After Midnight (6 page)

Of course he did, he thought. But he liked the fact that she saw only the confidence he’d worked so hard at projecting. If she saw him as the man he wanted to be, he was good with that. He wasn’t about to start confessing to things that he couldn’t do and the secrets he protected.

“Just being walked out on by women like you, gorgeous,” he said smoothly.

She nibbled on her lower lip, and he remembered how her mouth had felt under his the night before. He had thought he’d had enough time to exorcise the lust demons that had been plaguing him for years, but realized now he hadn’t come close.

Would he ever be able to sate his thirst for Lindsey?

He’d sort of believed that her elusiveness was all that kept him still wanting her. It had been a while, and each time they were apart he’d try to forget her. Those big brown eyes and the pretty blond hair.

The media had dubbed her the Ice Queen for her cool persona before each of her runs. Other skiers smiled and joked, but Lindsey had held herself aloof and had come down the mountain as though she owned it. Now he realized that he had wanted to be the man to melt that icy exterior.

He’d done it once, but that wasn’t enough.

Why wasn’t it enough?

It seemed to him that having waited so long to claim her in his bed, he should be happy, or at least content. But he wasn’t.

He wanted something more.

But as was par for him, he had no way to define it and could only say that it involved Lindsey.

“I am sorry again for leaving so abruptly,” she said softly. “I wanted to see if I could take a run this morning... Well, that’s not entirely true.” She fixed her gaze squarely on his. “You scared me, Carter. I’ve never been the way I was with you last night. I’m not sure I recognize that part of myself.”

“Good,” he said. “The old you has been hiding. Frozen in some sort of limbo. I’m glad you don’t recognize yourself, because that means you are finally thawing.”

“Thawing? Wow, I thought I’d proved last night that there is nothing icy about me,” she said in a slightly breathless voice.

“You did, but then you retreated behind your wall of ice,” he said.

“Fair enough.”

“Let’s go,” he said, standing and holding out his hand to her.

“Where?”

“Trust me?”

She reached for his hand and gave him a forced smile. “No. But I’ll follow you anyway.”

He’d take what he could get with her. She stood and he led the way to the parking lot and his SUV.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He smiled mysteriously. “I have an idea.”

She got into the vehicle without another word, and he drove them away from the lodge to a path he’d found about a week ago when he’d needed to get away from everyone and everything. He parked the SUV on the side of the road and came around to Lindsey’s side of the SUV. She had her door open and had hopped out before he got there.

“This is your big idea?”

“Stop with the doubt and follow me.”

He led the way to the tree line over the snow-covered ground, and she followed him. Her boots were good and sturdy, as were his, and he kept walking until he found what he was looking for: a small clearing in the copse of trees. Icicles hung from the branches, and in the center was a mound of snow that he suspected some local kids had built.

“This is it?”

“Yup,” he said.

“How’d you find it?” she asked, looking at the steep snow mound, which was large enough to slide down. In the middle was a trench big enough for a sled.

“I don’t know, but I think it will work perfectly for us.”

She walked over to it and then looked back at him. “Thank you.”

Seeing her quiet, contemplative expression as she continued to look at the snow mound made it easy for him to believe that he’d done the right thing. But deep inside he knew that helping her ski wasn’t what he really wanted.

6

T
HE
STEEP
MOUND
of snow might look like a bit of fun to anyone else, but to Lindsey it looked huge. As she stood at the base of it, she realized that Carter had found her the ideal place to test her own limits.

“I have a sled in the SUV,” he said. “Let me go and get it.”

She nodded.

Words were inadequate while fear was tightening her throat, but really her fear had to do with the public way she’d fallen. She knew everyone had seen it, and now when she put on her skis she was always aware of people watching her. In truth, they might not be, but her fear was that they were.

She noticed some foot holes had been dug in the snow and put her boots in, slowly climbing to the top of the mound. When she got to the top, she simply stood there. Her pulse was racing, and she was sweating inside her snow wear even though it was freezing.

She licked her dry lips and tipped her head back to look up at the sky. This height was so small compared to the mountains she’d skied in her career, yet it felt bigger. Felt scarier somehow, and she knew she didn’t want Carter to see her this way.

It was one thing to admit she was afraid to ski but something else entirely to actually let him see a glimpse of what that fear looked like. She turned to climb down and saw him standing there, the trees behind him, their limbs heavy with snow. The small sled in one hand and the most serious look she’d ever seen in Carter Shaw’s blue-gray eyes.

He knew.

She hated that he was witnessing this moment of horrible weakness.

He didn’t say anything, just continued to watch her. Inside her fear a small bubble of rebellion formed. Carter was the last person on earth she wanted to witness this meltdown.

“Great...I’m glad you have that sled. I was going to give it a try without one but thought I’d wait for you.”

“You don’t have to do this,” he told her. “Baby steps are the way forward.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. This little mound is nothing,” she said airily.
God, please let me get off this damned mound, and quickly.

