In a word: Yes.
Henry, my human husband, beat me almost daily and I’d lived through it. Azriel used me for his own devices and left me alone, naïve, and helpless and I’d lived through it. Faolán manipulated me, controlled me, and sought to destroy the world through me, and I’d lived through it. And Kade. The worst of them all, had killed someone I cared for, threatened my friends, drugged me, toyed with me, tortured me, and nearly raped me. And damn it,
I would live through this, too
.
In no time at all, I looked up to find Xander’s ostentatious mansion staring down at me. Self-reflection has a tendency to make the time pass quickly. I stood outside of the gate for a few minutes, my mind nothing more than tangled brambles of thought. So much had happened under this roof. Things I wasn’t quite ready to deal with. If Xander pushed, though, I’d push right back. I was twice as stubborn as he was persistent. He’d have to suck it up and let me get used to feeling comfortable in my own skin before I spared even a second to address what had happened between us while I lived here.
Feeling a little of my old pluck, I hopped over the gate and made my way to the front door. So many times, I’d walked in like I owned the place and as I turned the knob, I found myself slinking through the entry like a burglar. The house was quiet, no doubt most of Xander’s staff was busy preparing the evening meal. Most of the time, a plate wasn’t set in front of his regal face that didn’t look like it had popped off the pages of
Bon Appetite
magazine. Though I’d had occasion to see His Royal Haughtiness partake of a fast food burger at least once.
From the bowels of the house, heated voices made their way to my ears. I abandoned the course I’d set for Xander’s office and headed instead downstairs toward his council room. It seemed odd that he’d have anything brewing this late in the afternoon, but if Asher’s assumptions carried any merit, then something unsavory was indeed coming down the pipes.
“Your refusal to leave Seattle has caused considerable unrest!” an agitated voice exclaimed.
Another voice jumped in after the first, “Usurpers circle the throne like hungry wolves and everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish stands on the precipice of collapse. So please, indulge me, your highness and give me an explanation to relay to your regent—nay, to your people—why you insist on remaining here?”
Uh-oh
. I couldn’t place the voices, but I sure as hell knew the tone. Someone was taking Xander to school in a very serious way. I couldn’t imagine who would have the balls to talk to him like that, but whoever the second speaker was, he had a pair on him. Big and brass.
“My reasons are my own.” The king sounded as tired as I felt. “You forget your place, and apparently so do others. I am the king.
Me.
Take care with your words when you address me in the future and take greater care to never question me or my reasons for doing anything ever again. Have I made myself clear?”
“Your majesty.” The second voice had gone from demanding to simpering in a couple of seconds flat. Guess I overestimated the size of his cojones. “We’ve been sent out of concern, nothing else. Decisions must be made. The kingdom must be ruled. You cannot possibly—”
“Get out of my sight!” Xander railed, and I swear the doors to his council room quivered on their hinges. “I’ll not abide being taken to task by the likes of either of you! Leave now before I lose my temper and forget my manners.”
Xander had manners? Who knew? The double doors swung open and the two Shaedes rushed from the room, their heads bent together as they spoke hurriedly under their breaths. I merged with the light, careful to remain unseen and waited until they’d rounded the corner and headed up the stairs before I regained my corporeal form. No use adding to the ruckus when Xander had done such a good job all on his own.
“Will you not listen to reason?” Raif’s soft, yet commanding voice echoed from the confines of the room, but still I held back and waited right outside the door. Insufferably calm, that was Raif all the way. “It’s been months. Perhaps if you went home, just for a while, so our people could see—”
“Shall I throw you out as well?” Wow, looked like Xander wasn’t letting anyone finish a sentence today.
Where Raif was level-headed and pragmatic, his brother was hot-headed and rash. Any discussion between them wasn’t going to end well. I’d come here to butt in, after all, and there was no use loitering in the hallway any longer. Besides, I didn’t want to listen to them fight. Sheesh. Brothers.
I walked through the door to find Xander standing at the head of the council table, his palms flat on the polished mahogany surface, arms bracing his muscular body. His head hung between his broad shoulders, his golden hair framing his face like a curtain. Raif stood beside him, a look somewhere between pity and outrage etched on his hardened warrior’s face. As if sensing me at the same moment, both sets of eyes turned toward the doorway and settled on me: Raif’s sapphire ones flooded with relief and Xander’s molten caramel burning with something closer to pain.
