Zero at the Bone (45 page)

Jack smiled. “That guy I love?”

D’s answering smile, quavery and uncertain, nearly broke Jack’s heart. “Yeah. That guy.”

“You know that guy is you, don’t you? Right here, right now?”

“Is he?” D murmured.

Jack nodded. “Must be, ’cause I love you.”

Zero at the Bone | 207

D met his eyes and Jack saw a brief glint of moisture, but then he blinked and it was gone, leaving only D’s face, pried open a few more inches, blank without a response to offer, and that was all right. Jack pulled D into his arms and held him as the sun rose outside their window, hoping he’d done the right thing.

208 | Jane Seville

“YEAH, gimme a bacon and egg biscuit, hashbrowns, and a large coffee.” Megan Knox was no believer in healthy food. Her older brother had been a lifetime healthy-eater, a vegetarian and fitness nut, and had dropped dead of a heart attack at age forty-four. She tore into the greasy food (ahh, McDonald’s) as she drove up I-95 towards Baltimore, urgency spurring her to unsafe driving practices like eating at the wheel.

As soon as she’d finished, she took out her cell phone to call D. It took him longer than normal to pick up. “Yeah.”

“It’s me.”

“Where ya been?”

“I’m on my way back now.”

“Didja… hey now, cut that out, I’m tryin’ ta talk on the phone,” he said to someone in the room with him—someone who was giggling—his voice taking on a softer, teasing tone she’d never heard before. “Didja find anything?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve got whole bunches of stuff to show you.”

“Good. Whyn’t you… dammit, you gonna get it you don’t quit it!” he said to whoever he was with. She could guess who it was; the grin on his face was clearly audible in his voice.

“Are you with Jack, D?”

“Yeah,” he said, and his blush was equally audible. “Some shit happened here too last night. Spent the night in his hotel room.” Megan smiled, hearing more impish laughter in the background and what might have been an actual snort of mirth from D. “Well, it’s good you’re getting to spend some time with him.” No response. “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” D said, quietly. “Real good.” Megan could hear the understatement in his voice, and all at once she felt a lump rising in her throat. D had been the only constant presence in her life for nearly ten years. She’d followed him, watched him, helped him and been helped by him, and even though they’d never met until a week ago, there had been times when he’d felt like her only friend. Exchanging their usual terse, cryptic text messages had at times been her only human contact for days on end.

All those years, she’d known his detached manner covered a greater pain. She knew more of his past than he probably realized, and for so long she had watched him descend deeper into a dark pit of solitude to the point that she’d feared he’d never climb out again.

That was something she couldn’t save him from, much as she might have wished to.

Luckily, someone else had come along who could. Upon discovering D’s forced acceptance of the hit on Francisco’s life, she had rushed to Vegas as fast as she could, her Zero at the Bone | 209

heart in her throat, praying she wouldn’t have to intervene to save Jack’s life. She would have shot D if she’d had to, but it would have struck her through the heart to do so. But he hadn’t been able to go through with it, as she’d hoped, and so she’d sat back and let things develop, praying for nothing more than for D to get Jack safely to the authorities and get the hell away from the situation.

And then… God, how he had sounded when he’d called her for help after Jack had been taken. “They took Jack,” he’d said, and she had heard his emotion where she’d barely ever heard any before. Jack had become important to him. Now, here, what she’d known in her head, she had seen with her own two eyes.

D loved Jack, loved him so much that he’d lay down his life without a second thought. It hung around him like a cloak cut to fit another; it did not rest easily on his shoulders, as if it were stolen and he feared its rightful owner would appear and snatch it away again. He kept telling himself he didn’t need to wear it because he didn’t feel the cold, he could put it from him and trudge on unprotected, except that was no longer true.

His skin had known warmth again, and it remembered, and it couldn’t take the bony chill anymore. The cloak would have to be made to fit, and if it couldn’t be taken in, D would have to grow to fill it.

