Backfire (15 page)

“Hello?” 

“Is this Eva Crisante?” The voice was raspy and deep.  She didn’t recognize it and her heart began to race. What time was it?  Why was it so hard to move?  Who was randomly calling her?  She was so confused and frazzled.

“Um, yes it is.  May I ask who’s calling?”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m just calling to inform you that your boyfriend is dead.”

The words echoed in her mind and her body jolted.  Instantly she woke up, buried under the covers, sweat soaking the pillow and sheets against her.  It took her a moment to gain her composure and realize that it was all just a dream.  She pulled the comforter off and saw that the sun was streaming through the blinds on the window near the bed.  It was a little after eight in the morning.  Her cell phone was in the same spot she always left it before going to sleep.  She never had been so thankful that something was just a dream, but at the same time was flustered for what her mind had thought up. 

Rolling on her side, she curled up on Michael’s side of the bed.  It smelled like him.  She gathered his pillow near her and took a deep breath.  The small hint of his aftershave gave her comfort.  Any time she had a vivid dream she tried to figure out why.  Last night he had called her, but they only talked for a few minutes.  He had seemed to be in good spirits and was more relaxed after getting the first day under his belt.  It was refreshing, but Eva wished he didn’t describe some of the things he did to her.  The very thought of him being out in walls of fire and heavy smoke blankets made the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight up. 

She had the day off and didn’t want to be cooped in the house.  Everything reminded her of Michael.  It had only been a few days since she had last seen him and already, she was going insane without him near. 

After a quick shower she took a stroll down to the subway station.  After getting on, Eva wasn’t entirely sure on where she was going.  She just needed to get away from Hell’s Kitchen and get her mind off of the horrible dream.  She watched out of the window as it flew by different neighborhoods.  She would study people as they came and went, imagining what kind of life each of them had. 

The subway stopped in Flushing and that’s when she realized she was close to where Mikey’s mom lived.  She made a quick decision and got off before the doors slammed shut.  She promised Mikey she would go visit her while he was gone.  She had always wanted to get closer to her and now seemed like the perfect opportunity.  She had come to the house a few times with him and remembering the short walk from the subway station wasn’t a challenge. 

Betty was working out in her flowerbed when Eva got there.  She slowly walked up the driveway, admiring how she was still a very active woman.  “Betty?”  She looked up and Eva smiled.  By her body language
, she was happy to see her. “Hope
you don’t mind a visit.  I’m off today and wanted to come by.”

“I love visitors, hon! How are you?” She got up and pulled Eva in for a tight hug. 

“I’m doing okay.  Your flowers are looking really nice.  I wish I had a green thumb like that.”

“Oh, it doesn’t take much.” She slapped her hands to the side. “How about we go inside and have some tea? It’s so humid today. Gotta keep hydrated.” She held the screen door open for Eva.  She had been in the house a few times before and never would forget the instant comfortable feel.  She loved looking at all of the pictures of Michael that Betty had arranged on one of the walls.  The pictures ranged from when he was a baby, all the way until he had graduated the fire academy. 

“So, something tells me you didn’t come to Queens just to come. I can tell something is on your mind, Eva.”  She scooted the glass of iced tea across the kitchen table and after a few more seconds of looking at the pictures, Eva joined her.  It was amazing how easy people could be read.

She took a sip of the tea and tasted a small hint of lemon.  “Am I that obvious?”

“Honey, there’s no shame in it.”  Betty reached out and patted her hand.  “You’re worried about Michael.” It came out as a statement, rather than a question. Her green eyes were almost identical to Mikey’s and the way she arched her eyebrow showed major resemblance to him.

Eva nodded and took another drink and ran her index finger through the condensation on the glass.  “Yeah, I am.  I had a really short dream this morning about getting a phone call that he was dead. I know it’s just a dream, but it still bugs me.”

Betty leaned forward in her chair.  “It’s normal to have those types of dreams.  Our mind just goes crazy, especially if we have vivid imaginations.  The important thing is to be able to decipher the difference between them and reality.”  She squeezed a lemon wedge into her drink and stirred it up.  “Don’t dwell on what hasn’t happened yet. You know how that corny saying goes. Don’t cross a bridge until you get to it.”  She let out a laugh and her smile had a relaxing effect on Eva.  Even though she didn’t know her real well, she was very easy to talk to.

“I just don’t understand how you are so calm about it all.  Not just with Mikey being in Texas, but his career choice in general.  Especially after, you know…” she trailed off, regretting that she was even bringing it up.

“After my husband died doing the same job?”

