Chasing Cassidy (2 page)

Mommy and Daddy are fighting again. I’m being a big girl like my Mommy told me and trying not to cry but it makes me so sad when they fight. I wish my grandma would have never died. She loved us so much and ever since we moved into her house last month, all my daddy does is yell and drink stuff that makes his breath yucky.

“John, please stop yelling! Maybe if you’d sober up every once in a while you’d get your mood under control and stop taking everything out on me!”

“Woman, don’t back talk me! I’m the head of this family and now that I have Cassidy’s trust fund at my disposal, I can drink whenever the hell I want to since I don’t have to work anymore.”

Mommy blinks her eyes fast and her lips crunch together like they do when I accidentally spill on something I shouldn’t.

“That money is for her, John. It’s supposed to guarantee her future,” she whispers softly.

“Yeah? Well, where’s
my
money? Where’s
my
future? If mama didn’t want me to have access to the money, she would have made it a condition of her will.” Spit flies out of Daddy’s mouth; that usually happens when he’s really mad.

“If you wouldn’t have married me you’d still have your money. I was never good enough for her precious baby. Thank God she loved Cassidy anyway.”

“Nobody would have been good enough. She thought she was the only one good enough for me,” he tells her sadly and she gasps.

“John, what are you saying? Did she…” Mommy covers her mouth quickly and sobs.

“I’m not saying anything! Let it go, Deidre, and don’t bring it up again!” I don’t like it when Daddy yells so loud, and I’m glad we’re almost home so I can go play until the yelling stops.

“We should move, John. Let’s move back home. That’s why you’re drinking so much. This house, those memories…We’ll take the house off the market and go back.”

“Can we? I want to go back home. Please, Daddy?” I miss my room and my best friend, Missy, so much.

“See what you started? No, we are not moving back home!” I really want to go back home, so much I start crying as we are pulling into our new driveway.

“Cassidy, I’m warning you, stop crying before I give you something to cry about!”

“You wouldn’t,” Mommy snaps at him just as I ask what that means. I’m still crying but don’t understand what he was saying.

“Damn it to hell, I’ll show you!” he roars while getting out and yanking me out of the backseat and into the back of the SUV. He unbuckles his belt and I sit still. I’m not sure what he’s doing but it scares me. When he gets his belt off, he folds it in half and makes a loud whacking sound with it. It sounds scary, and when I look at my mommy, she’s not moving.

I try scooting away from him but he pulls me by the ankles, muttering, “Disrespectful, disobedient, kids. She couldn’t have just been a boy. She had to be a whining, simpering girl, just like her mother.”

His hand pulls back like he’s going to throw a baseball and the belt slashes across my legs. I’ve never felt anything hurt so much.

“Daddy, no! That hurts! Please, Daddy, don’t do it again.” I’m crying, screaming, and twisting around which is making him angrier, but I can’t stop. He turns me over and does it again and again on my backside. All across my butt and my legs, the belt comes down again and again. When I peek over my shoulder, Mommy is still just standing there, watching. She’s not crying and not trying to stop him. Why won’t she make him stop? I don’t understand. Don’t they love me anymore?

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. Please stop. I love you. Please stop!” Now I’ve got the hiccups and as he pulls me closer to him, my face burns from being dragged across the carpet in the back of the car.

“There’s no such thing as love, Cassidy,” he says with a whack harder than any of the others and I scream as loud as I can, hoping someone will hear me.

“The sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be. I’ll make you understand if it’s the last thing I do.”

After those last words fall from his mouth, he walks away and my mommy carefully helps me out of the car. I hate this house, and I hate my daddy. It hurts so bad and standing makes it even worse.

“Shh, stop crying, Cassidy, it’s not that bad. Let’s get you inside and cleaned up before he starts drinking. I’ll bring you dinner in bed tonight.” She won’t look at me anymore; I guess she doesn’t love me now, either. Maybe Daddy is right, maybe there is no such thing as love. If she loved me she would have stopped him, right?

Once again, I wake up sobbing and drenched in sweat. I can’t even dream like a normal person. The fact that these memories come to me in my dreams so crisp and clear astounds me. Before that day, I don’t remember anything good—no fun times, no family vacations, nothing exciting. I remember we were normal and happy until we moved and then it all fell apart.

It also all came together. I met Zack and Rylee the day after that beating. We were six years old and they were the happiest kids I’d ever seen.
Everything
good that has happened to me since then has been because of them.

So why am I wide awake at four in the morning after another nightmare? I’m getting married in less than twelve hours to the man of my dreams. I should be happy—too excited to sleep—not reliving the worst day of my life. Ever since we started planning the wedding, the nightmares have been torturing me.

“Cassidy, if you love him that much you’ll let him go. You don’t belong in this world.”

Priscilla’s words have haunted me for days. She’s been my opposition every step of the way, trying to pull me down, to give him up. Maybe she’s right and I’m not good enough for him, and maybe I should walk away now
before
it’s too late.

My love for him is stronger than that.
We’re
stronger than her words. I just need to keep reminding myself of that, of our love.

