"You look older and more beautiful than ever," Daddy said.
"Thank you, Daddy," I replied. They were the words I'd wanted, waited to hear, but right now they almost didn't matter. I was still staring at the woman beside him.
"Leigh, this is Mildred," Daddy said.
"Hello, Leigh. I've heard so much about you. I couldn't wait to meet you," she said and extended her hand. She had long, thin fingers, and her hands were not anywhere as soft and feminine as my mother's hands.
"Hello," I said. I shook her hand quickly.
"Are you hungry?" my father asked. "I have reservations for us here at the hotel. I thought that would be most convenient. Actually," he said taking Mildred's hand again, "Mildred thought that. She's a wonderful planner, what we call a details person."
"Oh Cleave. I just do what seems most efficient."
"Just like her to belittle her work. Mildred's an accountant, Leigh, so she knows about efficiency."
"Let's not talk about me," Mildred said taking my hand and leading us toward the hotel restaurant. "Let's talk about you. I want to know all about you. I have two children of my own, you know."
"You do?"
"Yes. They're both in their twenties and both married with children of their own, so I don't have anyone to baby anymore."
"I'm not a baby either," I snapped.
"Of course you're not, dear," Mildred said. She winked at my father. "Anyone can see you're a young lady."
We entered the restaurant and the maitre d' took us to our reserved table. Daddy pulled out Mildred's chair and the maitre d' pulled out mine. Now that we were seated, I looked at him more closely. There were no major differences in his appearance, although he looked much happier than he did the last time I had seen him. His beard was trim, his cheeks rosy. I thought his hair was cut shorter, but he wore the same suit and tie, what Momma had despairingly come to refer to as his "uniform."
"So tell me, how was this school you attended?" Daddy asked.
"It was all right," I said.
"Just all right?"
"It's a good school," I confessed. "But I like being in a public school more and none of my teachers are as good as Mr. Abrams," I added quickly.
"Mr. Abrams was the tutor I employed whenever we took Leigh on a voyage during school session," Daddy explained to Mildred. She nodded with approval.
"I can't wait to go on another voyage," I said. Daddy nodded, a smile around his eyes, but he didn't make the offer I had hoped he would make instantly.
"And how is your mother doing?" he asked.
"She's happy, I suppose. busy with her bridge and theater and friends."
"And Mr. Tatterton? His business must be doing well."
This was my chance to talk about the portrait doll, I thought, but I didn't want to do it in front of this woman I hardly knew. I decided I would wait until Daddy and I were alone.
"I guess so. I missed you, Daddy," I said quickly. I didn't want to talk about anything else but him and me. Again, he nodded without saying any of the things I had hoped to hear. I wanted him to tell me how much he had missed me and how much he wanted me to be with him. I wanted him to explain how we would be together more and I wanted him to propose a trip, a plan for us to spend time together, but instead, he looked at the menu.
"Let's order. I'm starving," he said.
I didn't care about eating. I didn't care if we never ordered.
"We had the London broil yesterday," Mildred said. "If you like that, they do a very good job with it here."
"You were here yesterday?" I asked quickly, my insides twisting with surprise and disappointment.
"Oh . . ." She looked at Daddy.
"Yes, Leigh. We've been back a little over a week, but I didn't want to call you until I could spend time with you. We've had so much to do."
I didn't know what to say. How could he have been here so long and not called me? What about all those words he wrote in his letters, at least the earlier ones, telling me how much he missed me. What happened to the promises and pledges of love? I didn't even try to hide my look of hurt. They looked at each other again.
"I was a bit overwhelmed with work," Daddy continued. "I have a new and wonderful cruise planned. Actually," he said turning to Mildred and taking her hand, "it was Mildred's idea, a wonderful idea." He turned back to me. "We're going to have cruises to Alaska. To Alaska! I know you think people won't want to go there because everyone thinks it's freezing there, but the summers in Alaska are probably the most beautiful summers in the world. Mildred has been there then!" he exclaimed, "She can tell you."
"I don't care about Alaska," I said sharply. The tears were stinging behind my eyes, but I kept them trapped.
"Now Leigh, that's not very polite."
"It's all right, Cleave. I understand how Leigh feels. You should tell her all of it," she said, her face tight and serious.
