Above the Noise (6 page)

“Calon, as long as we’re being honest, this whole thing scares the shit out of me. It got big and intense really fast.”

“Agreed. If I let myself think too hard about it, it’s more than I know what to do with. So, maybe it’s good that we’ve been moving slowly, I guess.”

“No. It’s
not
good. That part is really, really not good.” She flattened her hands on my chest.

“Yeah. My body isn’t immune to you being so close to me under these covers, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop picturing what this night would have been like if we had our own room.”

“Oh, thank God. I was starting to worry you hadn’t let your mind go there yet.”

“Are you kidding me? Becki, I’ve been celibate for four years. You. Are. Driving. Me. Mad.” I ran my fingers through her hair and let my hand rest on the side of her face.

“Celibate?!” The volume of her voice made us both wince. We froze waiting for Bones to flip out. Nothing. He was passed out again. “Celibate?” she whispered the word this time. “You haven’t had sex in four years?”

“I have not.” I smiled, knowing I’d just added shock and awe to our late night chat.

“How? You’re like a rock god.” She struggled to keep her voice at a whisper.

“But, I’m not a slut.” I feigned offense, which made her giggle. She buried her face in my chest to muffle her laughter. Her body froze, and she pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“Wait, so, that means… Chloe… and that’s it?” She tried so hard to lace her words together, but she obviously had a hard time picturing me as a sexless rocker.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her once between every couple words. “Just one. But,” kiss, “hoping to make,” kiss, “that short list,” kiss, “one name longer soon.”

Her eyes fluttered a little, and she growled out, “Shit, that’s hot.”

“YEAH, ONE PERSON
! Can you believe all that sex god mojo has been pent up for four years? Gracie, I’m not even sure I can keep up with that. It could kill me!”

“Holy shit, Becki! I would have thought—”

“You’re thinking of Calon in sex situations? Stand down, bitch!” I laughed so hard I snorted. Gracie was just what I needed. If I couldn’t be hanging with her on campus, the phone would have to do.

“You’re funny. So, tell me, how is everything going? You all survived the trip, I guess. Any news about the tour?” I knew she’d find a way to quickly change the subject. I didn’t fault her. You couldn’t look at Calon and not picture him naked. Yeah, he was that hot.

“The trip was long and smelly. Four boys in a crowded van for a couple days is disgusting. But, yeah, it was uneventful. We met with the management company yesterday, which was interesting. The guys had to go back there this morning, so I stayed here to call you and just be alone for a second. If you would have told me last month that I would be in a hotel room with four rock stars and wanted alone time, I would have said you were high.”

“Pretty intense personalities, huh?” She yawned, and I could hear Jake and Sam in the background. I pictured them still sleepy-eyed and making some big man-breakfast. Classes hadn’t started yet, so they were all sucking up all the sleep-in time they could get.

“Well, you know these guys. I mean, they’re cool. Gorgeous, too, but they’re guys… they can be pretty gross. And they don’t feel the need to hold anything back when I’m around.”

“Hmm. Sounds—fun?” Gracie’s voice trailed off and got muffled.

“Wait! Are you talking to me from inside Jake’s mouth?” I rolled my eyes, even though I knew she couldn’t see me.

“Yes, she is, Becki.” Jake’s voice always made me smile.

“Hi, jerk.”

“Nice.”

“I’m kidding, Jake. You know I love you.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’ll let you two ladies alone. I’m gonna go have half a pig with my chicken embryos.”

“GROSS!” That thought actually made my stomach churn.

“Ha! That was for calling me a jerk, Veg-head!” Jake he howled with laughter.

“Why does he say that like it’s an insult?” I giggled. “So, Gracie, any news about Noah and the guys?”

“Yeah, Detective Peterson called yesterday. They’re going to need Ashley, Chelsea, and me to testify… and they will be using the DVD as evidence. Oh, Becki, I wish you were here. Dammit, I miss you.” I heard a sniffle, and I knew this was probably the worst possible time for her to have to give up her best friend.

“I miss you, too. A lot! You’re going to keep hanging with Sylvia through all this, right?”

“Yeah. I will probably hang with her until she dies of old age. It’s hard, Becki, because I feel guilty for some of the stuff I’ve talked about with her.” She turned her volume down to a whisper. “It’s stuff that I wouldn’t ever tell Jake. Not because I want to keep secrets, but it’s just stuff about Noah did to me that he doesn’t need imagery for, ya know?”

“But that’s all the shit you gotta work through and get out of your head, so you can lessen all those triggers, and, it would do Jake no good to know those things.” I sat up and leaned against the slotted headboard that was bolted to the wall and closed my eyes.

“Wow. You sound like you’ve been talking to Sylvia, too.”

“Yeah, we hang out. She’s a wild one, Gracie.”

“Dork!” She giggled, and I felt the bed shift under me. My eyes darted to the end of the bed.

“Hey.” Calon’s sultry voice folded around me.

“Was that Calon?” Gracie’s voice was so shrill it stung my eardrum. I loved that she and Calon had such a cool relationship. Gracie was the only human I would trust to be so close to someone I was so into.

“Sure was.” I put my hand over the end of my phone and whispered to him, “How’d you get in here so quietly? I didn’t even hear you.” He just wiggled his eyebrows and climbed up the bed toward me.

“Hi, Gracie! We miss you!” Calon spoke in a sing songy voice near my phone, but his lips were barely an inch from mine. His breath smelled like coffee, and his hair tickled my forehead.

“I miss you guys, too. But, I’m gonna let you go. I… uh… I need to go eat with the guys.” I knew she was lying. I knew she figured that Calon and I were finally alone with a bed, and she wanted to let me have at it.

