Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) (12 page)

“And that you become fat and ugly.” She added afterwards. Sienna couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Maybe then people will actually believe we’re sisters.” She remarked and started blow-drying her hair. If she was going to go out she was going to do it in style. Cora rolled her eyes at that. Sienna knew what they thought of her, that she was nothing but a pretty, vain, manipulative lying crazy bitch that made elusive comments about their beloved saint mother. She knew they condemned her for her beauty and for her free spirit that they constantly tried to tie down. Most of all she knew they despised her and blamed her for the death of their father and that’s what hurt her the most.  Cora ripped the cord out of the socket and threw the blow dryer on to the floor. “We’re talking to you. Don’t you ever listen?” she shouted.

“If any of you ever paused to
breathe
in any of your reproaches maybe you’d have noticed that I’ve been
listening
and
listening
and
listening
for years and years. Every time I forgot to put one dish away you all conveniently decide not to care that I had washed a mammoth sized load of dishes and dried them, no instead you jump on me at once like savages chomping away at me with your snide remarks and bitter criticisms. Every time I got a C on a paper I would be forced to just stand there as you pass my report card around sneering then admonishing me in the most cruelest of ways, even though you all
knew
how hard I studied and crammed for that test.” She said recalling the many memories flowing through her mind in rapid succession.

“Oh here comes the sob story, poor me, no one loved me, get over it!” Meredith sneered.

“I’m not done talking!” Sienna hissed her eyes flared up challengingly. “Every time I was sick and lay on the sofa, I’d get yelled at for either faking it or spreading the germs or seeking attention for being ill and getting told that “nobody cares”” she said using air quotes with her fingers looking directly at Cora.

“Every time I wore a pretty dress and some
stranger
looked at me, it was my fault for some reason and then you would go at me again. Every time I went to bed or even entered a room you would talk about me right in front of me like I’m not in front you. And you’d laugh and sometimes you’d even point. Oh and lets not forget the many times you’ve told me to go kill myself. Guess what apparently that’s another thing I’m crap at!” she said her voice breaking up along with her heart as she lifted the sleeve to her left wrist momentarily baring faint scars. At this point of Sienna’s confrontation everyone in the room had wet faces. Sienna didn’t know if it was because of pity, guilt, sadness, regret or just pure anger. 

“Every time you’d restrict me from going out and meeting my friends. Every time you kept me locked up in this prison with nothing but my deceiving thoughts and you wolves for company. Every time I cried at night and you’d walk by my room and we both know that you’re there. Every time you pause in the corridor my heart stops and I wonder is this the day? But every time I’m met with the same gut wrenching disappointment you never fail to endow. Not a single day goes by that one of you will remind me of how low, stupid, degenerate, worthless or even ugly I am! Every time you ignore me and tell me how no one wants to listen to your crap. Well here’s a newsflash for you; I don’t want to listen to any of your crap anymore! I EXIST! I AM STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU! I AM A HUMAN BEING!” she roared standing only inches away from Meredith’s quivering face.

“Pay me the common courtesy to at least leave with my head held high.” Sienna said quietly and moved to sit on her bed and put her black boots on.

“Not everything is black and white Sienna. People aren’t just good and bad.” Cora said defensively.

“Believe me I know. If I weren’t such a believer in all the wonderful shades of grey in between I would have left a long time ago. But I’m done. I’m done with all of this.” She sighed and wiped her tears. She had wasted enough tears on this sham of a family.

“Sienna come on, just think it through. Just stay and work it out.” Candice urged her gently but her mind was already made up. Sienna grabbed the small wad of savings from under her mattress from which she had earned over the year.

“Sienna I’m being serious where are you going to go? To Logan’s? ‘Cos you can’t just leave town, what about
school?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. Just tell Annie…tell her I’m sorry.” Sienna replied and dragged her suitcase down the stairs leaving her family upstairs frozen and speechless by what had occurred. 

9.

Sienna walked out of the only place she had called home for sixteen years and felt a mixture of relief and fear. She shivered in the icy cold. Her foot made loud scrunching sounds as she tread on the thick inches of snow. She had a suitcase full of clothes, two hundred dollars in her pocket and an ache in her heart that throbbed for a reason Sienna didn’t quite understand. She walked down the dark empty streets past the houses, past the corner shops and dollar stores and found herself walking on the edge of the road dragging her navy suitcase behind her. She had tried Logan’s phone numerous times but he failed to pick up. It was two o’clock in the morning, ‘
he must be sleeping’
, she thought with a heavy heart.

But deep down Sienna wondered if that were true. He was the lightest sleeper. He always had been ever since they were young. She remembered one time in the seventh grade when they went to summer camp, the girl’s cabin tried to TP the boy’s cabin, and Logan was always the first up and after them. Sienna often teased him about his Vulcan hearing. He would always reply with “Talk to the hand” and showing the classic Star Trek symbol with his fingers. Her heart swelled just thinking about him. It eased her pain. Sienna’s injured foot was affecting her more than she had realized. Just as she was limping down the side of the road all the scary hitchhiker movies she had watched came flooding back to her.