"All of it?" I looked at my father. He sat up straight.
"It wasn't all business that occupied us since our return from Europe," he said. "Two days ago Mildred and I got married."
I wanted to get up and run out of the restaurant and the hotel. I wanted to run and
run
until I collapsed. My stomach felt as if it had dropped to my feet, My heart seemed to shrink in my chest and my chest become an empty chamber echoing with the tiny beats. Daddy was holding Mildred's hand to his lips and looking at her so lovingly. Then he turned back to me.
"We thought it would be best for everyone if we just went out and did it ourselves, no public ceremony, no receptions, no extravagant affair. Mildred is so practical when it comes to things like that, and in that way, she is a lot like me," my father said. With every word he seemed to drift farther and farther away from me, like a leaf being carried away in the wind, rising and falling on an invisible sea and drawn toward the horizon until it was barely visible, a dot against the gray sky.
"We haven't even told my children yet," Mildred explained. I imagined that was supposed to make me feel more important. I had learned about their marriage before her children had learned about it; but I didn't care.
"We're off to Maine tomorrow," my father said. "Maine? Tomorrow?" The words bounced around in my head. They seemed unreal.
"That's where Mildred's children live. We're just going to surprise them with the news."
"Like you surprised me," I said bitterly. Daddy blinked. "I wrote you letters," he said softly. "You must have had some idea."
I did, I thought, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. I refused to see it, hoping for another world, a world that just included Daddy and me, a world in which I was the most important thing in his life, a world like the happy one I once knew. But that thin dream had burst. It fell out of the air like a single tear.
"I know it's hard for you, dear," Mildred said. She reached across the table to put her hand on mine. "You've been through quite an upheaval, but I assure you, I will do anything I can to help make your life easier and more pleasant. In time I hope you will think of me as a second mother, someone to whom you can come for advice and comfort."
I looked into the eyes of this stranger, a woman so unlike my real mother. She seemed so hard and so stern. Even her smile was an efficient little movement in her face. Confide in her: the woman who had stolen my father from me, the woman who was going to take him to another family? Which children would he care more about now? With whom would he spend more time?
"And that's one thing Mildred's good at," Daddy said turning to her again, "giving advice. She's given
-
me some wonderful advice these last few months. To tell you the truth, I don't know what I would have done without her."
But why didn't you feel that way about me, Daddy? I wondered. Why didn't you ever say you wouldn't know what to do without me? Why did you let me go so easily?
"Mildred has planned everything out carefully and wisely," Daddy continued. "So you need not worry about me any longer."
Worry about you? Why aren't you worrying about me? I cried silently.
"After we go to see her children, we're going to honeymoon in Alaska as a way to plan the cruise and enjoy ourselves. Isn't that efficient? Then we'll be doing some traveling again. Off to Europe on business and back to Boston just before the winter. But we won't be staying in Boston all winter. Some of it we'll spend in the Caribbean. In the spring we'll vacation in Maine with Mildred's family and then next summer . . ."
"But what about me?" I finally cried.
"Oh, we'll see you whenever we can," Daddy said. "Mildred will plan that out, too."
Mildred will plan that out? Why had my father permitted this woman to take his life over completely?
"That's right, dear;" she said. "I'm working on when we can take you along with us on a trip and when you can come stay with us. We would take you to Maine with us tomorrow, but . ."
"I don't want to go with you to Maine," I snapped. "Now Leigh . ." Daddy raised his eyebrows.
"I don't care."
"But you should care," Daddy said. "If you want to be considered a young lady, you have to show some courtesy," he chastised. Mildred stared at me, her eyes cold. I looked down at my menu. My chest felt so heavy. It was as though it were filling up with the tears that had built behind my eyes.
"Now then," my father said, "what would you like to eat? Leigh?"
"You should think about the London broil," Mildred said.
"I hate London broil," I blurted, "and I hate being here, and I hate you."
I couldn't help it. It all just rushed out over my tongue, and once the words had escaped, there was no turning back. I got up from the table and ran from the dining room, ran through the hotel lobby and out the front door. Miles was asleep in the front seat of the limousine. I woke him when I banged on the window. He sat up quickly, shocked by the tears streaming down my face.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Take me back to Farthy," I said getting in. "I want to go back."
