After Midnight (15 page)

“I won’t. Thanks,” he said, standing.

He walked away from Georgina, but the farther he moved into the lodge, the slower his steps became. Talking to Lindsey wasn’t going to be easy. He knew it. He should have mentioned it earlier, but he’d felt silly saying he was going to be in a hot tub with a bevy of twentysomethings.

“Dude, you don’t want to go to the bar,” Bradley said, coming up behind him.

“Why not?”

“Lindsey is pissed about what happened earlier, and Elizabeth texted me to find you.”

Great. “It was just a job.”

“I get it, man, believe me, I do. But apparently Lindsey thought there was something wrong with you because you missed a class. She went from worrying for your safety to seeing you cavorting in a hot tub.”

“Damn. I didn’t think of it that way.”

“Or maybe you did,” Bradley said. “I know for me there are times when I need to know that I’m at least as important to Elizabeth as the resort is. So I do stuff to get her attention.”

Was that what he’d been doing?

He knew each day she was getting more confident on her skis and needed him just a little bit less. That was something he couldn’t tolerate.

15

“I’
M
SORRY
,”
C
ARTER
said as she opened the door to her condo. He’d texted her that he’d had to work and had just gotten her message. Then he’d asked if he could stop by her place and she’d said yes.

Lindsey was over her earlier upset and realized that if she was going to be involved with Carter she’d have to get used to seeing him with other woman. His biggest sponsor had a lot of those scantily clad girls. But she also knew that it was more complicated than that.

“It’s okay. I was foolishly worried something had happened to you,” she said. But it wasn’t as if they’d had a standing appointment or anything like that, so a part of her felt that maybe she shouldn’t have been so freaked out.

“I know. I should have mentioned the photo shoot but I just didn’t... I felt like we were starting to feel too settled and that I had to tell you, so I didn’t.”

“It’s fine. I get it.” She gave him a cavalier smile. “Remember, we said we’d make up our own rules. So we don’t have to share everything if you don’t want to.”

He stepped inside her condo, and she closed the door behind him. “The thing is, I think I want to.”

Lindsey didn’t believe him. She wasn’t even going to pretend that his idea of being a sort-of couple could work for her anymore. He’d made it pretty plain that he wanted to sleep with her, and she liked that, but she knew that moving forward she was going to have to make sure she didn’t start thinking of him as anything other than a lover.

“It’s cool.”

He shook his head, and she could see his jaw tighten “It’s anything but cool. I was playing a game and it feels like I might have lost.”

“We both did. We were both pretending that for the past weeks we lived in some sort of world where it was just the two of us. But the truth is, you still have a pro career and you need to dedicate a certain amount of time to it.”

“I can see you’ve thought this through,” he said quietly.

He leaned against the wall, and she couldn’t keep the image from flashing through her mind of the last time he’d held her in his arms in a hallway. The way his mouth had moved over her lips, trailing hot, molten kisses down her neck before travelling slowly lower. How she’d lifted her arms above her head and stopped thinking.

That might have been dangerous.

She needed her wits to deal with Carter. To ensure she didn’t forget the truth of who he was. Of who
she
was. While this was fun, that was all it would ever be, and she had to remember it.

She had to stop looking for him at her ski lessons and wanting to share her little successes with him. He was already putting her in one section of his life, and she needed to stay there.

“I have thought it through. I’m starting to ski a lot more. Today the class and I went down a moderate run, and I’ve called my coach to tell him I think I’m ready to get back to training. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I have to try skiing again.”

“What about your other commitments?” he asked. “Your job at the resort and the charity event?”

She licked her lips and tipped her head to the side. “I’m going to take a part-time role at the resort and I’m still captaining the team. Lars thinks my return to the training should help boost our team’s chances of beating yours.”

He shoved his hands through his hair and exhaled roughly. “I don’t want this to end.”

“It’s not. I’m sure there will still be moments of weakness on my part where I call you and ask you to stop by.”

“Weakness?”
His eyes flicked to her face.

“Yeah, weakness. I felt so upset seeing you today with those women. I get that it’s your job and you’re going to keep on doing it...but you didn’t say anything to me about it. Didn’t mention it, even though every night I talk to you all about my students.”

“That’s different.”

“See, until today I didn’t realize that.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “To me it felt like I was building toward something. Slowly pulling my life back out of the abyss where it had fallen, but then I had a wake-up call.”

