"I didn't want to take any other guests to the cottage," I said turning.
"Leigh, I'm not your real father, I know," Tony pursued, stepping closer, "but you're a young girl, just blossoming. You've been somewhat protected up until now, and young men with far more experience can take advantage of a girl like you. Believe me, I know about these things."
"Joshua's not like that," I snapped.
"Maybe, but there's no sense in not being careful and I wouldn't feel right knowing that . . . well,. I wouldn't feel right not giving you some advice. Now, as I told you at the cottage, your mother need not hear a thing about this. It's just between you and me."
He stepped closer until he could reach out and take my shoulders in his hands.
"I'd like there to be something special between us, to always have something special between us," he said, his eyes feasting on me. His fingers tightened until they actually began to hurt.
"Tony." I grimaced but he didn't loosen his grip.
"Actually," he whispered, "your mother wants me to help her with you, expects me to take on this responsibility. She feels overwhelmed being the parent of a young daughter. I don't mind. You're too beautiful and too precious not to care for and protect. Please, let me protect you, let me care for you."
"I appreciate what you want to do for me, Tony. Thank you," I said. I just wanted to end the
conversation. His gaze was fervent, and his fingers tightened even more.
"I mean, I know what goes through a man, especially a young man, when he kisses you and puts his hands on your shoulders like this," he said. His fingers relaxed and moved down my arms. He smiled. "You don't understand what sort of power you possess over a man."
"Power?" What was he talking about now? Why was he so intense? It had been an incident; it was over. Why dwell on it so long and so passionately?
"Yes, power. You have it already, the same sort of power your mother has. Your beauty and her beauty are mesmerizing. Any man who looks at either of you feels himself weaken, feels all his resolve dissipate like smoke. But he wants to be a" "Slave to your beauty. It fulfills him to be twisted and turned, squeezed and caressed. He lives for that," he said, his voice so low, I practically had to read his lips. "Can you understand? Do you understand?"
"No," I said shaking my head. I tried to step back, but he held my upper arms too tightly.
"When a man is as close to you as that boy was in the cottage, and you let him touch you," he said, the fingers of his left hand lifting from my arm and settling over my breast, "it turns his heart into a small furnace, sending heat pulsating throughout his body. Soon, he can't control himself. It's not his fault. He becomes a puppet and you become the puppeteer," he said, his fingers still caressing my breast.
He held me so firmly with his right hand, I couldn't move. The small veins in his forehead lifted against the skin. He was touching me just as Joshua had touched me.
How long had he been watching Joshua and me before he had decided to interrupt? He had seen us go into the maze, so he had followed us, I thought. Why hadn't he yelled to us when he first saw us, if he thought it was so wrong for us to have left the other guests?
"You must understand your powers, Leigh, so you don't misuse them." He brought his fingers to my collarbone. "I saw how that boy kissed you and you kissed him. You can't expect it to end with that. It's as if you were lighting a match in a pile of hay, thinking you would have just a tiny little flame for a while and then put it out.
"But once it's begun, it spreads too quickly, it breaks free, runs on its own and consumes you as well as the hay. I want to show you, warn you, teach you," he said. "You must never be afraid of me. You must trust me and permit me to help you. Will you, Leigh? Will you?" he demanded.
I didn't know what to say. Show me? Warn me? Teach me? What did all that mean?
"I already told you, Tony. I appreciate your concern for me."
"Yes," he said. "My concern. Yes." He drew me into his strong arms and kissed the top of my head. "My beautiful portrait doll, my special work of art."
He held me long and tightly. Finally, his arms relaxed and I backed away. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled.
"We're friends again, then?" he asked.
"Yes, Tony. We're friends."
"Good. Nothing would sadden me more than losing your friendship and affection now, especially after we have been so successful together," he said and gazed at Angel. "Look at her, at the way she looks at us. I've captured a piece of your beauty in her face, painted a note of your exquisite melody, and whenever I look at her, I can hear that tune. It's my greatest artistic achievement. I understand now how an artist can fall in love with his own creations." He turned back to me and I remembered the painting in the cottage.
