Bound to be Tested: Emergence, Book 3 (16 page)

“You had a nightmare.”

“I bet.” He jerked the wad of covers tangled around his legs and eased to the side of the bed, exhaustion clear in his movements, as though he’d just gone for a long run. “Was it bad?”

“Um, I’d say yes.” She stayed where she was. Illogically she still had a sense of concern for her own safety.

Finally he lifted his gaze to hers. “I’m sorry.”

She furrowed her brow. “It wasn’t your fault. People have bad dreams. Though I must say I’ve never experienced one of that magnitude. Whatever you were dreaming about, it must have been horrific.” She tried to relax her stance, but something told her this was important.

Jude took deep breaths. Finally he stood and walked past her, entering the bathroom and closing the door.

A chill raced down her spine, and she wrapped her arms around her middle and rubbed her biceps. Had Jude just brushed her off?

She slowly made her way back to the bed and straightened the sheets and blankets to their original positions, but she didn’t climb under the covers yet. Even though she felt cold, she couldn’t bring herself to lie down.

Several minutes passed before Jude returned. His shoulders hung low and he padded toward her and took her in his arms. He threaded his fingers into her hair and nestled her head against his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ve been trying to avoid such a scene since you got here.”

“Is that why you never sleep?” She lifted her gaze, setting her chin against his chest.

He nodded. “I’ve been having nightmares for a while. I didn’t want to scare you. I should have told you, but…”

“You didn’t want to appear weak.” She narrowed her gaze at him. “Is that how shallow you think I am?” She squirmed free of his clutches and held him at arm’s length. “Surely you can give me more credit than that. You’ve always told me that honesty was the most important part of a D/s relationship. Avoiding sleep and keeping your problems secret is hardly honest.”

He nodded. “You’re right. I should have told you. I felt like my reappearance alone, coupled with upsetting your life and flipping it like a pancake, was enough to toss your way so quickly. I kept putting off telling you.” He tipped his head toward the ceiling. “I have some post-traumatic stress disorder thing. Sometimes I wig out in my sleep.”

She stroked his face. “This isn’t a sign of weakness, you know. It’s not something you can control. I would never think less of you for it.”

Finally he lowered his gaze to hers. A small smile formed on his lips. He threaded both hands into her hair and kissed her lips tenderly. “You’re an amazing woman,” he whispered as he set his forehead against hers. “How did I get so lucky…twice?”

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat at the way he looked at her. “Anything else I should know?”

He shook his head. “My tendency to enact my worst fears during my sleep in the form of violent thrashing about isn’t enough?”

She chuckled.

“Willing to risk sleeping with me some more?”

“Of course.” She eased from his grip and tugged him toward the bed. “Maybe now that the cat is out of the bag, you can actually sleep occasionally instead of propping your eyelids open. Have you only been resting when I’m at work?” She flipped off the lamp as she snuggled back under the covers.

“Not even then,” he said as he climbed in beside her and pulled her against him. “I don’t like the sensation even alone. It takes me forever to shake the images that pop into my head.”

“Wanna talk about it?” She shivered as she asked that question, wishing he would open up to her while at the same time concerned about agitating him right after his nightmare. Whatever the fuck he’d been through, it had obviously been unpleasant.

“Not a chance. That would only increase my anxiety and perpetuate the problem.”

She exhaled. “Okay, but I’m here if you need me. And I’m a good listener.” She smiled into his chest as she calmed down, gripping him tight to keep him safe from whatever demons haunted him in the night.

It took her a long time to fall back asleep. In fact, for once Jude was fast asleep before her. His breaths slowed after long minutes. Lori stared at nothing in the dark room for over an hour before she let her eyelids relax and eased into dreamland.

Chapter Fourteen

Lori left earlier the next day and the second the door shut behind her Jude left also. He headed straight for Emergence.

When he entered, Carlton was at the front. The man lifted one eyebrow but didn’t smile. “He’s in his office.”

Jude hated the rift between him and the man he’d counted as a friend for years, even before Lori came onto the scene. It hurt. But it couldn’t be helped. At least that’s what he’d told himself.

Jason glanced up from his desk as Jude rapped on the door frame. “Can I come in?”

“Of course. Please.” He motioned for Jude to take a seat. “Everything okay?”

Jude stepped in slowly and paused before he sat, swallowing. He hadn’t quite figured out what he was going to say, and no matter how late he’d stayed up plotting this conversation, he was tongue-tied now.