Eva shook her head. “I’m sorry, that was dumb of me to say.”

“No it wasn’t. That happened so long ago. It’s not a touchy subject anymore. And in reply to me being calm, deep inside I can definitely be a nervous wreck.  There are times
I’ll be watching the TV and hear
a news story of a big fire and panic.  If I don’t hear from Michael for an extended amount of time, I worry. But like I said, I’ve learned how to cross bridges when I get to them.  It comes with age.  You’ll get better at it.”

Eva hoped Betty was right.  She had always been the type to stress over everything and nine time
s
out of ten, the problem never even came into her life.  “I almost didn’t date Mikey because I was scared of all of the baggage that came with a firefighter.  Almost missed out on a great guy because of my neurosis.”

“And look at you two now.  I’m glad you pushed the anxiety away.”

Eva refilled both of their tea glasses and sat back down.  “Me too.  He’s a good man.  He just needs to learn that himself.”

“I agree.  You also wonder how I stay so calm.  With sons like Casey and Mikey, that patience develops fast.”  Betty winked and they both laughed.  “I’m kidding. They’re both good boys. I’m glad for every grey hair they put on my head.  We’ve all learned from it, and that’s what is important in the long run.  There’s good in everyone.”

Eva’s scanned the kitchen, taking in the creative décor.  “Yes there is.  Thanks for letting me come and vent to you.”

“It’s no problem, honey.  You can come over any time.  And don’t worry about Mikey.  He’s a smart man.  I’d want him at my side in an emergency situation without even hesitating.  He’ll come back safe and sound, you just wait and see.”

Chapter Eleven

The Manor Fire Department had been ordered to clear out a farm ar
ea that was
feet away from being burned up.  From what Michael could tell, it was several acres of ranch land, with a ranch house at the top of the hill.  Much of the equipment and land had already been charred.  The house was surrounded by flames on every side except one, where he, Lawton, and two other men went in to clear the house and check for civilians. 

They searched the barn first.  A distinct and nauseating smell hit him hard and he came close to throwing up what little he had eaten for breakfast that day.  Several farm animals, including horses and cattle were dead and burned up out in the pasture.  He had seen human corpses and domesticated animals in homes, but for some reason, seeing this bugged him. He stared at their bodies on the ground, hoping that the people who owned the la
nd had already evacuated
. 

The barn was clear and they made their way to the two-story ranch house.  Smoke was thick as the fire
got closer and
Michael kept hearing the voice in his head tell
ing
him to not forget that fire always travels faster uphill.  Maybe it was because they were on top of a hill and the fire was lurking just a few thousand feet below them.

Lieutenant Harlan’s voice was staticky over the radio traffic.  “The fire is moving fast.  Do a search and get down! The last thing you guys need to do is get trapped up there.”

“We’re moving, Lieu
,” Lawton replied. 

They knocked on the door and got no answer. The knob was locked so Michael kicked it in.  “Fire department! Anyone inside?”  Michael could swear he heard a woman wh
imper and stopped walking
to try and hear better.  “If there’s someone inside, yell out so we can find you!”

They walked t
hrough the living room and den
and found an old man and woman burrowed against the back wall of a bedroom.  Both had their faces wrapped in towels and had buckets of water around them.  “Get out of our house! We are not leaving!”

Lawton shoved through the door and took his mask off.  “Listen! The county of Bastrop has issued a mandatory evacuation of this area! The fire is coming and you have to leave!”

“You expect us to leave our home?  We’ve been here for fifty years,” the woman cried out.  “We’ll lose everything.”

“You’ll lose your life too, if you decide to wait it out,” Michael responded.  They had to move fast, or the four of them along with the couple would be trapped with nowhere to go. The roaring of the fire was getting louder with each second. 

“You guys have fire trucks. Why don’t you come fight the fire and save the house?  Do you have any idea how horrible it is to be told you have to leave everything?  I built this house from the ground up!”

“We are sorry sir, but your life can at least be spared. We really have to go.  We can’t get our trucks up through the fire to save it in time.  The fire is moving way too fast.” Another one of the firefighters chimed in as he knelt down in front of them.  “It’s a bad situation and we truly are sorry for the misfortune, but don’t lose your life too.”

Michael’s heart ached.  Tears flowed from each of the people’s eyes as they stood up and gathered up what they could carry.  They even helped in grabbing pictures of family and different heirlooms they didn’t want to part with.  When they got outside, the smoke seemed even thicker than just ten minutes before.  Maybe it was in his imagination, but Michael knew they had to get back to the other men. 

