Always You (23 page)

‘You don’t know my father.’ She had never seen him back down, or change his mind even in the face of evidence that he was wrong.

He sighed. ‘It’s nearly the end of June. Your lease on the flat runs out next week.’

‘I know,’ she said quietly, thinking of Becky’s pale, round face at the window as she’d walked away from the house the morning after the row, bag slung over her shoulder.

‘Look.’ He grabbed her hand. ‘Let’s just do it and then nobody and nothing in the world can ever keep us apart. You can move in with me straight away. I know my lodging’s not up to much but we’ll find something better.’

Her whole body shook. Slowly, she slipped her hand from his grasp and stared down at the rocks below. The sheer drop was terrifying – and inviting. For the past weeks she’d barely slept, and every waking minute her thoughts went round and round in circles, ending up exactly where she had started. Her father was immovable. If she stood on the other side of the railings and let go, all this would be over …

‘What do you say, Sarah?’

‘I can’t. Not yet. I have to sort this out first.’

‘But how?’ exclaimed Cahal. ‘He won’t speak to you – or me.’

‘What?’ Her head snapped up.

He looked a little sheepish. ‘Last weekend when I said my Ma was ill and I had to go and see her, well, she wasn’t ill. I went to see your father.’

‘And?’

‘He told me that if he ever saw me on his doorstep again, he’d call the police. Then he slammed the door in my face.’

Sarah clawed at her cheek with bitten fingernails. She was proud of him for braving her father, but she could’ve told him it would be utterly pointless. Once David Walker had made up his mind, he was like a runaway train going downhill. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

He shrugged. ‘Didn’t seem like much point. I didn’t want to upset you.’

But to Sarah it was a defining moment. Her father would never budge, not while he was in this mindset, not while he felt like his back was up against a wall. But maybe there was another way.

‘I have to do what my father says. I have to finish with you.’

‘What?’ he cried and his eyes blazed with fury.

‘For now. Let’s have the summer apart and I can use the time to persuade him to change his mind.’ Her father was pig-headed and stubborn, but so was she. There must be some way to get through to him. Maybe she could work on Aunt Vi first. She’d never married, but surely she must’ve loved? If she could win her over to her cause, maybe they could both change Dad’s mind. But even as she internalised these thoughts, the task seemed unreachable, like scoring a hundred per cent in an exam – possible in theory only.

His nostrils flared and his chest rose and fell like a bellow. ‘No Sarah, you finish with me now and it’s over.’

He turned abruptly and stormed off in the direction of Portstewart and she called out, ‘Please, Cahal, just give me more time. I’m sure I can win him round …’

He stopped.

‘Somehow …’ she added, pathetically.

He turned to face her and took a few steps. His fists were clenched into tight, white balls. ‘You’re nineteen years old, Sarah. Do you have the courage to face up to your father, once and for all?’

She looked at the ground. She had faced up. And she had lost. He didn’t understand. She was the linchpin of her little family, holding it all together. What he was asking was impossible. She could not leave Becky. For she could never be happy knowing that she had.

‘I thought not.’ There were dark rings under his eyes. Black stubble shadowed cheeks that had grown thin. ‘I thought you loved me,’ he said in a broken voice.

Her eyes stung but no tears came. There were none left. ‘I do love you.’

His eyes burned. ‘Then marry me.’

She stared into his eyes – and she blinked first. ‘I just need more time, Cahal.’

The fire went out of his eyes, and his face hardened. He looked at her with a mixture of disgust and rage. Then he turned and started to walk away.

Her heart beat so hard it hurt. ‘Please, Cahal. Give me more time,’ she screamed. But he put his hands to his ears and simply carried on walking.

She watched his back, shoulders squared with resentment, disappear round a bend in the path. And on the horizon, the sun, now burning red like hell itself, slipped below the horizon and the light was gone.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ said Cahal’s voice, bringing her back to the old-fashioned furnishings of Grace Avenue.

‘You thought it was,’ she said, sadly.

He took her hands in his and stared at them for some moments before looking into her eyes, the muscles in his right cheek pulsing. ‘Well, I was wrong, Sarah.’

A tear pooled in the corner of her eye and spilled down her cheek.

