"Do you want to go back to the circus after the baby is born, Luke?" I asked. "I'll go with you, if you want."
"Naw. Circus life is hard and you're travelin' all the time. I'll stick this out until we have our stake," he said.
"I could write my daddy and ask him to send him some of my money. There's money in a trust fund for me back at Farthy, too."
"We don't want any of that money," Luke snapped. It was the first time he ever got angry at me. Even in the dark with only the starlight, I saw how his eyes blazed with vexation. "I can take care of my own."
"I didn't mean to say you couldn't, Luke,"
He nodded and immediately felt bad about raising his voice to me.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Angel. I'm just tired."
"Ma's right, Luke. You should take a day off. You work around here even when you get time off from your job. Let this be the Sunday we all get dressed up and go to church. Please, Luke."
"Well, okay," he said relenting.
Ma was happy about us going to church, but when we arrived there the following Sunday, I saw what Luke had meant about the townspeople looking down on the Willies people. As soon as we entered the church, you could cut the air with a knife. The fancy townspeople all turned and glared at us, their glares meant to keep us back in our place. Ma and Pa Casteel moved quickly to seats beside other Willies people I recognized, but I didn't budge.
Luke looked at me curiously. He was so handsome in his suit and tie with his hair slicked back, and even in my sixth month of pregnancy, I thought I looked just as pretty as these women and girls from Winnerrow. My dress was as expensive as, if not more expensive than, most of theirs, and no one had hair as soft. The rainwater shampoos had made mine even richer than it had been when I first arrived in the Willies.
I saw two empty places down front and tugged Luke toward them. He held back a moment and then looked at my face.
"I thought you wanted me to tell of the mayor of Winnerrow, first chance I got," I said. He smiled widely.
"Darn if I didn't," he said and followed me to the seats. The people in the pew sat back as if a wind had come gushing in and over them. They were all wide-eyed, curiosity mixing with outrage, but I stared them down until their eyes lowered and they relaxed. The minister took his place at the pulpit and preached a fine sermon about brotherly love, which I thought fit the day.
Afterward Ma came up to me and said, "I was right when I first laid eyes on ya, Angel Ya got the grit of a Casteel woman. I'm proud a ya."
"Thanks, Ma," I said.
After church on Sunday, the Willies people would gather for a hoedown. They would fiddle and dance and eat the food each family contributed. I helped serve and then sat back and watched as Luke and Pa sang and played the banjo. The men danced and the women clapped.
A thousand years ago, I had a birthday party at Farthy.
My mother had hired an expensive band and caterers. My school friends were all dressed up and all came from the best and richest of families. We had the movie in our private theater. At the time I thought it was the greatest party I had ever seen.
But here in Winnerrow with these simple mountain people singing about their dreams, or singing funny songs about their mountain heritage, I felt even happier. No one could put on airs here. I felt at home, at ease, comfortable.
Of course, I saw how many of the mountain girls looked longingly at Luke, for dressed up he was as handsome as a movie star. One girl, Sarah Williams, flashed her green eyes at me when she did get him to dance. She practically pulled him onto the dance floor, and kept looking my way and smiling. She had fire-red hair and was almost as tall as Luke. She clung to him very tightly and I couldn't help being jealous because she was a pretty girl with a slim figure and a belly sticking out like mine. As soon as the dance ended, he returned to me, literally breaking out of Sarah's grasp.
"Sarah's a pretty girl, Luke," I said looking away.
"Maybe so, Angel, but I have eyes only for you," he said and turned me around so I could look into his dark eyes, eyes full of love and hope and pride. "I shouldn't a let her pull me out to the dance floor," he added, reproaching himself. "It's the moonshine creepin' up on me, just like you warned me it would."
"I don't mean to sound like some old nag, Luke."
"You ain't. No way." He shook his head when one of the other girls called to him.
"Oh Luke, I feel like I'm stealing you away sometimes by making you the father of my child."
"Hush now," he whispered putting his finger on his lips. "That's our child and you ain't stealing me away from nothin' I don't want to get away from myself
"You look tired, Angel," he added. "Let's go on home. I had enough to eat and drink."
"But you're having so much fun, Luke."
"I'd rather be home alone with my Angel," he said.
My heart was full again. When we returned to the cabin that night, we were all laughing and talking excitedly until we went to sleep. Luke and I crawled under our quilt and hugged each other. I never felt more secure or happier. Once in a while the baby would kick and Luke, who was pressed up beside me, would feel it too.
"Don't know if it's a boy or a girl," he said, "but whatever it is, it's got your pride and courage, Angel," Luke said. "I'll never forget the way you stared down them rich folk today."