The old man paused at the edge of the pasture where all of the animals lay dead.  Shaking his head,
he appeared to be defeated at the sight of his misfortune
.  “I can’t believe this is happening.  Is this the end of the world?” He looked at Michael, tears streaking down his cheeks.

“No, it’s not the end of the world, sir.  This is what nature does.”

“Mother nature is a cruel bitch,” the man said as he turned back and they made their way down the hill. 

Neither of them could move fast and the woman would stumble over bumps and branches.  Michael picked her up and carried her on his back, thankful that she was as thin as she was.  Along with the gear he was carrying, it felt as if base camp was miles away.  The other guys offered to take over, but Michael resisted. It would be harder to shift her to someone else and he already had momentum going down the hill. 

They reached the rest of the men and sat her down on the back of one of the person
al
pickup trucks.  He set his mask and tank aside and looked her over.  “What’s your name, ma’am?”

“Anita.”

There was sorrow written across her face.  Just the thoug
ht of having to leave a home they developed themselves
with the chances of it being gone when they got back made Michael sick.

“I’m really sorry you had to leave, Anita.”  She appeared to not have any injuries.

“Thanks for carrying me down.  What is your name, young man?”

Michael took a deep breath as he looked up the hill in the distance and back down to her.  “Michael.”

“Thanks for everything you have done, Michael.” A tear fell down her cheek and he handed her a tissue from the first aid kit beside them. He wasn’t sure what to say back to her, so he forced a smile and waved as
she
and her husband were escorted to a vehicle that would take them to a shelter in town. 

“Good work, men. Hays County is going to take over our spot for the evening so we can get some relief,” Lieutenant Harlan said.  “Let’s get some rest.”

They all drove back to the firehouse, leaving the raging fires behind, but never allowing for them to escape their minds.  Michael had only been out for a few days and when he closed his eyes, all he could see was orange and red flames towering high above him.  Now he would have the sorrowful looks of families forced from their homes in his head, adding on a whole new level of stress.

He rested his head against the window of Lawton’s truck as they drove down the winding back roads that led back to Manor.  The sun was setting, lending a purple hue that was barely escaping the foggy haze from the smoke. If Michael thought hard enough, he imagined they were in Scotland or somewhere known for their fog, rather than being in a wildfire inferno that just got stronger as each day passed. 

“I think some of the guys are gonna head over to a bar we all like to go to in town.  Just want to have a few drinks, maybe play some pool and cut loose for awhile,” Lawton said as he glanced from the driver’s side. 

Michael wasn’t fully listening to him, but the mention of the bar drew his attention back in and he sat up, trying to mask the fact that he was caught off guard.  He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and let out a yawn.  “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.  It’s a good way to let off steam.  A few cold ones won’t hurt.”

If only Lawton knew how much his statement was false for Michael.  Looking back out the window, he saw that they were only a few miles out of town.  “I don’t know, man.  I’m kinda tired.  I need to get some rest.”  His excuse sounded lame even to his own ears. 

“We’re not planning on shutting the place down. Just come hang out. If anything, a beer will help you sleep, McGinnis.”

Sighing, Michael tapped his finger against the glass.  He didn’t have to order alcohol.  He could grab a Coke and play some pool.  If he wanted to gain respect with these guys, one of the best wa
ys to do it was be their friend
.  Back in New York, if a guy in the house never wanted to do anything with the crew, it was construed as being stuck up.  Michael didn’t want to be labeled that way.  Even with the temptations near, he would be strong and avoid it.

“Okay, sounds good.”

“Awesome.  We’ll just ride together after we get all the gear and things put up.  It’ll be fun.  Don’t look so tense.  Ain’t like you’ve never been to a bar before!”

***

The bar was just a small, hole in the wall place that was packed with different types of people.  At one end of the bar there was a group that didn’t even look to be over twenty-one.  The bartenders and waitresses all seemed to know everyone by name, each of them smiling and looking happy to be doing their jobs.  Michael figured he probably stuck out like a sore thumb among all of the regular patrons.  He pulled the bill of his baseball cap low, instantly feeling overwhelmed at all of the alcohol ads, flashing lights, and menus being thrown his way.

The other firefighters were sitting at the back near a pool table.  A few of them were already playing.  He and Lawton grabbed two chairs at the table and the waitress waited to take their order. 

“I’ll have some bourbon,” Lawton said.

The waitress turned to Michael and poised her pen between her fingers as she patiently waited.  “I’ll just have a Pepsi.” Michael kept his voice low in hopes that no one heard his order.  Maybe he could pass it off as a mixed drink when she brought them out.

