Wrestling Against Myself (57 page)

“Nah,” John said as he looked around. “I was confirming what I heard. I also heard those hypocrites you eat with black balled you.”

“I don't think they're being hypocrites,” Tony came to his friends' defense. “They're just dealing with things the best way they know how. You know how it is when something new or unexpected happens, people need time to adjust so they know how to handle it.” 

“Isn't it nice to know your old pal John is still in your corner? Bet you never saw that one coming.”

“It's a nice surprise,” Tony said. “But in a few days things will settle down and be back to normal.”

“I hope you're right. This place has turned into a soap opera.”

“You can say that about every high school in America.”

“We should be on MTV,” John said. “I'm going to leave you two alone so you can play tonsil hockey.”

Tony eyed the boy but held his tongue as John made his way to another area of the cafeteria laughing to himself.

“I don't get him sometimes,” Courtney says.

“You and everyone else. John is a good guy, he tries to hide it. He feels like if people thought he was nice, they would also think he was soft. He doesn't want to be picked on, so he goes on the offensive to keep people at bay.”

“Maybe I can trust him someday, but he makes me nervous.”

“Then his plan is working. He keeps me on my toes too, but let's talk about something enjoyable.”

“Like what?”

“Like you and me and what kind of fancy dress you're going to get for homecoming.”

The school day was over and Tony was eager to get back on the mat. He figured Carl wouldn't show up and knew John was going to be a no show, but that wouldn't stop him from getting in a workout. He smirked when he considered asking Courtney to join him, but knew that wouldn't be appropriate. There was too much chance that the physical activity could get out of hand and the wrestling would progress into an area he didn't want to go.

Antonio was sitting in front of his wrestling locker. The last P.E. class had filed out and he was by himself. He swung the locker door open and a folded piece of paper fell to the floor by his feet.

The athlete looked around to see if anyone lingered, and then retrieved the note. It was evidently left for him to read, but it may have been weeks old, since he was barred from using the mats until he got his weight certified. Tony unfolded the piece of paper, written in large block lettering was a single word note; “SINNER!” He didn't know if the knife drawn through the bubbled letters was for artistic purposes or meant as a warning.

In anger he crumpled the paper and threw it across the empty locker room. Now he was glad he didn't have a partner to practice against; in his anger he could inadvertently do some real damage. Normally he was able to hold his emotions in check, but he was human, he had feelings, and certain childish games annoyed him to no end. The athlete quickly changed into his workout gear. He was in such a rush to get on the mat that he didn't even bother to fold his school
clothes; he just stuffed them in the locker and slammed the door shut.

Tony was on the mat, a place where he felt entirely in control. He didn't know if that feeling of control was healthy or simply an escape from the truths of reality. It didn't matter. He closed his eyes and envisioned an opponent. Though part of him wanted to image going against Carl or Peter, Tony pictured random opponents from tight matches from the year prior.

The athlete worked at a breakneck speed, quickly building up a lather as he imagined shooting in on imaginary legs or working upper body throws. He was halfway through the workout when he heard the door open and close.

Normally, Tony would continue with his eyes closed, trusting there was no one at the school that was willing to do him harm. Considering the note, he decided to make sure that whoever entered was a friend.

“Didn't mean to disturb you,” Courtney said as she leaned against a red padded wall.

“You could never disturb me,” Tony said as he faced the girl and worked on his sprawl drills.

“You're alone again. I guess some things never change.”

“Sometimes it's good that I wrestle against myself, it makes for some real tough competition.”

Courtney smiled. “You're sweating more than usual.”

“But you like seeing me sweat.” Tony smiled. “I remember you telling me that.”

“I sure did.” Courtney's eyes surveyed the landscape of Antonio's body.

“I probably had extra water in me from not working out in a while. If you think I'm sweating now you should see me tonight when I do my run.”

“That would mean I have to run with you and ick.”

Tony laughed. “Let's get out of here.” He began rolling the mat back against the wall.

“You sure you're done?”

“I beat myself up enough for one day. I'll meet you in front of the locker room.”

“Okay,” Courtney said as they walked out of the room together. She stayed put as Antonio disappeared into the locker room and then made her way around to the other side.

Tony did his best to not delay. It would be unfair to keep his girlfriend waiting because he wanted to get in a workout, especially considering that wrestling practice wasn't mandatory. Those practices were still a few months away.

The two teenagers slowly walked towards the only vehicle left in the parking lot. The football team practiced on the auxiliary field, but Tony and Courtney ignored them as they went through their plays. It was enough to be together and not talk about anything in particular as they made it to the car.

“Hey,” Courtney said as she looked at the rear bumper, “your Jesus fish is gone.”