So now to hear that curl in his voice that he was there with Jack, spent the night with him and let the warmth seep into his bones, Megan’s caution slipped enough for her to feel glad for it. “I’m about twenty minutes out,” she said now, these thoughts passing through her mind in a flash.

“Listen, lemme do this: I’m gonna call Churchill and have him meet you at your place. He’ll have t’escort ya here anyhow. And could ya bring me my bag? I ain’t got no clean clothes.”

“I doubt your present company objects to you walking around in the buff.”

“Maybe not, but I ain’t too keen on you ’n’ Churchill seein’ my block ’n’ tackle.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you soon, then.”

“Lookin’ forward to it.” His voice went distant as he took the phone from his ear.

“All right, smartass, get that ass on over…” was all she heard before he hung up. She chuckled. Boys.

“THINK that’s funny, huh?” D said, grabbing Jack’s bare ankle as he tried to get away and dragging him back across the bed. “Cain’t a person have a civilized conversation?” Jack gave in and let himself be dragged. “No. Not when you’re talking to your
girlfriend.
”

D yanked Jack half onto his lap, ducked his head in, and kissed him hard, working his mouth until Jack sagged in his arms and opened to him, forgetting what he’d been saying or doing or even thinking. D pulled back, smirking. “My what, now?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, thought so. Anyhow, she’s on her way. Gotta call Churchill ta meet her at her place.”

Jack nodded, pulling himself together. “Guess I’ll take a shower, seeing as I
have
clean clothes. You’ll just have to bivouac in a bathrobe ’til they get here.” D chuckled. “Jesus, Jack. Usin’ words like ‘bivouac’ in casual conversation.” Jack grinned, bent down, and kissed the top of D’s head before heading into the bathroom.

210 | Jane Seville

Jack grimaced at himself in the mirror. He was disgusting. Covered in sweat and hickeys and God knew what else, not to mention the bruises from the fight the night before, other bruises and assorted marks from
later
the night before—he looked like he’d been rode hard and put away wet.

He smiled.
As good a description as any.

He stepped beneath the hot spray, sighing in contentment. It was ridiculous that he should feel any kind of peace at this moment; after all, he was still wanted dead by a number of people and facing a long separation from D, whose safety he was increasingly worried about, in no small part because the man didn’t seem to worry about it himself.

And yet it was peace in his heart, and joy, and even hope.

D was here; he’d come of his own free will, and he’d told Jack the truth about things that until very recently, he’d have kept from him. He felt
there
in a way he never had before. Until now, Jack had always had the sense that even though he knew D was emotionally attached to him, and physically attracted, he still had one foot out the door and was hedging his bets with every word, every conversation. But last night… how he’d been, the things he’d said. He was still a close-mouthed, grumpy son of a bitch, but he had seemed like a
committed
, close-mouthed, grumpy son of a bitch. Committed to him, to Jack, and to whatever they might have together in the future. Committed to them actually having a future.

We do. We DO have a future. Someday
.

Jack leaned against the tile of the shower, some of the giddy draining out his toes.

Someday might be a very long way away.

D WRAPPED up in a hotel bathrobe and paced, waiting for Churchill and Megan to arrive. He didn’t want them to come. They represented the world, the world that he and Jack had been holding themselves apart from for months now. He hoped he had the rest of the weekend with Jack and that nothing Megan brought with her would fuck it up, but he wasn’t feeling optmistic. He might have to subsist on the meager diet of the memories he’d stored up last night for however long he was forced to fast, without another two days to gorge himself on Jack.

Quit bein’ so fuckin’ selfish. You got shit ta deal with and better now than later. All
yer thinkin’ on is more time with him in this room when you oughta be thinkin’ on how ta
make sure he’s safe, not ta mention yer own damn hide, for as much as it’s fuckin’ worth
.

He scrubbed his hands over his skull.
Why’s it gotta be this way? Little bits ’n’

pieces, one night, tryin’ ta cram it all in, all the talkin’, all the not-talkin’, all the other
stuff. Nothin’ pure, everythin’ tainted by what-next, worries ’bout when the next fuckin’

calamity’s gonna rain down on our heads spoilin’ what little time we got.

