"No, not much last night."
"Yes. We were up for a while in the middle of the night too," Trish said, remembering. She grimaced emphatically. "Buster wouldn't shut up."
"Buster?" Jillian smiled.
"Our five-year-old golden retriever. Barry finally had to go out and bring him into the house. Can you imagine? The Jensens' dog was howling too. Only they left him out to howl. Barry says sometimes a bobcat will come out of the woods or deer will wander onto our lawns. Regular jungle here compared to where you live, huh? Well, okay. I'll call later. Give her my love."
"Thank you, Trish."
"It'll be all right. Dana's such a strong-minded woman. Who else would even think of doing what she has done?" Trish added, revealing her own misgivings. She bit her lower lip again, glanced up at the stairway, and then left.
Jillian closed the door behind her and stood there feeling even more exhausted by Trish Lewis's lightning-quick visit. She wasn't really hungry, but she decided to make herself some lunch just to fill the time. The phone rang again just as she entered the kitchen. This time it was Harlan.
"Is Dana up?"
"No, Harlan. She might have been up earlier. I fell asleep."
"So, how are things?"
"Harlan…" She looked back to be sure Dana hadn't come down the stairway. "She's not right. I think she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. You should have seen her before, when I went in to see the baby and the baby started to cry."
"What do you mean?"
"She was positively furious with me. I've never seen her like this, Harlan."
He was quiet for a long moment.
"Well, I made the doctor's appointment. When she gets up, you can tell her. It's ten-thirty tomorrow morning."
"Good. I want to go along," she said with determination.
"Fine. I have two-o'clock and four-o'clock classes today," he said. "And at eight tonight we have a faculty association meeting. Our salary negotiations have broken down again, but I'll see how things are before I decide to go," he added quickly.
"I'm going to put up the roast for supper," Jillian said. "I've been defrosting it," she added, looking over at the eye round on the counter.
"Great. Jillian, I'm sorry things are a little rough right now, but I'm damn glad you're here," he added. Tears filled her eyes. She nodded, her throat closing.
"Bye," she said softly, and hung the receiver in the wall cradle.
She took a deep breath and then went to the refrigerator and took out some cottage cheese and fruit, thinking she would eat lightly. Her stomach was too nervous for much else. As she sat there nibbling, she listened keenly for any sounds from upstairs. It was still so deadly silent in the house, a silence that continued to unnerve her. Finally she heard what she was positive were footsteps on the floor above. She left the kitchen and went upstairs. Dana wasn't in her room and the door to the baby's room was closed.
She went into her room to make the bed and wait. It took a while, but Dana finally emerged. She was coming down the hall toward the stairway when Jillian stepped out to greet her.
"How are you feeling, honey?" she asked. Dana looked up at her as though just realizing she was there.
"Okay," she said softly.
"Baby still asleep?"
"Yes," she said.
"Want me to get you some lunch?"
"It's all right. I'll go down and get something for myself," Dana said, and continued toward the stairway.
"Good. Trish Lewis was here. She brought a baby gift. I left it on the table in the entranceway."
Dana didn't reply. She just continued down the stairs.
"I'll change your sheets, okay? Freshen everything up while you're downstairs?"
"Thank you, Mom," Dana said. Jillian was encouraged by the enthusiasm in her reply, so she went to the linen closet and took out the sheets and pillowcases. She stripped down Dana and Harlan's bed and changed everything. The room was so gloomy because of the way the shades had been drawn down so tightly, keeping out all the daylight. She opened the curtains and lifted the shades. The room brightened and returned to life. She even opened the windows a bit to air out the stuffiness. She was nearly finished by the time Dana returned.
"Why did you open the windows, Mom?" Dana demanded.
"You need some fresh air in here, honey. You didn't realize how stuffy it was. Believe me."
"No, I want it darker. The light hurts my eyes," she said, putting a hand over her eyes to shade them. "And it's too cold for the windows to be open now."
"Dana, it's what they call Indian summer. Why, the air temperature must be at least—"
"It's too cold," Dana said, embracing herself.
