Always You (19 page)

‘Oh, I don’t think it matters too much,’ said Aunt Vi, rummaging in a drawer for a pair of scissors. ‘It’s only twelve years, isn’t it?’

Sarah closed the oven door with a bang. ‘She told me he’s been married before. Twice.’

‘Well, a man in his forties is bound to have some baggage, isn’t he?’ said Aunt Vi, filling the vase up with water. She glanced at the door to the hall, went over and closed it. ‘I’d be more worried if he hadn’t.’

‘But he’s had four kids by two different women,’ persisted Sarah, pulling off the oven gloves and throwing them on top of the counter.

Aunt Vi glanced sharply at Sarah, snipped the end of a germini, and placed the flower in the vase of water. ‘I know he’s not perfect, Sarah. But we have to take a pragmatic view of things.’ She picked up a spray of cream roses and stripped it bare of leaves. ‘He’s the first man she’s brought home that I actually like and he does seem very fond of Becky. And let’s face it, she’s not getting any younger. If she wants a husband and a family, well, this might be her last chance.’

Sarah swallowed. She felt like a juggernaut was racing towards her and she was powerless to stop it. The doorbell went. Sarah said, grabbing a spoon, ‘That’ll be Ian with the kids.’ It was their weekend with him but he’d agreed to drop them over so they could celebrate their great-aunt’s birthday with her.

Aunt Vi opened the door to the hall and called out, ‘Sarah’ll get the door. It’s the kids.’ Then she picked up the scissors and a tulip and said to Sarah, ‘Go on then.’

‘I can’t. You go. I’m watching the dinner.’ To prove her point, she stirred the sweetcorn with the spoon.

‘Here, I can do that,’ said Aunt Vi irritably and she held out her hand for the wooden spoon.

‘No,’ said Sarah, standing her ground. ‘You go.’

Aunt Vi bumped her hip against Sarah’s. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. They’re your kids.’

‘Mum?’ came Molly’s voice and the sound of feet in the hall.

‘You can’t leave the man standing there on the doorstep,’ snapped Aunt Vi.

Sarah sighed, defeated. She wiped her hands down the front of the apron. ‘Okay then.’

Aunt Vi grabbed the spoon out of Sarah’s hand like a prize trophy and smiled triumphantly.

Ian, standing on the doorstep, looked a little dishevelled as he handed over Lewis’ coat. He had bags under his eyes and what was left of his hair was sticking up all over the place. She was tempted to ask if he felt all right but stopped herself for fear of giving him further encouragement. ‘Thanks for letting them come over for Vi’s birthday dinner.’

‘That’s no problem, Sarah. Of course they couldn’t miss it.’

‘I’ll drop them back before nine. Bye.’ She started to close the door.

‘Sarah?’

‘Yes?’

He smiled. ‘I haven’t forgotten about the tap.’

‘Er … thanks.’

She narrowed the gap in the door even more.

‘Sarah?’

‘What?’

‘Never mind. It’ll keep.’

She closed the door, leaned against it and let out a long, loud sigh.

After dinner, with everyone sitting round the table in the cramped dining room, Aunt Vi asked, ‘Didn’t Ian want to come in?’

‘I didn’t ask him,’ said Sarah sullenly and she looked around the table, avoiding eye contact with Tony. ‘He was only dropping the kids off. He wasn’t invited for lunch.’

‘He’s a good man,’ said Dad, with a quick glance at Molly and Lewis’ grave faces. ‘You should be more civil to him, Sarah.’

Sarah opened her mouth to protest but shut it again. Being civil to Ian was what had gotten her into this mess. After giving her a lift home from Isabelle’s party she couldn’t get rid of him. She’d only agreed to let him come and fix the dripping tap in order to get him to leave. Since then she’d managed to avoid him, finding excuses to dash off when she dropped the kids or he appeared at Evelyn’s bedside.

‘Stop doing that,’ hissed Molly at Lewis and then, addressing anyone who would listen, she said, ‘He’s kicking me under the table.’

‘I am not,’ said Lewis. ‘You just keep putting your leg where I want to put mine.’

‘Ahem,’ said Becky. She touched Tony on the arm and grinned. ‘We’ve got some news.’ Sarah’s heart jumped. There was a pause. Becky glanced sourly at Sarah, then delivered the hammer-blow. ‘Tony’s going to move in with me.’

So much for the relationship petering out, thought Sarah glumly. It appeared to be going from strength to strength. Something would have to be done.

‘Oh,’ said Aunt Vi and dabbed her mouth with her napkin.

‘Ahem …’ said Dad and started to cough.

