Bang Gang (35 page)

Roger Dean lived up Elmgrove. The house with the green painted fence. He drives a Rover, I did his tyres the month previous.

I didn’t say a word as I drove up the hill and past Jodie’s turn off. Didn’t say a word as I took the road up to Elmgrove. I parked the truck right outside Roger Dean’s house, left the engine running and told the girls to stay put.

Roger was in his yard by the time I reached his gate.

“Trent,” he said, and he was smiling. “What brings you up here?”

I spotted the dipshit in the doorway, his arms folded, face white as a fucking ghost. I jabbed a finger in his direction and the red mist exploded.

“Your cunt of a son,” I barked. “That little fucking wanker of yours has been bullying my Mia.” Dipshit went to dash into the house, but his dad called after him, stopped him in his tracks.

“Tyler! What the fuck is this? Is this fucking true?”

The kid looked like he was going to crap his pants.

“We’re friends now…” he said. “After Mrs Webber said…”

His dad took a step towards him. “What do you mean after Mrs fucking Webber said? Have you been bullying Mia Trent?”

“Mrs Webber called his mother,” I grunted. “He knows just what the fuck I’m talking about.”

“Christ,” Roger said. “That fucking woman. Dawn’s too fucking soft with him, lets him get away with fucking murder. I knew nothing about this shit, Trent, I swear.”

That made fucking two of us.

“Little cunt knuckles her hair, says she should kill herself.” I lit up a cigarette. “She’s been crying her fucking eyes out this afternoon.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Fuck, Trent, I’m so fucking sorry. She ok?”

“She will be now.” I shot him a glare. “You gonna sort this shit out, Roger, or do I have to?”

He gave me a nod. “I’ll sort this shit out, Trent, don’t you worry about that.”

“If I catch wind of any more of it…”

He slapped my arm, tipped his head. “Understood, mate. I’ll sort it. I’m not like his fucking mother.”

I shot Tyler a glare, flicked my cigarette away. “Stay away from my fucking daughter,” I snapped.

The girls were watching through the truck windows, eyes like saucers. I climbed up into the driver’s seat, watched Roger go storming down his garden path after his dickhead son.

“Thanks, Dad,” Mia said.

“Should have punched him in the mouth,” Ruby said. She showed me her fist. “POW!”

“No need,” I grunted. “Not yet anyway. Lad’s got his old man to answer to now.”

The girls were quiet as I drove back to Jodie’s. They piled out of the truck and gave her a hug in the doorway. She smiled at me but I didn’t smile back.

Then she saw Mia’s face, her puffy eyes. She wiped her cheeks, and I could see the fear in her eyes. “What the hell happened?”

Mia started crying all over again. “Sorry, Mum,” she said.

“Go inside,” I said to the girls. “Watch TV with Nanna.”

Jodie stepped out, closed the door after her. “Darren? What..?”

I lit up a cigarette. “Tyler fucking Dean!” I snapped. “That’s what!”

Her face turned pale. “But that’s sorted… Mrs Webber…”

“Mrs Webber didn’t sort shit, Jodie. Mrs Webber told the lad’s fucking mother who lets him lord it around like little lord fucking muck.”

She stared at me. “What did you do?”

“What fucking needed doing! I went to his fucking father, sorted this shit out man to man!”

“Did you hit him?!”

I stared right back at her. “No, I didn’t fucking hit him. I didn’t need to fucking hit him, Jodie, he just needed telling like it fucking is.”

She let out a breath. “Good,” she said. “Is Mia alright?”

“No,” I snapped. “She’s not fucking alright. Hasn’t been fucking alright for weeks from what I can fucking make of it.”

She held up her hands. “I thought it was sorted. I sorted it, Darren. With the school. Mrs Webber said they have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. I told her everything! She said she’d sort it!”

“Yeah, well, what about telling me, Jodie? What about what I’d have to fucking say on it?” I took a drag. “I guess that didn’t mean shit to you, did it? Keep fucking Trent out of it, he’ll only cause fucking trouble.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t mean it like that.”

But that’s exactly how she meant it.

I felt the twitch again.

I stared at her but she wasn’t looking at me. Couldn’t look at me.

“Don’t ever keep anything like this from me again, Jodie, I fucking mean it. I’m their fucking dad. They’re my fucking girls, too. You’ve no fucking right to cut me out like that.”

“I know,” she said. “Darren, I’m
sorry. I should have said… I just didn’t think…”

“No,” I said. “You fucking didn’t.”

I turned my back on her and went to the truck. Stubbed my cigarette on the pavement and climbed in. My jaw was gritted, my temper at red, that horrible feeling in my gut that said I wasn’t a part of this family anymore, not when it mattered. Jodie was at the door before I pulled away. She yanked it open and stood with her arms folded.

“What are you doing?” she said.

“Need some space,” I said. “Let me go.”

She sighed. “Pub? A pint or ten down the Drum? Get yourself wasted and pick a fight with Buck? Or Jimmy? Take it out on little Petey?”

I didn’t say a thing.

“That’ll make you feel better, will it, Darren?” Her voice was strained. “I said I’m sorry. I said I should’ve told you.”

My fingers tapped on the wheel.

“What else do you want me to say?” she said. “I didn’t tell you because I thought I could handle it. I thought the school would deal with it. I didn’t want to
bother
you with it.
Yes
, because I was worried you’d fly off the handle and go causing a massive fucking scene, Darren,
just
when everyone’s
stopped
talking about us and all our shit.”

I stared ahead, my insides fucking knotted up.

