Chasing Destiny (21 page)

“I’m so sorry,” I began sobbing. “I’m so-rrr-yyy.”

I felt my dad’s arms wrap around me a moment later and my mother’s hands grab mine. “It’s okay, Kristin. We’ll get through this. I promise everything will work out.”

My dad’s sweet words and my mom’s smile when she stared at the ultrasound pictures were what I grasped onto when I wanted to scream and cry over my situation. I knew I wasn’t alone because of them.

“Where’d you go?” Carson’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“What?” I closed my eyes for a second, then laid the Kindle on the table. “I’m fine. I’m going to make something to eat.”

“I made chicken and veggies,” he said, never glancing up from the book he was reading. My heart wanted to melt that he was reading a parenting book, but my anger really wanted to hang on.

“Gross.” I made my way into the kitchen and began rifling through the fridge.

“I’ll make you some spaghetti and meatballs. Go sit down.” He placed a kiss on the back of my head and grabbed a pan from the cabinet. “Unless you want something else. I can make you whatever, I just know yesterday you mentioned it.”

I turned to face him. Why did he have to be so handsome? His blue eyes were staring into mine, hope shining from them. His scruff was a little longer than normal, but it only added to his appeal. I so badly wanted to kiss him, but instead, I looked away. “Yeah. That’s fine.”

“Kristin.” He grabbed my arm to stop me from walking away. “One day you’re going to forgive me. I know you will because you and I both know we love each other and that’s not going to change.”

I glared at him.

“And no matter how long that takes,” he continued, “I’ll be here. I know I fucked up and deserve this, but I’m not giving up.”

My breath caught as I continued to stare at him. I had no idea what to say.

He leaned forward and planted a sweet, lingering kiss on my forehead. “Go relax. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

Nodding, I moved out of his embrace and made my way back to the couch. My heart wanted to burst with love for him. Carson could be the sweetest guy when he wanted to be, but he could also be an asshole.

I really wanted to forgive him, though. I could tell he was breaking on the inside with my continued resistance.

Fuck! Why couldn’t I just be a bitch and not care that I was hurting him? I knew he deserved it, but at the same time, he didn’t. He had reacted the way any guy in his position would.

But…I couldn’t forget his words to me in the hospital.

The baby is fine. Our baby is fine.

He’d said
our
baby. And although I hadn’t asked him about his use of the word “our”, his actions were supporting that statement.

“Give me five minutes and it should be ready,” he hollered from the kitchen, breaking me from my thoughts. The smell of spaghetti and sauce hit my nose and I realized I must have been checked out for a while if the food was almost ready.

“Okay.” I walked into the kitchen just as he was closing the oven.

“Go sit at the table. I’ll bring you a plate.” He smiled his signature sexy grin.

“You don’t have to do that, Carson.” I smiled in return. “You cooked it, surely I can get my own plate.”

“I want to.”

“Okay.” I sat down in one of the dining chairs. A moment later, Carson set a heaping plate of spaghetti in front of me. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He sat down in the chair next to me. “I added extra garlic, just the way you like it.”

“Oh yum,” I replied, then shoveled a forkful into my mouth. It tasted heavenly. After swallowing, I licked some sauce off my lips. “My breath is going to be so bad, but sooo worth it.”

“Still won’t scare me off.” He smiled and reached a finger out, running it over the side of my mouth. Then he sucked it into his mouth, almost causing me to moan. “You had some sauce.”

“Thanks,” I replied, breathless.

“I also made brownies. They’re still in the oven, though.” He knew me way too well.

We spent the rest of my meal talking about light subjects and he made me laugh several times. I was definitely beginning to soften toward him, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to stay angry.

Carson

Kristin had been talking to me a lot more in the last week. I was taking that as a good sign. I knew I couldn’t rush things after how I had acted, but the good news, or maybe I should say fan-fucking-tastic news, was she was still very much attracted to me.

“Can we go out on the bike?” Kristin remarked as we sat on the couch watching reruns of
Friends
. “I need some fresh air.”

“Um,” I replied. I had no idea if it was safe for her to ride on the bike now that she was pregnant. “I don’t really think that’s safe.”

