Dark Diary (17 page)

Kathera shrugged and glanced at me with concern.

“It’s alright, Kathera.” I motioned to the overhang just behind us. “Why don’t you wait there for a moment while we talk?”

She backed off and took a few steps away until she was out of earshot.

Derek looked me over quickly. “You don’t get out much, do you?” he asked, his brows furrowing at the unnatural grayness of my skin.

“My…
condition
won’t allow it,” I replied in a tone just as slated as his had been.

I’d had over 400 years
experience in back talk and I knew exactly how to answer even the most undermining questions
with poise.

He quieted himself in preparation for a second blow.

“I don’t know much about you,” he started, “but she told me about how you’ve been treating her.”

“In what way have I
treated
her, exactly?” I sneered, letting him do most of the talking. I remained calm but could sense his frustration building.

“She’s told me about you. About what you are.” Derek’s gaze became dark and serious.

“Has she now?” I shot a glance past his shoulder at Kathera who was still in the distance behind us. Our eyes met briefly.

Derek’s br
eath was hot with anger and it filled the air with tension. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and stop leading
her on?” he growled. I noticed one of his hands forming a fist as his heartbeat quickened.

“I haven’t led her anywhere,” I corrected. “Her assumptions did all the leading for her.”

Even from a distance, I could taste the scent on her skin, her hair, and in the wisp of her breath. I smelled passion in the blood flowing through Derek’s veins with every thump of his jealous heart.

He had kissed her that night… and she had let him. She had even enjoyed it behind her delirious cravings for me.

But the truth was we did not belong together. Despite my temporary fixation on the hallucinations she granted me, I needed to end the charade.

For her sake and mine.

“If you want her, you can have her,” I said, simply. I took what was likely my last clear look at Kathera. “She was never mine to begin with.”

And she could never be mine.

I turned and started walking off on my own. Derek watched
, unsure of how to react.

“What did you say to him, Derek!?” Kathera rushed over to him. “Damn it!” She pushed past him and came after me.

My steps hastened.

“Matthaya! Wait! Where are you going?”

“You don’t need me anymore,” I said, my eyes not meeting hers.

“Matthaya!” She lunged for my hand, but I pulled it from her reach and she stumbled. I didn’t want to hurt her
, but it had to be done.

“Derek loves you.” I paused and glanced off into the distance. “I… do not.”

“But… you said I was safe with you… that…”

I fought back the thread of mortal emotion tangling up my tongue and I finally forced the words from my mouth. “I said what needed to be said because you needed to hear it.” It took all of my strength to lie to her face. “This fantasy you have cannot be. No matter what you believe, Kathera, I will
never
love you.”

I thought her newfound love for Derek would keep her composed through my dismissal.

It didn’t.

The sun was setting behind us, but a violent fire sparked in her eyes and it terrified me. The rage brewing within her made her shaky and weak. She toppled to her knees and her eyes glistened at me.

“Do not walk away from me, Matthaya!” she screamed with a chillingly familiar inflection.

Derek darted to her side and she shoved him away with all her might. A painful cry escaped her throat and I couldn’t stop myself
from locking eyes with her. Torment and agony surfaced on her face and her pupils lightened behind a soft, white haze.

“You will not reject me, Matthaya!”

Her words. I’d heard them before. They pierced my heart with a violent
echo from my past.

“You will not reject me,” she repeated in the same cold, threatening tone.

My body stiffened.

The pale color in her eyes disappeared beneath her eyelids and she fell. Derek caught her in his arms just before she could hit the concrete. I grimaced but swiftly mustered the courage to vanish from the scene.

She would be safe with him…

I had to let go of my mistake.

As darkness fell, I disappeared from her life, leaving Derek to fend against whatever beasts she fought in her delirious state. Though I wondered if it was a delusional state at all, considering how her words were eroding a savage grain into my soul—haunting me throughout the night as I walked the streets. Alone.

“You will not reject me,”
she had said. I had heard it before.

A jingle of metal caught my attention and I veered around.

“You can’t have it all, Matthaya,” a rough voice crackled. A skinny, pale-skinned woman of middle age crept out from the shadows behind me, wearing a wide, wild-eyed grin beneath her hooded cloak.

“Hello, love,” she piped, a thick British accent coloring her voice. The tone was hoarse and menacing even when she wasn’t trying.
“You can’t have the best of both worlds. That’s why we are given a choice.”

“I was never given a choice, Ve’tani!” I roared. My maker
was not a welcome face and her advice was the last thing I needed.

“Kill the girl.” Her vibrant amber eyes, flecked with browns and reds, gleamed with evil.

“I would never.” My lips curled angrily. “How dare you ask me to commit such an atrocity! I am no longer under your control.”

Her lanky legs were hidden beneath a long flowing cloak
of black velvet. Fastened at her waist with an elegant brooch, a
black sash fell from her hips down to her ankles and flapped and twisted as the wind came and went.

“But you are, whether you believe it or not. You
always
are.” She pulled the hood down off her head. A pile of curly blond tresses framed her face and tumbled down past her shoulders. The heavy gold bangles at her wrists clinked together as her hands came back down to her sides.