“Jude? Is Lori okay?”

Jude nodded. “She’s fine.” He sat heavily. He needed a drink. “I have encountered a problem.”

“With Lori?” Jason leaned forward, confusion furrowing his brow.

Jude shook his head. “No. With my return to this city.”

Jason paused and Jude looked him in the eye.

“Fuck.” Jason slammed his hands on the desk. He shook his head. “Don’t fucking tell me you’re leaving again, ’cause I’ll kick your ass right here, right now.”

Jude stared at his old friend without moving. Finally he picked up the paperweight sitting on the corner of Jason’s desk and tossed it back and forth between his hands just to have something to do while he thought about his next words.

“Jude Cavanaugh, you’re on my last fucking nerve. If you hurt her again, so help me God.”

Jude jumped from the chair, turned around and hurled the weight against the far wall. It went straight through the drywall. He paced, running his fingers through his hair. His hands were tied. There wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do at this moment. Coming here had been a waste of time.

What he really hoped for was that Jason was a smart enough guy to figure out what the hell Jude’s life was all about on his own. Uttering a word was completely out of the question, but Jason, he knew more than he realized. He was just so consumed about his concern for Lori that he couldn’t see Jude’s problems for what they were.

That was the bitch of it all.

“Goddamn wall. I just repaired it from punching through it myself.” Jason stood. He sounded relatively calm.

Jude stopped pacing and turned to him. He stared him in the eye. “Jason, you know me, man. You know me well. We were best friends for years.”

Jason nodded. “That’s why it hurts so much to see you pissing on Lori. I can’t understand it.”

Jude stared at him.
Please, dude, think. You know me
.

“Tell me. Whatever it is, maybe I can help.”

Jude shook his head. Jason wasn’t catching on. He didn’t get it.

Jude had to get out of here before he broke something else. He needed to go for a long run and clear his head a bit. Why had he even come to Jason in the first place?

Because it was your only hope
.

“If anything happens, promise me you’ll take care of her.”

Jason stood still forever. Finally he nodded, his shoulders drooping.

Jude walked away. He stopped at the door and held both sides of the frame, not turning around. “Jason, you know me. Better than you think.” And with that he walked away.

Carlton growled at him on the way out. The man would have heard part of the rant from the front of the club.

As Jude passed, he turned toward Carlton. He wanted to say so many things. But speaking to Carlton would be like beating his head against a brick wall. The man was too pissed to see beyond his own anger.

Jude shook his head and left.
Mother fucker
. Wasted trip.

Jason stood rooted to the spot, staring at the door as if Jude were going to rematerialize in the entrance. What the fuck had just happened?

He thought through the entire meeting and came up with nothing except that Jude was off his rocker. The man had said very little. He’d been the most frustrated Jason could remember. And he’d repeated twice that Jason “knew” him. What the fuck did that mean?

He paced in the same spot Jude had vacated.
Hell yes, I know him. At least I thought I did
. “What the fuck is he talking about?” He said that last part out loud to no one.

Lori. Shit. He was going to hurt her again. Damn it. It didn’t seem he’d done anything rash yet, but it was on his radar as a possibility…as though it was out of his control. As though… Jason stopped pacing and stared at the hole in the wall. Jude hadn’t just thrown the paperweight through the wall; he’d hit the exact spot Jason had pounded with his fist two weeks ago.

Jason stepped closer. He smoothed his hand down the wall to the repaired area of drywall. Dead on. How? Coincidence?

You know me, man
…

It suddenly seemed as if the thrown paperweight hadn’t been a random act of frustration. But why would Jude aim something at the wall intentionally?

“You okay, boss?” Carlton’s voice came from behind.

Jason stood. “Did Jude say anything to you?”

“No. But I didn’t give him an opportunity either. That man is hanging on by a thread in my book.”

Jason stepped back and stared at the hole. Why did it feel significant? He turned to Carlton. “Something’s not right.”

“That’s for sure. Dude busts in here like he owns the place after fucking disappearing for two years and reclaims his woman
and
dismisses her submissive. I’ll say something isn’t right. You just now figuring this out?”

Jason barely listened. His mind wandered in ten directions.

You know me, man
…
You
know
me
.

Jason held up a hand to get Carlton to stop talking. Carlton knew Jude as well as Jason did. “Hang on. Let me think.”

