At His Pleasure: Addie Learns the Ropes (13 page)

Chapter Twenty

Dread filled my gut as we got closer to town. I bit my nails, wondering if my parents had called the police since I left.

No
. They would know where I’d run to—and if it served my father’s plan, he would wait. Was I playing right into his hands?

Some part of me refused to believe that my own father would do this to me.
He has to listen to me. He still loves me...he just has to.
Maybe the fact that I was gone for a day gave him time to rethink what he was doing. Reconsider. Maybe now he was ready to listen to reason.

I was carrying his grandchild, after all…

But he didn’t know that. And I wasn’t sure I would tell him. I didn’t know what I was going to say.

And that’s when Joe’s car turned onto my street. I looked up at the dark green shutters and the old wooden archway that I loved. It was strange how it all looked so unfamiliar now, even though I'd lived there my whole life.

The car slowed to a stop and Joe turned around in his seat. “Okay, miss, this is your stop.”

I nodded and got out, taking a deep breath as I looked towards the house. The lights were on downstairs—mom and dad were still up. For a second I stood there, working up my courage and telling myself that it would be okay.
It’s still mom and dad and I’m still me. They have to listen to me, right?

I heard Joe’s voice breaking my reverie. “I’m headed home now, miss,” he said. “But you can always call me, like I said.”

“Thanks, Joe,” I replied, giving him a weak smile. “Thank you.”

He nodded again and drove off, leaving me alone.

* * * *

I knocked on the door, fidgeting as I listened to mom’s footsteps get closer and closer. I knew it was her: dad’s footsteps were as heavy as he was.

The front door swung open and she stared at me, shocked.

“Addie?” She sounded like she couldn’t believe who she was seeing. “Oh honey...where have you been?” She didn’t make a move to hug me or touch me, just stared at me like I was a ghost.

Then I saw him stomping towards me, his eyes narrowed. My father.

“Get in here,” he hissed at me. “Close that door.”

I was in big, big trouble—but it felt like I had been in trouble for the past two weeks. But as I heard the door shutting behind me, I wondered if I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.

Dad waited until we reached the living room before turning to me and fixing me with a deadly stare. “Sit,” he snapped at me. I sat down slowly. I could feel their frustration, and it felt like it was suffocating me.

“Addie,” he said. “Where have you been?”

His voice was cold and menacing, but also knowing. He knew the answer to that question. So did I. The only person in the room who didn’t know was mom.

“I had to get out.” I looked at the carpet. “This place was like a prison!”

He slammed his fist down on the coffee table and I flinched—but just barely. “What the hell were you thinking, sneaking out like that? Do you ever think about anyone but yourself, Addie? Do you know how goddamned selfish you are?”

I could feel my cheeks growing hot—from shame or anger, I didn’t know. “I’m not selfish,” I defended myself.

“You quit your internship, that
I
got for you. I stuck my neck way out there gettin’ that for you. Then you sneak out of the house way past your curfew, and go god knows where, without asking me or your mother. Addie, the way you’re behaving, I’m thinkin’ you’re not ready for college, I don’t even care if you got a scholarship.”

I felt any icy chill go down my spine. It was a threat, loud and clear—he was going to try and hold me here for another
year.
No. I couldn’t let him do this to me.

“I. Didn’t. Quit. The. Internship.” I struggled to keep my voice even.

This only made him more angry. “Don’t you lie to me!” He waved a finger in front of my nose.

“I’m not lying,” I said. “I haven’t lied to you. But
you
lied to me. You never told me about why you wanted me to intern with Mr. Banks in the first place.”

“Addie,” he said, a warning in his voice. He wanted me to stop talking. I glanced at mom—she looked worried, but stood behind my father.

“You set the whole thing up,” I said, struggling to keep my voice from quavering. “But not because it was going to benefit me. You were in it for yourself.”

I didn’t want to say any more. Mom still believed in dad...and I desperately wanted to save her from knowing all the sordid details.

“I was thinking about the whole family,” he snapped. “Something you never do. Where the hell did you go last night?”

He knew. I knew. And he was betting that I’d lie to cover it all up from mom.

Not this time.

“I was at Mr. Banks’s house,” I whispered.

“Addie…” Mom looked like she was at a loss. “Honey, what were you doing there?”

I took a deep breath.

“I’m in love with Mr. Banks.”

There. I'd said it out loud. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt so light that I almost felt dizzy.

But there was only heavy silence in the living room as they both stared at me. My father had a knowing glint in his eye.

“That bastard,” he said. “That rat bastard. I’m gonna kill him.” There was a layer of satisfaction under his anger—I could hear it. This was an even bigger prize than he'd hoped for...it was not just a lurid affair but actual feelings. More for him to manipulate.