It took Tony a moment to realize what she was talking about, but his eyes went to the spot of his car that use to have the only decoration he ever placed on his car. Sure enough, all that remained was the outline to wear the Christian symbol use to be.

“Do you think someone stole it?”

Tony knew someone stole it, but he wasn't going to tell her that. His bumper wasn't made of metal, so he had to glue it in place and knew that there was no way it could go anywhere unless somebody forced it. “Nah, who would do something like that? It probably fell off, happens all the time. They only cost three bucks and I get them all the time.”

“If you say so,” Courtney said skeptically.

“Trust me.” Tony opened the passenger side door. “We're doing fine and no one wishes us evil, they just need time to adjust.”

Courtney waited until Tony sat behind the wheel. “I don't want you getting hurt because of me.”

“Are you telling me you took my Jesus fish off my car?”

“No!” The girl said with a start.

Tony grinned. “Then I wasn't hurt because of you. It simply fell off and we'll leave it like that.”

“Okay,” Courtney said as she leaned into Tony, placing her head on his chest.

Tony put his arm around the girl and his anger subsided. There were worse things that could happen than some idiot taking a sign off my car, he thought, and if this is the reward, it is worth it.

Antonio arrived at school at his usual time on Wednesday, with plenty of time so he wouldn't have to rush to be anywhere. To his surprise, Carl was standing in front of the pole where he normally parked.

“Got a minute,” Carl said as he leaned in through the passenger side window.

“I thought you weren't talking to me?” Tony asked as he pulled on the door handle and invited his teammate into the Firebird.

“It's not something I want to do; it's something I have to do, for your own good.”

“For my own good, you say. I understand your issue; I just think that it's misplaced.”

“Come on, Tiny. Take yourself out of the situation and look at it objectively. What if it was me and was doing the same thing you're doing? I'm sure you'd be going about it the same way.”

“Then you have a poor opinion of me.”

“At the end of the day, she is still what she is.”

“And what is she?”

“I put a lot of thought into it, and I know you've formed strong feelings for her, but don't take this the wrong way. But boils down to Courtney is a boy who has serious mental issues.”

“So she's crazy?”

“I wouldn't go that far, but there is something wrong with the way her brain is wired.”

Tony took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts, “Perhaps she is a girl and has serious physical problems.”

“Either way you look at it, she has a penis between her legs and no matter how you dress her up, no matter how she walks, talks, or acts, nothing is going to change the fact she has a Y chromosome.”

“She is who she is though, chromosomes and all. Who are we to judge?”

“I'm not saying judge,” Carl remained even keel. “I'm saying you need to use discernment. You becoming her boyfriend was not part of the arrangement.”

“What arrangement are you talking about?”

“When you allowed Courtney to sit at the table, I thought I understood your plan and I was for it. She was an outcast, and we generally take in outcast as a group. Sort of like Dave and Ted.”

“What about Dave and Ted?”

“Remember last year when we allowed them to sit at our table, it was so we could get them away from playing Dungeons and Dragons. It was their whole life and we wanted to save them from it.”

“I still don't see how they have anything to do with Courtney.”

“It's simple,” Carl started getting animated. “They were getting lost in a fantasy world, one where they could be knights or wizards or whatever, but in the end it wasn't real. Courtney is also lost in a fantasy world, one where she is a
girl; genetics and reality tell us otherwise. I thought you invited her to the table so we could save her from her fantasy. I thought the goal was to be her friend and show her the love of Christ and eventually show her that she doesn't have to pretend to be a girl and she would start behaving like the boy God made her.”

“I invited her to the table because she needed a friend. If I remember correctly, we had no clue to her physical condition at that time and had no reason to suspect it.”

“But once we knew, our goal was clear. We should encourage her to be what God made her, not reinforcing the fantasy.”

“I don't think it's a fantasy. She 's a girl, and I think that is what God made her, just that genetics got messed up somewhere along the way.”

“So you're saying God made a mistake?” Carl all but shouted. “Are you listening to yourself?”

“I'm not saying God made a mistake. I'm not saying that at all. It would be the same way if she was born blind, or crippled, or retarded, she is a girl that was born with a deformity, one I choose to not judge her on.”

“This is going nowhere,” Carl said, resigned that he wasn't persuading his friend. “I didn't come here to get into a debate with you, just to try to get you back on the straight and narrow path.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at his friend but didn't say a word.

“I understand what happened. It's not your fault that you fell for Courtney.”

“This ought to be good. What happened?”

“You suffer from Florence Nightingale Syndrome?” 

“The nurse we studied last year during woman's history month?”