He let go of a hand momentarily and wiped the tear away. ‘I hate to see you cry.’

But the tears came unchecked now, a relief after all these years. ‘I should’ve told my father to go to hell.’

He let out a long sigh. ‘What if your father had carried out his threat? What if he’d barred you from seeing Becky for all those years? I don’t blame you for choosing her. But it was a choice you should never have been forced to make – by me or by him.’

‘I was scared. Of him and of losing Becky.’

‘I know.’ He pressed her hand to his lips. He smelt of beer and citrusy aftershave she did not recognise, and underneath that, the unmistakable earthy scent of him. He stared deep into her eyes. ‘It’s true. I did blame you for breaking us up. But I see now how unfair that was of me.’

‘And I blamed you for being so stubborn.’

‘I
was
stubborn. Maybe if I had stayed around, things would’ve worked out differently.’

Salt and pepper curls brushed the collar of his shirt. Her hands felt small and safe in his. ‘I wish we had our time over again. I’d do things differently.’

‘So would I.’

The dark stubble on his light brown skin made his face look thinner, his blue-green eyes more vivid. ‘But we can’t, can we?’ she said.

‘It’s true we can’t go back and change what happened.’ His lips parted to reveal the little sideways tooth she had always loved. ‘The past is what it is, Sarah. But it doesn’t have to govern our future.’

She broke eye contact. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything but all she could think about was Tony. How long could she trust him to keep his mouth shut? And then there was Cahal’s family on one side of the world and hers on the other. Last time it had been her father who stood between them. This time it was vast oceans and continents.

‘What?’ he said.

‘I know it’s defeatist of me but maybe it’s too late for our happily ever after.’

He squeezed her hand tight. ‘I’ve been thinking that too. But you know what, Sarah? It’s never too late. In fact I think you and I are looking at the start of a fairy tale, not the end.’

Her heart leapt but just as quickly fell again. ‘But we’ve carved out lives on different sides of the world. How –’

‘Sshhh,’ he said and touched her lips with the tip of his finger, sending a little shiver down her spine. ‘Don’t let’s talk about that now. Do you still love me?’

His grip on her hand was tight and hot. She could feel the pulse of the blood in his veins. Her heartbeat quickened. ‘Yes, with all my heart.’

His grip loosened a little and he grinned, a smile so wide and so open, it filled her up with happiness. ‘And I still love you. Don’t think of the past or worry about the future. It’s our destiny to be together, Sarah. And this time we will be. Somehow.’

He leaned in and kissed her, and it was like fireworks going off inside her head, eclipsing all the doubts. She oughtn’t to get involved with him. It was too complicated. Too messy. But she couldn’t help herself.

He led her along the dark corridor by the hand. In the bedroom he kissed her again. His touch was like a spark, lighting up her insides. Tentatively, she slid her hands under his shirt where it was warm and hot. He kissed her harder, cradling the back of her head in his hands, pressing his fingers into her skull. Becoming bolder, she worked her fingers across his shoulder blades and her hands, travelling downwards, found the small of his back and then his firm buttocks. She moved against him, oblivious to everything but his solid body pressing so exquisitely against hers.

When they parted at last he kissed her nose and she said, slightly breathless, ‘Well, that much hasn’t changed.’

He threw his head back and laughed. In the soft orange glow of the setting sun, he looked like the old Cahal, when they thought the world was theirs.

‘You’re still the best kisser,’ he said.

‘Kissed a lot of women, have you?’ she teased and he chuckled.

‘A few. But none that ever came close to you.’

She slipped her hand inside her coat pocket and pulled out the Claddagh ring. ‘I brought this to give back to you.’

‘My grandmother’s ring!’ he exclaimed, his face lighting up with surprise and pleasure. ‘You still have it? I thought you might have thrown it out when we lost touch – or when you married Ian.’

‘I would never have thrown it out.’ She placed it gently in the centre of his palm and though she knew it was the right thing to do – the ring was not hers after all – she felt bereft.

He picked it up between finger and thumb and examined it. ‘You’ve looked after it.’

