"Really? A college teacher?" Jillian asked.
"We're up against the wall, Mom. Big meeting tonight, big meeting." He slapped his hands together and looked at Dana again. "You look good, honey. Feeling stronger?"
"Of course, why shouldn't I? Breast feeding isn't incapacitating," she said curtly. He ignored her tone of voice.
"Right. So how's Nikos doing?"
"Growing fast, changing," she said.
"I did notice a change," Jillian said, turning from the stove. "His hair color."
"Really? I'd thought he'd be a chip off the old block," Harlan said. He smiled at the way Jillian looked at him, realizing she was surprised at how he fanned the fantasy of Nikos being his and Dana's actual child. Then he indicated Dana with his eyes, and Jillian nodded, although she still wasn't comfortable with the illusion. "What color is it becoming?"
"Black," Dana said. "And so are his eyes."
"Really? What do you know about that?" He rubbed his hands together vigorously and looked around. "Well, I'm starving… and everything smells so good in here."
"Go wash up. We're ready," Jillian said.
"On my way, on my way. The baby's asleep, huh?" he asked Dana.
"No, but he's not crying. Go look in on him."
"I will. Hey, Colleen, did you guys have that rally?"
"Yes," she said, smirking.
"It'll be all right. No jinx, you'll see. Love that ponytail," he said, and went out to wash up.
Harlan dominated the dinner conversation, jabbering on and on about the contract dispute between the college faculty and the college trustees. Everyone once in a while he paused and eyed Jillian and Colleen as they looked with awe at the way Dana ate. She had a voracious appetite and was gorging herself with large chunks of roast beef. Everyone stopped talking and looked as she took the meat dish and tipped it so that the blood from the meat would run onto her plate. Then she spooned it up like soup.
The sight of the roast-beef blood reminded Colleen of the stain in the baby's crib. She made a mental note to tell Jillian about it later on.
"Nursing certainly makes a mother hungry," he quipped.
Dana looked up, as though just realizing there were other people at the table. "Of course it does, Harlan. I'm eating for two of us now."
"And the way that baby eats, huh?" He smiled stupidly. "Going to be a football player, after all, Colleen. Sixteen years from now we'll all be going to the championship games. So," he said, putting his knife and fork down, "tomorrow I'll come right home after my nine-o'clock and take you and the baby over to Dr. Friedman's office."
Jillian shot a glance at Colleen, and both of them turned toward Dana, who at first acted as if she didn't hear him. Then she stopped eating and raised her head slowly.
"I'm not going to Dr. Friedman tomorrow morning, Harlan," she said nonchalantly.
"Huh?" He looked at Jillian, who tightened her lips and sat back. "Didn't Jillian tell you? I made the appointment."
"I made my own appointment, Harlan."
"With Dr. Friedman?"
"No. With Dr. Claret."
"Dr. Claret?" He looked at Jillian and then at Colleen, but neither spoke. "Who the hell's he?"
"He is a doctor I can trust," Dana said.
"But how… where did you find him?"
"One of the nurses at the hospital told me about him."
"I don't understand. How come you never said anything before?" She didn't reply; she went back to eating to finish the last pieces of meat. He waited until after she swallowed. "What am I supposed to say to Dr. Friedman?"
"I don't care what you say to him." She looked up, her eyes burning with intense anger. "He should have known; he should have prepared us."
"What? But the doctor explained it to both of us and you understood—"
"I understood nothing. And I won't place my baby's health and welfare in the hands of someone who missed something so fatal and significant. There's nothing more to say about it."
Harlan swallowed and sat back as though he'd been slapped. He looked at Jillian again. She got up and started to clear off the table. Colleen quickly jumped up to help.
"Well, what time is this new appointment with this new doctor?"
"Five o'clock."
"Five o'clock? But you know I have a five o'clock class tomorrow and—"
"You don't have to go. I can go myself," she said.
"And what am I, the hired maid?" Jillian said quickly. "I'll go with you. I want to meet this doctor too."
Dana turned to her sharply. "You don't have to do that, Mother."
"Why can't she go along? I'd feel better," Harlan said, practically pleading.
"I'll go, too, if you'd like," Colleen offered.
