Her eyes come to me. She’s having trouble focusing on my face, but when she does my body locks at what I see.
Pain. Raw and deep.
So raw and deep it takes my breath away.
“Trust me, girl. I know what I’m talking about,” she whispers as tears well in her eyes.
I take a hesitant step toward her to…I don’t know what. But my movement snaps her out of her sadness and she narrows her eyes at me before I can figure it out.
“Don’t. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need anything from you. I wish you had never been born. Things would have been so much easier if it weren’t for you. You ruined everything.”
I’m used to those words. I hear them on a daily basis. But tonight, after everything that’s happened and after seeing real emotion on my mother’s face for the first time in my life, an emotion that made me want to comfort her, they hurt and cut me deeper than ever before.
She’s not done.
“You’re the reason I am like this. You’re the reason I’m nothing more than trash. I take it back. Go fall in love with your boy. Pin all your hopes and dreams on him. Then watch as he breaks your heart.”
Too late. He’s already broken my heart.
I flinch again.
My mother narrows her eyes on me. “I see.” Then an evil smile spreads on her face. “Maybe now you’ll stop pretending you’re so much better than me. You’re just like me. Here’s some motherly advice. Build walls. High walls. And never let anyone get close. Not one soul in this world will ever do you any favors. You’re not worth it. Just like your mother.” The bitterness in her voice makes my stomach churn and bile rise in my throat.
She gives me one last disgusted look before she shakes her head in dismissal and walks into the kitchen.
I close my eyes and fight the tears, then I head upstairs and lock myself in my room.
That night I don’t sleep.
I stay awake, staring out my window into the dark night for hours and hours.
By the time the sun comes up, I’ve made my decision.
I need to be strong.
I will not end up like my mother.
Yes, I lost a lot last night. Cole broke my heart. But I still have his friendship.
He’s my family.
My only family.
And I will not let this come between us.
Though, I would never speak to Amanda again.
I would also never go back to my cave.
From that night on, I would use the stars at night to give me peace.
Lizzy
I didn’t know how long I sat in the sand, cuddled up in my winter coat, arms around my knees, my fingers playing with the sand as I stared out at the water. It must have been a few hours at least. My body was freezing, but I didn’t feel it. Dusk was coming soon and I’d have to decide what to do for the night. Should I go home and face the music or should I check into a hotel and give myself the night to think some more? I had called Marie a while ago to let her know I wouldn’t be back before tomorrow. She had wanted to talk, had asked me what was going on, where I was, but I hadn’t been ready to talk to anyone quite yet.
My mind was still wandering. I had calmed down quite a bit since I’d come down here, but my heart was still hurting like hell and I hadn’t come up with a plan of what to do next. Nothing made sense. I knew Cole better than anyone. Yes, he had been a pig, going through women like water, but he had never cheated. He had always told them what they signed up for. He wasn’t a liar or a cheater. So why had he lied to me? It was clear that he had met up with Courtney a few times. It was proven by those pictures she had sent me. And he had been working late a lot, so there could have potentially been a lot of opportunities for him to cheat. I knew how it worked. Still, I couldn’t wrap my head around him betraying me like that. He loved me. I knew that. The way he was with me could not be faked. Nobody could act like that for such a long period of time. It was impossible. Especially for someone like Cole
—
a complete straight-talker. So what had happened? And why was she in his office? Naked on his desk? With his hands on her hips? He wouldn’t be able to explain that away. I knew what I had seen. And then there was the pregnancy. That photo definitely wasn’t a fake. I didn’t know anything about ultrasound pictures, but it looked like she wasn’t very far along. You couldn’t make out more than a little blob in that picture. The thought of them having a child together brought the tears back. I wiped at them angrily, tired of being a sorry mess, of hurting and being frustrated. So many emotions ran through me I couldn’t seem to decide on just one.