“My lady,” the king said, as he straightened to his full height and inclined his head. I would have laughed if I hadn’t known the gesture was meant as a token of his esteem. And since I wasn’t about to insult him mere minutes after traipsing through his door, I made sure to keep my expression pleasant. Xander and his dramatics.
“So…” I said, averting my gaze and kicking a booted foot at the carpet. “What’s shakin’?”
What’s shakin’? Jesus, Darian, that’s all you could think to say?
While I cursed my abysmal conversation skills, Raif crossed the room in a few long strides and swept me up in a bear hug that damned near squeezed the air from my lungs.
“Gods, I wondered when I’d hear that smart mouth of yours again,” he said as he set me back down on my feet.
“Your hair is longer,” I remarked, my fingers skimming the tawny locks that spilled over his collar. I hugged him back for all I was worth and said, “I missed you too, Raif.”
Xander cleared his throat, apparently miffed at being upstaged by this brother and Raif took a step back as if opening a path from me to the Shaede King. For the second time since I’d been home (which wasn’t very damned long) I experienced an awkward moment at facing someone I’d hoped to avoid.
It’s not avoidance when you voluntarily show up, you idiot.
Maybe I needed a lesson in staying off the radar. I’d obviously forgotten how to maintain my low profile.
“Are you well?” Xander asked, and I realized that there was someone in the room more uncomfortable than I was right now. The time difference between the human and faery realms was still tough for me to wrap my head around. No one here had seen me in a long time.
“Well enough,” I replied. I’d decided that I was done telling people I was fine when I wasn’t. And what I’d told Xander was the truth. I wasn’t one hundred percent, but I’d get there. Eventually. “Brakae sends her love to you both.”
Raif smiled. The distance that separated him from his daughter was so much farther than it should have been. I pulled a packet of papers from my duster pocket, parchment sealed with wax, and held them out to him. “Letters from Brakae.”
His smile broadened, melting some of the tension that tightened my limbs and caused my heart to beat a little too fast. “Thank you, Darian.”
Raif sat down at the table, his attention solely focused on the letters. He broke the seal, impatient, and skimmed over what Brakae had sent. The room became unbearably silent and now I had no other choice but to focus my attention on the Shaede High King himself.
Xander approached me slowly. He tried to come across as harmless, but the intensity of his gaze, coupled with the way his muscular body rolled with each step, made him look more like a predator than anything meant to put me at ease. When only a foot or so of space separated us, he stopped. He glanced down at my hands which I only now realized were balled up into tight fists. I took a tentative step back but my progress was stayed by the long table. Awesome.
“You have been gone for far too long.” His murmured words encircled me in a velvet embrace and I shivered. “Your absence has been…”
“A nice break?” I ventured with a small laugh.
“Unbearable,” he said, his own voice devoid of humor.
“Xander.” My voice stalled in my throat, panic rising up in me like a high tide. He was too close. I needed space. Room to breathe. I needed him to avert his gaze and quit looking at me like I was a freaking cheeseburger! “Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you don’t take about five steps back, I’m going to go ballistic.” His brow furrowed and his jaw took on a stubborn set. Great. Now I’d gone and hurt his regal feelings. I was the one about to suffer from a Godzilla-sized panic attack, but it was
his
feelings that were hurt. “I’m just…not ready. You know?”
Raif pulled his attention from Brakae’s letters, his gaze focused on his brother with a seriously scary intensity. Xander nodded his head in acknowledgement and pulled out one of the chairs for me while he returned to the head of the table and took a seat. With a fair amount of distance between us, I could finally take a deep breath. It’s not that I thought he’d pounce on me or anything, but I had no idea how he’d react to my being back and that was the problem. Any intimate contact: a touch, an embrace—I shuddered—would be too much. I could handle giving Raif a hug. Raif was safe. My chest burned with anger over what Kade had done to me. The fear he’d caused to spring to life inside of me. I’d get past it. I knew I would. But it was going to take more than two weeks away for me to heal completely.