“Bye, Gracie. Talk soon!” It was hard to hang up. I really missed her.

“Geez, Becki. Hang up already! Go!” Yep, she knew what I was hoping would soon go down.

I ended the call and put my phone on the side table between the beds, then slid down so I was lying under Calon’s lion-on-the-prowl stance.

“Hi.” His deep voice, those eyes. My God, those eyes. He lowered his head and rubbed my nose with his.

“Hi.” I could barely speak. Images that would make Hugh Heffner blush ran through my mind at the speed of light.

“What are you thinking?”

“Fuck. Calon, that’s totally not fair!”

Calon burst out laughing and fell onto the bed next to me. He folded his arms under the pillow I’d slept on and propped it up so we were eye to eye.

“Listen, I’ll let you off the hook this one time. But, that’s just because I’m feeling generous.”

“Thank the Lord!” I let out a big sigh. “So, did you not go to Greystar?” I wanted to change the subject before he changed his mind, and I’d have to tell him about the X-rated fantasy I was having.

“Mr. Barnes met us in the lobby, so we didn’t even have to go to his office. He told us we didn’t have to change a thing about our image. So, thank you for that.” He kissed my nose. “Then he gave us a fat pile of papers with addresses we’ll need, contact numbers, and a bunch of stuff we needed to have filled out for our next meeting then he left. The guys decided to do a little exploring.”

“And you decided to explore a little, too?” I bit my bottom lip and held my breath.
Please, say yes. Please, say yes.

“Somethin’ like that.” He licked his lips and moved toward me so slowly I thought he’d never actually reach me. It was like someone lit fireworks between my legs, just that quickly. My body ached to know what he felt like.
Holy shit.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever been so turned on and he hadn’t even touched me.

Calon slid the top half of his body onto mine. My chest heaved for breath and not because he was heavy. He had this way of looking at me that made me feel bare, like he was already partially experiencing what I hoped we’d soon be doing. The throbbing in my panties was unbelievable. I felt like my entire body was pulsing with each pump of my heart.

“Becki, I’ve never been so captivated by someone in my life. I can’t explain what you do to me.” He brushed some hair off my cheek and placed his hands on either side of my head.

“Well, the feeling is mutual. And I can’t seem to find the words for it, either.” I slowly moved my hands up his body and across the shirt that stretched across his back. He shivered and dropped his head to my shoulder.

“My emotions are hitting me all at once, from all sides. I’m trying to control myself, but it’s getting harder and harder, Becks.”

“Don’t control yourself on my account,” I said in a sexy way, but the truth was, I wasn’t sure I was ready. I’d always been ready for sex, but something was different with Calon. It wouldn’t be ‘sex’ with him. It would be something deep and overwhelmingly spiritual. Something I’d never known sex to be.

Calon laughed and moved the rest of his body onto mine. I spread my legs apart, and he settled between them. I was commando in thin pajama pants and a cami, he was fully dressed including a tight t-shirt, jeans, and his big black boots.

“Becks, look. I don’t want to control myself. It’s just this thing we’re doing has moved so slowly, and it’s been so comfortable and easy while at the same time, intense and incredibly passionate—sublime, even. I’m scared out of my mind to move too fast and ruin it. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Can I ask you something?” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say.

“Anything. Always.”

I took a slow deep breath. “Calon, are you sure I’m not just the girl that’ll help you get over Gracie and Chloe?

“Becki.” He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed my lips. “You aren’t ‘just’ anything. Look, yes, it took me a long time to deal with Chloe’s death, and I believe my teenage heart was in love with her. And with Gracie, I was holding onto something I thought I felt for so long that she became this untouchable entity. So, then when I ran into her at the beginning of the summer, it all came back; our kiss, the sadness I was feeling for Chloe. But, what’s here…” he patted his chest, “what’s here is bigger than anything I’ve ever felt. And it’s clear to me now that finding Gracie was proof there is something bigger than me orchestrating my steps so you would cross my path.” He kissed me on the mouth very gently; it left me feeling satiated and cheated all at the same time.

“Wow.” I blinked a couple times, surprised by the moistness in my eyes. I wasn’t a crier.

“Yeah. Now, can I ask
you
something?” I knew what he was going to ask, and I wasn’t sure I could communicate it as perfectly as he just had. He spoke the same way he wrote lyrics, simply but tangled and deep at the same time.

“Of course.” I knew I’d just given him permission to ask me something that I didn’t know how to answer.

“What’s
your
heart telling you?”

“Calon, there’s no way I can describe it as beautifully as you just did. So, you’re gonna have to bear with me.” He nodded. His beautiful eyes were still, hopeful. “I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. There’s been a lot of sex. A lot.” He chuckled and shook his head. “But, that’s all any relationship I’ve ever had has been based on. I was with Shawn for less than two years, and that’s the longest I’ve ever been with one guy. All…
all
… those relationships, though.” I picked my hands up off his back and tangled my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. “All those relationships were shallow. I’ve never experienced anything this deep before, and it’s blowing my mind. I never would’ve entertained all our nothing-but-talk nights with any of those other guys, but it’s been so different with you, Calon. You’ve moved in far deeper than my surface, and it scares the shit out of me, but, at the same time, it feels like something I’ve wanted all along but never even knew.”

He fisted my hair gently with both hands and kissed me with an eagerness that had me melting beneath him. It was like the flood gates opened and any walls we’d had started crashing down around us. I tried hard to keep up my tough exterior over the last couple months. I rebuilt my walls every time he’d leave my dorm in the wee hours of the morning, but I never seemed to get them as high or as strong as the one before. Finally, the night we kissed the first time, I knew it was futile. He’d wrecked me.