Footsteps were coming down the beach behind me. Probably someone out for a late afternoon stroll along the waves. If I were living by the sea, I would come out here for a walk every day. Maybe even get a dog that I could watch play in the waves. The footsteps stopped right behind me, and I immediately knew who it was. I closed my eyes, trying to prepare myself for what was about to come. Cole’s proximity made the pain and the confusion worse, like when you’re really sad and someone gives you a hug to console you, but actually makes it worse by touching you and you can’t hold the tears back and dissolve into sobs. I kept my eyes closed in an effort to keep the tears at bay. I could feel him rounding me and kneeling in the sand right in front of me. His hands cupped my cheeks, the physical contact making it impossible for me to hold back the tears any longer. They ran freely down my face, getting his hands all wet in the process.
“Baby,” Cole breathed in an agonized whisper, “please, look at me.”
I shook my head and kept on silently crying. I knew I was being a coward, but I knew I couldn’t look at him yet. His thumbs started moving on my cheeks, trying to keep up with the tears that were rolling down my face.
“How did you find me?” I asked in a broken voice.
Cole’s hands twitched at hearing my voice. He took a deep breath before answering me. “I hired a private investigator slash badass a few weeks ago to help me with the Courtney situation,”
my whole body flinched at the mention of Courtney’s name, making his hands tighten on my face before he continued. “His name is Max. He found you. Put a trace on your cell phone and located you when you called Marie.” He had hired a private investigator? I opened my eyes. Cole gave me a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, which were sad besides a whole lot of other things. I could see pain clearly written there, as well as fear and remorse. And anger. There was a lot of that, too.
“Are you angry with me?” Don’t ask me why I wanted to know. I shouldn’t care if he was angry with me. He was the one who had lied to me.
“No, honey, I’m not angry with you,” another flinch from me and another tightening of hands from him. “I’m angry at myself for not talking to you, for making it possible for someone to come between us, to give them an opening and make you believe their lies. I’m so sorry my actions caused you so much pain.” I kept looking at him quietly, trying to understand what he’d just said, trying to make his words fit in with what I had seen today. What were lies and what was the truth?
He must have seen the confusion in my eyes. “Let me explain everything from the start,” he continued in a quiet voice. I nodded. I needed to know, even if his words would possibly only hurt me more. I needed to know what reality I was going to have to face.
“Remember when we went away that first weekend and I told you about Courtney calling and texting me non-stop?” I nodded again. “I agreed to meet her at a bar, so I could make it clear once and for all that I didn’t want her, that I was committed to you, to our future. I thought if I told her face-to-face, she would get it. I wasn’t nice about it, was straight up and to the point, but she wouldn’t listen. After that meeting, she kept contacting me, but I ignored all her calls and messages. That’s when I started running into her. At the coffee shop. At a restaurant where I had lunch with one of the company partners. In the parking garage. That’s when the photos you saw today were taken. She must have a partner who was taking those photos. It was all a set up. I didn’t meet with her in any of those places, certainly didn’t ask her to undress for me in the parking garage of my company,” his voice was getting agitated and he had to close his eyes for a moment to get his anger under control. “Liz, baby, I swear to God there was nothing going on between Courtney and me behind your back. I wouldn’t do that to you. Not ever.” His eyes were pleading with me to believe him. And I did. I couldn’t help it and maybe I was being stupid, but I knew that he wasn’t a cheater. At my nod, Cole closed his eyes in relief and kissed my forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered there.
“What about the baby?” I asked him, my voice breaking on that last word.
“It’s not mine. Even if she really is pregnant, which I doubt by the way, there is no chance I’m the father.” How could he be so sure? I had to know.
“When…?” I couldn’t finish the question. It hurt too much. But Cole knew what I was asking.
“June. My parents’ anniversary party,” he answered. June. It was November now, which meant she would be five months pregnant by now if Cole were the father. That ultrasound picture was not the picture of a five-month-old fetus. And she would be showing by now. She definitely did not have a baby bump. Which meant that Cole was telling the truth. He was not going to have a baby with that woman. Relief washed through my body. Relief so sweet that I tipped my head back to look at the sky and my breath left me in one big whoosh.
