Backfire (28 page)

“I’m sorry, Casey, for everything this has put you through.” 

His little brother cupped the back of his neck with both hands and stared at the floor.  “Why are you apologizing?  You really feel you have to apologize for stupid bullshit like this?” He motioned his hands toward the bed.  He was angry and had every right to be.  Michael didn’t blame him one bit for needing to vent.

“I’m apologizing to all of you.  It was a stupid mistake on my part that got me hurt, and I know it has really affected the three of you in negative ways.  I swear I’ll be more careful.”
Michael thought back to when he visited Viper in jail.  He hadn’t really told too many people of the experience.  “I never told you this, but I visited Viper in prison a few days before I came down here.”

“Really? Why?”

“It was a suggestion from my psychologist in an attempt to get me to forgive him.  Guess what, so far it hasn’t worked.”

“Yeah, it seems far fetched, but if you think about it, it’s realistic.  It might take some time, but you’ll eventually get to a point where you aren’t as angry.  I know, the therapy I’ve been going through has completely brain washed me.”

Michael shook his head.  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him.  After everything that happened, I gave it some thought.  I thought I was going to die out there in the woods.  I prayed and everything. 
Even after all of that, I still don’t know if I could forgive that man for the things he did to us.”

Casey stood up and began to pace again.
“Like I said, it might take some time.  Don’t rush into it if you’re not ready.  Then it won’t be sincere.”  Michael could honestly say that his little brother had done a lot of growing up.  He was proud to witness it first hand.
 
Casey laughed as he stopped at the foot of the bed again.
“It’s funny, ya know?”

Michael arched his eyebrow.  “What’s funny?”

“You think it’s your fault, I think it’s my fault.  Kinda funny where we are placing the blame, when in reality, it’s no one’s fault.  At least, that’s what people have been telling me.  My therapist says to let myself off the hook for everything that has happened, but damn it Mikey, I just can’t do that.”  He t
hrew
his hand in the air and leaned over the end of the bed.  “I just can’t do it.”

Holding his hand up, Michael tried to find the sense in what Casey was saying.  “Hold on a sec, Casey.  You think me lying in this bed again is your fault?  You think you had something to do with it?”

Glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, Casey replied, “Yeah, I do.”

“Huh? How so?”

“I had you come down here to see the recovery center.  Had I not invited you, you would have never seen the fires and felt like you had to stay to help.  You’d be back in New York and everything would be just fine.  Now look at you.  Laid up in a damn hospital bed again, because of something I caused, again!”

The room fell silent again.  Michael was shocked at what his brother thought about the whole situation.  He must have put a lot of thought in to it.  While his story seemed plausible, it was definitely wrong.  He wasn’t even sure if he would be able to convince him of it.  He was set on believing it.

“You can think what you want, Casey, but no one held a gun to my head and made me volunteer to do this.  No one made me go do search and rescue and get trapped.  It was all me.”  He pointed to his chest.  “I got myself put in this bed and no one else.  I need you to see that.  If you don’t, you’re gonna relapse.  It’s not if, it’s when.  Out of everyone you’ve talked to, you know damn well that I know how it works best.  I’ve been there myself.  I know you, Casey. You are just like me.  Stop with the guilt tripping and focus back on what you were before this happened.”

Casey looked up through his tear soaked eyes.  “Okay Mikey.  Listen to what you’re saying.  You need to let yourself off of the hook, too.  You say you’re apologizing to everyone.  I know you.  If you don’t stop, you’re gonna do the same thing, brother. This isn’t your fault either.”

“Touché,” Michael replied.  He hadn’t seen the connection in it all until Casey had pointed it out.  They both had to let it go to progress forward.  “Right here, right now, we both stop blaming ourselves.  I’m gonna be okay.  Everyone is gonna be fine.  That’s all that matters.”

Casey nodded
his head in agreement. “Thank God you’re gonna be okay.  I was so close to using when I heard about you being declared dead.  I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to, Casey.  I’m right here.  I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon.”

Casey wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and let out a laugh.  “Okay, enough with the mushy bullshit.  Back on track, starting right now. No excuses and no one to blame.”

“No excuses and no one to blame,” Michael repeated, smiling up at his little brother.

***

A few days had passed since Michael had his talk with Casey.  He
had numerous visits from
people
from the local fire departments, many showing gratitude and thanks. The guys up at Ladder Twenty One were even calling him, all apologizing for not being able to make a trip down to Texas to see him. He wasn’t even sure why so many were gracious.  He and Lawton had got lost and caused a headache for everyone.  It was nice to be appreciated, but he would be glad when the limelight was off of him again. 

Doctors were making vague remarks about his recovery.  He had a few say he would be able to leave soon,
but when asked for specifics
, they brushed the questions under the rug.  It was the same go around that he had with every hospital experience.  He wouldn’t know when he’d be able to leave until just a few hours before.  There was no use in stressing over it. 

He had even become more mobile.  The nurses had him up out of the bed more than him being in it.  He would take walks up and down the hallway, and when he and Eva watched TV in the room, he would sit in a chair next to her.  He felt strong and his breathing was almost back to normal.  He’d have minor flare ups where his side would hurt from the injury, but it wasn’t anything that caused too big of a hindrance.  The only IV they had him hooked up to was an antibiotic.  He knew that he would probably be released soon. 

Michael thought about all of his psychological problems he had developed after Viper.  He had been officially diagnosed with posttraumatic stress syndrome and was sent down here to get a break.  It was almost comical how wrong the whole situation was for his recovery.  The strange thing about it was that he felt a lot better.  It was almost like going straight into what was hurting him the most was his cure.  Maybe it was right when people said facing fears was the best way to get over something.
Maybe it was the fact that this time, he was successful in saving a life. Getting Trevor out alive was his goal, and he and Lawton had accomplished that.
  Instead of backtracking, he now felt stronger for having
gone through something like that
. 