"I'm not an invalid!" Dana snapped. "Jesus!" Her outburst instantly dropped a curtain of silence. She looked from face to face and sat back. "All right, Mother. Maybe it's better if you drive me, anyway. That way I can concentrate on the baby," she said, but she still sounded sullen.
"Of course," Jillian said. "Please, Dana. Let me help you. That's why I'm here."
Dana looked up at her, her face softening.
"I know, Mom. Thanks." She looked at Harlan. "I'm sorry. I'm just still somewhat upset about what happened."
"Sure," Harlan said, quickly grasping the opportunity to calm things down. "It's understandable. I'll call Friedman's office and cancel your appointment."
"Thanks, Harlan." She patted his hand. "So. What's for dessert, Mom?"
Everyone laughed, as much from relief as from the humor of the moment.
"Homemade apple cake," Jillian said.
"With ice cream?" Dana asked, sounding like a little girl.
"Of course," Jillian replied.
After they had their dessert and coffee, Harlan went up to change for his meeting and Dana went up to get the baby. Colleen helped Jillian with the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. When they had finished, they went into the living room, where Dana was sitting with Nikos on her lap.
Once again Colleen thought the baby looked more like a baby should look now. He oohed and ahhed and smacked his lips. Dana kissed and embraced him and held him up to look at Jillian and Colleen.
"It's amazing," Jillian said, "how quickly his facial features are developing."
The baby's eyes appeared deeper, darker. His soft, pudgy cheeks looked longer, making his jawline more distinct, and his nose had thinned, although it looked perfectly straight. Jillian had to admit to herself that Nikos had the potential to be a very handsome young man.
"It's not amazing," Dana replied. "It just means he's healthy and well cared for."
"Sure it's all right for me to run off like this?" Harlan asked after he came down.
"Of course, Harlan. What you are doing is important," Dana said. "We'll be all right."
"It may be one of those long nights. We're going through the entire contract, sentence by sentence," he warned.
"Don't worry, Harlan," Jillian said. "Dana's not alone."
"Okay. I'm off to do battle with the forces of evil," he announced, and kissed Dana. He hesitated for a moment and then kissed the baby. "You're right, he's changing. Amazing, but I see his features developing right before my eyes."
"That's just what I finished saying," Jillian said, happy someone else saw things the way she did. So much of what was going on here seemed to sit on a borderline between imagination and reality. It felt good to have thoughts and impressions confirmed.
"He's going to be very handsome," Dana said. "Very handsome," she added, almost in a whisper.
"Right. See you later," Harlan said, and left.
For some reason, the moment he left, Colleen felt a sense of dread. The house suddenly was filled with a heavy emptiness. Dana held the baby against her body and looked at the silent television set as if it were on. Both Jillian and Colleen were amazed at how quiet the baby was.
"I don't think I've ever seen such a content child," Jillian said.
"It's the breast feeding," Dana replied. "I'm sure of it."
"I guess you're right. Well," Jillian said, "let's see some news; huh?" She turned on the set. Moments later the doorbell rang and Colleen remembered she was expecting Audra.
"That's Audra. We're going to study for tomorrow's unit test in social studies," she explained. Dana didn't seem to hear her.
She was playing with the baby's fingers and the baby was looking up at her silently, apparently as fascinated with her as she was with him. It was a warm scene.
"Hi," Audra said as soon as Colleen opened the door. "Am I too early?"
"No, right on time. Come in."
Audra wore a lime-green hooded cardigan sweater and a pair of jeans. She zipped down her sweater the moment she entered the house, revealing a black, long-sleeved cotton blouse, which made the silver cross between her breasts even more striking.
"I brought my maps too."
"Great. Come into the living room first and see the baby," Colleen said.
"Oh, good. My mother said she's going to knit something for him."
"Really? That's so nice of her. I'll have to tell Dana."
Colleen led Audra down the hallway to the living room. Jillian smiled as they entered, but Dana was sitting in the soft-cushioned beige swivel chair, facing the television set with the baby on her lap, her back to them.
"This is my friend, Audra," Colleen said. "Dana's mother, Jillian."
"Hi."