She had always ridiculed the dumb teenagers in films who naively jumped in to some hillbilly’s car and ended up as his lunch or worse desert. Sienna gulped and decided she would stop at the next gas station and reassess the situation. Other than Logan Sienna didn’t really have any friends, she had either grown apart from the, pushed them away in her depression or they had avoided her like Rose. Sienna missed Rose at that moment. She knew her ex-best friend had they still been even amicable friends then she would have picked her up and given her a couch to sleep on. She looked up at the stormy sky. There wasn’t a single star in sight. That was odd. Instead she found the moon covered and getting suffocated and muffled by the floating clouds. The moon looked sad, miserable in fact.

“Hello, Logan Jackson’s phone.” A girlish voice purred through the phone. Sienna could hear her giggling and the sound of music and lots of people behind her. They sounded like they were at a bar.

“Helloooo?” she said in a singsong tune reminding Sienna that she still hadn’t spoken. “Er, hi. This is Sienna calling. Would you mind passing the phone to him please?” Sienna asked politely resisting the urge to sound like a needy possessive girlfriend and adding “his
girlfriend
”.

“Its Sienna. What should I say?” She heard her ask as if she were talking to someone. “Hey, I’m sorry Logan’s just ran off to the bathroom. Should I pass on a message?” she asked airily. “No, its fine. Who are you by the way?” Sienna asked unable to keep a lid on her curiosity. A long pause followed. Sienna looked at her cell to see if the other girl was still on the line.

“Erm, I’m just an old friend of his.” She replied hesitantly.
An old friend?
Sienna was his oldest friend. She knew almost all of his friends. Surely she would have recognized this voice.

“He’s there isn’t he?” Sienna asked looking up at the lonely moon smothered with overbearing grey clouds. She could hear rustling and Logan’s voice muffled on the other side before the line cut abruptly. Her heart sank as she closed her stinging eyes.  She felt moisture drop down her cheeks, for once it wasn’t her own tears, it was the night sky pouring down heavy droplets of rain echoing her emotions. 
Great
. Just what she needed. She dragged her suitcase behind and continued to walk as a couple of cars drove by. Sienna walked and walked until she had finally reached her destination; Haven Falls train station. She dragged her suitcase all the way up the platform and sat on a bench resigned. All the while her phone vibrated in her pocket ceaselessly. She knew it was Logan no doubt trying to call her and weasel his way back to her with his lies.

Sienna knew Logan had a big heart. He enjoyed being a teenager, being reckless and having fun just as teenagers did. Did he really need her bringing him down with all her baggage? With the voices in her head, the migraines, the nosebleeds, the insomnia, the rapid mood changes, with her childhood tales of emotional, psychological and even physical abuse. No one wanted to hear that. It’s just depressing. Logan was bright and luminous and shone like the sun. She was nothing but a grey cloud everyone wished would disappear. He enjoyed the company of others and bathed in the attention and affection he received from the opposite sex.

Sienna didn’t blame the girls. How could she? Logan was everything she wasn’t, he was outspoken, brazen, strong and confident and females of all ages flocked to him like moths to a flame. She was nothing more than a shy anxious girl already beaten down by life. She needed him. ‘
He doesn’t need me.
’ She thought sadly. “And he most certainly doesn’t love me. How could he? I wouldn’t love me.” She murmured out loud.

She looked around at the empty train station. The platform was eerily quiet.

“Is it really any surprise that he’s fooling around with some other girl when I need him most?” she asked herself and wiped her eyes with a Kleenex. 

“No.” she answered. Meredith was right. Sienna was pathetic and stupid, stupid to believe in fairy tales and Disney movies that let Cinderella go to the ball, marry Prince Charming and swan off to the palace leaving the evil stepsisters and stepmom behind for good. This was reality. There were no happy endings for people like Sienna. She was a fool forever hoping there was. The crazy people never got the guy or the girl. They just ended up in white stiff jackets and in a padded cell. The rain continued to pour down drenching her completely. Thunder rumbled in the distance followed by a flash of lightening. Sienna looked at her phone. She had dozens of missed calls from Logan and voicemails. What surprised her more was there was one missed call from her mother. Maybe she did care after all? Logan was ringing her again. She wiped the rain off of her phone with her sweater sleeve as she walked to the other side of the platform where the roof shielded her from the torrential rain. She realized that she had accidentally answered the phone much to her annoyance. She was just about to hang up but reluctantly changed her mind and put it to her ear.

“I know you must be so mad at me right now but trust me. It’s not at all what you think. Her name is-“ he said hastily as if he tried to spew out all of his words in the shortest amount of time possible before she could get the chance to hang up the phone.

“I don’t care.” She retorted instantly and clenched the phone tighter in her hand. “Trust me, she means nothing. I don’t like her in
that way at all. She’s like a sister to me for God’s sake!” he explained sounding exasperated.

“Well, what are you doing with her this time of the night?” she asked disbelievingly. The thunder roared some more in the background. “We were just talking. Catching up. I swear that was it.”

“How do you even know her?” Sienna inquired wondering whom this mystery
girl was. “That’s not important. What’s important is where are you? I swung by your house just now and your mom said she thought you were with me. She said you left home.” he said confused. Sienna didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say. She held the phone to her chest for a second wondering what to say.

“I’m going away.” She replied and wiped that treacherous tear from her face.

“What? Sienna I can’t hear you.” He said as a freight train went past.

“I said I’m going away. I’m leaving Haven Falls, for good.” She told him with more certainty in her voice.

“I’m going to go somewhere, somewhere far away, somewhere I can’t hurt you, disappoint you or let you down.” She wept.