You Can't Go Home Again (25 page)

His jaw tightened, his teeth clamping down. He’d hurt her.
Furious with himself, unable to even find the words to apologize, he stormed
from the room, grabbing his shirt as he went.

* * * * *

She watched his back as he stomped out of the room. What the
hell? Why was he pissed all of a sudden? She grabbed a T-shirt and some shorts,
skipping the bra, and followed him out of the room, the puppy hot on her heels.

She found him in the kitchen, beating eggs into a froth, two
steaming cups of coffee on the counter behind him. “Okay, no…you don’t get to
be all pissy and sullen now. You could have done that this morning, before the
shower. But now…nuh-uh. You don’t get to have regrets. That was not a mistake!
I am not a mistake!” Her voice had escalated, ending on almost a scream.

He shoved the eggs away, spilling them all over the counter.
He spun, stalking toward her until they were face to face. His voice came out
on a low growl as he spoke through clenched teeth.

“Get this through that damn thick skull of yours. You are
not a mistake. You were never a mistake. I am so in love with you that I can’t
fucking see straight! And I hurt you! I can’t control myself with you, you make
me so fucking crazy, and I fucking hurt you!”

She had taken a step backwards. Jace had taken another step
closer. She leaned back, startled by his anger. Until his words sank in.

She stood up straight, placing a hand on his chest as she
realized for some reason he was angry with himself. “You…didn’t. You didn’t
hurt me. What are you talking about?”

He took a deep breath, his hands still clenching into fists
at his sides. “You have bruises, everywhere, and hand marks. I bit you, Dani.”
He sunk backwards, leaning against the kitchen island. “I fucking bit you. God,
I’m so sorry.” His hands came up, scrubbing up and down his face, shoving
through his hair.

She stepped toward him, putting her hands in his, leaning
down until he looked into her eyes. “Listen to me. Listen carefully. I’m not
hurt. It doesn’t hurt, Jace, not then and not now. Everything you were feeling,
I felt too. All of it. If I’d been facing the other way, I would have bit you
too. And I’m pretty sure if you check your ass, I left claw marks. It was
intense, Jace. It was intense, and wonderful. Is that what you were afraid of?
That I’d freak out?”

He looked at her gorgeous blue eyes, switching down to their
joined hands as he admitted, “That…and more.”

She raised her eyebrows, surprised but not afraid. “And
more? So, you like rough sex?” She leaned into him until they were touching
from head to toe. Going up on her toes, she whispered in his ear. “What else do
you want to do to me?”

She tilted her head, looking into his eyes just in time to
see the pained expression cross his face.

* * * * *

She didn’t want to know some of the things he’d dreamed
about. “I don’t like rough sex. At least not generally speaking. It’s just you.
I can’t think with you, can’t control…anything. It’s almost too much. I’m
afraid I’m going to seriously hurt you.”

She pressed her lips to his, a soft, reassuring kiss. “Jace,
whatever you can dish out, I can take. If it’s ever too much, I’ll let you
know. I promise. In case you haven’t guessed, I love you too.”

He’d been looking down at their joined hands, but at her
words, his head whipped up. He tugged, pulling her into him, pressing his lips
down onto hers. She loved him! He couldn’t believe it, but she loved him. He
pulled her closer, squeezing her against him, trying to show her how much he
felt for her.

When he felt a tear slide down onto their joined lips, he
pulled back. “Why are you crying? Dani? What’s wrong?”

“It’s like the dreams. You’re some kind of a catalyst for my
abilities.”

“What dreams? What do you mean? Are you okay?”

“I told you earlier, or I tried. Jace, I can see your
dreams. I have the same dreams. That’s what I was trying to explain. You
thought I just wanted to hear that you dreamed of me, but… I dream the same
things. The bike, the sex dreams. They’re vivid, right? Like you can feel
them?”

Jace nodded. “How did you know?”

“Because that’s how it is for me. It’s so strong, it’s
almost real. I wake up and my body feels like you’re still there, still inside
me. Just now, I could hear your thoughts. When you kissed me… I could feel it,
from your side.”

Jace’s body sagged, his knees giving way as his weight
pressed against the counter. “You what?”

“I could feel what you felt. Jace, I need you to believe
this, to believe me. This has never happened before. I’ve never dreamed
anything anyone else dreamed, felt what they felt. It’s only with you.”

