Dancing Through Life (7 page)

Ultimately, it was a picture for the way the Lord deals with me as His child. He’s not overly permissive, allowing His children to do whatever they want, even if it results in their downfall. He is the plumb line of truth, and He will correct us when we are off course. But He’s not a drill sergeant either, dishing out punishment in ways that are unnecessarily harsh.

Just like Mark pushed me during training to stretch me beyond what was comfortable, God pushes us to the point that we are uncomfortable often. But the motivation for His discipline is always love and the goal is always growth.

If we think of His discipline like a parent disciplining their child (because that’s what it is), we find that He doesn’t take either of the two extreme approaches. He’s not a dictator, just wanting to point His finger at every flaw and expecting me to fix it immediately. And there is no excessive permissiveness where He allows me to do whatever I want either. That’s a good thing, because I don’t want to be that toddler pitching a fit in Target! Ew!

God’s discipline is the process of being stretched, with the goal of molding me to look more and more like Him. It doesn’t always feel good. In fact, Hebrews 12:11 assures us that discipline will be painful at the time. But when we submit to it, it produces peace and righteousness in our lives. There are lots of times my flesh prefers the all-grace-and-no-truth approach to faith, but ultimately I’m grateful to serve the God of truth because His loving correction is pushing me toward greater freedom in Him. And when I look more like Him, I am better positioned to live out His truth in the world.

Chapter 6

The fear of man is a snare, but the one who
trusts in the L
ord
is protected.

—Proverbs 29:25

W
ho knew you could do battle in a seashell bra and a mermaid skirt?

Week five of the competition was Disney week. Mark and I got our first-choice song “Under the Sea” sung by Sebastian to Ariel on why life was so much better below the waves. I had no idea that a light-hearted dance between a mermaid and a crab could create so much controversy and internal turmoil. It ended up being one of my biggest struggles in all the weeks of my
DWTS
experience and not because of the choreography.

Week five was the halfway point. I was finding my groove as a dancer and a competitor, but it turns out I still had a lot to learn about what it means to stand with conviction.

Mark and I were dancing the samba and I was going to be Ariel. I was giddy at first, since
The Little Mermaid
is my favorite Disney movie and Ariel is hands-down my favorite Disney princess. (No offense to Cinderella and Snow White, of course!) But as the details of the dance began to take shape, my emotions shifted from excited to nauseous. Mark approached me early on before we met with the costume department and said, “Have an open mind. Hear me out on this one . . . I’m Sebastian, dressed in all red like a crab, and you’re Ariel, so I’m thinking really big seashells,” as he cupped his hands over his chest, “and the mermaid skirt. Are you willing to show a little skin?”

Gulp! I’d already taken a stand for modesty at the start of the show and again in week two when Mark wanted to dance the rumba without a shirt. Those two comments had created a lot of buzz and I knew that people were watching me to see if I was going to follow through on my conservative commitments.

Before the Ariel costume was pitched, Mark and I had already decided not to talk about modesty any more in front of the cameras. It’s not that I was backpedaling or flip-flopping on the issue. Modesty matters to God, and so it matters to me. But I had already clearly taken my stand. I didn’t want to be known as the “modesty queen.” I simply wanted to honor Christ in every way.

Remember how I said that I wanted to stay on the more modest side of
DWTS
costumes in week one? What I didn’t say was that I wasn’t going to show anything from my neck down to my ankles. In fact, I didn’t give my definition of what “on the modest side” meant to
me,
which I do believe is relative. I intentionally left it open enough so that I could have leniency to wear the costumes I felt comfortable with while drawing from my own personal convictions. I was very careful about how I talked about the issue because I didn’t want to dig a hole and get stuck in it, but this week I learned that others would dig that hole for you if you let them.

Weaving a Safety Net

Mark and I headed off to wardrobe to collaborate on costumes that captured the fun and frivolity of Ariel and Sebastian without making me uncomfortable. If you’ve seen
The Little Mermaid
(who hasn’t?), you know that Ariel won’t win any modesty awards. Her iconic look includes a teeny tiny purple seashell bra and a mermaid tail with a very deep V at the waistline. I don’t have fins, so we knew we would have to represent Ariel’s tail with some sort of skirt.