"You're not feeling well, honey. I just hope you haven't picked up some virus or something." Jillian closed the windows and pulled down the shades again.
"That's better," Dana said, heading for the bed.
"It's not better." Jillian reached out to feel Dana's forehead but Dana pulled away.
"I'm all right," she snapped.
"No, you're not all right, Dana. You're sick, believe me. Anyway, Harlan called to say he's made an appointment for you with Dr. Friedman tomorrow at ten-thirty."
"What!?"
"An appointment. You're supposed to have one, anyway, and with the way you've been acting—"
"No! I'm not going to that doctor! I'm going to my own doctor, and not in the morning… tomorrow night."
"What do you mean?" Jillian was confused. "Your own doctor? I don't understand."
"It's my business, Mother."
"I didn't say it wasn't your business, Dana. But how come Harlan didn't mention this doctor and this appointment?"
"He didn't know about it," she said, and crawled into bed, pulling the blanket up to her neck.
"How could he not know about it?"
"This is a doctor one of the nurses recommended to me. I'd rather go to him, considering what happened. Now, please, Mother. I need to sleep."
"But—"
"I need to sleep," Dana repeated. "And for heaven's sake, don't do anything to wake the baby."
Jillian simply stared down at her. Dana had closed her eyes and looked like she could fall asleep in moments. She stood there for a few moments and then gathered up the bundle of dirty linen and left the room. She stuffed the linen into the laundry shaft. Before she went downstairs again, she hesitated in the hallway and listened by the baby's door. It was quiet. That pall of deathly silence had fallen over the house again.
Shaking her head in disbelief, she went back downstairs, wondering if she shouldn't try to reach Harlan at the college. It was quite uncharacteristic of Dana to go ahead and make a doctor's appointment with a new doctor without even discussing it with Harlan. Her daughter was so changed, she was hardly recognizable anymore, Jillian thought.
She saw that Dana hadn't touched the baby gift Trish Lewis had brought. It was where she had left it in the hallway. Why such disinterest? She paused in the hallway, thinking, and then went on to the kitchen to see if there was anything to clean up.
When she stepped into it, she stopped abruptly, gasping aloud. Again she brought her hand to her throat. She stood gaping at the kitchen counter, where she had left the eye round roast to defrost. It was nearly defrosted, but a sizable chunk of the softened part had been hacked off.
Dana had come down to eat something, and she had eaten a piece of raw meat.
The Centerville football team rally was treated like a school assembly and was to take place during the last period of the school day. It was held in the gymnasium. Black-and-gold banners predicting the impending victory over Pine Bush High had been quickly manufactured in the art classes and were draped from one side of the gym to the other. The team, its senior players wearing their school letter sweaters, had been assembled at the center of the floor, all standing with military posture, staring ahead, their faces so serious, it was as though they were about to face a firing squad instead of a wildly enthusiastic student body.
As the students were quickly herded in, the band played the school song. Controlled bedlam filled the air with an atmosphere of anticipation. Most of the teachers looked dazed; the students were animated, shouting, and waving at one another. After everyone was seated in the stands the principal introduced Coach Van Dermit, who, obviously uncomfortable with the dramatics of the pep rally, quickly presented all the members of the team. He made a short speech, promising to get the team to give its best effort.
Teddy was then introduced as the captain, and he made an equally short statement, thanking the student body for its support and seconding the coach's promise that they would give it their all. The cheerleaders did some cheers and the student body chanted along like a congregation of pagan worshipers. The school song was played again. The principal made a speech about sportsmanship, and the student body was dismissed moments after the bell announcing the end of the school day rang.
Throughout it all, even when Teddy spoke, Colleen found herself distracted. She couldn't help thinking about Jillian's description of Dana and the underlying tone of hysteria she heard in Jillian's voice during the phone conversation. Try as hard as she might, she was unable to overcome this sense of doom that was growing stronger and stronger within her. It was as though some giant shadow had been cast over her brother's house since Dana and the baby had come home, and no amount of sunlight—no matter how direct and how strong—could remove it.