“I forget it hasn’t been as long for you,” Xander said as he leaned back in his chair, looking very much the self-possessed king. “For those of us here, it’s been a little over six months since you left.”
My estimation of the time difference had been pretty damned close. I’d left Seattle in April. It was now—I ticked the months off in my mind—October.
Damn
. I’d missed all of my favorite months. The warm ones. It was almost winter again and I’d have to endure the cold winds and biting rain. I really needed to consider moving somewhere more tropical. “It’s only been about two weeks for me,” I admitted. “Weird, isn’t it?”
Xander snorted. “Weird is an understatement.”
I gave a nervous laugh. “I guess you’re right. So, what’s going on? Asher said there’s been a lot of activity around here lately? Care to fill me in?”
Xander’s eyes sparked with curiosity. “You’ve been back to your apartment?”
“Yeah, and about that, what’s up with the remodel? I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re so certain I’m responsible?”
I quirked a brow.
“Fine.” He sighed. “I didn’t want you to be surrounded by…unpleasant memories when you returned home. I thought that a change of scenery would make the transition easier.”
Well, at least his heart was in the right place. “I’ll reimburse you for the work.”
“Nonsense.”
“Xander.” I paused. I was too damned exhausted to even argue right now. “I know it wasn’t cheap.”
“It is a gift,” he said simply. “I will not accept reimbursement.”
I filled my lungs with air, held it, and let it all rush out at once. “Fine. Now, what’s going on?”
With a dismissive wave of his hand, Xander said, “Politics. I should have considered my choice of regent more carefully. Apparently he fears for the kingdom. He wants me to return home.”
“You should return home, Xander,” Raif chimed in, his expression stern. “If only for a while.”
“The matter is closed for discussion,” Xander said as though he’d dealt with hundreds of worse political headaches. He gave Raif a very pointed stare. “We’ll not speak of it again this day.”
Huh. Well, he hadn’t shut down the discussion completely, just, “this day.” I suspected Raif would start up again in the morning, but until one of them decided to spill the beans, this had nothing to do with me. “Anyway, I wanted you to know that I’m back.” A pregnant pause filled the air. What else was there to say?
“Stay for dinner,” Xander suggested, his gaze becoming hungry again. And not for food. Nervous energy skittered up my spine. I needed to calm the fuck down. “You don’t have to go back to your apartment, Darian. Not until you’re ready.”
I gave Xander what I hoped was an apologetic smile. I knew that things were far from settled between us, but I was certain that staying here was not a good idea. “Thanks, Xander, but I have to go back sometime. The longer I put it off, the harder it will be.”
I turned to Raif as I pushed my chair back from the table. “I’ll call you in the morning.”
His expression was soft, yet concerned. “All right. But if you need anything before then…”
“I know,” I said, heading for the door. “Thanks, Xander, for my apartment. It really does help.”
He didn’t hide his disappointment that I was leaving when he said, “It was my pleasure. Good afternoon, Darian.”
I became one with the encroaching twilight and left them both where they sat.
Chapter Three
I told Xander I’d have to go back to my apartment sometime. But sometime wasn’t right this second. I took a detour by way of The Pit, anxious for the familiarity of my favorite haunt and a few quiet moments in my usual corner at the back of the bar.
Since I was currently sans cell phone to check the time—it’s not like Verizon had a tower in
O Anel
—I could only guess by the sun’s disappearance in the western sky and the stifling, scratchy feeling that crept over my skin that the twilight hour was about to venture into full night. The absence of my phone made me wonder about the organized chaos of my former digs. Since my place had undergone an extreme makeover, I had no idea where any of my stuff was. Maybe it had all be reallocated to a warehouse somewhere with the Lost Ark and the rest of Indiana Jones’s stash.
The Pit was gloriously empty when I walked through the swinging double doors. Levi, my favorite bartender and personal encyclopedia of all things supernatural was apparently off for the day. I didn’t recognize the woman standing behind the counter and my heart sunk a little. It would have been nice to see another friendly face, but on the bright side, at least I didn’t have to engage in any small talk. I ordered a Coke and headed to my favorite table in the back corner of the bar. Picking up where I’d left off, slipping into my old routine, felt good. I could pretend that this was any other day and I was my same old detached apathetic self. For a while, at least.