Mark knew I was uncomfortable showing certain areas of skin, so from the beginning he helped make adjustments. As the costumers sketched out the options, a wrestling match of sorts began in me. I knew what my personal convictions were. I knew I would never wear something that made me feel uncomfortable. I refused to be pressured into putting on something that just didn’t feel right. I also knew that I was unwilling to disrespect my family, my husband and children, in any way by what I wore. Practically, that meant that I didn’t want to show a lot of cleavage on stage. I also knew that I didn’t want to copy Ariel’s deep V under my belly button. These were easy fixes. The costumers sketched up a top and Mark said, “Get the biggest set of shells you can find!” They also removed the V from the top of the skirt and drew it so it hit in a straight line sitting just an inch below my bellybutton. But that still left a big hurdle to clear—my midriff.

I don’t personally have a problem with midriff when it comes to fashion. Certainly, there are some lines of midriff that can be too exposed, but I come from L.A. Entertainment and fashion are a huge part of my culture. Maybe that’s why I don’t see a woman’s midriff and automatically see it as immodest. And there was no way around it—if I was going to be Ariel, I was going to need to show a little tummy. But I was worried! I knew the standard had been set and I didn’t want to compromise my testimony over something as trivial as a dance costume.

It was time to rally the troops! I knew that Val trusted me to make the right decision. I was confident that his primary concern would be my comfort, but I wanted a few other viewpoints from people whose opinion I value.

Proverbs 12:15 says it this way, “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise.” I didn’t want to be foolish by making this decision all on my own. There is wisdom in listening to others.

Proverbs 11:14 says, “Without guidance, people fall, but with many counselors there is deliverance.” God is clearly serious about this idea of seeking wise counsel. If we skip ahead a few chapters we read the same advice repeated. “For you should wage war with sound guidance—victory comes with many counselors” (Prov. 24:6).

If I was going to take this leap, I wanted some wise people as my safety net. If my costuming choices resulted in a war of public opinions, I wanted the victory that the Bible promises wise counsel can deliver, so I reached out to four important people in my life: my mom Barbara, my sister Melissa, the leader of my prayer teams, Clare, and a pastor-friend of mine, Brad.

I picked those four individuals because I knew that they were all solid in their commitment to and understanding of the Word of God. They were all people I knew would give me wise counsel. And they were all people who I knew would look out for my best interests. But I knew they could offer four different perspectives. I asked each one of them the same question, “Do you think this costume will compromise me?”

After sending out a request for prayer among my intimate group of praying friends, Clare responded without a hint of hesitation. She said, “Girl, go for it! It’s Ariel. You’re dancing. You’re in a competition. If you’re comfortable with it, wear it.”

Whew! That felt good because she seemed to understand
why
I had decided I could wear the Ariel costume and not violate my personal boundaries.

This was a dance competition, so there was some wiggle room to wear something that I wouldn’t normally wear in real life. Can’t you just picture me showing up to my son’s hockey practice in a dance costume? Oh, the eye rolls! But I also took into consideration the spirit of the song “Under the Sea.” This was a fun song written with children in mind. I couldn’t find anything in the Ariel costume that was being sexy for the sake of sex. If the Disney princesses were parading in lingerie, I’d have a problem with that. And so would lots of other parents! But every little girl loves the Disney princesses because they were created to entertain children. That’s the heartbeat of Disney. It’s supposed to be for children’s enjoyment and amusement, not to showcase sexuality. All of that built to a level of comfort that helped me decide, “I can do this!”

My friend Brad, who is a pastor in the South, also encouraged me to go for it. Like many Southern pastors, Brad is pretty conservative, but even as a conservative pastor and a man, his point of view was that I could dress as Ariel and not compromise my testimony. He said, “Buddy, I’m so proud of you! For everything you’ve stood for and everything you’ve said. I trust that you are making the best decisions for yourself and I know your heart is to represent Christ in all that you do and you’ve proven that. So whatever your costume is, you go out there and represent Christ well!”

Clare and Brad’s encouragement sure felt like the safety net God promises will come from seeking wise counsel, but that net started to tatter a bit when I heard back from my mom and sister.

My mom was torn. On the one hand she trusted me to make the right decision, but on the other hand she worried about public criticism.