Mom looked like I’d dropped a bomb on her. I flushed. “It’s not like that,” I said. “Please, listen to me. He loves me. I love him. He’s not taking advantage of me, I swear—”

“Of course he’s taking advantage of you.” Dad squinted at me. “What do you know about the world, Addie? You’re only eighteen years old, for god’s sake! You were his intern, young and impressionable and stupid, and I’ll be damned if I let that man get away with this.”

“There’s nothing to get away with,” I protested, louder now. “I love Mr. Banks, and it’s real—you have to trust me!”

When he didn’t say a word, I kept talking. “He saved us,” I said. “You know what he’s done for—”

My father advanced on me so fast that I thought he was going to strike me across the face. “Get upstairs,” he told me. “Get up to your room—you’re sure as hell not leaving this house until I get my satisfaction from Mr. Banks for what he’s done.”

“No,” I said, standing up. “I’m leaving. I won’t let you do anything to him.” I walked towards the front door, feeling my heart thump in my chest. I stopped at the front door with my hand on the knob. “You can’t keep me here anymore.”

“Don’t you dare,” he said, a threat in his voice. “You leave, you’re never coming back.
Never.”

I turned the doorknob and felt the cool night air on my skin and shivered. Everything felt empty and strange.
Is this what freedom is supposed to feel like?

There wasn’t anything left to lose.

“Please believe me,” I whispered. This was my last chance. “I love him—and...and I’m pregnant.”

My father stared at me like he didn’t understand what I'd just said. “What the hell did you say?”

“Pregnant,” I repeated. “I...only just found out the other day. It was an accident.”

That’s when my mom started to sob. The sound ripped at my heart. “Look what you’ve done,” my father ground out. “Look what you’ve done to this family, Addie.”

He stepped in front of her, staring me down and walking towards me, forcing me to back out of the hallway until I was standing outside. “Get out of this house,” he said. “Leave. Don’t you come back.”

“Dad,” I whispered. “Mom...don’t you still love—”

“Get out.” He slammed the door in my face.

* * * *

Stunned, I stood there with my nose to the door.
What just happened? Are they seriously kicking me out…?

I sat on the steps for a while, hoping that mom would let me in, but no one came for me. That was what hurt the most...that she thought I had made some kind of big shameful mistake. But as always, she sided with him. The man who had apparently hidden the truth about our family affairs from her for years now.

I wished that I’d spilled what I knew about
everything.
Exposed my father for the things he’d done, and the terrible things he’d asked me to do. But it was too late now.

Eventually I stood up, the whole world feeling hazy. Maybe I should have expected that everything would turn out this way, but I had been wishing, hoping against hope, that they would listen to me. Hear my side.

And...forgive me. Even though I wasn’t sure what it was that I'd done wrong. I wanted them to love me unconditionally, the way they were supposed to love me. I remembered and touched my stomach. The way I wanted to love the child that I was carrying inside of me.

Would my father still try and blackmail Mr. Banks with my pregnancy? I wondered. Maybe he’d give up on it now...sure, I was pregnant by my boss, but my father was the one who disowned me and abandoned me to the streets. He couldn’t pretend to be the righteous, tragic figure in that scenario, and no one would sympathize with him now.

So I was utterly useless to him. He really, really didn’t care about me.

When the first raindrop fell on my face, I thought it was a tear. I looked up—the rain was coming down softly, just gentle sprinkles at first, but with a growing intensity. It was going to start pouring any minute now. I stood up, a panic growing within me.
Oh no…

I turned and pounded on the door. “Mom! Dad!”

No one came. I was crying, half in fear, half in frustration.
How could they do this to me? To their own daughter?
But their lack of a response spoke loud and clear. They had disowned me. My parents had thrown me out on the street with nothing—just my clothes and the shoes on my feet.

The clouds were dark and thick and low in the sky. I knew what was coming—a bone drenching rain. I ran to the shelter under the tree, but I could still feel the rain drenching my hair, plastering on my cheeks and neck. This was no small ordinary downpour, either. It would be a bad storm—a lightning storm.

Get out from under the tree, dummy.
Holding my hands over my face, I ducked out away from the tree, and walked slowly to the street. I had to get to Mr. Banks—but how? I suddenly remembered Joe. I dug a hand into my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper that he’d given me.

It was wet, just a useless wad of paper now...totally drenched in water, the ink had run while sitting in my pocket. And even if it hadn’t, where was I going to find a phone at this hour? Every house on the block was dark. The only light came from the lampposts that lined the streets.

I dropped the useless clump on the ground, my chest filled with despair. There was only one thing I could do now—I had to walk to him. Walk all the way to Mr. Banks’s mansion.

What other choice do I have?
I exhaled, feeling the rain falling on my head. It was coming down harder now, bigger droplets of rain that splattered on the sidewalk.

