and…” 

“Thank you for shopping with Pleasure Party of America.  Have a nice day.”  Click. 

“Mya, do you know what just happened!”  This is her fault.  She’s the one that brought me to that stupid party in the first place.  I was perfectly content to stay home and watch some mindless reality show or something. 

“Natalie, this isn’t a good time.  Can I call you back?  I’m on my way to a study group and I think I’m lost.”  Well I’m glad somebody is able to go do something today because I won’t be able to do anything for 5 whole days! 

“Mya that lady won’t let me get a refund on the item I bought last night!”  I reply somewhat hysterically. 

“You mean your vibrator?  Why do you need to return it?”  

“Because I don’t have any money left now.  I have no food in my house and I don’t have money to buy groceries.  I can’t even use my credit card because I bought that new jacket and my new shoes.  I don’t want a stupid vibrator.”  I sob.  How did I get myself in this position? 

“Well, you said last night that you are a single woman and it was something you needed.  I’m sure you will realize that it was a smart purchase eventually.”  Mya tries to reassure me even though she probably thinks I’m barking mad.  That’s a sign of a true friend right there. 

“I can’t eat my vibrator!  I have enough spare change to get two meals at Taco Bell!  I’m going to starve to death!  By Friday, my cheeks will appear gaunt and I probably will have passed out by then as well.  This is serious!” 

“Natalie, I know you have food in your cupboards.  You just don’t want to eat it.  Desperate measures mean you’ll just have to eat the Minestrone soup that’s been there since last winter.  Go to your mother’s one night for dinner and if you’re really nice, I might be able to spot you one night for dinner out somewhere.  It will be fine Natalie.”  Survival skills, yes I can do this. 

“Okay I guess you’re right.  I will sacrifice Starbucks for this week.  I would have enjoyed my latte a lot more today if I realized it was the last one I would have all week.”  A tear begins to roll down my cheek and I begin to whimper. 

“Natalie, it’s a lesson in moderation.  It isn’t the last supper for crying out loud.  You will live I promise.  Call me later okay? I’m at my friend’s house.”  Mya is always the smart and rational one.  I’m so lucky to have her. 

“Alright I’ll talk to you later.”  Although Mya’s pep talk did help me out, I wished I had Jenna to talk to as well.  She would laugh at me and let me see the funny side of it all.  Leave it to me to use my grocery money on a sex toy.  I miss Jenna. 

Because of my current financial matters, I decided to utilize all of my resources immediately.  Of course, this entailed a phone call to my mother suggesting we get together for dinner tomorrow night.  I explained that I was craving her fabulous vegetarian lasagna, garden salad with homemade Italian dressing and warm garlic bread.  It was desperate times so I even threw in a
mommy
just to make sure she wouldn’t cave. 

“Oh darling that is a wonderful idea.  I haven’t seen in you in ages.  I’ll make dinner and you can bring dessert.  This will be fun!” 

My mother hung up, giddy that her only daughter wanted to have dinner with her and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt.  It was true; the only time I spent with my mother was usually out of guilt.  Now I have to bring dessert which defeats the purpose of mooching off her in the first place.  Hmm, oh I have it!  I will stop by the bakery on my way over and pick up a couple of tarts.  After 5 P.M. they’re half price.  We can cut them up and pretend it’s a dessert tray.   Sometimes I impress even myself.

While sitting in rush hour traffic, I figure it is a good time to call Mya and ask her why she lied and didn’t call me back yesterday.  Lately, she has been acting very different.  It’s almost as if she is avoiding me which I don’t like at all. 

“Hi what’s going on?”  Cool, friendly, non accusatory is the best way to begin. 

“Oh hey Nat can I call you back.  This isn’t a good time.”  Heart rate increasing…steam forming out of the ear canals…

“What do you mean?  Mya it is never a good time anymore with you!  Did I do something wrong?  What is going on?!”   Something in me just snapped.  I had lost Jenna as a friend and I felt that I was gradually losing Mya as well. 

“I’m sorry.  I just don’t know what to do.  I’m so miserable right now and I feel like shit lying to Kyle.  I think I have to break up with him and I’m afraid to talk to you about it because you know Kyle is a great boyfriend and you’ll think I’m a bitch and…”  Every woman has to have her occasional emotional meltdown.  Mya had them less frequently than most but this was her time.  In fact, judging by the moans and squeals in between sobs, I think it was long overdue.

“Okay, take a deep breath.  Where would I have the right to judge anyone?  Apart from my relationship with Josh, I have been the worst girlfriend in the world!  I am your friend, not Kyle’s.  He is a nice guy but he may not be the guy for you Mya.  You are 24 years old.  You are almost done with nursing school and about to embark on a whole new chapter of your life.  Who says you have to also choose your husband now as well?” 

“I know.  I just don’t want to hurt him, you know what I mean?  What if I throw away the best boyfriend I’ve ever had?” 

In reality, it was somewhat true.  Kyle was the best boyfriend she had in many ways.  Mya, like most of us had fallen into the trap of falling for hot, mysterious and shallow men.  They would usually wait for her to finally give in and have sex with them and then dump her after the challenge was over.  She had been cheated on and used by so many men that it was no surprise that she fell for Kyle.  He respected her and would never treat her like the others had.  But sometimes when we yearn for the exact opposite, we find that the pendulum has drifted a little too far.  It was too content and too secure.  It was not sexy and not interesting. 

