Above the Noise (16 page)

“One day, we had a little party for seemingly no reason. Kate kept asking if it was her birthday. I knew it wasn’t. I was old enough then to realize it was the middle of the winter and Kate had been born in the summer. I remember thinking if I ignored the terrible feeling in my gut and just kept smiling and making Kate laugh, I could stave off the impending disaster I felt waited just around the corner.”

I rubbed Calon’s hands with mine and watched new tears form and then just hang on the edge of his long, dark lashes. He blinked, and they fell into a steady stream. He looked down at our hands again and back up at me.

“What happened?” I felt my heart stutter. This story was going to rip me apart, and Calon was going to need me to be strong, because I could feel his body start to shake. He bit his lip before he continued.

“Fuck! It wasn’t her birthday. Before our little party was over, two older ladies with clip boards knocked on the door. I remember Kate being so confused and asking where her presents were. She kept saying, ‘I a good girl, Mama… where my presents? I a good girl. Good girls get presents, Mama.’ My mom ignored her and signed a whole stack of papers while I kept distracting Kate and making her giggle. There was nothing I could do to keep it from happening. God, her giggle. It was my favorite sound. I never heard it again after that day.”

“Calon, oh my God, I can’t imagine carrying this with you all these years.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as I could get him. His body was stiff; he was somewhere else. He wasn’t twenty-two-year-old Calon the rock star. He was a six-year-old little boy who was terrified and lost.

“No one explained to me what was happening. I didn’t understand. When they bundled her up in her pink winter coat and headed outside, I could see the fear in Kate’s eyes. Becks, she was so scared. She reached over the woman’s shoulder and screamed for my mom, ‘I a good girl, Mama! I a good girl.’ She started to flail and shriek, like someone was hurting her.” He threw his hands up to his ears, as if he could still hear her cries. “Her little voice got so hoarse so quickly, and by the time they got her in the car, she was spent. She let her head fall back against the car seat, and she turned toward the open door. I was standing on the sidewalk with my mom. Snowflakes melted on my cheeks in the stream of tears. We were so close I could have jumped in the car, but I was terrified they would take me, too. I could have saved her, I was such a coward!”

“Calon! Stop! You were six!”

He grabbed two handfuls of hair and started to rock a little. “Almost seven. I was old enough to at least try to stop them. I didn’t even try.” He hung his head and sobbed. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down his big, strong arms. He crumbled into me and slid down until his head was in my lap. I raked my fingers through his hair and rubbed his back.

“Calon, listen, there was nothing you could do. Those women were sent there to take your sister out of harm’s way. Your mom signed papers. You couldn’t have stopped it. Calon, you can’t blame yourself.”

He stopped crying, and his body stilled. “I was standing on the sidewalk, and my mom’s arms were draped over my shoulders. Kate was doing that quiet sob thing, you know, after you cry for a long time and you’re left gasping between breaths. Her body wrenched with each gasp, and her little head turned away from us. When she looked back, she didn’t even look at my mom. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she called out, ‘Brother’. She was so exhausted, it was all she could to do raise her little arm and reach for me. The rainbow-colored, braided friendship bracelet I’d made with her that day when I was trying to distract her, hung loose on her chubby wrist. I tried to take a step toward her, but my mom’s grip tightened around my shoulders. My heart was racing, and the tears kept coming. All of a sudden it was like it sunk in and she knew neither my mom, nor I, was going to stop what was happening. She dropped her arm into her lap and spoke as clear as day, ‘I see you again, brother. I be good girl then.’ The caseworker shut the car door, and Kate’s little hand pressed up against the window. Tears covered her little red cheeks, and they drove away. I didn’t take my eyes off the car until it turned a corner and disappeared.

“It’s the reason I just can’t ever have kids. If another part of me is stolen away, for any reason, I wouldn’t live through it.”

I sank back down to the bed and tried to gather as much of Calon as I could into my arms. His rapid breathing slowed, and his eyes were closed. I thought about the extreme emotions that had just run through his heart and out of his body in just explaining what had happened to Kate that day. I
cannot
imagine actually experiencing that glimpse into Hell, especially not at six years old. He’d been holding this inside his heart for so many years. I rubbed his back. His arms tightened around me, and he nuzzled his face into the side of my neck. Within mere moments he fell asleep, heartbroken and spent.

His body jerked, and he raised his head up. His eyes were bloodshot, heavy, and his voice was hoarse. “Becks, I can’t do this again. I will always talk to you about anything, but could we put this part of my past to bed? I don’t want to go there again? Please.”

“Okay. Whatever you need, Calon. I love you.”

“Me too, Becks. Thank you.”

I held him close, and I knew at that moment, no matter what, I’d never ever let him go.

WE CHATTED WITH
Gracie over FaceTime right before we went on stage Friday night. She was the main attraction at Mitchell’s for the very first time. She practically bubbled over with excitement, it was adorable. I really did miss her and hoped to someday share the stage with her again. She was incredibly talented.