“Oh, thank God,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” Cole agreed with me on a chuckle.
I tipped my face back down to his to see a small smile there. Then his face sobered and his eyes went serious again.
“Now, about what you saw this morning in my office,” my body tightened again at his reminder of seeing his hands on her naked body. He moved his face closer to mine so that all I could see were his eyes boring into mine. “I know what it probably looked like. But you have to believe me, Liz. I only had my hands on her to push her away. It was stupid. I should have just gotten up and called security. But she surprised me. I didn’t think. She must have known you were on your way. She wanted you to see us and make the wrong assumptions. It was all part of her plan to drive you away from me.”
“Why did you even let her come in?”
“I didn’t. Sam thought she was you. Courtney told her she was my girlfriend and wanted to surprise me with coffee. Sam had never met you and had been instructed to let you through if you ever showed up at my office. I was on the phone and focused on my screen when she walked in. I didn’t realize it was her right away, assuming it was Sam bringing me my coffee. The next thing I saw was her naked body in front of me. I was about to push her away when the door opened again and you stood there. I panicked. When I saw that look on your face…God, baby, I will never forget that look for as long as I live.” He paused and closed his eyes. Pain was written all over his face. I believed him. Call me stupid, but I did. And it made sense. Courtney had always been a crazy bitch. Her recent actions showed that she was probably crazier than I had suspected. What did she think she would accomplish with this? Aside from driving us apart? What could she possibly gain from this?
I reached for him and he welcomed me into his arms, holding me to him as tightly as he possibly could. I had been so stupid. Instead of running away from him, I should have talked to him, let him explain. This whole thing hadn’t made sense to me from the start. But Courtney had timed it just right, making me insecure by sending me those pictures and then not giving me a chance to talk to Cole about it before she hit me with another blow. That vindictive bitch.
“I’m so sorry, Cole. I shouldn’t have run,” I cried in his arms.
Cole tightened his arms around me. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I handled that situation wrong. If I had talked to you before when she was following me around, none of this would have happened. It was my fault. I underestimated her and gave her the opening she needed to infuse her poison. Don’t you dare apologize.”
I pulled my head out of his neck and looked at him through my wet eyes.
“I love you. So much,” I hiccoughed. “I came to talk to you about those pictures. I didn’t believe that you would cheat on me. But when I saw you…with your hands on her naked…it hurt so much…it was tearing me apart. I didn’t think. All I wanted was to get away. So I ran.”
“I know, baby. Don’t think about it anymore.” He kissed me. Deep and long. He kissed me like it was our last kiss. Or our first. As if my lips on his were all he would ever need to survive. And I kissed him back with everything I had, poured all my love and need for him into that kiss. Promising him that I would never lose faith in his love for me again. When he ended the kiss, he kept his mouth on mine, mingling our breaths, and stared into my eyes.
“I’m not blaming you for needing to get away. I get it. But I gotta say this. Don’t ever leave me like that again, Liz. Not telling anybody where you went, not answering your phone. The past few hours have been torture, knowing you were in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it, not knowing where to find you. I thought I had lost you forever.”
“I promise.”
He nuzzled my neck. “You know, when I first saw that ultrasound picture, I thought it was you who was pregnant.”
“You did?”
“I did. And I was happy about it. I want that with you, Liz. I want you pregnant with my baby. I want to marry you and have a family. The sooner the better.” For the millionth time today, I stopped breathing. Then my heart inflated and expanded, filling my whole body with warmth. Tears welled in my eyes again, but this time they were happy tears.
“Are you asking me to marry you?” I asked. There was a little bit of teasing in my voice, just in case he had gotten ahead of himself and needed an out.
“I am. Marry me. Please.” His face was open and loving, as was his voice. He was serious. One hundred percent serious. My heart surged and expanded in my chest as tears started to blur my vision.
“Yes,” was all I could get out before his lips crushed down on mine and he kissed me again, this time for a lot longer.