"Tony, why are you painting me again? Are you planning another doll?" I asked.
"Painting you again?"
"Yes, that painting on the easel, the one I covered with the sheet."
"That's not a new painting, Leigh."
But I was positive it was. I had seen all the paintings and in none of them were Momma's features so clearly included.
"Why is the cottage still set up like an artist's studio?"
"I just haven't gotten around to restoring it. Actually, I sort of like going back there from time to time and reliving the moments we spent together creating this wonderful work of art. The cottage has become a very special place for me now." His face hardened, his lips tightening, his eyes growing smaller. "That's why I was so disappointed you took a stranger there today."
"Joshua's not a stranger, Tony," I said quickly.
"Still, I had hoped you would think the cottage special. Before you ever bring anyone there again, please ask me first, all right?" I nodded. I was tired and wanted to end this strange conversation. He looked at the doll again. "I'm sure your doll feels the same way," he said and smiled.
"Anyway, I really came in to wish you happy birthday one more time."
"Thank you, Tony."
He stepped closer again.
"Happy birthday, Leigh," he whispered and kissed me quickly on the lips. "Sleep well," he added, then turned and left.
As soon as he was gone, I closed my door. He had left me in such turmoil and confusion. I didn't know what to think. I washed and prepared myself for bed, happy to crawl in under my soft blanket, beside my Angel. The events of the day paraded by. It had been a wonderful party. All my friends had such a good time, and Joshua had kissed and held me so romantically before Tony had interrupted. I had a real boyfriend, a special boyfriend.
Remembering I had promised to call him, I sat up and dialed his number.
"This is Joshua," he said. He never said hello.
"It's Leigh."
"Is everything all right?"
"Yes. My stepfather left a while ago. He was concerned, but he's not going to make any big deal over it, and he's not telling my mother anything. Don't worry, and anyway, I don't care. We didn't do anything wrong. I wanted you to kiss me," I confessed.
"And I wanted to kiss you. It was a wonderful party, Leigh. The best party I have ever attended."
"It was wonderful because you were here and we could spend time together. Will you come see me at school next weekend?"
"Of course. William and I are already planning something to do."
"I can't wait. Good night, Joshua."
"Good night, Leigh."
"Angel says good night, too," I added laughing. I brought my portrait doll to the receiver as if she could really hear him and speak.
"Good night, Angel."
Joshua laughed, too.
After I cradled the receiver, I held Angel close to me. I put out the lights and closed my eyes, expecting to remember Joshua's kiss and the way it had made me feel, but instead, I saw Tony standing before me, his eyes fixed pointedly on my face, his lips glistening, his smile tight. In my mind it was his hand, not Joshua's, on my breast.
"I want to show you, warn you, teach you," he had said. Why did those words make me tremble? He was only trying to be a good stepparent, wasn't he? Yet did he have to touch me
there
to demonstrate?
I wished I could tell my mother and ask her what she thought, but how could I do that without telling her everything: Joshua and I sneaking away from the party and going to the cottage and kissing and my permitting him to touch me?
No, no, I thought, she only would say that Tony had done the right thing.
I wouldn't talk about all this; it was better to simply forget it. No one but my doll Angel would know how Tony Tatterton had held me and touched me and kissed me in my bedroom tonight, but I felt sure this was only the beginning. There would be many more secrets kept between my portrait doll and myself.
I finally fell asleep with her in my arms.
If Tony ever did say anything to my mother about the cottage incident, she either forgot it or didn't think much of it, for she never mentioned it. Joshua and I stopped talking about it, too, although we didn't forget the way we had kissed and had held each other. My body would tremble whenever I dreamt of him holding and kissing me like that again. We did kiss when we went to the movies, but it wasn't the same because we weren't alone. There weren't many opportunities to be alone. Boys were forbidden to be in our rooms at Winterhaven and girls were forbidden to be in boys' rooms at Allandale.
My mother permitted me to remain at Winterhaven many more weekends than I had expected. Joshua, I, William and Jennifer became the talk of the school. We were always going places, doing things.