He moved closer to her and she stood her ground, not backing up or turning away, because this was too important. She’d hidden away from life when she’d lost her ability to ski, and Carter hadn’t taken anything from her, but today she’d had a glimpse of what he could take, and she simply couldn’t allow that to happen. Not again.

“What wake-up call?”

“That I’m more involved than you are,” she accused. “It made me feel silly, especially when I’d thought that something must be wrong, that you’d had an accident or something. If it had been me, I would have let you know.”

He cursed under his breath and turned away from her.

“Why are
you
so pissed?”

“Because you have it all wrong, Linds. I’ve been struggling this entire time to keep from letting you see how much you mean to me. How much I need you in my life.” He turned back to her, reached for her, but she recoiled.

“What the hell...?” he asked.

“I can’t think when you touch me, and I need to make sure I’m clearheaded.”

“Fine. I haven’t wanted to crowd you, and I guess that maybe I thought of today as a chance to see how much I mean to you,” he said brusquely. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I’m tired of always guessing where I stand with you.”

* * *

H
E
SHOULD
HAVE
been better prepared for this but knew he had been hoping this would all blow over. It hadn’t. And, in hindsight, it was probably for the best. This had been lurking under the surface for a while now for him. It had felt too unsettled. He knew that he was going to have leave Park City after the February event to kick off the charity to fulfill his Thunderbolt Extreme Winter Games duties, but he’d be coming back and forth for the next six months. He hadn’t known how to ask Lindsey if she still wanted to see him.

“I’m not a coward,” he said. “You’re the one who’s been afraid and hiding here. Not at the training center, but at a resort teaching little kids to ski.”

“There’s nothing wrong with what I’ve been doing. It takes time to recover from the kind of injury I had.”

He knew that. He was just being mean because she’d cut a little too close to the truth with her comment. The fact was, he was scared. Scared of having his heart broken. He’d known he was in danger ever since they’d started sleeping together. She’d known it, too. He could tell by the way she had wrapped her arms around her waist.

“I know. That was horrible, and I have no idea how long it would take me to come back. You’re sort of my hero for getting back on skis as quickly as you did,” he said, shoving his hands through his hair again. “I don’t want to fight with you, gorgeous.”

“Me, either,” she admitted. “I like you, Carter, but you’ve never really been serious about anything but snowboarding. Today, when I was searching for you, I realized how much you’ve come to mean to me.”

“How much?” he asked, staring at her intently. He had to know. And he wanted her to go first and tell him that she cared so he’d feel that much safer admitting he felt the same.

“A lot. Too much,” she whispered. “So much so, in fact, that somehow in my mind you and skiing have become intertwined. And that’s dangerous.”

He inhaled deeply. “It’s like that for me, too. But I didn’t want to admit it. I like all the time we’ve spent together and I’m scared of what will happen when I leave Park City.”

He took a step toward her, and this time she didn’t back away. And when he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to her forehead, she didn’t resist. Finally he had her where he needed her. He hugged her close and let out a small breath of relief. This was one of those little hiccoughs that couples went through. They’d get through this.

“When are you leaving?”

“Not until after our charity competition. I have other commitments that I have to fulfill...but I don’t want this to end.”

“Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been of anything in a long time.” Holding her close, he gently threaded his fingers through her hair. “It’s ironic that it was me wanting to keep my professional life away from you that caused this. I’ve never had someone in my life that I’ve shared so much with before.”

“Me, either,” she said in that quiet way of hers.

“Can we start again?” he asked. “Third time might be the charm for us.”

“How do you figure we had three times?”

“Seventeen, when I was a jerk. New Year’s Eve, when you were...well, fabulous. And now this time when we are both ready.”

“Okay,” she said. “How about we grab dinner and talk?”

“I was hoping for something more physical.”

“Sex?” she asked.

The way she said it let him know that if he said yes, it wouldn’t be his smartest move.

“Not right now. I know a nice place where we can do some snowshoeing. It’s not too far from here and might be perfect for tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because we can forget about all the fears that are making a relationship such a struggle for us.”

“Sounds perfect. Where is it?”

He pulled out his smartphone and glanced at the screen. “Not too far from here. One of these places groomed by the Mountain Trails Foundation. Ever heard of it?”