‘I kept it in a box in the bottom of the wardrobe. I never told anyone about it. Only Molly’s seen it and that was by accident.’ She paused, remembering all the dreams and hopes the little ring had once encompassed. Swallowing the regret, she smiled. ‘You should have it back. I’ve had it too long.’

‘No, I’d like you to keep it. I want you to wear it. I mean, if that’s what you want too.’

A jolt went down her spine. All her senses tingled and she stared stupidly at him, unable to speak.

‘Do you remember the promise that came with that ring?’ he said.

How could she ever forget?
One day it will seal our marriage, Sarah.
‘I remember.’

‘I still feel the same way about us. Nothing’s changed for me.’ Gently, he clasped her right hand in his and held the ring up between them.

She looked into his eyes, dark and gleaming and her heart unfolded like the blooms of morning glory that grew by her back door.

He slipped it onto the ring finger of her right hand, the point of the heart facing in. She imagined the veins and arteries channelling the love towards her heart, filling her up with so much joy, her body ached. It felt so right to have the ring on her finger once more. Her life had come full circle, back to Cahal, the place she never should have left.

‘Hey, where’ve you been?’ said Sarah, when Becky came into No. 11, the pub they always went to on Quality Street. ‘I’ve been trying to get you since Sunday but you didn’t reply to any of my calls or texts.’

‘I’ve been busy.’ Becky looked at her watch and threw her bag on a chair. ‘I haven’t got much time. What did you want to see me about?’

‘Well, let’s get a drink first,’ said Sarah, a little put out by Becky’s brusqueness.

When she came back from the bar with two glasses of wine, Becky was still sitting in her coat. ‘Bad day at work?’

‘I had to stay late and sort out the mess the new guy made of the monthly reports.’

‘I think you’re wasted in that office.’

‘So do I. Thanks for the wine,’ she said, lifted the glass and took a long drink. She set the glass down and rubbed her hands. Sarah regarded her thoughtfully. ‘Are you all right?’

‘I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘I dunno. You just seem a little … grumpy. Have you and Tony fallen out?’

‘No.’ Becky’s eyes flashed warningly. ‘Me and Tony are absolutely fine.’

‘Okay.’ Sarah took a sip of wine.

‘So, what was so important that you couldn’t wait to tell me?’

Sarah inched forward on the seat, anxious to share recent events. ‘At the barbecue on Sunday I asked Aunt Vi and Dad about the letters and the phone call. They both denied knowing anything about them. In fact, Aunt Vi was really offended. You know what she’s like. The thing is, I believe she was telling the truth. And Dad.’ She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. ‘So where does that leave me and Cahal?’

Becky stared at her long and hard. ‘Frankly, Sarah, I couldn’t care less.’

‘What?’ said Sarah in astonishment.

There was a long, unbearable silence. ‘I saw you, Sarah. In the garden at Dad’s. With Tony.’

Sarah froze and then her heart went ka-thump, ka-thump so loudly Becky must’ve heard it. ‘Oh that,’ she said casually, unable to maintain eye contact. ‘We were just … talking. What about it?’

The muscles across Sarah’s chest tightened until it hurt. Becky, her eyes full of tears, shook her head. ‘I saw you … I saw you put your hand on his chest and on his arm. I know what’s going on, Sarah. I’m not stupid. I’ve put two and two together.’

‘You have?’ Sarah swallowed and hung her head. Oh God, her lies and deceit had been discovered. How could she ever forgive herself for hurting her little sister? She looked up sheepishly, her hands shaking in her lap and said, ‘What did Tony say?’

‘Oh, Tony’s far too decent to drop you in it. He said you were just talking. But I could tell he was trying to protect me from the truth.’

Sarah frowned, a little confused. If Tony hadn’t told Becky, then how did she know?

‘I should’ve known from the start,’ blurted out Becky. ‘From the minute you met Tony you acted weird. You were all formal and polite, not exactly unfriendly but reserved in a way I’ve never seen you before when meeting new people. At first I thought that you just didn’t like him. And then the other day at the Merchant Hotel, when you tried to talk me out of seeing him, I started to suspect the truth. But I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe that you would do such a despicable thing.’

Sarah stared at Becky, dumbfounded. What was she talking about?

