-Worlds Apart- Ruination (6 page)

There was no intruder, just my mothers burlap bag wrapped around the doorknob. The bag was brimming. I pulled it open exposing my blue uniform and education supplies. I snapped my head up to see the blonde haired boy rounding the corner, walking into the horizon. Why? That’s what I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know why he would do that for me. Why give me the flowers and now the bag. That night I dreamt of flowers turning into acorn-brown eyes and for the first time I could remember, I was happy.

Chapter 10

Garrett twitches, momentarily breaking my mental reflection. His body relaxes and I continue to seek refuge in my memories.

I recall sounding accusatory and angry without meaning to when I saw him at education the next morning. “How’d you get that?” I asked. His eyes stared straight into mine.

“You left your bag, it had your scan card in it. I knew the way to the post, plus you needed your card to get the supplies so I did it for you.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Now they can’t send you home. Hey, I didn’t know your name was Vanessa. I like it.”

“I go by Nessa. I don’t know your name at all so I can’t say if I like it.”

“Garrett” he answered.

“Garrett?”

“Yup.” He answered with his smile.

The bell curtailed our conversation. The sea of blue repeated the routine like the day before. The educator walked into the room, craning her head sharply to the back expecting to see me in grey.

She singled me out twice, probing questions I didn’t know. I’ve been told that before the divide school wasn’t taken as seriously, but here in the post-divide education is one of the ‘BIG 3’ that decides our life. The other two factors are skills and lineage scores. The leap is a combination of all three. I remember thinking if I didn’t catch-up I’d be assigned a job like trash disposal.

I can imagine my small six-year-old self pretending to sit calmly at my desk, though all the while I was mentally fixated on my imminent failure. At days end I waited for the shuttle with my mind racing to devise a way to catch-up. I heard his voice.

“We could work together.” He paused as I dumbly stared at him. “Study I mean.”

I expected him to be kidding, possibly mocking me like the other kids. My immediate reaction is to say ‘
no’
but all I could think about was trash disposal. Maybe a partner was what I needed, maybe we needed each other, I tried telling myself. If I didn’t make the leap I’d never know what lies beyond the concrete walls where the regulators patrol. I accepted his offer.

From that day on Garrett and I meet here, on the river between our two homes. Together we’ve played, studied, practiced, and mastered the skills essential to cross the concrete walls into Central.

Chapter 11

Garrett’s coughing shakes our intertwined bodies as I cradle him along the riverbed. Between his earth shaking coughs there’s a horrible gurgling sound from deep in the back of his throat. He hasn’t said another word and I don’t even know if he can. 

My fingers comb through his golden hair just as his coughing silences. I watch the rising and falling of his chest, I’m cast into a trance watching the rhythmic breathing. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. Over and over it repeats.

His raspy voice snaps me out of my trance. “I wasn’t serious.” I don’t know what he’s talking about; maybe the churn berries affected his mind. “Yesterday,” he half chokes. “On the shuttle. The thirty-minute thing, I was kidding.” He clears his throat, flashing his smile. “You didn’t have to kill me to prove your test making skills.”

“Garrett, I’m sorry.” I sound desperate.

“It’s ok.
I
took the berries.”

“Why’d you do that? It was stupid!”

“I knew you’d save me. At least I did at first. There
was
a little doubt when I was on all fours dying. I remembered what an awful healer you are. I thought for sure I was a goner.” He playfully jabs his elbow into my stomach.

“Very funny. Honestly, it was so stupid. I’m an idiot.”

“I’m fine, I knew you’d save me.”

I had to save him, without him I’d be lost. A part of him knows that too. It hits me just how exhausted I am. I lower his head and lay in the mud next to him, holding him close. It feels right, like our bodies fit perfectly together.

Water rushes over the rocks and swells form along the water’s winding route. A twig snaps underfoot of a passing animal as the sun crests to its highest peak. I take it all in, both him and our hillside and imagine never leaving this moment. We could just stay here forever, maybe become part of the ground. All I want is to hold him and hold onto these moments, to pluck them from time and keep them forever. His voice interrupts my thoughts.