Her voice was pleading, nervous. He could hear the fear
behind her words. She was telling the truth. He didn’t understand it, but he couldn’t
deny it. Not anymore. “So, you’re a psychic, huh?”

He believed her. Relief washed through her, erasing all her
doubts. He loved her…and he believed her. “Yes, Jace. I’m a psychic. Although
not a very good one. I’ve tried not to be—I don’t want to see things. Up until
I got back here, I’ve never seen anything good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve only ever been able to see bad things. Accidents,
usually just little ones, sometimes bigger, like with Jenn. And the one with
you. Seeing you…regretting our night together.”

“I didn’t, though, not…”

She raised a hand, stopping him before he tried to explain
again. “I get it… Jenn called it a self-fulfilling prophecy. I saw you
regretting it, so, thinking the worst, I left. Which made you regret it. The
bike was the same thing. I’d seen the dream, so, thinking about the dream, the
vision, I felt the arousal I knew was coming. I got off the bike… You know the
rest. I didn’t even know it could work that way, so it never occurred to me that
you would only be upset if I left. I don’t think I ever said sorry, by the
way.”

He laughed, a short chuckle, but it was enough to make Dani
smile too, take some of the tension out of the room.

“No problem. So, I have a question. If you see things, even
more things about me, all negative things, why didn’t you ever see how much I
missed you?”

“Did you? Miss me?”

“Every day.” His voice held all the warmth and pent-up
longing he’d struggled for five years to hold at bay.

“Maybe because that wouldn’t have been negative. Not to me.
If I’d ever known that you missed me, even half as much as I missed you… I
would have come home.”

He pulled her to him, pressing a soft, tender kiss to her
forehead. “I called for you. When I was in the hospital. I didn’t know I did
until Brian told me. But I wanted you there.” He felt her tense,
misunderstanding the cause. “Dani, I’m not mad. You didn’t know, I know that. I
just…”

She stepped back, pulling out of his arms, leaving him
leaning there…confused.

“Let’s make eggs?” She walked to the counter where he’d been
working, wiping up the mess and grabbing the eggs out the fridge.

Jace just stared, watching her bustle around the kitchen.
She was hiding something. Still. Sensing it was something big, something he
probably didn’t want to hear, he wanted to let it go. He couldn’t. He followed
her around the island, placed his hands on her waist and pulled her back to
him, stopping her frenetic cleaning. He leaned forward, whispering in her ear.
“Whatever’s still bothering you, tell me. Let’s get it all out now, Dani.”

She froze, every muscle in her body tensing up. He felt her
deep intake of breath before she turned around to face him. “I did know…what
happened to you in Afghanistan. I’ve seen it in dreams, repeatedly, for the
last two years.”

His body tightened, his jaw locking in place as he stepped
back, distancing himself physically even as he tried to distance his heart. And
the hits just kept on coming.

“There’s more… I saw it when it happened, maybe before it
happened, I’m not really sure. I called Jenn…before you came home… I called and
asked her if you were okay. I woke her up, she was confused… She said you were
fine. And I guess you were…then. You came home after that, but she didn’t call
me. I just kept dreaming it, feeling the pain, seeing the explosion. I could
even smell the smoke. I thought I was having recurring nightmares. And then, at
the pool…”

“You saw the scars.” At least this explained the tears. She
knew what happened, saw the proof with her own eyes. And she couldn’t handle
it.

Without another word, Jace turned, walking to the front
entry and grabbing his boots. Once they were on he walked out the front door,
climbing onto his bike and riding away without ever looking back.

Dani watched him go. She stood in her kitchen and watched
him walk out her front door, her heart breaking a little more with every step
he took. She wanted to scream, “Wait! I’m sorry.” She wanted to call back the
words, to never have said them. But she didn’t, couldn’t. He needed to know
whom he was getting in bed with. He deserved that much…the truth.

She slowly went upstairs, the little puppy on her heels. As
she felt her heart crash to her feet, she realized that she had been holding on
to a tiny sliver of hope, even as she’d known the outcome. She had wanted
things to work between them, had hoped that he would be able to forgive her.
The last of her hope had walked out the door with Jace.