“A Pepsi? Have you gone crazy, McGinnis? I think the smoke out there is affecting your thinking.”  He turned to the waitress and laughed. “Get this man some bourbon as well, Misty.  Put it on my tab.”  The girl nodded and left the table.

“You didn’t have to do that, Lawton.  No need to buy my drinks.”

“Hell, you order a Pepsi in this place and you’re gonna get us kicked out! We’ll forgive you this time.”

Lawton turned to the other guys and went to challenging them in a game of pool. Michael sat back and watched, his pulse racing at the thought that a glass full of bourbon would soon be sitting right in front of him, right in his clutches, wit
h several other men beside him
drinking their own drinks.  And to make it worse, the drink was bought for him.  He’d look shady and rude for not drinking it. What was he to do?  The last thing he wanted to do was admit to everyone that he was an alcoholic.  For one, he barely knew them and it was none of their business, and second, that respect he was searching for by coming out to the bar would sharply be pulled away once they found out he had a problem.  Would their trust level go down? Sighing, he adjusted his hat and tried to calm his nerves.

In times like this he had Eva around to help control the urges and temptations.  In New York he was faced with them daily, but always had her to pull him back to reality and remind him of everything that was at stake and what could be lost just from one small sip on the poison.  His palms were sweaty and he was panicking.  Standing up, he nodded at everyone, hoping he looked calmer than he felt on the inside.

“Gonna hit the head. Be right back.”

He went into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.  Running cold water over his face, he closed his eyes and savored the feel on his dry and cracked skin.  He hated the reflection that stared back at him.  He didn’t want to go back out there.  The simple thing to do would be to man up and just say no to the bourbon.  Why was it feeling more complicated than it should have been?

When he got back out to their table, the glass was waiting for him at his seat.  Lawton was already drinking on his, going back and forth from the table to the game.  Michael sat down and studied the drink as if it was from an unknown planet.  The amber liquid looked smooth and soothing and instantly, Michael thought about how medicinal it could be.  He was having trouble sleeping.  The insomnia was an easy fix. 

Just down the drink.

Michael’s hand gripped the glass so tight that with any more amount of pressure, shattering it was a great possibility. 

One sip will ease your troubled mind.

Scooting the glass across the surface of the table, he tried to not even look at it and watch his fellow comrades play pool.  Lawton came back to the table, noticing Michael was back.

“What ya waiting for, McGinnis? How about we do a toast?”  He whistled to get everyone’s attention.  “Everyone shut up for a sec! I think we need to do a toast!”

“A toast to what, Lawton?” Someone yelled from the other side of the bar, a hint of dismay in their voice. 

“To Manor Fire Department, for going out, kicking ass, and taking names. Also, to our new guy, all the way from New York City!”

Michael tried not to make eye contact with anyone.  How was he going to fake taking a drink when he had been pointed out among the crowd?  He clanked his glass against several people around him, lifted the brim to his mouth, and took in the strong scent of the alcohol.  He pressed the glass to his lips and was thankful that everyone around him was too busy hollering and having a good time that no one noticed that the drink never entered his mouth.

Was he being paranoid?  Thousands of people chose not to drink.  Why couldn’t he just stand up and say hey, I’m not a drinker!  For some reason, it felt as if his pride had taken a huge blow by just entering the pub.  In reality, it was likely that no one would even care.  He’d be the brunt of some harmless ridicule, but he was used to that from the men up at Ladder Twenty One. 

The walls were closing in on him and it felt as if someone had their hands around his neck, choking the last bit of life out of him.  He made his way to the back exit that led to the alleyway, surprised that no one questioned where he was going.  He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed Eva, hands shaking as he leaned against the bricks of the building.

“Hey Mikey!” Her voice was cheerful, sending an instant smile to Michael’s lips.

“Hey Ev…” He trailed off and kicked a beer bottle further down the dirt roadway. 

“What’s wrong?  Everything okay?”

He scooted his backside down the wall into a crouching position, closing his eyes and wishing he could get the scent of the bourbon out of his nose.  “I needed to call you for some support.” 

There was silence on the other end for a few seconds.  “What’s going on, babe?”

Opening his eyes, he looked up at the star blanketed sky.  It was beautiful, even with the smoky fog hindering the brightness. “I uhh, the guys wanted to come out to a bar tonight.  At first I declined, but they practically begged me.  I figured I’d come and just hang out and be okay, but Eva, I’m not.  The guy I’m staying with ordered me a drink and I was really close to taking a drink.”