“How is it not safe?”

I quirked an eyebrow in her direction. “You’re pregnant. What if you fall off or something?”

“I’m positive that would be an issue whether I’m pregnant or not.”

Leaning toward her, I placed a hand on her stomach. “The answer is no. I can’t risk it.” She bit her lip and I could see tears forming in her eyes. I hated making her cry. “Why don’t we go take a walk?”

She nodded and I helped her stand. We both slipped on some shoes and left the apartment. Once we reached the sidewalk, I grasped her hand. I figured she’d protest, but she didn’t.

“Kristin…” I began, not really knowing where to start with my groveling. I wanted her back so damn bad.

“How many girls did you sleep with while you were gone?” she asked, hurt and anger lacing her voice.

I wanted to be outraged at the question, outraged that she even felt the need to ask, but given my history and the way I’d left, I couldn’t blame her. “None.”

“You hurt me, Carson. A lot.” I started to cut her off, tell her I knew and I was sorry, but she held her hand up to stop me. “But I understand where you were coming from. If you came to me and said you were having a baby with Sam…that would be very difficult to accept. I get it. But you were just so harsh and then shut me out for a week. What if I hadn’t knocked myself out and wound up in the hospital? Would you have ever wanted me back?”

“Of course!” I shouted, stepping in front of her. Taking her face in my hands, I let my eyes bore into hers. She needed to know exactly how I felt. “I wanted you back the minute I walked out of the apartment. I love you so damn much, Kristin. Please don’t doubt that.”

Tears began falling from her eyes and I placed my lips on her cheeks, kissing them away. Her hands fisted in my hair as she cried harder.

I hated how badly I had hurt her.

My lips trailed down to hers and kissed her. I was gentle at first, but she pressed herself against me and deepened our connection. Kristin gasped and my tongue found its way inside her warm mouth. She responded in kind, letting her hands trail down my face, then my chest.

I groaned into her mouth just as she shoved against my chest. I fell back an inch and in slow motion, watched her hand fly upward and connect with my cheek. Son of a
bitch
that hurt!

“What the hell?”

She grabbed my face and kissed me roughly before pulling away again. “Don’t you ever fucking treat me like that again! Do you hear me, Carson? The next time you walk away and don’t contact me for a week, I’m done!” This was my Kristin. She didn’t take shit from anyone, especially me.

“Never again, flower girl. I’m not letting you go ever again.” I grabbed her hips and let my hands trail downward, over her ass, then picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and our mouths reconnected.

She tastes so fucking good.

I carried her back to the apartment and deposited her on the bed—the bed I hadn’t been allowed to sleep in since returning to the apartment after her hospital stay. I had slept on the couch, not wanting the reminder of the girls I had fucked on my bed.

My eyes took in the sight of her lying on the bed as I stood at the end and tore my shirt over my head. Then I moved over her, pecked her lips, kissed down her neck, and over her shirt while her hands roamed over my back. When I reached the hem of her top, I moved it up her body and let my lips follow its path over her heated skin, removing her bra in the process.

“Carson…” she trailed, moaning.

Fuck, I love that sound.

After I made my way back to her lips, we began kissing passionately as she unbuttoned and zipped my jeans, pushing them down with her feet.

It was in that moment I vowed I’d never, ever lose her again. She was stuck with my sorry ass.

***

I was a nervous wreck and had no idea why. Kristin and I were in the waiting room, waiting to be called back for her twenty-week ultrasound. We were about to find out the sex of the baby, and for some reason, I felt like vomiting.

I think it was because knowing the sex would make this all real. I was actually going to be a dad. Thank goodness that doodling shithead still didn’t want anything to do with the baby. Kristin hadn’t actually spoken to him, but he’d texted her several times asking her to think about an abortion. She had kept the messages just in case she needed them when the time came for him to sign over his rights.

“Kristin,” the technician called, and we stood, hand-in-hand.

I glanced at her beautiful face and gave her a reassuring smile, but she didn’t need it. She seemed completely okay.