She headed to the bedroom, falling onto the bed. She waited
for the tears to come. More tears. She had cried more since coming home than
she had in the rest of her lifetime put together. When her eyes remained dry,
she wondered if she was just cried out. Maybe she had already used her
allotment of tears; maybe she was done. Or maybe this was one hurt that was so
deep, so painful, that she couldn’t cry yet. She fell asleep before she ever
found her answer.

* * * * *

When she woke the next morning, she jumped right into
action. She called Goodwill, arranging to have everything picked up Monday
morning. She booked a hotel for Monday night. Her house would be empty by then.
She arranged for the trash to be picked up Monday afternoon, then called the
property management company and got the name of a realtor.

When all that was done, she headed back up to the attic.
Jenn and Bri would be home tomorrow, and she would leave on Tuesday. Just a few
more days and she could go. Maybe this time she would finally be able to put
Jace behind her.

Through everything she remained dry eyed. It occurred to her
late Saturday night that she recognized this feeling. She had felt like this
six years prior, when her parents died. She wasn’t handling it well; she wasn’t
handling it at all. She was numb.

She sent up a silent prayer that she could stay this way…at
least until she was back in L.A.

* * * * *

Sunday afternoon, she picked up Jenn and Bri, taking them
straight back to their house. She smiled, hugged them both, laughed at some of
the stories they told. She made all the appropriate responses. As they pulled
up in front of the house, Jenn finally asked what she was doing the next day.

Dani wasn’t ready to deal with the reality, so she deflected
with sarcasm. “What, tired of your new hubby already?”

Jenn rolled her eyes as Brian chuckled in the backseat.
“No…but we have years together…you leave in two days. We need to go do
something.”

Dani sighed, hating to deflate her friend’s plans. “Can’t. I
have people coming tomorrow.”

“People?”

“Yeah…the realtor, the trash company and Goodwill. By
tomorrow afternoon, my house will be empty.”

“Oh.”

The tension level in the car rose infinitely with just that
one syllable. Finally Jenn asked, “So, you’re not coming back, are you?”

Dani knew what she meant, but she tried to lighten the mood.
“Of course I’m coming back. I’ll just have to crash in one of your bedrooms.
Until you guys fill them up with kids, anyway.”

Jenn smiled, leaning over to give Dani one of those long,
drawn-out hugs. The kind that say more than words can ever express.

Pulling back, shaking her head, Jenn quickly swiped at her
face. “Okay, so then we’re sending you out in style. Tomorrow night,
Hooligan’s. I’ll call everyone in the morning. We can all use one more good
hangover before you bail on us.”

Dani breathed past the tightness in her throat, hoping Jenn
would attribute the tear to her leaving. “Sure, tomorrow night. It’ll be fun.”
She plastered on a smile, though her face felt too tight. Apparently it was
good enough to fool Jenn, at least for now, because she and Bri climbed out and
headed into the house.

As she drove away, Dani saw the puppy jumping all over Jenn
while Brian laughed. The tears she had held at bay finally broke through. When
they became gut-wrenching sobs, Dani pulled over.

An hour later, she finally made it back to her house.

Jenn showed up Monday late in the morning. She found Dani in
the kitchen doing a final walkthrough with the realtor. She was going to get an
appraiser out here to get an estimated value for Dani.

Dani had heard her yell out as she walked in, which gave her
time to plaster a gigantic grin on her face. As much as she loved Jenn, she was
emotionally wrung out and didn’t really feel up to putting on a happy front
right now. But she wanted to answer questions even less, so…she smiled.

As Jenn finally rounded the door into the kitchen, Dani knew
immediately that the forced smile wasn’t fooling anyone. Jenn’s eyes tightened,
squinting up at the corners. When her lips twisted into a tight little frown,
Dani held her breath. She wasn’t going to talk about this; the topic was simply
off limits.

When Jenn sighed, forcing a polite smile of her own, Dani
felt the breath whoosh out. Jenn would play along, at least for now.

When the business was all done, the house empty, Dani loaded
her suitcases into the Land Rover and locked the door one last time. Refusing
to think about what she was doing, she kept up the forced smile and asked Jenn
if she wanted to go get some coffee or do some shopping before they met up at
the bar tonight. Jenn agreed, and after dropping Dani’s stuff at the hotel they
headed to the mall.