“You think I don’t
know
that you’re their dad? That I don’t see it every day, that I don’t hear it from them every day? You really think I believe you’re too unimportant to care about?”

“Don’t you?” I met her eyes. “Good for nothing but my temper, isn’t that right, Jo? Too fucking bull-headed, too blunt. Better get them a new fucking daddy. A
nice
daddy who doesn’t swear and plays golf and wears tweed and likes opera and fucking
quinoa
and lavender.
That
kind of daddy, eh?”

“He was never their dad, Darren, not even close,” she said.

“Yeah, well, not for the want of trying, eh?”

“Brian was a mistake.”

“A long fucking mistake, Jo. Would you have told
him
about Tyler fucking Dean? Bet he could have went to Mrs Webber’s office and pulled a stern face along with you. Called the cunt a
naughty little hooligan.
”

“I would never have taken Brian to Mrs Webber’s office! It was never that serious. It’s not like I was
engaged
to the guy!”

It knocked me in the gut. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She took a step back, and her expression was full of pain. “Nine months, Darren, maybe slightly less. Nine months to propose to Stacey, to introduce a new
mum
to our girls. She had them picking out fucking bridesmaid dresses before Ruby even knew what a bridesmaid was!”

“Like I had anything to do with that, Jo.” I shook my head. “Fuck this shit, I need to get out of here, got shit to do.”

“Client waiting?”

“No!” I snapped. “I just need some fucking space!” I was too loud, too harsh. I closed my eyes, took a breath. “I’m not going to a client, Jo. I just need to get out of here.”

“Fine,” she said, and her voice was weak and broken. I turned to her and her eyes were glassy, just like Mia’s had been, her lip shaky.

It’d been a long fucking time since I’d seen her like this.

“I said sorry,” she said, but it was just a breath.

I swallowed, and the pub was calling me, the thought of a cold pint, a load of mindless chatter. Shit. It was all shit.

“Don’t be upset,” I said.

“Go,” she said. “Leave, like you always leave when you get pissed off, when things get too fucking hard for you, when I get
upset
, when I get
angry.
” Her breath was ragged. “Go!” she snapped. “Leave me, leave us! I’ll just sort it out, like I sort everything. Come back when you feel like it, when you’ve drunk yourself stupid and punched someone, when you feel all-fucking-right again.”

“It’s not like that,” I said.

“It’s
always
like that!” she said, and the tears came. “I’d wait for you all fucking day, Darren. All day! Running around after a little girl with a baby in my arms, holed up in that flat just waiting for you, looking forward to you coming home. Did you know that?”

“Stop,” I said.

“And then what? You’d come home. Tired and sore and pissed fucking off, sweaty and grubby and worked half to fucking death! You’d come home and you’d hardly even look at me! Just stare at the fucking TV like I wasn’t even there!”

“I was still new to it,” I said. “I had to get the hours in, Jo. What did you expect me to do? I was fucking knackered, Jo! I was exhausted!”

“Love me,” she said. “Love
us
. That’s all I expected from you.”

I felt a pain in my chest. An actual fucking pain.
I did fucking love you. I did it fucking for you, all of it. Every poxy fucking shift. Every fucking hour of overtime. Every fucking thing.

“I was tired,” I said. “I didn’t think you were happy. You didn’t seem happy.”

“
We
weren’t happy,” she said. “Jesus, Darren, when you were an apprentice we had nothing but each other, nothing and a hundred poxy quid a week. We got a bit of money and I lost
you
. Don’t you see that? You weren’t there! I only wanted
you
! Not you when you were tired from working, not when you’d gone drinking with the others after work, not when you wanted a quick fuck after I’d just got Ruby off to sleep.”

“What’s the point in this?” I said. “We already know all this, Jo. We’ve already said it a thousand fucking times.”

Her voice broke as she said the words, and I felt it. I felt it all the way inside. “Because I
still
only want you! Because I still hope you’ll stay! Because I hope that one time, even now, even when you’re pissed off, you’ll grit your teeth and stand firm and see it out, with
me!
” She turned away from me. “I never wanted to do this on my own. But I
did
. I
did
do it on my own.” She turned back. “I make decisions all day every day about our girls, every single day, Darren.
Yes,
I should have told you about Tyler Dean.
Yes,
I should have told you about going to see Mrs Webber.
Yes,
I should have told you everything, before I even did anything, before I even thought about doing anything. But I didn’t. Maybe it’s because I’ve got so used to doing everything for myself that I don’t even think about it anymore! That’s my bad, Darren! I’m sorry for it!”

Or maybe it’s because you think I’m a fucking loser who only knows how to fix cars and fight.

Fight and fuck.

“Jesus, Jo.”

“Go,” she said. “Just drive away.”

I put truck car in gear. “Say bye to the girls. Nanna too.”

She nodded, slammed the driver’s door shut.

I watched her walk up the path, saw Ruby’s face in the window, staring.

I fought the urge to cry like a fucking baby.

Shit.

I slapped the steering wheel, slammed my head against the headrest.

Shit.

A cold pint. A cold pint and mindless fucking banter.

But no. I didn’t want it. I’d never fucking wanted it.

I was out of the truck before Jodie had reached the door.

“Wait,” I said. “Jo, just wait a fucking minute.”

There was surprise in her eyes, so much surprise. It hurt to see how fucking surprised she was.

I lit up a cigarette as she stared at me. “I’m not going to the fucking pub,” I said. “I’ll just… I’ll stay here. If you’ll have me in.”

She brushed the tears from her cheeks, took a breath. “I’m cooking sausage and beans,” she said. “Do you want some?”