Defect (13 page)

Even though this music i
s decades old, there’s nothing old or outdated about it. It is alive with energy and emotion in a way that feels raw, fresh and real. It’s almost distracting. I can’t focus on having a conversation or even think clearly while it floods my senses.

It
reminds me of my mother always complaining about the poor excuse for music that was around these days. She said people didn’t make music like they used to, and now I know just what she meant. In fact, I’m beginning to see a lot of the things my mother said and did in a new light.

Growing up
, I always knew my mom was different; I guess I just didn’t think much of it. I remember the days she occasionally kept me out of school so we could have all day pajama parties and finger paint. Or the times I’d open my lunchbox at school only to find she’d packed my favorite dessert in place of a lunch – marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate.

Sometimes
I thought I had the best mom in the whole world, but other times, as I got older, she’d scare me with her crazy ranting about wanting to take me away. Days like that, she’d escape to her bed, almost as if hiding would prevent my sixteenth birthday from coming. I thought she was just afraid of me growing up, afraid of losing me. And it turns out, she was right.

The
door to the room swings open, pulling me from my thoughts. It’s Will. I stiffen, thinking we’re busted, but no one stops what they’re doing, so maybe his presence here isn’t entirely unexpected. He goes to the other side of the room and leans against the wall, his eyes scanning, like he’s ready to spring into action if needed. His eyes rest heavily on me, and for a few seconds I’m stunned speechless. Heat floods my cheeks when I remember what I saw in the hall the other night between Lexi and him.

He’s not in his usual military
-issued black shirt. Instead, he’s wearing a heather gray t-shirt that looks soft from many washings and makes his grey eyes stand out more brightly. He must be off-duty. I realize I’ve only seen him out of his official uniform one other time – during our foray into the woods. Was he off then, too? Is that what Kane meant about our play date?

“Eve?” I hear Alex saying. I blink and look over at him.
“What are your guesses for the obstacles they’ll give us tomorrow?” he says.

“
I don’t know. I guess I’d rather not think about that right now. We’ll have to face them soon enough, but for now, we don’t.”

“True, true.”
He nods. Then he grabs onto my knee and gives it a squeeze. “How’d you get so smart?”

I give
Alex a lopsided grin, but catch Will’s eyes again. His calm, composed demeanor is replaced by annoyance at the sight of Alex’s hand on my knee. But it doesn’t last for long, because Lexi calls to him from across the room. His eyes flick to her. Lexi’s eyes are possessive as she looks him over. She walks up and stands in front of him. With her standing next to him, he doesn’t look quite as tall anymore; he’s only a few inches taller than her.

They speak in low voice
s, and I can’t hear what they’re saying from here; probably having a nice chuckle over my file or discussing their hallway activities the other night, but his face is serious, so maybe I’m wrong. Lexi places her hand on his chest. My lungs tighten, and a feeling I can’t place wells up inside of me. But then he takes her wrist and carefully removes her hand. I feel a small sort of victory and press my lips together to keep from smiling. I force myself to look away.

With Will standing in the room, I’m distracted and on edge, and I don’t know why. I’ve never felt this way before.
Maybe it’s just because he’s the one person here, other than Sam, who seems to be looking out for me, and I still haven’t figured out his motive.

Lexi reaches out and runs a fingertip across his palm. His hands remain open at his side.
His hands that were once around
my
waist, that taught
me
how to hold a gun. An errant thought makes me look away. Is my interest in Will only because of the things he can teach me? Maybe Lexi’s interest in Will is more genuine, based on simple attraction, whereas I’m always trying to get ahead, to learn more, and he’s someone who can help me. She has no motives beyond her interest in him. A pang of guilt laced with jealousy rumbles through me. I remember in the hallway how his eyes fell closed under her touch. He and Lexi share a connection; he and I never will.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lexi
turn and walk away from him. But I don’t look over. I won’t. The song changes and someone turns it up as loud as they dare. This must be a popular one, because a few people sway their hips, and others sing along when the words begin.

The rhythm is steady, and a man’s voice
is singing about love. The beat grows and gets harder, all the instruments building together for the chorus.
Feel like makin’ love.
My cheeks burn when I hear the lyrics and when I look up, Will’s watching me again. His eyes burn intensely on mine, yet his face calm and composed. It’s overwhelming to have him looking only at me in a room full of people. I swallow and look down.

My heart
is beating in time with the music when the chorus rings out again. People are laughing and singing along, only I’ve forgotten how to speak, how to even blink. I can still feel him watching me, and it does funny things to me. I’m more breathless and light-headed than after a run. I want to act unaffected and composed, but I can’t help it. My eyes flick to Will once again. He’s still watching me. He stuffs his hands low in his pockets, and his lips part in a small smile. It makes my skin itch the way his eyes freely roam over me. This time I look away. I don’t know what’s happening, but my entire body is humming with electricity and I don’t want it to end.

The whole song passes that way,
with us stealing glances at each other. It seems like we’re communicating so much, only I can’t decipher the meaning. I pull in a lungful of air and release it slowly, but it does little to ease the tension around me. The weight of the moment becomes too much. I can’t take any more of his scrutiny, and I get up and head for the door.

Once it closes, I’m standing in the cool, dark basement alone. I
rest against the wall and just breathe, trying to clear my head and slow my pounding heart.

A second later, the door opens just enough for Will to slip out behind me. “Sterling,” he says softly
, trying to locate me in the darkness.