‘Now, before you say anything,’ said Tony, addressing Aunt Vi and Dad. ‘I know you don’t approve but this way we’ll be able to save up to buy somewhere together. And we’re fed up being apart, aren’t we, darling?’ He placed a gentle kiss on Becky’s nose and Sarah looked away. Her heart sank. Could things get any worse?

‘But you really should be married,’ said Aunt Vi. ‘Or engaged at least.’

‘Are you getting married, Auntie Becky?’ said Molly, her face alight with anticipation.

Sarah swallowed, the idea filling her with horror.

‘No, sweetheart,’ said Becky.

‘Oh,’ said Molly. Her face fell and then she growled, ‘Will you stop doing that, Lewis?’

Tony pushed his chair back. ‘Tell you what, Lewis, why don’t you and I go and play a bit of football? Did I tell you I played one season as centre half for Linfield?’

‘Did you ever?’ said Lewis, his eyes as big as plates, squeezing out of his chair and heading for the door. Molly went off to watch TV and, as soon as she was gone, Dad turned to Becky and said, ‘Your aunt’s right. You shouldn’t be moving in together without a ring on your finger.’

But before Becky could say a thing, Aunt Vi rose to her defence. ‘Your father’s right, dear. But on the other hand, David, all the young ones live together nowadays.’

Sarah looked at her aunt in surprise and Dad said, ‘You’re very liberal all of a sudden.’

‘We all have to move with the times, eventually,’ said Aunt Vi, smiling at Becky. ‘And Tony seems like such a nice man.’

‘Yes, yes, he does,’ said Dad thoughtfully, staring out at the garden where Tony and Lewis were kicking a ball about in the May sunshine.

‘But what if things don’t work out?’ chipped in Sarah, clutching at straws.

Becky stared at her, stony-faced. ‘I thought you’d be pleased for me, Sarah.’

Sarah cleared her throat and felt her face redden. ‘I am pleased for you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Or used.’

‘Tony isn’t using me,’ said Becky icily. ‘Any more than Cahal Mulvenna’s using you.’

‘What?’ said Dad and Aunt Vi at the same time. Both their horrified gazes fell on Sarah.

‘It’s no big secret,’ said Sarah, giving Becky the daggers. ‘I met him for lunch a few times. As a friend.’

Aunt Vi put her hands to her face and whispered, ‘No, Sarah.’

Dad flashed Aunt Vi a warning glance and said to Sarah, ‘But I thought you were done with him? He’s not a man to be trusted.’

Sarah rearranged the napkin on her lap. ‘I’ll be the judge of that.’

‘You’d be a fool to give him a second chance, Sarah,’ said Aunt Vi, fiddling with a dessert spoon. ‘After what he did.’

‘I agree,’ said Becky folding her arms.

Sarah felt her face burn red. ‘Well, that’s my decision, isn’t it?’ She started collecting the dirty plates and forced a smile. ‘Now, why don’t we clear the table and have some birthday cake?’

Later, when she got to Ian’s, dusk was falling and only his car was in the driveway. Sarah intended dropping the kids without getting out of the car but the front door opened and Ian came out, looking as unkempt as he had done earlier. His face broke into a grin when he saw the kids jump out of the car, leaving both passenger doors open. He kissed Molly on the head then lifted Lewis off the ground and turned him upside down before setting him back on his feet again. Lewis squealed with delight and cried, ‘Again!’

Ian rubbed the small of his back, laughing, and embraced Lewis. ‘Maybe later, son. You’re getting too heavy for your old man.’

The children went indoors and Sarah got out of the car to shut the back doors.

‘How was the party?’ he said, coming up to the car.

‘Fine,’ she said, slamming a door shut. ‘Listen, I’m going to be a bit late home from work on Wednesday. Is there any way you could pick the kids up from after school club this week? I’d be back by six.’

‘Sure.’

‘Okay, thanks.’ She got back in the driver’s seat, one foot on the tarmac.

‘Sarah. Please come in for a minute.’

She froze and cursed under her breath. He’d come round the side of the car and was standing close, looking down at her.

‘I haven’t really got time tonight,’ she said, looking straight ahead. ‘I’ve an early start in the morning. And the kids really ought to be getting to bed.’

‘I want to talk to you about something important.’

She glanced at the clock on the dash. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Ian. But he had said it was important. It was probably about Evelyn. Or perhaps about the kids. Either way, she couldn’t really say no. In turning down his suggestion of a monthly dinner date, she’d promised she would make herself available anytime to talk about the kids. And something about Ian’s tone of his voice and his uncharacteristically scruffy appearance worried her. ‘Okay.’