She took the phone from him and studied the screen, and he almost felt as if they might be okay. But he’d never had anyone in his life he feared losing the way he did with Lindsey. She was more than a lover.

That was hard for him to admit, but he knew it was the truth.

“I haven’t. But it sounds like fun.”

Suddenly his stomach growled. “Have you arranged for dinner?” he asked.

“I have a pizza on the way,” she said, leading the way into her kitchen.

She got out drinks for them while he called to make an appointment. “Can you go tomorrow night?”

“I can,” she said.

He finished the arrangements and the pizza arrived. They sat at her table eating and he realized that she wasn’t talking. That maybe just because he’d thought everything was okay, it wasn’t.

“Tell me about your lessons,” he said. “I had planned to make the last one but then the shooting ran over.”

Her eyes lit up. “That class was awesome. Some of the kids were getting restless—you know they are more advanced than some of my other ones—so I decided to take them on a run.”

“You did? Which one?”

She gave him a smile that cut him all the way to his soul. So much joy and pride in her look that he knew he was falling for her. That her joy could be his was the first indication. But it wasn’t the only one. How he’d planned to stay here until he could get back in her good graces was another one.

“A moderate one. Not a world-class trail, but it was close, and I wasn’t scared this time. I mean, I was at the top, but once I started skiing it was like old times. I got into my stance and just sort of felt everything fade away.”

“Gorgeous, that’s great! Tomorrow morning we’re going up the mountain.”

* * *

L
INDSEY
LEFT
A
note for Carter to meet her and left early to meet Elizabeth for breakfast. They’d started the tradition when Lindsey had first started working at the resort and had kept it up even through the holidays and new relationships. Last night in the bar, she’d been so out of control with her feelings that she hadn’t really been able to talk.

They sat in the main dining room at the lodge, the Wasatch Range standing majestically in the distance. Lindsey was playing with her food more than eating it.

“I don’t think a night’s sleep has helped you,” Elizabeth said.

“It hasn’t. If anything I’m more confused now than ever,” she admitted. It was hard to talk about her feelings. She just wasn’t the kind of woman who had ever done a lot of sharing.

On the team where she’d spent most of her life, everyone had been focused on their own goals. Sure, they’d discussed good runs or new products, but they’d never really talked about their real lives. Elizabeth reached over and squeezed her hand. “What’s on your mind?”

“Stuff,” Lindsey said. “Honestly, I can’t make any sense of it. There’s a part of me that wants to believe that Carter has changed, and I’ve changed enough to give him a shot, but then there’s this other part that’s too afraid to believe it. And I’m stuck not knowing which is right.”

Elizabeth took a sip of her coffee. “I’m betting the truth is somewhere in between all of that. Maybe you are looking for an easy answer where there isn’t one. I’m far from an expert on relationships—believe me, Bradley would be the first to say that—but I have discovered that you have to be honest with yourself, with your heart. Otherwise you will be miserable.”

Lindsey took a bite of her omelet and wondered what her heart wanted. She knew she cared for Carter. She couldn’t deny it after the blind panic she’d felt the day before when she couldn’t find him. But love? She was afraid to admit to it. In her life she’d loved two things: her family and skiing.

Right now she was struggling to find her way back to skiing and felt as though she was on the right path. What she felt for Carter wasn’t really like that. She had no idea how to define it or him. She just knew that when he’d showed up at her place last night, she’d felt a sense of relief mixed with joy.

“How do you know what the heart wants?” she asked Elizabeth. If there was one woman in the world who seemed to have it all, it was her friend. She needed some guidance here. Because she’d been out of the game of love for too long.

“Only you can say. When Bradley called me, even before we were dating, I’d get really excited. I couldn’t wait to talk to him, and I pretended we were just friends and that was all I wanted, but I knew I needed more from him.”

It was different for her and Carter. She’d never felt anything toward him except for faint amusement and a little bit of irritation before New Year’s Eve. She’d needed this year to be different. Vastly different from last year, which, if she was completely honest, she could say was happening.

The problem was, as much as she wanted to change, she kept getting tripped up on the fact that she had no idea how to really handle it. How to handle Carter. Jealousy would have been easier to deal with, but the truth was that it had been more than jealousy she’d felt at those other women. Something deep inside her had been awakened and she’d wanted to claim him. To tell those girls and everyone else that he was hers.