"And I'll never forget how handsome you were and how many girls made eyes at you, Luke Casteel."
"Oh, come on, now." With his cheek to mine, I could feel him blush.
"Looks like we'll have plenty to tell our child when he or she is old enough to listen and understand, huh, Luke?"
"Oh, that's for sure," he said. He kissed me and held me and we closed our eyes and drifted off to sleep.
It snowed late in November in the Willies. With the night came the smothering cold to settle down on the mountains like an ice blanket. The wind would blow through the cabin mercilessly at times, and I would wrap myself up in our quilt and sit beside Old Smokey, the coal stove. When Luke came home at night, he would hug and rub me, cursing the cold. Ma and I crocheted new quilts and Luke bought me long johns to wear. I was a sight with my stomach out and we had a good laugh about it.
On Christmas Eve we had the best meal we could afford. Pa had gotten a turkey from Simon Burl. It cost him a full day's work, but he was proud of it. Ma and I had knit gloves and sweaters for Pa and Luke, and Luke brought home presents for everyone: new combs for Ma, a real corncob pipe for Pa and something so special for me, he wanted me to unwrap it with him behind the tattered curtain that served as a wall for our bedroom.
I sat on the bed and carefully undid the ribbon. Then I lifted the box cover off and peeled away the tissue paper to find the most beautiful doll's clothes I had ever seen, clothes for Angel. He had bought her a wedding outfit: a wedding veil with the filmy mist flowing from a tiny jeweled cap, a long dress made of white lace, lavishly embroidered with tiny pearls and sparkling beads, white shoes made of lace and white satin, and even sheer stockings that were to be fastened with a tiny garter belt.
"Oh Luke, it's all so beautiful. I can't wait to dress her," I cried.
"You never had a proper wedding in a proper wedding dress, but I thought at least Angel should have one," he said.
"How sweet of you, Luke." I dressed Angel in her new finery and noticed the locket around her neck, the one that said "Love, Tony." I wouldn't let that hateful thing stay on Angel's neck. I ripped it off and threw it out the window as far as I could. Then we brought her out to show Ma and Pa.
Afterward, while Ma and I were cleaning up the dishes, she leaned over and whispered to me.
"I never thought my Luke would turn out this way, Angel. I was always afraid he'd be just like his brothers, 'cause he likes his nip of the snake, but you keep him from going too far. If he hurts ya, he hurts terrible inside hisself. As long as he has ya, he'll never git inta real trouble. I think it was his lucky day, the day he found ya."
"Thank you, Ma," I said, my eyes tearing. She smiled and hugged me, really hugged me for the first time.
Somehow, even though we were as poor as could be and we lived in a cabin the size of a bathroom at Farthy, I was happy. I was even thinking it had been the best Christmas of my life. Angel's eyes sparkled in the light of the oil lamp. She was happy, too.
The next month was a hard one for us. It snowed almost every day and it was bitter cold. Old Smokey pumped out as much smoke as heat, but we had to keep her stoked continually. Every night Luke would apologize to me for the weather and spend hours rubbing my toes and my fingers, but somehow, we got through it and went into an early February thaw. There was one cloudless day after another, the sun beaming down and melting the ice off tree branches. At night, the melted snow and ice gleamed like diamonds, turning the forest around us into a jeweled wonderland.
The way I figured my pregnancy, I was only weeks away from giving birth. Ma was as good as a trained midwife, having delivered dozens of Willies babies as well as six of her own. Luke wanted to take me into town to see the town doctor, but I felt safe with Ma and didn't see why Luke should spend nearly two months' salary on a doctor that would only do the same thing when the time came.
The baby was active and I found myself out of breath often. My lower back ached. I wanted to do my fair share of the work, but Ma insisted I rest more. She encouraged me to walk as much as I could, however.
When the weather let up some and winter eased its grip on the forest, Luke and I would take our nightly walk to the ridge overlooking the valley. From our mountain view, the unobstructed winter night sky was spectacular.
If there is something for me to remember more than anything, I suppose it would be this early February night. I was all bundled up. Even though it wasn't as cold as it had been, Luke insisted I wear the sweaters and the coat, the sock hat Ma knitted for me and gloves I made myself after she taught me how. But when we arrived at the ridge, I slipped off my woolen gloves so I could hold his hand in mine and feel the warmth in his fingers.
We stood there quietly for a moment, both of us dazzled by the thousands and thousands of stars spread out before us across the deep black night. Houses below us threaded through the valley, their windows lit and looking like stars themselves. They twinkled with the warmth of families around fireplaces. I could almost hear the laughter and the music and the quiet talk.