“Love doesn’t exist, princess, and the sooner you believe it, the better off you’ll be. Only fools believe in love.”

Not today, Dad. Your words won’t get me today and neither will Priscilla’s. Today I’m going to give Zack everything he’s always dreamed of. I just have to be stronger than them for twelve more hours…

“Cassidy,” my best friend and Zack’s sister, Rylee, calls out softly as she pops her head in to check on me. “Ten minutes, okay, sweetie?” I nod my head and she backs out of the room with a forced smile. She’s worried about me and she’s not wrong to be. This isn’t what I wanted; this is never what
I
wanted.

When I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful girl looking back at me but I don’t feel beautiful. There isn’t a hair out of place on my head, my makeup is flawless, my gown and jewelry spectacular, but my eyes…my eyes are sad.

I’m sad
.

A bride shouldn’t be sad on her wedding day.

This isn’t me and this isn’t what I wanted for my wedding. There are three hundred guests out in that church and only a handful of them are my friends and family. Not that I care if one or all three hundred of them are here for me—it’s the giant production I have an issue with. And yet, in their world,
this
is intimate; the original guest list was over eight hundred and fifty guests. I should have
never
let myself get sucked into this.

The nausea I’ve been feeling for days overwhelms me and I grab onto the corner of the table, praying it will pass, but deep down I just know I’m going to throw up all over this one of a kind hand-beaded gown that Zack’s mom insisted I buy.

With her money.

Never forget, it’s always her money.

The deep breaths I’ve been taking for the last thirty minutes aren’t helping. Sending everyone out of the room didn’t help my nerves or my second thoughts one single bit. My heart is still beating a million miles a minute, so much so I can actually envision it popping out of my chest and running away from this church, leaving me in its wake.

It’s not that I don’t love Zack, I do. I need him in my life more than I need oxygen to breathe. Every part of him is intricately woven into my soul and I can’t picture my life without him. He’s been my anchor since we were six years old. I’m just not sure if I should be marrying him. He deserves someone who can live up to his mother’s expectations, and my god does she have a lot of them. Not only that, he also needs someone who can thrive being a part of his social circle. Someone who seamlessly fits into the high-status life which accompanies being a Stafford, not a measly Kindergarten teacher who barely makes thirty thousand dollars a year.

That someone isn’t me and Priscilla Stafford has
never
let me forget it. I’ve never been good enough for her baby boy. She has no issues with me being her daughter’s best friend, but to be the mother of her grandkids… not so much.

Slowly, I lower myself onto the chair at the makeup table and try to shake off the panic attack encroaching on every fiber of my being as I recall her harsh words a few days ago. It was her Hail Mary pass and I’m afraid it worked.

“Rylee, dear, would you be a doll and go fetch your grandmother’s diamond bracelet from upstairs? I want to show it to Cassidy. I think it would look lovely with her wedding dress.”

Rylee flashes her a beaming smile. “Of course, Mother, I’ll be right back.” As Rylee exits, she gives me a thumbs up behind her mother’s back. It’s sad that Rylee still believes the best in Priscilla. The only reason she sent her out of the room is because she wants to say something to me she doesn’t want overheard.

I’m already in defensive mode because I know this will be quick and underhanded. It’s not my first go ‘round with Priscilla Stafford and I’m sure it won’t be my last, either. As I square my shoulders, sit up straighter, and re-cross my legs, she finally speaks.

“Cassidy, the wedding is in three days and I would be remiss if I didn’t try and appeal to your senses one last time.”

Here we go with another round of ‘you’re not good enough for my son’ and there’s nothing I can do but listen to her.

“Zachary is a Stafford and there is an immense social and moral obligation that goes along with carrying that name,” she says, raising an eyebrow at me. I nod and clasp my hands together, trying not to get upset.

“Cassidy, I’ve known you almost all of your life, dear, and while I have no problem with you being Rylee’s best friend, I don’t think you are the most suitable choice for my son to spend his life with.”

Ouch… I knew it was coming but it still stings.

“Mrs. Stafford…” I begin, but she raises her hand in the air, almost like a queen getting ready to wave to her court. I would laugh if it weren’t so serious.

“Cassidy, back out of the wedding, darling. It’s for your own good. We’ll absorb the cost and I’ll even give you a nest egg so you can start over somewhere new. A fresh start would do you good. You could get away from everything and everyone here who is toxic to you, especially your parents. I put the honeymoon trip in both of your names and have paid for everything already. Break the engagement and take the honeymoon as a recovery trip. Who knows? Maybe you can teach in Hawaii and settle down there, meet a nice boy, and have a lovely family someday.”

I can’t believe this bitch. I’m fuming. My teeth are clenched and I’m trying to curb my temper without screaming at her.

“Mrs. Stafford, I love Zack with all of my heart. I would have been the happiest girl in the world if the two of us had just eloped instead of having such a huge production of a wedding.”

“Don’t you see, my dear? That is precisely my point. You consider this wedding a production. You’ve forced Zachary to make all the decisions when he should have been focused on work. A girl of his social standing would have been planning this along with me, not hiding and making Zachary do everything.”