But someday. Someday it won’t be like that. I promise you, Jack.

Jack came out of the bathroom stark naked, towelling his hair, smiling when he saw D watching him. He detoured to stand in front of D and slip his arms inside D’s bathrobe and around his waist. “There. All clean.”

“Maybe I oughta check,” D murmured, leaning in, but before he even touched Jack, the flirty smile fell off Jack’s face, and he looked away. “What’s wrong?” Jack sighed. “Nothing. Just… you’re going to have to leave soon.” D nodded, running his hands up Jack’s arms. “Yeah.” Zero at the Bone | 211

“I mean, I knew that, but right now all I can think about is that I might not see you like this for a long time.”

“No use dwellin’ on things we cain’t do nothin’ about.”

“Are you sure we can’t do anything?” Jack said, meeting his eyes.

“What y’mean by that?”

“Let’s just
go,
” Jack said, his words coming out in a rush like he’d been damming them behind his teeth for too long. “Once I’m in Witsec I’ll just tell you where I am and you come join me, and we’ll just be anonymous and no one will have to know where we are.”

D was shaking his head before Jack had even finished talking. “No, Jack. You think I ain’t thought a that? It’s real temptin’, I know. But them folks’re lookin’ fer me; they ain’t never gonna stop. They come too far and they’re too pissed off fer whatever reason.

I cain’t be with ya ’til that score’s settled. And what about the brothers? Might be they trace me ta you, and then where’d we be?” He paused. “Jack, I know you think Witsec’s gonna solve all yer problems, but have you thought ’bout the fact that you won’t be no surgeon in Witsec?”

“I know,” Jack said, very quietly.

“You’ll hafta take some job won’t draw no attention. You ready ta give up yer whole career that you worked years ’n’ years for?”

“I don’t care!” Jack hissed. “I mean, I care, but….” He paused, looking away. “It isn’t like my life was so great before, you know. I was almost relieved to leave it behind.

I was divorced, bored, I wasn’t dating, I’d lost a lot of my real friends, and I just felt like I was waiting for something, but I didn’t know what.” He met D’s eyes. “Yeah, I miss my work. And I care about it. But not as much as I care about being with you.” D was nearly struck dumb by
that
sentiment, but he didn’t let it show. “That’s las’

night talkin’, and all this drama,” he said. “That ain’t fer real. Come a time you’d be sorry, and you’d regret it, and I ain’t gonna be enough ta make all that go away. I don’t want that fer you, y’hear me?” Jack said nothing, eyes downcast. “I ain’t gonna
let
you lose what you worked for. It’s part a who you are, and I ain’t lettin’ no part a you get destroyed.” He hesitated. “You gotta trust me, Jack.” At that, Jack lifted his eyes and met D’s. “I trust you.” D couldn’t think of anything more to say. All he could do was draw Jack close and kiss those lips, feel that warm, smooth body in his arms and against his chest, the rasp of Jack’s stubble against his own, his damp hair, and the smell of shampoo. Jack drew away after a few moments. “I guess I better get dressed before we end up back in that bed when Churchill and Megan get here,” he said.

He started to turn away, but D held fast to his arm. Jack turned back, a questioning look on his face. D just looked at him, his eyes searching Jack’s face, unable to ask for what he wanted.
Jus’ hold me a little longer, Jack. Tell me again that ya wanna be with
me, fer real, cross yer heart ’n’ let me know you ain’t foolin’, cause I dunno how or when
it’ll happen, but somehow I come ta need ya like air, like blood. Touch me again like ya
do with them gentle hands ’n’ make me feel like somethin’ precious. Say it again that ya
love me, ’cause hearin’ that was like openin’ up some big bottomless well that ran dry
years back, and it cain’t never be full enough now, I cain’t never hear it enough, but once
more, one more time, and maybe I’ll believe it a little more, and then a little more the
next time, ’til someday I believe it fer true enough ta be able to say it back ta you like
y’oughta hear it said, ’cause God knows I love you more’n my own life, more’n anythin’