“Natalie, do you think that we will ever find happiness with a guy?”  Mya had controlled her sobbing and asked a question that in all honesty, I wondered myself. 

“You know Mya, I think we will find happiness in a relationship when we are truly happy with our own lives.  Maybe it just isn’t the right time for us.  Look at Jenna for instance.  She is perfect on the outside but can be completely clueless on the inside.  And that’s okay, don’t get me wrong.  But when someone is unhappy with themselves, they are going to fall in the arms of people like Rob.  And look at me!  I hate my job, I barely live paycheck to paycheck and my soul mate is a cat that has been in my life much longer than any man!”      

“But at least he lets you watch whatever you want and doesn’t make your sheets smell like butt.  Why do men smell so bad?”  Oh, she was feeling better. 

“Kyle makes our room smell awful.  Is there something with the testosterone?  Oh Natalie, I think I just need to do it.  Where are you right now?”

“Actually, I’m just pulling in to my mother’s driveway.  She is making me dinner because I’m a terrible mooching daughter.”  I had really begun to feel the guilt now. 

“You’re not a terrible daughter.  Just don’t buy anymore vibrators unless you know you can afford it.” 

“Duly noted.”

“I hate to ask you this, but do you think I could crash with you for a bit?  I feel terrible kicking him out of the house with nowhere to go.” 

“But Mya, it is your condo.  Your name is on the dotted line, not his.”  One of the perks to a grand inheritance is being able to buy your very own home. 

“Please Natalie?  I won’t be a burden I promise; just until Kyle can get himself setup somewhere else.” 

“Okay, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on an air mattress.”

“Thanks Nat.  I have your spare key so I’ll probably just let myself in.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to ya later.”  This won’t be so bad; it’ll be like sharing a dorm like in college, right? 

“Who is sleeping on an air mattress?”  Unfortunately, I finished my conversation while walking into my mother’s kitchen.  Sloppy Natalie!

“Oh it’s nothing mother.  My friend Mya is breaking up with her boyfriend so she needs to stay at my apartment for a bit.” 

“Humph, exactly why a young lady should not move in with a man prior to marriage.”  And exactly why I would not have normally told my mother. 

“The food smells great.  Here I brought dessert.  I thought we could cut up these mini tarts and sample them like a dessert tray!”  I was very proud of my idea.

“Natalie, when I suggested dessert I assumed you would bring a cake, tiramisu or something.  Are we now on diets or are you trying to cut corners on your finances?  I suppose I could whip up a bread pudding.”  And she wonders why I don’t do this more often.  Honestly that woman wouldn’t be happy if I delivered it while doing a cartwheel.  She would say it was too grandioso.  Besides, how much dessert do two women need after eating lasagna??

“So darling, how was work today?  Have those people finally realized you have been underutilized yet?”  Although my mother was happy to see I had a job with benefits and such, she wasn’t happy with the tales of woe regarding it. 

“Oh it was a typical day.  Magda lectured, telling me everything that was going wrong with the department and baffled as to why I wasn’t making it better.” 

“Yes, well, that Magda woman wouldn’t know work if it was written on her forehead.  I heard that after she bought that little foreign baby, she hired someone to do her scrapbook for her!  Can you imagine someone being so inept?” 

My mother, for all of her annoying habits was fabulous at gossip.  Being a widow with a comfortable lifestyle, she was able to spa, shop and nibble tea biscuits with the likes of Magda Rubin-Allen’s acquaintances and “friends.”  This meant of course, I had to be selective as to what I told my mother.  But it was great to hear all of the obscure dirt about her.  It just gives me warm fuzzies. 

“Well mother that gives time for her frequent visits to the
cosmetologist
!”  We both giggled and poured our Pinot Grigio knowing full well that the cosmetologist was actually her plastic surgeon.

“Natalie, how is your friend Jenna by the way?”  Uh oh, my mother never mentioned my friends unless it was an introduction to a story.

“She has been out of town.  Visiting her brother, I believe.  Can you pass a cocktail napkin please?”  Change subject quickly Natalie. 

“Well, I couldn’t help but notice she was involved with quite the scandal.  I assumed you would have already known.”  My mother passes the napkin while looking at me with one eye.

“Gee mother I actually don’t know what you’re referring to.”  I’m not giving in, not this time.  Wine, I need more wine.   

“Oh Natalie you know very well that I am referring to her involvement with that poor Mallory Wellington’s fiancé.  Word around the spa is that she was trying to break up their engagement right under Mallory’s nose!  I must say, you may want to be careful who you choose as cohorts.  You may get a reputation yourself young lady.” 

“My friends are wonderful people mother.  They are far more interesting than that bland and superficial Mallory Wellington.  And furthermore, to set the record straight, Jenna did not even know he was engaged.  He lied to her!” 

“Very well, I will reconsider my opinion of your Jenna.  But it seems that you girls really need to be more cautious in who you choose as male companions.  Speaking of male companions, guess who I saw at Whole Foods last night?” 

“I don’t know mother.  Who did you see?”  Oh my head is beginning to throb and I haven’t even begun the main course yet. 

“Oh Natalie, guess!  Guess!  Fine, be a party pooper.  I saw that Ian gentleman!  The one you brought to the Wellington affair,
er
, party.”

Oh sweet lord.  Oh please tell me she did not speak to him.  Please tell me it was a distant view and it could have even been mistaken identity.