Becki kicked ass planning gigs for us. We’d crushed our first four shows of what we were unofficially calling our solo tour since leaving the Turkeys in our dust. Becki had learned a lot in the little time she spent with Cyan, and we benefitted from it completely. We got to play some pretty cool venues, and it seemed as though our fan base was increasing exponentially, which was so damn cool. The last gig we played, we walked out the back door and right into a swarm of fans armed with Alternate Tragedy merchandise and Sharpies. We signed autographs on CDs and t-shirts for over an hour. Becki was so excited to see the fruits of her labor both in the reception we were getting at the places we played and in the amazing designs she created for the re-released
Fallen
CD cover and t-shirts. She manned the merchandise table during our shows, and we sold out of everything at every one. She wore many more hats than we’d originally planned, and we couldn’t pay her what she was actually worth yet, but she jumped in head first and hadn’t come up for air since. She was in her element and nothing could be sexier. But, I could tell she needed a break.

“I’m cool with doing three or four shows, then working a three day break into our schedule to regroup and rest up.” I hoped she would agree. I knew the guys could see she was exhausted, and there were certain days during the week that were slow days for live music. “Even if we did a couple nights back-to-back then a couple days off then back-to-back shows again, it would still give us time to rest and stay healthy.”

We’d adopted FRESH, a sushi place right around the corner from our hotel, as our conference room. Playing into the single digit hours had us sleeping late and eating unorthodox things for breakfast.

“Yeah, you’re right, but I need you guys to be a constant hype now. This is when you get your most devoted fans, in the beginning, because they want to take the ride with you… follow you all the way, ya know?” I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I winked at her, and she smiled just as she threw a piece of veggie sushi in her mouth.

“What if we played certain clubs on certain nights regularly, then people would know where to come see us. They wouldn’t have to look it up anywhere.” Spider was always thinking. He was basically our manager before Becki came on board. He was the one to get us gigs and make sure our shows were listed on all the UTK entertainment sites, but he never could have handled all that Becki was doing. I wasn’t sure how she did it. I watched her fumble with her veggie rolls.

“That’s a great idea, Spider. So, let’s brainstorm a list of venues that would be your top ten places to play. I’ll call around and see if any of them are looking to fill gaps in their schedules, and we’ll go from there. We could let that determine what nights you play and what nights you have off. Sound good?”

“You not hungry, Becks?” The girl could eat any of us under the table and still rock a smokin’ hot body. It was odd to see her plate look virtually untouched.

She shook her head. “Just can’t talk and eat, that’s all.” She winked at me and seductively placed a sushi roll in her mouth then licked her lips. I shook my head and smiled. She was all mine.

“Cal, did Malcolm leave you a message?” Spider scratched his head.

“Malcolm Phoenix? No, he didn’t. He called you?” I shook my head. The guy was an ass. He’d called me just before we left Knoxville to offer his management services, and I turned him down. It’s safe to say he doesn’t take rejection well.

“Yeah. I told him he could stop calling since we’d each said ‘no thanks’ to his management offer at least three times.”

“I heard that guy’s slimy.” Becki turned up her nose. “But, hey, if you wanna give him a try—”

“No!” We all yelled at once.

“Well, good. That’s the unanimity I like to feel as your manager. You guys rock.” Becki bowed as best she could from her seated position.

“Anyone wanna hit the gym after lunch–breakfast–whatever this is?” I hadn’t worked out since we got to LA, and, with all the last minute preparations to get out here, I couldn’t remember when I’d last touched weights.

“I could use a run. I’ll come.” Becki started clearing our table. In all of our late night talks, the subject of exercise had never come up. I had no idea she was a runner. Just one more thing to make her hotter than hell.

THE HOTEL GYM
was insane. I couldn’t believe all the machines that were available. It was the biggest hotel gym I’d ever seen.

“Calon Ridge… in tennis shoes. Said no one ever.” Becki burst out laughing as she walked through the door.

“You didn’t think I was going to lift in my Docs, did you?” I was suddenly strangely aware of my athlete wanna-be attire.

“Well, no. I just hadn’t thought this whole thing through. I can see your dick.” She winked and nodded toward my black athletic shorts.

“Becki!” I tried to whisper because two younger girls had just walked in and hadn’t taken their eyes off me. “These are thin, and I don’t have compression shorts under them. One more word out of you and those girls will see my dick, too. And it will be pointing at you, because it will be
your
fault,” I whispered as controlled as I could, but I was panicked.

The girls giggled, and I prayed it was just the nervous fan-thing and not because they were completely aware of my growing wood. I quickly sat down at the lat machine and distracted myself with a hundred and twenty-five pounds. The two girls came over to me, and I was so thankful I’d thought to sit. Hiding a boner was way easier with my t-shirt shielding my crotch.

“You’re—you’re Calon Ridge, aren’t you?” The shorter blonde was practically hyperventilating as her friend spoke.

“I am. And you are…” I raised an eyebrow, and the blonde grabbed her friend’s forearm for balance.

“I’m Shelly, and this is my sister, Tiff. We’re huge fans. We saw you play at Paisley. You’re amazing.” Tiff teetered and giggled. I was going to have to start getting used to this. Totally bizarre.