Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) (40 page)

It had been a week since Deryn moved into Xander's room and everything was going great. As far as either of them were concerned, anyway. Bronson hadn't been too thrilled about it when he went over there and Deryn was in the process of making the move, rearranging all of the drawers in the dresser and using the small ones at the top to separate their underwear.

No, Bronson was definitely not happy about it. And while he bit his tongue, it was impossible to hide the dissatisfaction on his expressive face, which was why Deryn hadn't invited him over in a few days. To avoid feeling that judgment.

But not today. Today she needed him, to be - if nothing else - a distraction. Because for the first time since she had been living with Xander he was sent on a mission to the outside world, to investigate what happened to two guards who went out for a routine check of the area and never returned.

She was worried. There was no doubt in her mind that Resistance members always had their eyes on the doors to the city, watching those who entered and exited.

Xander assured her that he had been out there many times before and he always came back safe, but that didn't make her feel any better about it. It only took once for someone to never come back.

So, on that day, Deryn had asked Bronson to join her in the basement to work on her Element. Over the weeks, she had turned it into a fairly good weapon, but it was capable of so much more than that and she was determined to make its defensiveness as great as its offensiveness.

What she wanted was a shield that was large enough to protect more than just her. Two people, at least. Preferably three.

After some tinkering, she asked Bronson to stand behind her and gave it a try. Their upper bodies were protected, but if someone went for their legs there wasn't much they could do about it.

"That thing is coming along pretty nicely," said Bronson as she tinkered some more.

"I do what I can," she said.

"And with your Element working so well, don't you think it's time you came up with a plan to get out of here?"

Deryn didn't answer. Just kept tinkering.

"It's obvious the curfew won't be lifted anytime soon. Probably never. So shouldn't you consider trying to find some other way to escape the city? It's not impossible, especially since you're just one person."

She remained silent.

"Deryn ... you still
want
to leave, don't you?"

Nothing.

"Say something."

"I want to leave, Bronson," she finally said. "I want to see my dad and Talon and Dax and everyone else, but ..." She sighed. "But I don't want to leave Xander here. I already can't breathe when he gets home late. What's it going to be like if we're separated?"

"So ... what then? You're just going to stay here forever because you don't want to be worried about Ruby?"

"No, of course not. I just ..." She sighed again. "I don't want to leave him behind."

Bronson bit his cheek. "You want him to come with you."

Deryn blushed as she continued to stare at and tinker with her Element.

"You know he'll never go for that. Besides, you're planning to look for the headquarters of the Resistance. Sending him into their hive, even on the arm of their leader's daughter, is still suicide. Surely you realize -"

"Bronson, I know!" she shouted, her head whipping towards him. "I'm not an idiot! But he can't stay here! A bunch of Guardians already have it out for him!"

"But he can't leave. Staying is his best option."

"No, it's not!" Deryn put her Element down, stood and turned so she was facing the other direction. She brought her hand up to wipe her tears away before Bronson could see them.

"Deryn, I'm sorry, but you need to be realistic here," said Bronson with a frown. "Ruby will never be able to escape the president. Not until one of them is dead."

"I know that, too," she said after a small pause, her heart feeling heavy. "But I've already lost so much. I don't want to lose him, too."

"I know." He hugged her from behind. "But just because you have to separate doesn't mean you're going to lose him. There's still a chance you'll both survive this. If you can get your dad out of hiding and start a battle against that bastard we're forced to call president, then you can sure as hell bet Ruby won't be fighting on his side. Just tell your friends not to attack him."

Deryn smiled. "Yes, I'm sure that will go over really well with Talon and Dax."

Bronson's arms tensed around her. "Deryn, you're not ... I mean, you and ... and Dax. Are you still planning on going back to him?"

Deryn's smile faded. "I don't know."

"Have you thought about it?"

"Of course I have," she said. "Every day I think about it. But I haven't seen Dax in five years. How am I supposed to know if those feelings are still there?"

"Well, ask yourself this. On nights when you're feeling sad and missing home, who do you want there with you? Xander or Dax?"

That was simple. "I want Xander."

"Then shouldn't that be your answer?"

Deryn shrugged. "I don't know."

She knew it should be that simple. Xander was the one she wanted, the one she desired, the one she thought about constantly, but Dakota ... he was her past, her first love, one of her last ties to her old life, and she had always thought he would be her future. But now there was Xander. And a future without him just seemed so bleak.

~

Xander walked along the overgrown path, his gasmask on tight - molded perfectly so his face was still visible - and his hand on his Element, which dangled from his hip. Just in case. He had been sent out to investigate the disappearance of two rookie guards who had been on a routine sweep of the area. They were often conducted to make sure no Outsiders had taken up residence in their old villages on the border of Utopia. The villages had been cleared out shortly after the Resistance was formed and the president planned to keep them that way.

A light breeze rustled the bushes and trees, not to mention Xander's trench coat, and he found himself checking his mask again, making sure it was fastened properly. While he was fully aware the president was a liar in many aspects, he had never been able to shake the idea that perhaps the air outside really was toxic, and only some were immune. He feared he was not one of those some.

Deryn told him he was crazy. She was probably right.

Xander stood still and waited for the breeze to pass. He hated being out there. Especially alone. He supposed he could have brought Luka with him. He definitely would have come too, considering he had been persistently trying to speak to Xander over the last few days, but there was never any time for that with his beautiful fugitive at home waiting for him.