“Okay.” He pointed into the distance. “See that drift over there?”

She glanced all the way across the clearing to the large drift that had been reinforced probably by the same people who’d built this mound. That had to be where the sled would stop. It seemed huge. Farther than anything she’d gone down before.

But she knew that was fear talking.

“Great.”

“Great?” he repeated. “I know it’s not great, gorgeous.”

She knew it, too. But she wasn’t about to let him once again see her weak and vulnerable. Man, was that what this was all about? Was that why she couldn’t ski? Vulnerability?

Whatever it was, she was going to have to sled down this mound to prove a point to herself—and to Carter. She’d expected him to hand her the sled, but this was Carter, so instead he climbed up next to her.

“Not so bad from up here,” he said. “Reminds me of the first time I stood at the mouth of the half-pipe.”

“Is this really how high it is?”

“Nah, it’s a bit higher, but I was strung out on nerves waiting to take my first run. Excited, scared and so full of ideas of how I wanted it to go I couldn’t stand it.”

Her hands were shaking, and she wove them together to keep Carter from seeing, but he put one of his big hands over hers. Held them for a minute, and she looked up to see his face close to hers. So close she could see the flecks of silver in his blue-gray eyes and notice how thick his eyelashes were.

He had incredible eyes.

She wanted to do something crazy, like kiss him.
If
she kissed him, then passion could sweep them away and she wouldn’t have to go down the mound. Hell, she’d strip down naked in the cold with the wind blowing the snow from the tree branches if it meant she didn’t have to go down this small mound of snow.

Realizing that made tears burn at the back of her eyes. Dammit. If she couldn’t sled down this freakin’ mound, how was she ever going to ski again?

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“I know,” he whispered back. He lifted his free hand and cupped the side of her face. “But you are the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”

“Liar.”

“I wish. I know that no matter what, you will conquer this mound and then get back on the expert slope. I believe that with every fiber of my being.”

His eyes burned into hers, and she could feel the sheer force of his will radiate through her.

But how could he have such unwavering faith in her when she was riddled with so many doubts and fears? She appreciated what he was trying to do here, but a part of her—a huge part—wasn’t sure it could really come true.

“I—”

“No, don’t say anything else. Just sit your sweet ass on this sled and take the run you’ve been thinking about.”

The run she’d been thinking about was down the Wasatch Back Range, but she had to do this to get there. His strength was there all around her. His breath was warm against her cheek. His hands, which held her so solidly, reminded her that he was virile and strong.

She leaned up and pressed her mouth to his. Angled her lips over his and thrust her tongue into his mouth. Surprised, he opened his mouth, and in her mind she pretended she could borrow his courage just by kissing him. She pulled her head back, took the sled from him and sat before she could think anymore about where she was and what she was about to do.

She put her hands in the snow and shoved with all her might. She wanted to close her eyes as she flew down the mound, but kept them open. Wind whipped past her cheeks as she skidded across the flat snow-packed ground into the drift, and she started laughing.

* * *

C
ARTER
HAD
ALWAYS
been a gambling man. Reaching for things and willing to play the risks, but this was the first time he’d gambled on someone else.

He’d felt as if he’d failed miserably as he’d stood at the bottom and saw Lindsey standing up there literally shaking with fear. It was more than fear or pride or even vulnerability. If he’d had to define it, he would have admitted she was lost. He never wanted to be responsible for that look he’d seen on her face again. So, heart hammering in his chest, he’d climbed up there with her, told her he believed in her. And then, just like that, she’d kissed him and thrown herself down that snow mound as though it was the gate to a Super G course. And when her laughter rang out around the clearing, he’d felt justified, and more than a little bit relieved, if he were being honest.

The risk had paid off.

They spent the next hour sliding down the snow mound. Each time he watched her carefully, and he noticed it wasn’t getting easier for her, but she had made up her mind that she would do it.

And she did.

He felt like a jumble of nerves. A mess. This wasn’t like him. He was the guy who felt nothing. Why did Lindsey change all that?

And he was beginning to believe that his desire for more of her in his bed wasn’t the only thing he wanted.

“Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

She put the sled on the ground next to him. “Your turn.”

He didn’t want another turn with anything but her. “Will you go with me?”

“Go with you?” she asked. “Are you asking me to date you?”

Not a bad idea, but they were too old to be dating like that. Weren’t they?

“Maybe. But for now I want to take a run down with you.”

She nodded.

Picking up the sled, he led her back to the mound and then stood behind her as she climbed up. The woman had a first-class ass, and when she got to the top she glanced over her shoulder and caught him staring at her butt.

“I think you just wanted another chance to ogle me.”

“No denying that, gorgeous. I do like your body.”

“I like yours, too,” she confessed. He climbed up after her and set the sled on the top of the mound. He sat on it and anchored himself in place by stomping his boot into the snow.

“Come on,” he said.