Of course I knew the way by heart...but it would take over an hour and a half to get there, even if I walked as fast as I could. I brushed the hot tears out of my eyes and sniffled, taking a few deep breaths of the rapidly cooling air. 

What I experienced with Mr. Banks—I couldn’t put it into words. All I knew was that I regretted nothing where he was concerned. That realization gave me a sudden burst of stubbornness. It was finally time to make my own way.

Time to put your big girl pants on, Addie. You can do this.

Chapter Twenty-One

I was shivering, the rain pouring down body, drenching me to the core. I gave up on trying to shield myself from it...it wasn’t long before I was soaking wet, even my shoes filling up with water. It had been a half hour or an hour—or was it longer? I lost track of time as I made my way down the street. I’d made a few wrong turns. Normally that never would have happened...I knew the path like the back of my hand.

But tonight, the darkness and the rain beat down on me.

An aching fatigue filled me, from my head down to my toes. It wasn’t just the rain...I hadn’t rested for hours now. And I couldn’t stop thinking about my parents. I stared at the ground and my feet.

In the distance there was a flash of lightning. I winced and prayed that it wouldn’t get close to me.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I wasn’t freezing, but I didn’t feel good.
You’re just tired,
I told myself.
Just another half hour and you’ll be there. Keep going.

Then, a strange chill passed through me.
That was weird.
I stopped for a minute, my body sagging with exhaustion. I did my best to shake it off.
It’s nothing. It’s totally fine.

In the distance I saw something familiar. I squinted. It was exactly what I hoped for—it was a tall row of bamboo hedges! It was tiny and I could barely see it, but it meant that I was close. I picked up my pace. My body protested but seeing the hedges woke me up. I pushed myself harder, my feet slipping on the street as I tried to run.

That fatigue seemed to fall on me like a blanket as I drew closer, the hedges and the gate growing larger even as my steps faltered. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to move forward.

My whole body was shaking now, shuddering with the effort of climbing that last hill.

I blinked. Everything was starting to get hazy now...I was so tired. The devastation of the last twelve hours was weighing down on me, and all I wanted to do now was to lie down and forget what happened. Let everything fade into nothingness.

Just a few more steps…

The world seemed to spin as I staggered forward, shaky.
There it was...the gate!

Struggling, I reached out for it with a weak and trembling hand. Even my vision seemed to blur—was it the rain? Or was it something else…?

I felt the cold iron under my palm and slid down, clutching at the bars. I was here at last, but I was utterly drained. I could feel my body shutting down and my eyes closing, even as I tried to keep them open, to pull myself up and scream for help.

But it was useless. I couldn’t fight anymore. My fingers loosened.

I fell into unconsciousness, slumped against the gate.

* * * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the comforting feeling of soft sheets underneath me.

My eyes still closed, I moved my hand and felt smooth, warm silk under my fingers. I exhaled and breathed deep, now realizing that a thick blanket lay over my chest. It too was luxurious to the touch, and a sense of peace overcame me as I realized where I was.

I was back in Mr. Banks’s house. Safe.

I opened my eyes. The room was still dark, a lamp turned down low next to the bed. It was a huge bed, and I lay in the center of it like some kind of queen, dressed in an unfamiliar shirt. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I looked around, taking in my rich surroundings. Outside I could still hear the roar of the storm, but in the room there was nothing but the sound of me stirring in the bed.

“Oh!” A shadow shifted on the side of the bed and I gasped. I almost didn’t realize he was here—for a split second I thought I was dreaming.

But it
was
Mr. Banks. He lifted his head at my outburst, his dark hair mussed, his eyes deep set as if he hadn’t slept in days.

“Addie,” he said, his voice gravelly. “You’re awake.”

I bolted up and a sudden pain shot through my head.
Oh
—
headache. Ow.
I winced and rubbed my forehead.

He reached for me like it was a reflex. “Addie,” he said. “Take it slow. You’ve only slept for a few hours, now. How are you feeling?”

I felt the pain slowly ebbing away. “Little bit of a headache,” I said. “But it’s going away.”

His brow was furrowed. “I’ve arranged for a doctor to come see you,” he said.

I tugged at the shirt I was wearing.
It’s one of his
, I realized. “I don’t need a doctor…”

“Don’t test me on this, of all things, Addie.” His voice was stern. “You go missing for hours...and then you show up outside my door and pass out. You
will
see the doctor.”

I knew that tone. No arguing with that.

“Fine,” I said, dropping my hands in my lap. “Whatever you say.”

He shook his head slowly. Unexpectedly, he started to chuckle.

“Hey,” I said. “What’re you laughing at? Are you laughing at
me
?”