Luka had even tried to stop him before he came to the outside world that day, but Xander was eager to get his job done quickly, leaving enough time to report back to the president and still arrive home before curfew. Plus, he sort of feared the reason Luka wanted to talk was because something had happened between Bronson and him and he needed to tell somebody. Xander really didn't want to be that somebody.

When everything was still again, he released a breath of relief and looked up. Other than the wind, it was a beautiful, clear day. Unlike the overcast dome above the city, which supposedly mimicked the sky he was looking at now. Just one example of the many lies the president told.

After this realization, Xander wondered if maybe he really was being crazy and he could take off his mask. But the moment his hand started drifting upward it stopped. He sighed, let his hand fall, and continued on.

Knowing there was very little chance he would ever find those guards, Xander had decided to take a little side trip to the largest of the border villages. He stopped by the hand-painted sign and read the name.

Redwood.

All of the villages had been named after ancient trees. With no access to the rest of the world, it was impossible to know if they were extinct or not.

Xander walked through the village quickly, making sure to look straight ahead. Not to the right, where several houses had been burned, probably with entire families trapped inside, or to the left, where many graves had been dug by those who survived for their lost loved ones.

No, Xander did not dare look at either of those things. Even though he hadn't been there for the destruction of Redwood and all of the other villages in the vicinity, it certainly felt like he had.

And then he saw it. A wooden house near the back of the village slightly bigger than the rest. It was the house the leader of Redwood had shared with his two children before they were taken from him. The same person who also led the Resistance. Deryn's father, Godfrey Leon. Last seen that fateful night five years ago but still believed to be very much alive. President Saevus had no doubt in his mind that his cousin was still out there somewhere, refusing to show himself out of fear for his daughter's life. It was no secret that the president had every intention of executing her while her father watched, and not a day sooner, despite rumors to the contrary.

Xander shuddered at the thought. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking up the steps and onto the porch. There was a swing to the right of the door that Deryn had spoken of once. On warm nights she would sit there sandwiched between her father and brother, leaning on her father's shoulder so she could read along to whatever book he had brought out that night. Even though he spoke aloud she always preferred to see the words. It made the stories more real for her.

Xander put his hand on the knob and turned, the door creaking as he pushed it open. The house was covered in dust and cobwebs with small, black spiders in the center of them. There were no spiders in Utopia but Xander still knew what they were. He had encountered quite a few large ones while wandering the forest in this area, and he was not fond of them at all.

Even though Xander had been to Redwood many times, he had never actually entered Deryn's house before. To the left there was a living room, and to the right a kitchen. He walked straight ahead, down a hallway, opening doors until he found a room that looked like it might belong to a young girl. It didn't look much different than the other rooms, aside from the lacey white curtains, but Xander knew it belonged to Deryn the moment he saw all of the books. Covering every flat surface, every corner, and every shelf nailed to the walls. They were even stacked up on a chair near the window. There was a good chance it had not once been sat in.

Xander knew Godfrey used to go exploring and always came back with books for Deryn, but this was a little ridiculous. He laughed as he entered the room, careful not to step on any books, especially ones left open. They were all very old and very delicate.

Aside from all of the books, the room was otherwise very neat. The bed was made, even though it hadn't been touched in years, the desk was well-organized and the closet was color coordinated. Not one object was out of place.

There was a box of records beside the dresser, and a square of dust on top of it, slightly less dusty than the space around it. At one point, there must have been a record player there, but it was long gone.

Xander found himself drawn to the desk, where a single framed photo stood. He picked it up and stared at the smiling faces of Deryn, Dakota, Talon, and several other children he didn't recognize. He didn't know why, but he was sort of surprised the Outsiders even had cameras.

It was taken at least ten years ago, by the looks of it. She was on Dakota's back and both were laughing.

He sighed and slipped it into his rucksack. She would want that.

After also putting a few of the open books and the two she had bookmarked on her nightstand in his rucksack, he went over to the bed and sat down, stroking the comforter as he tried to feel a part of Deryn here. This was her room, her house, her life before she was stolen from her home. This was where she came when she wanted to be alone. Her safe place. And she hadn't seen it in years.

He opened the small drawer in the nightstand, curious to see what she kept there. There were several bookmarks, a flashlight, a bag of gummy candy that must have come from Utopia and was probably horribly stale, a pen, and a journal. Xander picked up this last item and flipped through the pages. He knew he shouldn't invade Deryn's privacy like this, but maybe just one entry wouldn't hurt.

He opened to one of the last pages with writing, one paragraph popping out at him.

I'm not sure what to do about my growing feelings for Dax, especially now that Talon isn't around to constantly keep watch on us. The two of us have been best friends for so many years now, and I think we're both afraid to cross that line, but, somehow, I just know we have to. Dax and I are meant to be more than friends, I'm sure of it. Because the love I feel for him, it's different than the love I feel for everyone else. I hate to make a confession like this on paper, but I truly believe that I'm in love with -

Xander slammed the journal shut. That was enough of that. He put it back in the drawer and erased it from his memory.

Standing up, he took one last look around the room. After grabbing an old snow globe with an ancient animal called a horse inside of it and adding it to his collection, he headed for the door. He wasn't ready to leave yet, but he knew he had to. He still had a job to do, as much as he wanted to stay and learn more about her life before.