“Humidity does such wonders to one’s complexion.” She grinned sarcastically, dragging her thin, craggy fingers through
her hair. She paced as she spoke. “It’s been many years, and you are still as naive as you have ever been.”

“I have learned many things,” I muttered through my
teeth. “And I have grown in many ways.” My fingers twitched
and pulsed in anticipation of a fight. She had always hated me for my physical advantages because I was much stronger than her.

The DNA in my blood allowed mutations to occur in only
a few decades, mutations beyond what some vampires achieve
only after a dozen centuries. Ve’tani’s jealousy seethed through
her every pore, but she knew better than to anger me. She knew I was a powerful ally. I tried to distance myself from
her, but she challenged me periodically in hopes that I would
someday, again, take her side.

“Why are you here?” I snarled, baring my fangs to her. She never came around without some foul purpose.

“Your heartstrings have been resounding as of late,” she answered. “The ambience of your dilemma has left me with little peace and quiet.”

Our souls were forever entwined by an unbreakable chain of
psychic energy. Thousands of miles apart—even whole countries away—she could feel my agony… my frustration. It was a treacherous bond I had endured because it was
impossible to escape without one of us dying, or my maker severing the tie. Neither choice was a viable option for Ve’tani,
as she would rather have me suffer in her wake than choose another companion in my place.

This unshakable side effect of vampirism allowed each pair of blood-linked hunters to keep tabs on the status and territory of one another. It was meant to help companions survive eternity. Ve’tani—driven by little more than vanity and greed—exploited the link between us to stalk me wherever I went.

When she had decided to take me, Ve’tani had sought a companion, and instead found herself an adversary. We were still connected, but she had lost full control over me centuries ago, a fact she refused to acknowledge.

“Do something with the girl, Matthaya. I am tired of this woeful brooding you carry. I will not allow you to jeopardize our existence by allowing such knowledge to roam amongst mortals.”

If I had been able to take Kathera as my own, I would have lost all connection with Ve’tani and become telepathically bound to Kathera instead, but this scenario clashed with the reality of my condition. Only the oldest vampires are able to sire. Changing her had never been an option.

“She is no threat to us,” I replied, raising my voice. “She doesn’t know what we are and, even if she did, she wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Kill her, or I will do it for you. Those are your choices.” Her head cocked to the side and she brought a finger to her lip in thought. “Although,” she began, “her scent is impressive. She would make a powerful addition to our kind. It would seem a waste to kill one with such great potential.” Her eyes met mine fiercely and she shrugged. “It’s a shame
you don’t have the siring gift, but I like you too much to choose another in your place. Then again, fewer Sires means
cleaner bloodlines.” She took another step toward me and stretched out her fingers to touch my shoulder. I shrugged away from her touch and my jaw clamped down tightly in a snarl.

“What? Do you think you’re in love with her?” She laughed
dryly through her teeth. “Vampires cannot love. The only sense of attachment we have is for the sake and preservation of our kind. The weaknesses of your mortality haunt you with the illusion of emotion, but you cannot love another.”

If we were truly unable to love, then we were surely as unable to hate, but there was a plume of anger billowing within me toward Ve’tani.

“Why don’t you let me go?” My eyes flickered with rage. “Why don’t you find another more suitable to your cause?”

Ve’tani bent over, shook the edge of her cloak just above her ankles, and smoothed a hand down across the fabric. “I like you,” she said, simply and matter-of-factly as she stood
up and brushed a stretch of her sash. “I value your strength…
your youth and your beauty. You know this.”

“I am merely a jewel in your crown.” It was obvious she kept ties with me because I was a trophy in her eyes—a symbol of her capabilities as a maker.

As much as I tried to push the thoughts of Kathera from my mind, they lingered strongly enough for Ve’tani to sense.

“Your judgment is impaired by guilt,” she croaked. “You
need
me. And now, you need to get rid of
her.
I demand you kill her or I will see to it that it happens.”

I clenched my teeth and growled. “I will not steal her life from her.”

“Perhaps you should have considered that before you got
involved
,” Ve’tani spoke; her cold stare held me captive. “You have been given a chance to redeem yourself of your mistake. Don’t make me do it for you.”

Arguing with her was pointless, so I kept quiet as she absorbed her false sense of victory.

“Good boy.” She beamed and then tucked her thick hair back behind her neck and tossed her hood over her head. “You still know your place.”

She turned away from me and disappeared into the night.

I was glad to see her go.

What was I to do about Kathera?

I thought long and hard and came across a solution that
could
keep her alive. If I could find a way to put her out of
my mind, it would put her out of Ve’tani’s, as well. She would forget about her if I could keep my feelings contained
. But that would mean letting go and forgetting about Kathera myself.

Forget her smell.

Forget her taste.

Forget her friendship.

Her friendship…
and the words that had struck me as
tragic and yet heart-stoppingly familiar. Age was playing tricks on me for sure. The memory of Kathera kneeling mournfully
on the ground, her hands in her lap and her eyes swollen with tears, began to remind me of Kathryn.