Marie and
-
the "special club" softened toward us, too. Before Christmas we were all speaking to each other openly, inviting them to our room and once again being invited to all of theirs. One day Marie formally asked us to rejoin them. We said we would, but the truth was we didn't have the time to spend with them as we first had. All our weekend time was spent with Joshua and William.
The portrait dolls became a huge Christmas item for Tatterton Toys. Tony ran advertisements in magazines and newspapers throughout the country. The Boston newspapers produced articles on the dolls and I saw myself featured on the pages. Just as Tony had predicted, most of the girls at Winterhaven wanted portrait dolls, too, and soon dozens of them had put in their orders. Tony was ecstatic about it, and every weekend that I returned to Farthy, he had much to show me and tell me about the project.
During the winter months, he did some more traveling, establishing new markets for the dolls in Canada, France, England, Spain and Italy. He was happy about the success he was having competing with the European companies that had been doing similar things. Momma joined him for only one trip, the trip that included a week at St. Moritz and the Palace Hotel.
Unfortunately, that was the week of the school play. I had a big part, but neither she nor Tony could attend. I had secretly hoped Daddy might come because he had written to tell me he would be on the East Coast around March for meetings in New York City and Boston, but he never answered my letter inviting him.
I half hoped he would come anyway, that I would peep out through the curtains and see him and Mildred come in and take front-row seats, but he never showed up. A week after the play, another letter arrived full of apologies, and I learned that he had been unable to keep to his schedule and hadn't yet gone to New York. He was still on the West Coast. He said he had seen an advertisement for the Tatterton portrait doll and he thought it was beautiful.
By the time spring came, the portrait dolls had become a multimillion-dollar part of the Tatterton Toys empire. Tony never stopped thanking me for being the first model. He told me he was setting aside a share of the profits in a trust fund in my name. Momma thought this was all wonderful and reminded me how silly I had been for hesitating to pose.
"Tony has made you a star after all," she told me. "Isn't that sensational?"
I supposed it was. I was the envy of all the girls at school, I had a wonderful doll myself, and now I was even making my own fortune because of it. Tony turned out to be a considerate and sincere person after all, I thought, and the negative things I had felt about him, the things that he had done and said that had frightened me, all drifted away. The world that had turned !, ay and dreary after my parents divorced became bright and happy again. Sunlight had broken through the clouds. I had friends, a boyfriend, a fascinating home and everything any girl my age could ever want--clothing, jewelry, records, anything.
It wasn't the same for Momma, despite her enormous wealth, despite her being married now to a handsome, bright and wealthy businessman, she was always complaining about one thing or another. She was still upset about her weight and what she thought were imperfections in her figure. Finally, in late May, she announced she was going to Switzerland to a "wonder spa" she had learned about from her wealthy friends. She would be there for at least a month, or "however long it took." The best thing for me was she said I could stay at Winterhaven straight through until the school year ended.
She left the last week in May. Two weeks later my second year at Winterhaven ended. Joshua, William, Jennifer and I made all sorts of plans for the summer. I hoped I would be able to do half of what we dreamt of doing. I thought I would begin by inviting them all to Farthy the very first weekend back, but when I told Tony, he said it would be better if I waited for my mother's return before I went anywhere or had friends come visit.
It was our first argument and we had it during our first dinner together. Even little Troy became very upset.
"I'm not a little girl, Tony. I don't have to have my mother's permission for every single thing I do," I complained.
"No, but it's not going to be that much longer before she returns and it would be better if she decided something like this," he said softly.
"Why? It's not a major decision in my life. I just want to invite some friends for a weekend. It's not that we don't have the room or can't afford the expense," I insisted.
"Of course we have the room and can afford guests. But you're still a minor and decisions about where you go and who you see must be made by your legal guardians," he replied. "Besides, after what happened once when you were alone with a young boy . . . I would have to spend all my time acting as chaperon and . . ."
"That's not fair," I cried.
"Still, it's an enormous responsibility. I would feel much better if we wait until Jillian returns. It's not that much longer and besides . . ."