“Sorry to say that I am,” he said, a smile still on his lips. “Addie...you put your goddamned life at risk...and then you still muster up the energy to give me attitude? Unbelievable.”

I blushed. “You know I can’t help it,” I said. But I couldn’t stop smiling either. “You got me into all this trouble, after all.”

At that, his smile faded. “That’s true,” he said, slowly, as if it was a painful fact.

“No,” I said, guessing at what he was thinking. I reached for his hand. “I don’t blame you for what they did. For any of this. To be honest, I...I’m glad this all happened.”

He was starting to lean away. I had to take drastic action. I pushed off the covers, crawled to him on my knees and threw my arms around him and kissed him, my body tingling as he slid his hands around my waist.

His body was stiff at first but I pressed myself against him, the soft points of my breasts rubbing on his chest through the shirt. He relaxed, letting me drape myself on him and nibble at his lips. “Addie,” he murmured. “I should apologize…”

“No,” I replied, quickly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I was so...worried. About where you were.”

I couldn’t believe that he was admitting that to me. “I was okay,” I whispered. “I got through it.”

His hands tightened on my waist. “You walked through a lightning storm and passed out on the street,” he said. “I wouldn’t call that getting through it, exactly…”

I smiled. “Close enough. And I’m here now, aren’t I?”

He brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “Yes.” His eyes searched me. “And you won’t be leaving...not for a long, long time.”

At this, my heart started to pound again. I lowered my lips to his jaw, kissing up that line of steel. “You mean...I can stay?”

He jerked his hips up towards me and I gasped, feeling his erection hard against my thigh. “You can stay,” he murmured. “As long as you earn your keep.”

I could feel a faint heat growing between my lower lips. Even after what had passed...and the fact that I was barely recovered...I wanted him. A fresh hunger filled my belly.
When’s that pesky doctor coming, anyway…? Maybe there’s still time for
—
”

I felt a faint vibration at his hip. He groaned in frustration and lifted me off him, gently, and laid me back on the bed. “And that,” he grunted, “would be the doctor. Addie, Addie, Addie. You have the worst timing of anyone I’ve ever met.”

I sighed and slid my hands down my torso, inviting his gaze. I let my hands hover just above my hidden mound. “You could just send him away.”

“No.” His voice was rough and his desire barely controlled. “You naughty little girl. You’d better get under the sheets or that doctor is going to get an eyeful.”

I rolled onto my stomach and smiled at him, my feet lazily kicking in the air. I could see the conflict in him, but his concern for me won out.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Banks.”

* * * *

Of course, I had one big question.

But I bit my lips and held my silence...for now.

He hovered near me as the doctor examined me, gently prodding me and asking questions, taking my temperature and looking me over so thoroughly that I knew that Mr. Banks must have asked him to do every little test he could.

Faintly annoyed by all the fuss, I shot a few looks at Mr. Banks, who merely looked on coolly as if I hadn’t looked at him at all.

The doctor made a few notes on his pad and stood up straight. “Well, young lady, aside from a little bit of dehydration, I think you are in perfect health. Nothing that a big glass of water and a few aspirin and a good night’s rest can’t fix.” He adjusted his glasses and started to pack up his bag.

“Actually,” I said, hesitantly. “There’s one more thing I wanted to ask you.”

“Yes?”

I glanced to Mr. Banks. “But I want to ask you in private.”

The doctor turned to Mr. Banks. “Well. My patient is asking you to leave us alone for a moment, if you would, sir.”

He stared at me, annoyed. “There’s nothing she can’t say in front of me.”

“Well, that may be. But there’s a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality, Mr. Banks, and even if this is a house call that still applies here. So if you’ll kindly step out of the room for a moment.” He gestured towards the door.

Mr. Banks glowered at us both one more time before he grudgingly left the room.

When the door closed tight behind him the doctor turned to me.

“Doctor,” I said. “This sounds strange, but I have one more test I was hoping you could run…”

* * * *

“...And if you have any questions, you should feel free to call my office anytime. I can give you a good referral, of course, if you prefer—”

The door swept open. He couldn’t wait any longer, clearly, and marched across the room towards the bed where I was sitting, decisive.

“We’re just about finished,” said the doctor, unruffled. He clearly was used to dealing with Mr. Banks and his...tendencies. He calmly brushed past him, lifted his bag and walked to the door.

We were alone again. Mr. Banks stood at the side of the bed, his eyes fixed on me.

“What the hell was that all about?”

I felt all my nerves on fire as I looked up at him, the anxiety eating into my belly. “I had a private question for the doctor.”

“Addie...you can’t keep secrets from me.” He looked down at me. I could see anger and concern warring in him. “What is it?”

I took a deep breath and lifted my gaze. “I wanted him to confirm something. Something I’ve suspected for a while now.”

“Yes?”

“I’m pregnant.”