Eva walked into the room and handed him a soda.  It was refreshing and a nice change from the usual juice, tea, and water that they had been bringing him.  He was sitting in a chair, watching some prime time show that he really wasn’t familiar with.  She had a devious smile on her face, almost as if she was up to something.

“What’s so funny?” Michael asked, drinking down almost half of the drink in a few gulps.  Between that and the hamburgers, nothing else was real appetizing in the place. 

She arched her eyebrow and sat next to him, ruffling her fingers through his hair.  “Just heard a rumor that you might be breaking out of this place tomorrow.”

Smirking, Michael rested his head back on the chair.  “Yeah?  And where did you hear of such gossip?”

She shrugged and leaned in, pecking him on the lips.  In her attempt to pull away, he cupped the back of her head and kissed her more deeply, running his free hand down her side, slowing down at the clasp on her belt.  It had been so long since they got to be alone.  He longed for those moments. 

Swatting his hand away, she let out a giggle.  “Not here, Mikey! Someone could walk in at any time.”

“That’s the fun of it,” he replied between kisses, each one trailing down to her neck. 

“Oh, I can definitely tell you are feeling better. Back to your horny old self.”  She stood up and moved away.  “I was talking to the charge nurse out there.  She said the doctor pushed the discharge paperwork through.  You’ll probably leave first thing in the morning.”

Nodding, Michael turned the TV off and finished the soda.  “I’ll believe it when I am walking out the front door to this place.”

“Yep. Back to your old self again. Old pessimistic Mikey.”  She threw a pillow at him and he caught it in the air.  He was glad to see Eva being feisty again.  The light was back in her face and her smiles seemed more real.  Maybe things really were getting back to normal. 

***

As Eva had mentioned, the nurse and the doctor were in his room first thing the next day, discharge paperwork in hand.  It was a relief to know that he would soon be going home.  Michael missed New York, but at the same time, it was bittersweet.  Texas was growing on him.  He was sure that when the wildfires weren’t going full force that it would be a very fun state that he would actually get to enjoy. 

“Okay, Michael.  I’m going to advise that you don’t go back to work for at least six weeks, possibly even more.  I’ve faxed your information to your general practitioner back home and you need to go and see him for check ups before you get cleared to get back on the truck.” 

Eva placed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on the bed.  It would be great to wear real clothes again.  He didn’t like the fact that he would be out of work for that long again, but he wasn’t going to argue.  He didn’t have the initiative to take them on.  He signed the paperwork, feeling as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

“There’s a packet that you can take with you about ways to recover quicker.  There are some mild exercises, and even a diet you can start on.  Since you don’t have a spleen anymore, keep in mind that you can get sick a lot easier than before. There’s information in there as well on how to avoid it from happening.”

Michael thumbed through the stuff and handed Eva the stack to put in their suitcase.  “Thanks, doc.  Thanks for everything.” He stuck his hand out and shook the other man’s hand.

“Stay safe out there, Mr. McGinnis.  We can’t thank you enough for your hard work.”

After changing into his clothes and after getting everything squared away, Michael walked down the hallway to leave. All of the nurses and hospital staff that he
had
got
ten
to know shook his hand and said their goodbyes.  The morning air was already hot when they walked out to the rental car.  Betty and Casey were waiting and his mom had tears in her eyes.  He still found that he wasn’t walking as fast as normal, but at least he was standing on his own two feet.  It amazed him that he was certain his death was imminent, and here he was, alive and well, headed back to New York with his mother and Eva.

He hugged her tightly.  “Ma, why are you crying?”

“They are happy tears, hon.  They are happy.”

He reached out and shook Casey’s hand.  “Thanks for being here, brother. Not exactly keeping you on the routine you need.” He hugged him as well.  “I’ll be sure next time I come visit that it’s in the middle of a damn rain storm or something.” They all laughed. “I’m proud of you.”

Casey wiped a stray tear away.  “I’m proud of you too.  You guys have a safe flight back and let me know when you get home.  I gotta go back to the center.  My ride is waiting.”

Michael hugged him one more time.  “See ya soon.”

“We’ve got one more stop to make before we head to the airport,” Eva said as she pulled the car out into traffic.

“Where is that?”  Michael was certain he knew, but he wanted clarification.  He wasn’t a surprise kind of guy.

“Oh you know.”

She pulled the car into the parking lot of the fire station.  Several vehicles were there.  “You know, if this is a surprise party, you didn’t do a very good job.”  Then again, they could all be out fighting fires on the truck.  “I don’t know if I want to go in.”  He was hesitant.  He hated having the spotlight on him, but it would only be right to go in and say his goodbyes.  He owed many thanks to so many of them, especially the men who went back into the fire to get him out. 

He felt nauseous as they neared the entrance.  All of the men and women were standing in a group under a banner when they opened the door.  They all raised their cups, smiles on all of their faces.  The banner said “Thank you for volunteering, Michael.”  There was a sheet cake and punch on the table in the middle of the room.

“Oh my gosh, you guys didn’t have to do this.”

Lieutenant Harlan stepped forward.  “I think I speak for the entire group when I say that you really helped us out by coming down here and giving your time. It’s greatly appreciated.”

Michael ducked his head in an attempt to keep his emotions in check.  “Thanks for the opportunity, Lieutenant.”

Trevor appeared from behind the crowd, pushing through everyone.  Michael knelt down on the floor at eye level with the child, smiling at the boy he and Lawton fought so hard to get out.  “Are you leaving?” Trevor asked.