365 Ways to Live Happy (14 page)

Build a little nest egg for yourself. Open a traditional or Roth individual retirement account (IRA) and put the maximum amount that the IRS will allow in the account each year. Do be wise about investing for your retirement. If you don't understand the difference between the two types of IRAs and the investment possibilities for growing your money as well as the tax ramifications, seek the counsel of a trusted financial advisor. It's all part of growing a fatter nest egg so someday you can become a retiree with a lifestyle that you love and can afford.

Recent changes in the housing market have made it possible for many people to purchase their first home. It's a huge decision and one that requires careful consideration. You may want to consult a trusted real estate agent or bank loan officer to get all the facts and to help you understand the process. There are many advantages to owning your own home, not the least of which is having a place of belonging where you can build your life and even start your family, if you haven't already. There are tax advantages to owning your own home, and the best news is that there are huge numbers of homes on the market today and many are much more affordable than they were just a year or two ago. If owning your own place will make you happy, now might be the right time to check into it.

You've dealt with crisis. When it concluded, did you breathe a deep sigh of relief? Whether the crisis you faced took hours, days, weeks, or months to resolve, it probably wasn't something that inspired happiness. But that doesn't mean the next time you must deal with a crisis that you can't find a single moment of happiness during the period that the crisis spans. Perhaps it's the moment when finally you can release the tension you've held in your body and mind. Or, maybe it's the moment when you realize the ordeal is finally over and the outcome is better than you thought it would be. Whatever stage of the crisis you find yourself in, seek out that special place inside yourself where you can feel peace and joy at the miracle of being alive and out of harm's way. Breathe deeply. Let go of the tension. Just be present in that moment and stretch it out.

Change is inherent in every crisis, whether personal, societal, environmental, political, global, or some other type. You'll manage the crises of your life better if you learn to not only adapt to change but to search for the gains (rather than the losses) from each one. By focusing on and finding the profit in a crisis, you are more likely to experience positive emotions, such as openness, compassion, love, and hope, and fewer of the negative emotions, such as fear, apprehension, sadness, and anger that accompany many crisis events.

When you feel disempowered and helpless, it is often because you think you have lost control over your life and can see no way out of your dilemma or darkness. The truth is that the only thing you truly have control over is your own thoughts. No one can ever control those but you. To feel empowered again, you must reset your thoughts. Now, think of one thing in your life that you can control. Do you control what you put into your mouth? What about the position you will sleep in? Or, when and where you will sit or stand? Did you know that one of the meanings of control is to restrain or limit something? Restrain your negative, helpless, and disempowered thinking. Shake up your mental energy with a brisk walk in nature or dance along to the rhythm of some upbeat music. Now re-evaluate your life and see the control you already have. No life is static. It just seems that way. Rather, life is dynamic and fluid, so take heart.

Your boyfriend walks out on you. Your dog dies. Your new Camry is totaled by a tree limb. Your boss announces layoffs and your name is first on his list. Some days, it seems that nothing goes right. But remember what Alexander Graham Bell said about doors: one closes and another opens but you don't often see those that open because you are staring regretfully for so long at the ones that are closed. Change is certain, and things can and do get better. Think of two ways that change could happen in positive ways for your life. Expect to be happily surprised when you stop staring at the closed doors and see the new ones opening: a new man walks into your life … with dogs. Your new job comes with a car. Life is good and you are on top of the world. Relish the thought.

Rely on your inner guidance when you are in a seemingly intractable place and need to make an important decision, such as committing a child with extreme special needs to a specialized care facility. You may fear that you can't make that decision. How can you find help? Seek expert opinions, talk to health providers and caregivers, get insights from families in your situation. Go into the darkness, the place of unknowingness, and quiet the chatter in your mind. Be very quiet and receive what the darkness has to offer. Let your thoughts move toward hope, inspiration, and, finally, to your decision. Once your decision is made, don't second-guess it. Be at peace.

Think about what you would need to be grounded and focused if a crisis were to show up in your life five minutes from now. What could instantly calm you and help you deal with a rise in possibly negative emotions? Would a whiff of sandalwood help? How about a shot of brandy? Would fingering your prayer beads or finding a place of absolute silence where you could think and pray work best? A crisis can arise suddenly and without warning. Whether it's an emergency, a cataclysmic natural disaster, or a financial catastrophe, a crisis often requires you to figure something out fairly quickly. Knowing what will get you through the next minute and the minute after that can be as helpful as having an escape plan for the unlikely event that your house catches on fire.

If you are ever so overcome with emotion that you can't seem to hold it inside, scream into a pillow. This technique releases the pent-up energy holding those negative feelings inside and works especially well for anger or grief. Sob your sorrow into the pillow. Or, scream the words of anger that you can no longer hold in. Empty out the feelings. If necessary, pound the pillow with your fists. You may need to get a bigger pillow or even a new one if your beating destroys it. It's a small price to pay for expressing rage. Repeat the process until you know the emotion is spent and there's no longer a need to do anything. Then, when your peace is restored, do something to make yourself happy like listening to beautiful music or sipping your favorite tea.

At some point when you are in crisis mode, you need to feel expansive and push away the walls of your crucible. When you can steal ten to twenty minutes, retreat into nature and do something mindless, like skimming pebbles across water in a reservoir, lake, river, pond, or sea. If your thoughts start to plow that same old field of concern about the crisis you are facing, sink into an awareness of only your breath. Be mindful of the cycle of inhaling and exhaling. Then, if you can, guide your awareness into the space between breaths. Experience the limitless boundary of your mind and return to serenity.

You know a drama queen when you see one. Understandably, people in crisis react differently but drama queens are all about being the center of attention. Calm, clear thinking is what is most needed in dealing with a crisis; melodramatic or emotionally inflammatory rhetoric is not helpful. If Chicken Little runs to you and shrieks that the sky is falling and everyone is going to perish, he is either genuinely panicked or vying for attention. One way to deal with him is to not react. Reassure him in a calm, quiet, unfazed tone: “I can see that you are upset. I assure you the sky is not falling. You are overreacting.” Let your quiet demeanor and words stand in stark contrast to his prostrations. If he continues, leave the room and reclaim your mental/emotional equilibrium. Don't give away your power to have happiness.