“What? What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Carlton stepped farther into the room. “What happened to the wall? You punched it again?”

Jason shook his head. “Nope.”

“But that’s the same spot you hit.”

“Yeah, isn’t that crazy?”

“Did Jude punch it?”

“No, he didn’t.” Jason stepped over to the wall, reached in between the drywall and the outside wall and picked up his weight. He carried it to the desk and sat. He set it on the desk. He stared at it.

“What the fuck are you doing, man? You’re acting weird.”

“Me? I’m not the weird one.” Jason picked up the paperweight, tossed it back and forth between his hands and then jumped up and threw it at the wall. He was perfectly calm. That part he couldn’t recreate, but the rest he tried to emulate.

Carlton jumped back a step at the random act. “Jason? What the hell’s gotten into you?”

Jason ambled toward the wall again. He’d missed by a mile. Not only had he hit the wall in a completely different spot, but his throw had only dented the paint. He picked it up again and went back to the chair. This time, he moved in slow motion, turned, aimed right at the hole and threw as hard as he could.

The weight hit the wall harder that time. About two feet off target, but the drywall cracked. “Damn.” He was missing something. Or maybe he was out of his mind crazy.

“Talk to me, dude.”

Jason turned toward Carlton. “Jude threw this at the wall, not me.”

“O-kaay.”

“He hit the same spot I punched and just repaired.”

“Guys got a good arm too. What’s your point?”

“I don’t know.” Jason slumped into a chair.

“So what? He’s stronger than you. Might not want to take him on in a fight.”

“Yeah.”

“Look, Jason, Jude was in the military. Probably learned to hit stuff. I just hope he doesn’t take it out on any humans.”

Jason sat up straighter. “Army.”

“That’s right. He worked at the base just twenty miles from here. So what?”

“What did he do there?”

“I don’t know. Desk job, I think. He was always around. Maybe he trained people. From the look of his aim, maybe he taught shooting classes.” Carlton chuckled.

Jason didn’t. “How long did we know him?”

“Years? Five years, maybe.”

“And in all that time he never talked to you about his job?”

“Not that I recall. I just knew he was in the army. Probably boring as hell if a person isn’t deployed.”

“Exactly. I never knew him to be deployed, did you?”

“Not that I recall. Sometimes he was gone for a month, but I just figured he was busy. He had training camps. He never went very long without stopping in. What are you thinking?” Carlton eased into the chair across from Jason.

“That we didn’t know him at all.”

“So?”

“He just repeated to me twice that I knew him. Like it was important. It was about the only thing that happened other than him throwing this through the wall.” Jason held up the weight.

“So he’s off his rocker. I think we need to remove Lori from his care.”

Jason chuckled now. “Lori? Have you met her?” He shook his head. “She doesn’t do
removed
well. She’s a strong woman with a mind of her own.”

Carlton nodded. “I don’t like this, man.”

“Me neither, but I think Jude Cavanaugh just left me a message.” He pointed at the wall. “I haven’t figured it out yet, but he definitely left here distressed at my stupidity.”

“He called you stupid?” Carlton leaned forward.

“No. But he desperately tried to get my attention…and it worked.”

“So let me get this straight. You’re thinking Jude didn’t leave Lori two years ago because he was tired of her and needed a change of scenery.”

“Does that seem likely to you? And if he did, why the hell did he come back?” Jason shook his head again. “No. Not a chance in hell. Jude left here knowing he wasn’t going to return
ever
. So what would drive a man to that conclusion?”

“Deployment.” Carlton straightened.

“Nope. That’s too simple. If that were the case, he could have just told us.” It was falling into place for Jason. “Unless he couldn’t.”

“Why not? Normal people do. They marry and they tell their wife, ‘Listen, hon, I gotta go to Iraq. I’ll be back.’ If they love their significant other, they don’t just fucking run off to fight a war without saying a word.”

“They do if they’re Special Forces.”

Carlton’s mouth opened, but he didn’t respond. He nodded slowly. “Fuck. Do you think it’s possible?”

“I’m making this shit up as I go along, but it would make sense. And look what he did to my wall. He nailed it…in the exact spot I did. Regular dudes can’t do such a thing.”

“I still don’t understand why he didn’t just say something to you in the first place. Why beat around this like a dead dog?”

“I don’t know, but I intend to find out.”