We walked into the small room making small talk. “Have a seat up here. I just need you to unbutton and unzip your jeans and pull your shirt up,” the technician, whom had introduced herself as Amanda, pointed. “I’ll be right back.”

She left the room and Kristin began unbuttoning her pants. “You need any help? I’m really good at removing clothing,” I remarked as I moved closer to her, waggling my eyebrows.

“Stop it, Carson. She’s going to come back any minute.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Carson!” She narrowed her eyes.

“Fine,” I gave in. “One little kiss, though.”

She rolled her eyes, but leaned in and pecked my lips.

A few minutes later, Amanda walked back into the room and my heart began pounding out of my chest. Not only were we about to find out the sex of the baby, but I was going to hear the heartbeat for the first time.

Everything became a blur as Kristin relaxed on the exam table and Amanda began punching keys on the computer. A few minutes later, a static noise started, followed by a thumping.

“That’s the heartbeat,” Amanda said. “And that is the baby.” She pointed at the screen, showing us the different parts, like the head, arms, legs, feet, followed by the words, “You’re having a girl.”

And that was the moment my heart slammed into my throat and tears began falling from my eyes.

Kristin

(4 months later)

I was sore. It hurt to sit the fuck down. Labor had started at two in the morning, my water broke at five a.m., and I didn’t actually hold Lilly until seven p.m.

Everything was fine, until things tore that shouldn’t have. The nurses assured me it could’ve been a lot worse, but that didn’t matter to me. It still hurt to sit down.

We had just arrived home two hours ago and I had basically planted myself on the couch, a pillow under my ass.

Lilly began fussing in my arms. “I think she’s hungry. Would you mind making a bottle?” I asked Carson. My milk still hadn’t come in, so I had just decided to use formula.

“Sure,” he replied before walking into the kitchen.

Carson had been the most amazing father and boyfriend. During the latter part of my pregnancy, he had spoiled me rotten and had basically done everything for me. During labor, he was by my side, holding my hand, while I cursed and screamed at him, and since Lilly had arrived, he’d been wonderful with her.

“Let me feed her and maybe you can nap before your parents get here,” he stated as he walked back into the living room carrying a bottle.

My parents arrived during my fourth hour of labor and had stayed by my side the entire time. They were staying at a local hotel and had decided to freshen up a bit before swinging by the apartment. They were leaving the next day and I cried every single time I thought about it.

“Okay,” I replied, smiling. “I’m just going to lay down here. I don’t want to be away from either of you.”

“You sure you don’t want to lay on the bed? It’ll be a lot more comfortable.” Carson took Lilly from my arms and I immediately felt a sense of loss.

“No. I want to be in here with the both of you.” I had no idea why I was feeling like this. I didn’t want to be separated from either Carson or Lilly for more than five minutes. He had no idea just how much of a comfort he was to me.

“Okay.” He sat down in the chair and placed the bottle in her mouth. She immediately began sucking it down.

She’d been born at a very healthy seven pounds, eight ounces, and her appetite was just as healthy.

I began drifting off and had just reached the point where my dream was taking over when I heard, “Oh shit! What the hell, little girl?”

I opened my eyes to see Carson jumping out of the chair holding Lilly, with spit up dripping from his chin, neck, and shirt.

“What happened?” I asked, sitting up.
Oh hell that hurts!

“She finished her bottle, looked at me, and just projectile puked on me!”

I glanced at Lilly and she seemed fine. My eyes drifted back to Carson and I couldn’t help the giggle that burst out of my chest. He looked so funny with spit up all over him. It also reminded me of the time Harley had peed all over him.

“Oh my gosh,” I cried, laughing harder. “That’s so funny!”

“Shut up!” He placed her in my arms and then ripped his shirt off. My laughing died as I stared at the detailed lily tattooed across his heart. “I’ll be right back. Can you watch her for a second?”

“Yeah, I think I can manage.”

“I know,” he said, walking down the hallway. “I just wanted to be polite since you were sleeping, but I really need to wash my face and neck.”

I glanced down at Lilly and smiled. She was everything to me. I knew I’d do anything for this little being. She had stolen my heart the second I held her.