She knew something was wrong as soon as she stepped into the house. Unopened mail was stacked untidily on the half-moon hall table. And the carpet was stained with mud as if he’d let the kids walk in wearing their shoes. Raquel would have a fit when she came home and found grubby footprints on her pristine cream carpet.

He led the way through to the kitchen, and then sat down with his hands clasped together on the kitchen table, as if in prayer. Last night’s dishes lay unwashed on the kitchen counter. The bin was overflowing. Something wasn’t right. Concern for him began to grow. ‘Where’s Raquel?’

‘Er, away … but let’s not talk about her.’

She slipped into a chair opposite Ian, fiddled with the car keys under the table, and waited.

‘I was thinking of popping round this week to fix the tap. And I noticed last time I was round that the curtain pole above the kitchen window’s coming off the wall. I’ll fix that too. When would suit?’

She squirmed in the seat. ‘Ian,’ she said carefully, ‘I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I’ve been thinking about the tap and I really think it would be best if I got someone in to fix it.’

He laughed. ‘You don’t need to get someone in. You have me.’

‘Still,’ she said, meeting his sharp gaze.

The smile fell from his face. Her palms sweated. ‘Well, if that’s all you wanted to talk to me about, I’d really better be going.’ She stood up.

‘Don’t go. Please,’ he said.

He looked so miserable she sat down again and rested her hands on the table. ‘What’s wrong, Ian?’

He put his head in his hands. ‘Raquel’s left me.’

‘What?’

He looked up and said flatly, ‘She’s moved out. Taken all her clothes and personal belongings. She says she’ll be back for the furniture she paid for.’ Sarah noticed a hole in the wall by the door and scuff marks on the otherwise spotless skirting board. Evidence of a fight?

‘She can have it all, for all I care,’ went on Ian, standing up and pacing up and down the room.

She put a hand on her stomach, tied up in knots. This was bad news on so many levels. ‘Oh, Ian. I’m so sorry. What happened?’

But instead of answering her, he sat down abruptly and said, ‘You and I should never have divorced, Sarah.’ His eyes were watery, and there was a kind of jumpy energy about him that unnerved her. He ran a hand through his thin ginger hair. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. We should’ve had more counselling. Or something.’

‘We went to counselling for nine months, Ian, but it just wasn’t to be.’

He smiled at her. ‘The thing is, I still love you, Sarah. I want us to get back together.’

Sarah opened her mouth and stared at him in horror. Taking a deep breath, she tried to be kind. ‘I care that you are happy, Ian. I couldn’t be divorced from a better person. You’re a wonderful father and a good son to Evelyn. I’ve always admired your integrity and your decency. But I don’t love you.’

‘Don’t say that, Sarah. You loved me once.’ He reached a hand across the table and she snatched hers away. He frowned. ‘Surely you can learn to love me again? The way I love you.’

How could she tell him the truth? Ian’s good qualities, and he had many, had never been enough to make her love him, not the way she had loved Cahal. Nothing before or since had ever come close to that. And she knew that nothing less could make her happy now.

‘No, Ian.’

His face crumpled. ‘Don’t say that, Sarah. You have to give me … us … a chance.’

‘I can’t.’

‘But these last few months we’ve been getting on so well. I thought –’

She stood up. ‘If I’ve done or said anything to encourage you in thinking I wanted us to get back together, then I’m truly sorry.’

His face hardened and he stared at her, his blue eyes cold and accusing. ‘It’s because of Cahal Mulvenna, isn’t it?’

Of course Vi must’ve told him that Cahal was back. The two of them were thick as thieves, always had been. ‘How I feel about you has got nothing to do with him.’

His Adam’s apple moved in his throat. ‘I really care about you, Sarah. You know that, don’t you?’

Reluctantly, she nodded.

‘And I don’t want to see you getting hurt. Or going against your family’s wishes.’ He paused and looked pointedly at her.

She bit her lip, counted to ten and squeezed the keys in her hand so hard one dug painfully into the palm. ‘My family’s affairs are nothing to do with you Ian. Not anymore.’

He sat back in the chair and regarded her for some time with a closed fist over his mouth, as if deciding something. At last he removed the fist and said, ‘Do you know that Malachy Mulvenna, Cahal’s father, has been in prison?’

She shrugged her shoulders dismissively. ‘So what? Anyone can make a mistake, can’t they? Everyone does things they regret. He was probably just young and foolish.’

Ian snorted, and shook his head in that knowing way of his that had always infuriated her. ‘He was convicted of serious crimes, Sarah. Not petty ones. He served a long prison sentence.’