Lindsey carefully sat in front of him, scooting back until her buttocks were pressed firmly up against him. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist. She smelled of snow and the pine trees that surrounded the clearing.

“Ready?”

She put her hands together over his arm, holding him as she nodded. He lifted his boot from the place where it was anchoring them in the snow and pushed off with one hand. He leaned in close, holding her to him, and then pivoted his body so they slid sideways into the snow. He fell off the sled and pulled her with him, making sure she was on top of him.

She rested her arms on his chest and looked down at him, and for the first time this morning he saw something close to happiness shining in her big brown eyes. She smiled, and he arched his eyebrow at her. “You must be messing with my mojo.”

“I must be,” she said. “I’ve never seen you fall.”

“I usually don’t,” he admitted. But he’d wanted her to see what would happen if she did. Wanted her to experience a fall and maybe in some way show her that this time it wouldn’t be as bad as it had been before.

He was messed up. He knew it. He was trying to make her see him in a different light, but the truth was he was too flawed to really want her to see the man behind the bluster. He knew that, but at the same time he sort of wanted her to be the one person who knew the real guy under that cocky facade.

“I imagine this is just one of your seduction techniques. The way you get woman to kiss you.”

“Nah, it’s how I get women to
let
me kiss them,” he said, going along with her. He traced the bottom curve of her lip and held her to him with his arm around her waist. The ground was cold, but he didn’t feel it through his snow pants. He looked up at the cloudy sky and saw the first snowflakes falling toward them. One of them landed on the end of Lindsey’s nose, and he caught it on his finger and brought it to his lips to lick it off.

She leaned down as another flake landed on his lips, and kissed him. The chilled snowflake melted under the heat of her kiss, and he felt the warmth spread from her mouth to every cell of his body. Slowly working over him until he wrapped both arms around her and kissed her as if nothing mattered except the two of them.

As if there wasn’t anything else in the universe but him and her and this snowy clearing. Nothing but her lips moving over hers, her hands on his face and her body pressed intimately to his. Nothing except the taste of her happiness and the cold chill that couldn’t penetrate the heat they were generating.

Nothing but he and Lindsey and this outdoor world that they’d both called home for so long.

* * *

L
YING
ON
TOP
of Carter with the snow gently falling around her was the perfect end to this crazy first day of the year. She had been running on empty, she realized, until he’d pushed her to go down the mound. She wasn’t perfect. It was silly to think one man would make that big of a change in her, but this was Carter.

The bad boy who’d been teasing and cajoling her since the moment they’d met. But damn, could he kiss.

Lindsey forgot about everything but how soft his lips were under hers. How right his tongue felt as it tangled with hers. And his taste. It was minty but earthy...and she couldn’t get enough of it. Of
him
. His hands were moving up and down her back, cupping her butt and pulling her more fully against him.

Despite the cold, his erection was strong and solid between them, awakening an answering ache deep inside her. She wasn’t a sexual person, so this desire so quick on the heels of last night was new. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be this lusty. Not with Carter. He had already proved to her that he was different, or rather that
she
was different when he was around.

He made everything she felt seem bigger somehow, but he also called to the parts of her soul she preferred to keep hidden from the world. She pulled her head back and gazed down into those blue-gray eyes of his. There was something almost harsh about his features, and she recognized the look on his face as smoldering desire. Last night had given her a glimpse into how passion changed him from that sort of mischievous badass into a man who knew how to seduce.

“Let’s go back to my room,” he said, shifting her so he could sit up.

She shook her head.

“Why not? It’s not like—”

Lindsey put her finger over his lips, rubbed it back and forth for a second. Then she brought her finger to her own lips and kissed it. She wanted to be able to dismiss him as easily as she always had. But she couldn’t. She thought about how awkward she’d felt this morning and how electrified she felt right now. She wanted him. Wanted to feel his muscled body moving against hers and over hers again. Not again. If she had sex with him again she had to be in control.

“You have to stop thinking that you are the boss,” she said, lifting her finger from his lips.

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re not.”

He swept an errant lock of hair off her cheek. “Then you aren’t on fire for me? You don’t burn when you think of both of us naked in each other’s arms?” His words fanned the flames that were already coursing through her. Of course she wanted that. Just wanted it on her terms. “We’ll go to my place. When I say.”

“When
you
say?” he asked, quirking one eyebrow at her.

“Yes,” she said.

He tightened his arms around her, and she felt him shift before he stood with her in his arms. “I don’t think so.”

He brought his mouth down on hers, and unlike the last time there was no doubt that he was in charge of this kiss. Her body, which felt as though it wasn’t hers anymore, stirred to life. She moaned as he angled his head and deepened the kiss. He held her as if she weighed nothing, but she kept her arms locked around his shoulders. Held on to him.

The only solid thing she could find in a world that she was losing her grip on. A world where all she could see was Carter. She couldn’t let him mean that much to her. She knew better than that. He was her sexy midnight man. That was all.