“We should go.” He says.

I don’t want this moment to end but he’s right. We need to leave to get the weapons collected, returned, and home before curfew. The entire right hemisphere of my body has fallen asleep making rising to my feet practically impossible.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do your challenge” I say brushing the mud from my legs.

“It’s fine. It would’ve been boring compared to yours. You know, since no one was supposed to die in mine.” His hands comb through his hair, “I can think of a way you could make it up to me though.”

“Nice try Garrett.”

“Man, you’re frigid.” He grins, the corner of his mouth draws at his dimple.

I roll my eyes before we separate, running towards our supplies. I move as fast as I can gathering my equipment. I break the tree line, hands full of weapons when I see him already waiting at the platform. Even after almost dying he still beat me.

We ride the shuttle in silence. Small beads of sweat break across my forehead, the supplies feel heavier than yesterday. I try my best to hide the trembling in my arms. Just as they begin to give out the shuttle stops. Unlike yesterday we don’t race to be the first at the attendant. The mood is different now.

“Scan card,” It’s the same spider-eyed man from yesterday. “Needs?” He barks at me.

“Nessa…. I mean Vanessa Hollins. Returning leap-testing weapons sir.” His eyes dart to his clock. A look of annoyance crosses his face.

“Cutting it close.” He says curtly.

We’re only allowed to have training weapons for twenty-four hours. A minute longer would’ve resulted in a mark against our families. After what the educators told us about life in the pre-divide, I understand why Central controls all weapons. 

We glide up the hill toward the station, neither of us talking. On the shuttle home Garrett stands close. I can hear his gentle breathing in my ear. My brown hair flutters, tickling my neck when he exhales. Without touching him I feel heat radiating, like he’s reaching out to me. The shuttle stops at his sub. I shift to get out of his way just as his hands land on my shoulders. He squeezes them, it’s like steam where he touched. I glance to look at him; my unruly hair covers my eyes. 

“See you tomorrow Nessa.” He brushes the rogue hairs from my face, tucking them behind my ear.

That night I still feel his touch across my cheek. It’s not normal to spend so much time thinking about someone, or actually trying
not
to think about one person. His body, his touch, his
everything
keeps me awake until at last I fall asleep. Once again I dream of him.

Chapter 12

Emma’s tossing body abruptly interrupts my dreams. I follow her into the bathroom as she crouches over the toilet. My free hand strokes her shaking shoulders.

“It’s ok Emma. I’m here, I’m here.” I collect her long blonde hair, holding it clear from her face.

“Nessa I…” She’s cut off by another surge of wrenching vomiting. Her tiny body quakes under my arms. Wave after wave lays assault to her insides.

Most of the night we alternate from the toilet to the floor. Emma can hardly open her beautiful eyes that are now rimmed with red. It’s been at least an hour since the last wave hit and I scoop her tiny body from the floor, carrying her to bed. 

“First light’s almost here. I’ll take the shuttle to education and tell them you’re sick. I’ll let Garrett know I can’t come today but I’ll be home right after” I reassure her.

He’s only got two days left until his leap but Emma needs me more.

“No, I’ll go. I’ll fall behind if I don’t.”

Education’s supposed to be every citizen’s top priority but I never thought she took it as seriously as she should. Maybe she just hid it, or maybe she’s finally seeing how important it is.

“I’ll get the lessons from the educator, we can do them together.”

I watch out the window until the light over the eastern hills severs the grey landscape, releasing me from curfew. I close the creaking door as quietly as possible and enter the cold December air. It constricts like a vice on my chest. I force my breaths around its icy grasp. The rhythmic left, right of my legs pumping warms my body until I can finally empty my mind and become a vacant vessel. My breathing becomes less erratic as I pump my legs toward our hillside.

I sprint through the sub-two neighborhood and automatically turn left, leaping across the fallen tree that’s been unhurriedly rotting since before I was born. I’ve taken this route almost daily since I was six. It feels like home to me. I hop foot to foot across the scattered rocks that lay at the base of the log.

