Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) (28 page)

Sienna Rivers looked up at Dr. Nichols and gave him her dazzling smile that always unsettled him because he always knew it would soon be followed by a quipping retort or a dry remark that always seemed to belittle him despite being thrice her age.

“No, I was just curious and thinking of ways to talk about anything and everything other than myself which to my calculations ranged from high school prom queen politics of which I have no interest or care in whatsoever to the conflict in the Middle East to the disturbingly large growing body count in Game of Thrones and now to dreams. Oh lookie there, times up doc.” She remarked wittily as her emerald eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall with a look of pure innocence on that angelic face.

And there it was
.

“Sienna, this is our last therapy session.” He sighed and set his glasses and notebook of scribbles on to his desk.

“Trust me doc, I know. I’ve been counting down the seconds since I walked in to this office.” She told him airily as she stood up to leave the office in the psych ward she’d been admitted to after the train ‘incident’. As part of her release terms as she liked to call it, she had to talk about her therapist about how she was ‘coping’ and ‘dealing’ with life as a teenager diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness no amount of drugs could ever really cure, something she’d have to deal with everyday. What’s her answer every time?

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing else you’d like to talk about?” he asked earnestly.

“Nothing comes to mind.”

“Can I ask you something? Why is it that you don’t like me?” Dr. Nichols asked abruptly just as Sienna was poised to leave shocking her by his apparent curiosity that she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt and wished she’d been nicer to him when all he ever wanted to do was help her. He like many others had slowly joined the list of victims who suffered the wrath of the great Sienna Rivers when they tried to help her. She didn’t like it and she most certainly didn’t want it no matter how desperately she needed it.

“Ah come on doc, its not that I don’t like you, its that I’m merely indifferent to you that’s all. Plus I don’t like the fact that you unconsciously twiddle your thumb and index finger a lot as if you’re already counting the money that is wired to your account after every mopey “session” we have together.” She said frankly using her fingers as air quotes.

“But the fact that you have an unopened bottle of a twenty year old scotch that you’ve had for I’m guessing for probably two years judging by the two year sobriety chip you keep right next to it makes you far more appealing to me as a human being so I overlook the greed for money. Get rich or die tryin’ right doc?”

“You’ve looked in my drawer?” he blinked unfathomably at her several times.

“And your filing cabinet. That’s what happens when you’re late to your appointments doc; I’d advice depositing your alimony checks to your disgruntled wife after business hours preferably through online banking.”

Dr. Nichols looked at her tentatively for a moment with wide unblinking eyes, his face then relaxed and broke out in to a smile.

“You’re scary sometimes, you know that right? I’m gonna miss you kid.”

“How very unprofessional of you but thoughtful nonetheless. Thanks Dr. Nichols, in a weird way I’ll miss you too. Enough with the frowns, trust me I’m fine, I’ve been taking my meds, I’m as healthy as a horse.” She lied easily; it was becoming second nature to her. Well in honest truth Sienna’s hallucinations had calmed down, sure she still saw the dove, the raven and Smeags her loveable three legged Persian cat but not once had she seen her father. She sort of missed that.

“Alright, even though our time is up are you sure you don’t want to talk about your mom or Logan?” Dr. Nichols asked as he scratched his shiny baldhead.

“Everything is fine, doc. Mom’s still a bitch but she’s trying to suppress her vile personality at an attempt to better our damaged beyond repair mother daughter relationship since she witnessed my suicide attempt six months ago.”

“And Logan? How are you two?”

“Logan is…Logan is Logan. He’s complicated but nothing I cant figure out or handle.” She replied with great hesitation unsure of what to say.

“That’s for sure. They’re going to love you in Harvard next year.”

“Not too sure on Harvard anymore. I’m leaning more towards Stanford, way more sun.”

“Either way, they’re lucky to have you. As long as you keep your strict routine and take your medication on time and stay away from pressure triggers.” He reminded her firmly and kindly all at once strangely reminding her of her late father Phil Rivers. He wasn’t her biological father but he had raised her his entire life. She’d only discovered this decrepit little fact a few months before after his death and still didn’t know whom her real father was and if he was even alive.

“And do yourself a favor watch out who you date online, there are
a lot
of catfishes out there.” Sienna quipped with her eyes on her therapist’s open apple MacBook that he quickly shut to conceal his eHarmony profile.

“Goodbye Sienna.” He chuckled shaking his head as he sat down in his chair.

“Bye!” she yelled jovially over her shoulder as she quickly departed the building.

The first thing she noticed as she got to the hospital parking lot wasn’t the cherry red sheen of a sleek 1969 Ford mustang convertible. No. Rather, it was the handsome chiseled dark haired stud who leaned against it with his hands in the pockets of his Levi’s, a pair of ray bans that hid those remarkable dark fiery eyes, he wore a dimpled smile and a simple white t-shirt that only his exquisite form could make look spectacular. Her boyfriend. The weather was beautiful today, the sun shone, the sky was the perfect shade of blue, and Sienna could feel both the heat and the breeze against her skin. Or maybe the shivers she got were simply the physical response every girl got when they were in the vicinity of Logan Jackson.

“Hey,” she said timidly as she approached him suddenly feeling shy despite seeing him just an hour beforehand.

“Hey yourself,” he replied smoothly, his voice like velvet rich and deep as he took his shades off and squinted slightly in the sunlight.