"When do you want to study history?" Audra Carson asked her on the way out. Because of all the noise around them, they had to shout even though they were right next to each other. "This afternoon or later tonight?" She fingered her silver crucifix, as if her question were part of a catechism.
"What?" Somehow she had forgotten about the unit test and . her and Audra's decision to study together. "Oh. Let me call you later and we'll see, okay?"
"Sure," Audra said. As usual, nothing disappointed or disturbed her, only now, for some reason Colleen didn't understand, Audra's pleasant disposition annoyed her. In the midst of Colleen's anxiety Audra smiled. But Audra could always smile. Encased in the protective bubble of her religious beliefs, she was immune to tragedy and sadness, apparently even unaffected by it when it occurred to others, close friends included. It wasn't that she was insensitive or uncompassionate; it was more that she dispensed sympathy and consolation with the professional expertise and aloofness characteristic of the way a good doctor or nurse could dispense medical treatment.
"Call you later," Colleen repeated, and hurried away from her. As planned, Teddy met her in the parking lot. She was out before him and waited impatiently. The sky had darkened, adding to her sense of gloom. She was anxious to get home now and see how things were. As usual, when he emerged, he sauntered out slowly, relishing the attention his teammates and other students were giving him. She got into her car and slipped behind the steering wheel before he arrived.
"Hey, what's the hurry? Aren't you going to the M and W?"
She had promised to join him at the root-beer and fast-food drive-in restaurant in Loch Sheldrake. The coach had decided to give the team the day off, and a number of them, along with their friends and girlfriends, were going to hang out awhile.
"No, I've got to get home," she said, punctuating her determination to do so by starting the engine.
"What's up?" Teddy grimaced and raised his arms.
"Problems," she said cryptically. He smirked, his eyebrows knitting emphatically. "Dana's not well," she added, sotto voce.
His expression didn't change. "She looked all right to me last night."
"Well, she's not all right. I told you what Jillian said when I called her at lunchtime," she said sharply.
His smirk evaporated. "So what are you going to do?"
"Help with something. I don't know. There'll be something. I just can't go off and forget about it, Teddy." She put the car into drive to signal there would be no changing her mind.
"All right, all right. I just thought with all the excitement, you'd wanna be part of it," he said, stepping back, his face cast in disappointment.
"I do want to be part of it, but I'm worried about everybody. I just wouldn't be good company right now," she added.
He nodded in reluctant understanding. "I'll call you later," he said, stepping back toward her.
"Okay." She leaned out the window and they kissed. Then he turned away quickly as she backed out of her parking spot and started away.
When she arrived home, she found Jillian alone, watching television in the living room. She was surprised that she was still wearing the blue housecoat she had been wearing at breakfast. She had done nothing with her hair or makeup, either, and her face looked even older than it had that morning. It was as though Colleen had been away for years instead of hours.
"Hi," she said, standing in the living-room doorway and embracing her books. She looked around quickly and realized Dana wasn't anywhere downstairs. "How are things now?"
"Oh, Colleen. Hi, honey." Jillian got up and turned off the television set. "I don't know what I'm doing watching soap operas. I never do. I watched three of them in a row and they all ran together for me." She released a thin, nervous laugh and ran her right hand through her hair, the expression on her face revealing that she had just realized how she was still dressed. "My goodness, I should change before Harlan gets home. He had a late-afternoon class today," she added, smiling.
Colleen didn't understand why, but her heart began beating quickly.
"How's Dana?"
"Dana? Still sleeping. I think. Last I looked, that is. She sleeps on and off all day," Jillian added, shaking her head. "And the baby—except for when I woke him—as far as I know, hasn't woke up either. Isn't that weird? I don't know. It seems weird to me," she added, quickly answering her own question,
"Did Harlan make the doctor's appointment?"
"Oh, yes he did. But it seems Dana made her own appointment with a different doctor. Harlan doesn't know yet."