I keep running through the canopy of trees along my trail that’s been pounded down from years of travel. I memorized every rock, stump, and tree along the way years ago and my body responds automatically. I cut through the thick forest until I see the glittering water of the river peak through the trees. Garrett isn’t here yet. 

Our hillside’s open, all except for the oak tree that stands just left of center. Countless days I’ve sat on the hill gazing at the tree in awe. The dark arms reach in all directions; some wind and curve upwards while others dip and twist toward the ground to hover just above the red soil. The soil gives way to a massive trunk that I could lay at the base of and be hidden from sight.

This tree’s the reason Garrett and I chose this spot. It provides shade in the summer and shelter from howling winds and heavy rain. For years we’ve tied messages to the low hanging branches for each other. I tie my brief note to one of the sagging arms knowing he’ll look here once I haven’t made it to the hill. 

I have to hurry if I’m going to catch the shuttle to education before class begins. I clear the tree line crossing the log as the shuttle approaches the platform. I duck my head letting my chin nearly hit my chest, I swing my legs fast racing to the platform. I leap onto the shuttle just as the doors seal shut.

There’s a sea of blue when I arrive at education. Blue clothes, bags, even blue socks. I make my way through the sea to find Emma’s educator.

“Nessa Hollins. Emma’s sister,” I say with a hint of unease.

Educators have always made me marginally uncomfortable and I’m certain she hears it in my voice. She looks slightly annoyed by my presence and probably offended by my unkempt dress and hair that’s mixed with mud and leaves from my run to the hill.

Educators are always immaculately groomed with white clothes pressed and unpolluted, they’re Centrals. They know what lies beyond the wall. At days end they take the hovercraft across the barrier and return to a life I can’t imagine.

“Yes, Miss Hollins?” Her dark perfectly shaped brows sit over her fair green eyes. Her black, shoulder length hair falls to the side as she asks her question.

“Emma’s unwell today, ma’am. I’ve come to collect her assignments.”

I try rushing through our awkward interaction and wait while she collects and organizes a stack of lessons. Tucking them into my bag I dash from the education building, relieved to be free from the white walls and judging eyes.

Darting through the streets back to Emma, I can’t help but recall my first day of education so many years ago, when I walked home in my grey uniform. It only takes thirty minutes to run the route now. Once I round the corner to our sub my mind switches to Emma. I sprint twice as fast up our walkway and reach the door, swinging it open.

“Nessa?” Her voice is weak.

“Hey, little miss. How are you?” I stare at her, curled into a tense ball.

I try comforting her. I crawl in bed arranging the grey sheets over our heads. She rolls to me half smiling. I sing to her while her eyes flutter open and closed in a battle to fight exhaustion.

“Sleep Emma. I’ll wake you soon,” I say between songs.

She lets sleep conquer her. I hold the covers above us and partly sing, partly hum as images of my mother and Garrett flash through my mind. I picture Mama holding me, her soft voice a hum. Mama fades into the background and I imagine Garrett with me, surrounding me in his arms. I let my attention and voice wander for the better part of the morning before I find the heart to wake her.

“Emma, it’s time to wake up.” I comb my fingers through her hair, coaxing her awake. She yawns, stretching her limbs in all directions. She stares at me through refreshed green and gold eyes. “Let’s see what we’re learning today,” I usher her out of our room to the open table. I pull out the stack of papers. Her eyes fly wildly open and alert.

“All of those?”

“Yes, it’s not bad really. We have to learn moon cycles first.”

“Why?” She asks with a hint of whine to her voice. It makes me want to laugh.

“Because it’s what the educator gave me. Plus, moon cycles are important to know for farming.” She gives me an absent look. “For instance, harvest moons are in September and October, the moon is so full and bright that it casts light into the darkness letting the farmers reap until late in the night. Or May is the planting moon. Everyone should know when to plant and when to harvest, even if you don’t become a farmer.” I poke my bony finger at her stomach, making her giggle. We spend the better part of the morning learning the different moon phases and cycles.