"But . ."
"Please, take me home."
He started the engine. I looked out the side window and saw Daddy on the front steps looking for me. He didn't see the limousine until Miles backed out of the parking spot. Then he charged down the steps.
"Leigh!" he called. Miles began to slow down.
"Just drive, Miles," I commanded in my mother's sharp tone of voice. He obeyed and the car surged forward away from the hotel. I looked back once and saw my father standing in the center of the parking lot, his hands on his hips. Coming up behind him was his precious new wife. I turned away and cried so hard my ribs ached. By the time we arrived at Farthy, I was feeling drained and exhausted.
I ran up the steps and into the house, not pausing a second before rushing up the stairs to my suite. Once there, I threw myself on my bed. I didn't think I had a single tear left but I cried again, cried a waterfall of tears until I cried myself to sleep. I felt myself being shaken and awoke to find Troy at my side. He was dressed in his little sailor's outfit. I sat up and wiped my eyes. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw that my cheeks were tear streaked.
"Didn't you have a good time with your daddy?" Troy asked.
"Oh Troy." I moaned and embraced him to me.
"What's wrong, Leigh?" He looked up at me with his eyes big, inquisitive and concerned. "Why were you crying?"
"My daddy's not the same, Troy. He has a new wife." Troy fluttered his eyelashes. I could almost hear his thoughts.
"You have another Mommy?"
"No. She's not my mommy; NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!"
He stared at me. He had no mother and no father. It was not hard to understand why he was confused by my anger. I was sure he wished he had the chance to have a new mother and father and here I was throwing a new mother back as if she were a fish too small.
"My daddy doesn't love me as much as he did before," I explained. "His new wife has her own family and he has new children, too."
Troy's eyes brightened with some
understanding. He nodded.
"You want to come play with my electric train?" he asked, hoping to cheer me up. I smiled and kissed him. Oddly enough, I was suddenly very hungry. My emotional turmoil had drained me, but now my stomach churned. I had been too nervous at breakfast to eat much, and of course, I ran out of the restaurant before a thing was served.
"I'll just go down to the kitchen and ask Rye to make me something for lunch," I told him. "Then come play with you."
"I'll come with you," he offered. He waited while I washed my face, scrubbing away the lines drawn by tears and pain. I ran the brush through my hair, took his hand, and started out just as my telephone rang. It was my father.
"Leigh, please don't hang up," he said quickly, anticipating my first thought. "Will you listen to me?" he asked when I didn't reply.
"Yes, I'll listen, Daddy."
"I'm sorry, sorry that I didn't come to see you as soon as I had returned and sorry that I broke the news of my new marriage the way I did at lunch. It was insensitive of me and I apologize. Mildred is very upset about everything. She wanted so much to get you to like her. Really, she did. You believe that, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes, Daddy," I said dryly.
"Mildred says all that's happened to you this last year is a considerable emotional burden on top of the normal emotional burden teenagers carry these days. She's very wise when it comes to these things, you see. She has a daughter of her own, as well as a son. I hope you will meet them someday soon."
When I didn't reply, he continued.
"I'd ask you to come with us to Maine, but . . ."
"I can't go to Maine, Daddy. I'm modeling for a new Tatterton toy, a portrait doll," I said, "and I'm very busy with it."
"Oh?"
"I would have told you all about it if we had been alone," I snapped.
"You could have spoken about it at lunch. Mildred is my wife now and she wants to be a mother to you."
"I have a mother."
"Well, at least a good friend, then. So, you're modeling. Sounds exciting. Are you enjoying it?"
I hesitated. Should I blurt it all out over the phone, make him feel terrible for not meeting me privately? Would he come to Farthy immediately, come charging into the house and demand an audience with Tony and my mother, and then bawl them out and take me away with him?
But I would have to go off with him and his new wife and her children, his new family. Would I like that?
"Yes, Daddy," I said. "I'm enjoying it. It's going to make me very famous," I said petulantly. He was silent a long moment.
"Well, I'm happy for you, Leigh. Would you like to try again, meet us for dinner tonight, perhaps?"
"No, Daddy. I can't tonight. I have to go to sleep early because I have an early morning session and I have to be fresh and wide awake all over," I said. I thought he might ask why I said "all over," but he didn't.