"Someday," Luke said, "someday soon, one of those houses down there in the valley is gonna be ours. I swear it, Angel."
"I know it will, Luke. I believe in you."
"We'll be sittin' in our livin' room and I'll have my feet up and I'll be smokin' my pipe and you'll be knittin' or crochetin' and our baby will be playin' on the floor between us, all of us warm and safe.
"That's all I want, Angel. Is that too much of a dream?"
"I don't think so, Luke."
"Ma and Pa think it's as far out of reach as those houses below," he said sadly.
"That's only because it has been for them, but it won't be for us, Luke."
He nodded and embraced me, holding me to him. We stood there with the stars above and before us, two small people alone in the winter night, whispering their love for each other. My baby kicked.
"Feel it, Luke?" I asked putting his hand on my stomach. He smiled.
"I think it's a girl, Luke."
"Maybe. I love you, Angel." He turned to me. "I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman."
My baby kicked again and my stomach felt hard. I had more pain tonight than I had ever had. The last few days, I had woken with pain in the night and even in the morning, but I didn't complain because I didn't want Luke to worry and stay home from work. The pain might only mean it was getting close, I thought, although Ma didn't seem happy about it.
"I think she wants to come out and join us, Luke. It's getting close to the time."
"Well, there'd be no better time than now," he said. "With the heavens blazing so, with all these stars, it's a good night for a baby to come, especially if it's a girl and we name her Heaven."
A sharp pain nearly brought me to my knees, but I grimaced and bore it so Luke wouldn't see and be worried. He was so happy and hopeful, I didn't want anything to change his mood. But I couldn't help being a little frightened, even though I imagined it was expected of any woman having her first child, especially a woman as young as I was.
"Oh, Luke, take me back to the cabin and hold me, hold me like you never held me before," I said. He kissed me and we began to return to the cabin.
"Wait," I said stopping him.
I turned back once to get a last glimpse of the stars. "What is it, Angel?" Luke asked.
"When I close my eyes tonight, I want all those stars to appear behind
-
my lids. I want to feel as if I'm falling asleep in Heaven."
He laughed and then we made a turn in the forest and they were gone.
I turn the page, but there is nothing more written, not on the next page or the next. Finally, I find a paper folded between the last page in the diary and the cover. I open it carefully, for it is so old, it feels like it would crumble in my fingers if I were too rough with it. It's a letter from a detective agency.
.
Dear Mr. Tatterton,
As you know, I did locate your stepdaughter in
the hills of West Virginia. In my last report, I described the conditions under which she was living and I did report that she was pregnant.
I am afraid I have bad news. Yesterday, my assistant, whom I left on the case, called in to report that he had learned of your daughter's death. Apparently, she died in childbirth. He told me that she did not have professional medical attention and gave birth in her mountain cabin. I am sorry.
He did report that the child lived and it was a girl. I await further instructions.
Sincerely yours,
L. Stanford Banning, P.I.
.
For a moment I can't catch my breath. The air is so stale and so stifling in this old, dusty suite.
"ANNIE!"
It's Luke calling.
"I'm in here, Luke."
In a moment he is in the doorway.
"Everyone who is coming has arrived, Annie; and they're all asking after you. It's time," Luke says. I nod. "What have you been doing?"
"Just sitting here, reading."
"Reading what?" He comes farther in.
"A story, a strange, sad, but beautiful story, my grandmother's story." I hold back my tears, but Luke sees them in my eyes.
"Annie, let's go. This place is haunted by sadness and sorrow. You don't belong here."
"Yes." I smile. How handsome Luke is, as handsome as his grandfather must have been. He reaches out for me and I take his hand and stand up. We start out and I stop.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I say. "I just want to put this back. Somehow, I feel it belongs here among all the other memories." I put the diary back in the cloth bag and return it to the drawer. Then I look around once more and hurry to join Luke.
We descend the great stairway. I pause. I thought I heard a little boy's laugh. I even think I hear him calling: "Leigh! Leigh!"
I smile.
"What is it?" Luke asks.
"I was just imagining my father as a little boy calling after my grandmother to play with him."
Luke shakes his head.
We continue down the stairs and through the great entry hall. Is that music behind me? Angel's birthday party? A piano concert for wealthy guests? My father practicing his Chopin? Or is it just the wind finding its way into the great house? Maybe it's all of it.
I go out with Luke and close the great door behind me, leaving the question and the answer with all the others in the great house of Farthinggale Manor.