It wasn’t long before he pulled her back in to one of his heart meltingly body tremblingly electric kisses, holding her face in his hands then running her hands through her dark tresses and holding her close to him. She kissed him back with equal fervency, her lips pressed against his with her mind in the clouds with no clue of what was going on around her, lost in his touch and loving embrace. The couple only pulled away from each other still dizzy and drunk in love that they didn’t notice the car waiting behind them clearly eager to take Logan’s spot in the parking lot nor the group of giggling girls Sienna had stayed with at the psych ward standing by the window watching them make out as if their life depended on it. She blushed scarlet and looked away from Logan abashed unable to even look him in the eyes as she quickly retreated to the passenger seat of his vehicle.

“It’s okay, take your time, really.” The middle-aged man chortled from his SUV.

“Howie!” his wife reprimanded and looked at the love-struck lustful teenagers depreciatively shaking her head in disapproval. Logan just looked unfazed as always immune to shame and waved at the guy behind him then at the girls in the window who were probably besides themselves now fainting or something before getting in to the car.

“Ah to be seventeen again.” Howie muttered under his breath as his wife droned on about the filth of this generation and how she blamed it on reality TV. Oddly Sienna agreed with her.

“How’d it go with Nichols?” Logan asked sweetly as he drove. His one hand remained on hers whenever it wasn’t busy shifting gear. He knew how much she hated therapy, how much she hated to be reminded that she wasn’t ‘normal’, that she had to abide and follow a certain set of rules and follow a strict routine out of fear of another mood swing or worse a severely depressed episode and they all knew what happened to Sienna the last time she went through that phase.

“You know the usual, lying down against a long uncomfortable futon trying to recollect any repressed childhood memories I have whilst the breeze blows the wind chimes and the incense around me infiltrates my inner soul and I’m suddenly reawakened as a new person.” She said sardonically with ease. Sarcasm was like second nature to her these days. Logan repressed his sigh and looked ahead without moving his hand. The summer hadn’t been perfect but in his mind their relationship had come pretty darn near close. After his sister Amber’s lost her battle with cancer, they’d been closer than ever, talking and laughing all day. They had never been more in love. He literally couldn’t take his hands or eyes off her. She was so stunning. She still was but it seemed as though their luck had worn out as her depression started kicking in again a couple of weeks ago and no matter how hard he tried to make her laugh or how hard she tried to pretend like it was okay, nothing worked.

“So basically you gave old man Nichols a run for his money and talked to him about random crap again didn’t you?”

“Yup!” she replied with a smile that he hoped was genuine.

“How are you? I mean, really?” he asked gently stealing glances from the road to look at her.

“I’m good.” She replied swiftly averting his gaze by looking out of the window at the green trees that all blurred to one due to Logan’s lead foot on the gas pedal and the two white and black birds that flew over them throughout the entirety of their journey. Sienna’s mind flickered back to the start of the summer. It had been an eventful summer to say the least. Logan hadn’t exactly taken Amber’s death too well especially since he wasn’t allowed to go to her funeral but attended anyway with Sienna in tow.

They stood at the back of the church as strangers in black attire, listening to and watching as various aunts and uncles who barely knew Amber stood on the podium and eulogized a dead teenaged girl they hadn’t seen since she was five years old. Logan was furious and angry at the small turn out believing his little sister deserved more, as she did. Senator Jackson was away at a press conference in Harrisburg; Mrs. Jackson refused to believe that her husband’s secret illegitimate child had ever existed and Jake didn’t even have the guts to pick up the phone and let Logan know that he wouldn’t be there for their sister’s burial so it was pretty safe to say that Logan was pretty messed up over this.

“Logan! Stop it!” Sienna yelled as he unscrewed the lid of a vodka bottle and took a swig from it before pouring the remaining liquor all over the roses and flowers left on Amber’s grave along with her small brown teddy bear soaked in it all. Even the bear seemed to cry along with him. He had a wild feral look in his dark unfathomable eyes as he took out his lighter. The flame flickered in the breeze illuminating his wet tear stricken face. The wind flapped around Sienna’s hair as she pled with him. She was grateful it was past midnight so the cemetery was empty with no onlookers to witness this bizarre turn of events. 

“Stop what? You want me to stop grieving? You want me to stop crying? Isn’t this what you always wanted? Isn’t this what all you girls like? You’ve been dying to see my sensitive side! So here you are! I’m vulnerable!” he exhaled with a wicked grin on his face with his arms extended out as he looked around manically.

“Are you happy now? Look I’m a real man now. I cry.” He said dryly and dropped the silver lighter igniting the flowers beneath in blue and yellow flame that bristled and swayed bright against the dark that enveloped their surroundings.

“Of course I’m not happy! Logan, please let’s just go home.”

“I don’t want to go home. What is home? Is that supposed to mean something to me?” he asked quietly as he kneeled down near the fire, his knees on the dirt, his eyes on the slab of rock on the ground denoting the only thing he had left of his sister in this godforsaken world. He let his fingers graze over the tips of the flames.

“Stop!” she rebuked immediately and held his hands in hers and looked up at him terrified.

“I don’t feel a thing.” He said numbly without so much as glancing her way.

“Here lies Amber Vale, beloved daughter and friend. Well for starters you weren’t that beloved,
friend,
if your own daddy couldn’t miss screwing his secretary in between press conferences to make it in time for your funeral. And friend? What friends did you have?” he said bitingly.

“All you had was me…even though you deserved so much more.” His voice broke on the last of his words as his throat closed up with choking emotion that smothered his soul and stifled his broken heart. Sienna immediately pulled him to her. Logan buried his head in the nook of her neck. She cried along with him unable to watch him in so much pain.

“Its not fair.” He whispered. His voice came out muffled against her chest.

“Shhhh.” She cooed, her chin against his head, her tears streaking those luscious dark locks of his that she loved so dearly as she ran her fingers through them gently.

“It should have been me.” He whispered. Sienna’s hand stilled in its caress almost as if she was unsure of what she had just heard.