My sister took a much harder stance. She pulled up pictures of Ariel on the Internet and said, “I’m sorry to say this, but yes, I think it compromises what you’ve stood for if you come out in this costume.”

Ugh.

I knew my sister had my best interests in mind, but her hesitations muddied the waters in my heart. As we continued to dialogue about it, she made suggestions like covering my stomach with nude-colored fabric or wearing Ariel’s wedding dress for the dance, but none of it seemed to work or fit with the song. After all, Ariel isn’t wearing a wedding gown under the sea!

I wanted to go for it, but I couldn’t seem to shake those words from my mom and sister. They are two of the most important women in my life, whose opinions I value greatly, and I was torn. In my heart a battle started raging.

Sea Sick!

Because of the intense time line of a live show, I had to make an immediate decision. Because I knew in my gut I could wear a modified Ariel costume and still stick to my convictions, I decided to go for it. As the seamstresses started building the costume, the head of the department assured me they could modify it along the way to fit my comfort level, but there was no going back. There was no time to develop a whole new costume concept from scratch if I didn’t like this one. I was going out as Ariel, but I was literally sick to my stomach about it. I had so much anxiety about whether or not my testimony was going to be ruined by one wardrobe choice.

Looking back, I can see that all that anxiety was an unhealthy response. To be honest, as I’m writing this, I can actually feel the wave of nausea I felt at the time rise up in my stomach now because of how strong it was. But I didn’t need to make myself sick over it. I realized I got off track in making the opinions of others my primary concern instead of focusing first and foremost on what would please the Lord.

Proverbs 29:25 should be standard issue armor for every Christian! It’s one of those verses we need to survive: “The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the L
ord
is protected.”

Fear of man is the worry that we won’t measure up, that we will be criticized, that someone won’t approve of the choices we are making. The Bible calls this a trap. Why? Because fear of man works like a chain that binds us to public opinion. Instead of living free, we are shackled by worry and fear of what someone else might think of us. The truth is, it’s impossible to please everyone. If they look hard enough, people can always find something to be critical about. (Just check my Facebook page regularly and you’ll see what I mean.) But safety is found in trusting God. He’s not critical, but freely accepts us just as we are. Yes, He calls us to strive to live more and more like Him, but He’s not watching from heaven, waiting for us to misstep so He can zap us with a lightning bolt! There is freedom and safety in living our lives for Him and intentionally turning down the volume on the chatter of the crowd.

In fact, turning down the volume helped the tide start to turn in my anxiety battle. During this week of competition, I stopped reading the comments on Facebook and Twitter. I simply had to turn it off. There were too many voices in my head: fans, family, Mark, the costumers, even my four counselors. I needed to be able to hear the two voices that mattered most, the Lord’s and my own.

A Disney Princess Is Born!

Before I knew it, it was time for my first fitting.

I texted my mom and my sister and said, “I’m going in for my fitting. Will you please pray for me? I’m trying on this costume for the first time.”

My mom’s response gave me so much peace.

She wrote, “Honey, I keep praying about this for you, and what I keep hearing the Lord say to me is: Would you feel comfortable if Jesus were sitting in the audience watching you? If so, if there is no embarrassment or shame for you in any way wearing that costume, then you wear it and that’s it. Don’t think another thing about it.”

Suddenly the crowd I had feared for days just melted away. Jesus was going to be in the audience when I danced as Ariel because He is always with me (Matt. 28:20). This wasn’t between me and my sister. It wasn’t between me and my Facebook followers. It wasn’t between me and Christian bloggers. This was a decision best made between me and Jesus.

Fear of man had tripped me up and I wanted to be untethered! I needed to be reminded of my commitment to live for an audience of one. Once that switch had been flipped, I headed into my fitting with renewed confidence. I was pleasantly surprised by the designer’s creation. The green scale-like material of the mermaid skirt was so realistic and beautiful and the purple seashells were as big and blingy as they promised me they’d be! To my surprise, they added three to four inches of beaded fringe to the bottom of the top and raised the waist of the skirt above my bellybutton all the way around so that between the two modifications most of my midriff was covered. I was filled with gratitude toward the costume department for working so hard to create something that made me feel as beautiful as Ariel and as confident as I needed to be.