"Hi," Jillian said. Dana still did not turn around.
"Dana?"
Slowly Dana turned her head but kept her torso facing the television set, her upper body hiding Nikos from their sight.
"Hi, Audra," she said, and started to turn back.
"Audra wanted to see Nikos," Colleen said.
"Yes, congratulations, Dana."
"Thank you," Dana said, still not turning fully. Colleen smiled at Audra and stepped deeper into the living room. Audra followed.
"Audra says her mother's knitting something for Nikos."
"Oh, how nice," Jillian said. Dana said nothing. Colleen continued to lead Audra forward.
"He's so cute," Colleen explained. "Like a doll now," she added. Audra came forward and suddenly Dana turned around to reveal the baby.
"He is adorable," Audra said.
For a long moment Nikos remained complacent, his eyes barely open. Then he confronted Audra fully and his eyes widened.
Colleen would never forget how the baby's face became distorted. His mouth twisted in agony, the middle of his lower lip falling into his chin, the corners curling up as though invisible fingers had been inserted and were tugging vehemently, tearing the infant's face in half. His nostrils widened, his eyes enlarged, and his forehead wrinkled like an old man's. It was as if the very bones of his skull were being pressed outward, threatening to tear away the flesh and skin that hung over them.
And then he wailed. He screamed as if his very life were being threatened, the effort of that scream being so great, it brought blood to the surface of his face, drawing it up from his neck and torso so quickly, it left them deathly white. His little hands were clenched into fists and his arms began to jerk spasmodically as he kicked up his legs.
"What's wrong with him?" Jillian asked, standing. "He must be in some kind of pain, Dana."
Dana rose, glared at Colleen and Audra, and then hurried from the living room. Jillian followed behind her, but Dana was practically running away.
"Dana. What is it?" Jillian called after her.
"Nothing," she shouted back. "I'll take care of him." She was up the stairs before Jillian had taken the second step. A moment later the door of her bedroom was closed and then locked, the click definite and sharp.
Colleen and Audra came out of the living room slowly and joined Jillian at the foot of the stairway. For a long moment no one spoke.
"Cramps, maybe," Audra finally said. Both Jillian and Colleen turned to her so quickly, it was almost comical. "Well, that's very common with babies, isn't it?" she asked innocently, nervously fingering her cross. It drew both Colleen's and Jillian's attention, but neither responded. Instead they looked at each other and then gazed up the stairway.
"Let's just go study," Colleen finally said. Her throat was so dry, it hurt to speak.
Audra shrugged and smiled in her inimitable manner at Jillian as the two of them walked past her and up the stairs.
Jillian waited until they entered Colleen's room and all was quiet.
In fact, it was so quiet now that she could hear her own heart pounding. Its rhythm thumped up and down her body. She brought her hands to her ears, but that only intensified the reverberation.
A moan escaped and she placed her hands against her lips forcefully, but so forcefully, it was as if she were afraid of what she might hear herself say.
Still shaking from the baby's outburst, she made her way back to the living room and sat down, staring zombielike at the glow of the television set, not seeing, not hearing anything but her own images and thoughts—all of which swelled the ball of fear that had been born in the pit of her stomach.
She felt as if she, too, like her daughter had, might give birth to something already within the grip of death.
As he drove to his faculty association meeting, Harlan couldn't help thinking about the changes in Dana. To him they now seemed more than mere temporary personality adjustments. Dr. Friedman had made it sound as though they were like pimples or a heat rash. Soon they would disappear. Granted, not that much time had passed, and the doctor would have good reason to tell him to remain calm and patient. As he had said, "Give her a chance to digest all this emotional havoc." But Harlan was finding it difficult to ignore the sense of panic and doom that was intensifying within himself, and it was rare for him to be unable to put off or avoid unpleasant things.
Ever since the death of their baby and the adoption of Nikos, Dana had been developing into a complete stranger. He could see the concern in Jillian's face, and although he had done his best to minimize the changes in Dana, he knew that her mother instinctively would sense how serious things had become, especially now, when he, himself, was losing faith in the doctor's diagnosis. Surely she was gong to need psychiatric help if this continued much longer, and despite himself, he would have to do something about it.