‘But it all adds up, doesn’t it? When I saw you run out into the garden, I went upstairs and watched from the landing window. You went straight to him, not the compost heap.’

‘What adds up?’

‘Oh, don’t give me that, Sarah. You’re jealous that I’ve finally found someone I love and who loves me. You’re trying to break us up because you’re jealous. Just because you and Cahal can’t make it work.’

Sarah stared at her in astonishment. ‘No. No. You’re wrong. That’s not it at all. Me and Cahal … we’ve sorted things out. Look. He gave me this ring to wear.’ She thrust out her hand. ‘I spent last night with him.’

But Becky did not look at the ring. ‘You were trying to get Tony to dump me, weren’t you?’

‘No, of course not!’

‘Then tell me why you went looking for him in the garden? And what did you say to him?’

Sarah broke eye contact yet again. How could she convince Becky without telling her everything? Becky might hate her now, but she’d hate her more, and Tony too, if she found out the truth. ‘All I care about is your happiness, Becky. You must believe me.’

Becky glared at her. ‘What did you say to him?’

Sarah opened her mouth and closed it again. She struggled desperately to come up with a plausible explanation but her mind went blank. ‘I can’t tell you that.’

Becky stood up and grabbed her bag. ‘I would never have believed you capable of jealousy, Sarah. I thought I
knew
you. I thought if there was one person in the world I could trust it was my own sister. But it turns out I was wrong.’

*

Cahal turned up for work feeling like he’d the hangover from hell, though he’d not had a drop to drink the day before. His mouth was dry and he’d bags under his eyes.

‘It’s the air con in the plane,’ said Jody sagely, perching her trim bottom on his desk. ‘They re-circulate the air, spreading everyone’s bugs about. You’ve probably caught something.’

‘Thanks, Jody.’

She laughed and picked up a pen. ‘So, how are things between you and Mrs Aitken? You two are always sneaking off to have cosy lunches together. The whole building’s talking about you.’

Remembering what they’d done in his bungalow the night before, he rubbed his chin in an attempt to hide his smile. ‘I’m sure they’re not. I’m sure they’ve better things to talk about.’

‘You’d be surprised.’ Her smile faded. ‘Well, I don’t blame you.’

‘Huh?’

‘I’d have an affair to spice up life a bit,’ she said, casting a disparaging glance at a bald man with middle-aged spread walking past. ‘But you’re the only decent man in the place and you’re taken.’

‘You don’t mean that, Jody.’

‘Sure I do. We’re a long way from home. Why not have a bit of summer fun, when you can?’

Something in her tone jarred and he said, ‘Sarah’s not a bit of summer fun, as you put it.’

Jody laughed again. ‘Course she is.’ She paused, set the pen down on his desk and fixed him straight in the eye. ‘She’s got two kids and an ex-husband here. And you’ve got three kids and an ex in Melbourne. If you’re telling me that this is more than a short-term fling, then tell me exactly how you plan to make that work?’

He blinked, then said coldly, ‘I’ve work to do, Jody. I’m sure you have too.’

She gave him a smile that looked like a lot of effort, then sauntered off. And the rest of his day was spoilt.

Work was a nightmare and there was no opportunity to slip away at lunchtime and meet Sarah for the rest of that week. It wasn’t until the weekend that they saw each other again. They went for an early supper at No. 11 and then decided to walk out to Ballygally along the Coast Road. He held her hand all the way, marvelling that she was his again. But while she chatted away he could not help but notice that she was preoccupied, distant. He couldn’t seem to connect with her the way they had done the other night. Just beyond the Black Arch they stopped to stare at the lapping waves crashing into the Devil’s Churn – a cave where, legend had it, a drunken piper went in to explore and never returned.

‘Tell me about your trip to Australia,’ she said. ‘Were the boys pleased to see you?’

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘Very much so. It was awful leaving them, though.’ Tom had clung to him and sobbed till Cahal thought his heart would break and, when he locked eyes with Jed, leaning against the wall with a studied nonchalance, he saw a look of resentment in his eyes that he had never seen there before. Harry had been stoic and brave but, when he gave him a hug, his little body was shaking all over. ‘It nearly broke my heart. And it made me realise that I can’t do this to them again.’