I don’t respond, but he knows I’m here.
The sound of my ragged breathing gives me away. He comes and leans against the wall beside me. He’s quiet for a minute, and I’m glad he doesn’t say anything about whatever that was in there between us. I get the sense he’s always testing me, though I have no idea what for.

“I just want you to know, I didn’t give your file to Lexi.”

“No?” I challenge.

“I wouldn’t do that. It’s private.”

I don’t ask why, if it’s so private, did he have it in the first place, but instead, I ask the question I’m most curious about. “How’d she get it then?”

At this, he looks down. Maybe I’ve crossed the line. I’ve pried into their relationship, one he clearly doesn’t want me examining. “She must have taken it from my room without me noticing.” He shifts his weight so we’re standing even closer. Barely six inches separate us.

Of course I want to ask what she was doing in his room in the first place, but I don’t.

“I really am sorry, Eve,” he whispers. My name on his lips is the softest sound, almost like
I imagined it; but no, instead of Sterling or 5491, he called me Eve. “Do you believe me?” he asks.

For a second I don’t answer
. I just stare at the floor, at the space between our feet. He lifts my chin to meet his eyes. Even after I’ve raised my head to look at him, he doesn’t move his hand away. Standing this close to him, all my senses are heightened, blood rushes in my ears, and my heart thumps unevenly in my chest.

The door opens, bathing us in unwelcome light. I stumble back from him, just as Sam and Sabrina step out
of the door. “Oh, there you are.” Sam looks back and forth between Will and me. “Come on.” She takes my arm. “We better get some sleep for tomorrow.”

As I walk away, I can still feel Will’s eyes watching me
all the way through the basement.

In the morning I’m up before the alarm blasts us awake. I was too keyed up to sleep, so after tossing and turning for the last forty-five minutes, I decided to get out of bed and sort through my supplies. I waver between bringing the backpack or just leaving it behind, since I don’t want to become a target out there. But then I compromise, keeping the most important items strapped to my body, and if someone comes after me for the backpack, my plan is to drop it and run.

I take the bread I’ve folded
into napkins and tuck it into the one pocket I have on the front of my shirt. I take the knife from the backpack and put it along the waistband of my pants. I tuck the water purification tablets into my sports bra and unroll several lengths of the first aid tape, wrapping it around my stomach, just in case I need it.

The backpack contains the tarp, water bottle, more food and the matches.
I can’t imagine wanting to light a fire out there tonight since it’ll lead anyone who’s interested straight to me.

At breakfast
it’s clear the contents of my file are no longer a secret. Word has spread that I’m different –
inconclusive –
a simple word that has been made to sound dirty. Though I never judged the others for the defects in their mindscans, they don’t offer me the same courtesy. I hear whispers and see people looking in my direction, but most people steer clear of our table, including Lexi, which is fine with me. Alex, Sabrina and Sam still sit with me, and after agonizing over the decision, Jake finally joins us, too.

“Team Eve,” Alex says, raising his glass of orange juice in a toast.

“As opposed to?” I ask.

Alex tilts his head to the other side of the cafeteria.
“Team Lexi.”

We raise our glasses in the strange toast,
and as grateful as I am for my friends, I know they won’t be able to protect me today.

The cafeteria is eerily
silent as we choke down thick pancakes and soggy bacon. My stomach is too nervous to feel hungry, but I know this is my last meal for thirty hours so I eat every bite, and drink three cups of water. It’ll make running difficult, but I’ll need the fuel.

All the recruits line up outside against the wall. I am the only one with a backpack and I
’m instantly sorry I brought it. I can sense everyone looking at me – at
it
– and in that moment, I become target number one. But they’d have to catch me first, and I don’t plan on letting that happen. I know it’s silly, but this backpack is my connection to Will. I won’t let anyone take it from me. I just hope I won’t live to regret this decision.

My closeness with Will last night seems forgotten. He stands at attention, looking straight ahead as O’Donovan reminds us of the rules. We’ll enter the woods one at a time in reverse order of our last rank, so
seven people will go before me. With Lexi being the first. When Kane motions her forward, her eyes are big, and for once, her cool swagger has melted away. She follows Kane to an old, rusted out military Jeep and climbs inside. It doesn’t have any doors, and I see her bump around inside as they navigate the open field that leads to the woods.

I can only follow the Jeep’s progression as far as the
tree cover before the winding road along the edge of the forest disappears. Each time Kane returns, a different amount of time has passed, so I know he’s not dropping us all off at the same spot.

I hadn’t counted on being driven anywhere, hoping my run into the woods with Will would help me
to know the area, but as I set off with Kane, it only takes a few minutes before everything looks unfamiliar. He takes roads, then two-lane trails, then single-lane paths – turning left, then right, and before long, I’m completely confused about where I am. Even the trees themselves are different. The area I was in with Will was enclosed by canopies of leafy trees and bushy ground cover. Here it’s tall, skinny pine trees and the ground is littered with blankets of brown pine needles.

We reach a point where
Kane can’t go any farther; there’s no trail to speak of, and the trees have gotten too close together.  He stops the Jeep and lets it idle.

“Good luck.”
His smile is smug, like he knows something I don’t.

I hop down from the Jeep
, and he tosses me my backpack before I have the chance to reach for it.

“You don’t want to forget this.”

I shrug into the pack and watch him maneuver the Jeep around so he can back out and drive away. The smoggy, unfamiliar smell of gasoline hangs in the air until I can no longer see the Jeep. I turn all the way around, trying to get acquainted with my surroundings. It’s eerily silent in the forest, but I don’t want to assume that I’m alone and let my guard down. It’s still early morning, but the sun breaks through the tree tops and bathes me in warm light.