Wolfsbane (18 page)

ELEVEN

MONROE LEANED BACK IN
his chair. “I first came to Purgatory when I was twenty years old to serve as a Striker. I was a brash young man, al spitfire and ambition and no sense to speak of. I thought quite highly of myself.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his dark hair.

“I didn’t appreciate the rules set by our Guide at the time. He was a meticulous man named Davis. I was impatient with his insistence that young Strikers always patrol in pairs. That we spend as much time gathering information about the Keepers as planning and executing attacks.”

He folded his arms over his chest, his face lost in memories. “One day, when I was supposed to be training, I headed off on my own. Trekked up near Haldis, convinced I could take out a Guardian or two solo. I was a fool. If circumstances had been anything other than what they were, I would have been dead.”

“What were the circumstances?” Shay asked.

“I encountered a lone Guardian. She was on me faster than I would have imagined possible; I didn’t even have time to draw a weapon. I had completely underestimated the skil of my adversaries. She knocked me down, and I thought she would kil me.”

His voice tightened and he swal owed. “But then it wasn’t a wolf over me anymore. It was a young woman.” He glanced at me and smiled. “Barely older than you, Cal a.”

I nodded, my heart pounding. “Why did she shift into human form?”

Monroe’s jaw clenched. “She asked me to kil her.”

“What?” Shay gasped.

I heard a muffled sob and glanced over to see that Tess had begun to cry again. Adne wrapped her arm around Tess’s shoulders.

“I was stunned,” Monroe continued. “She could barely speak through her tears. She clung to me, sobbing.”

Torrid emotion rippled through Monroe’s eyes, and I suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

He shifted restlessly in his chair. “She was mated to a cruel man for whom she had no love, tormented by constant fear of a master even more wicked than her husband, terrified for the wel -being of packmates for whom she did care deeply but whose lives were as unpredictable and devoid of free wil as her own.” He paused and drew a slow breath before he spoke again. “But al these things, she said she’d been able to bear. Until that moment.”

“What changed?” Shay whispered. He glanced at me and saw my contorted face. His fingers slipped between my own and I gripped his hand.

“Her master had ordered her to bear a child.”

Monroe closed his eyes. “And she couldn’t face the idea that she would bring another life into this world who would be forced to contend with the same pains that plunged her into despair every day.”

“What did you do?” I asked in a whisper.

“I offered to help her.” Monroe’s eyes opened; they roiled with violent emotion. “I told her about the Harrowing. The true history that undermined al the lies she’d been told from her birth. A time when Searchers and Guardians united to fight back against the Keepers. I was desperate to convince her that there was another way. Something besides death to give her hope. I had never encountered pain like that. I wanted nothing more than to save her.”

Shay and I sat in silence, fascinated by his tale.

Connor was staring into his cup, while Adne had begun to stroke Tess’s hair. Silas didn’t seem to be paying attention at al , his energy redirected to his notebook, occasional y pausing to peer at Shay.

Monroe smiled sadly. “We began to meet in secret. I brought her as much information as I could about how the al iances of the past had formed.”

I felt a caress on my hand. I glanced at Shay and he smiled gently at me. Monroe watched the exchange and his eyebrows rose. “Sounds familiar?”

Shay nodded.

Monroe’s smile became a grimace and he spoke again. “Davis had been furious with me for disobeying his directive, but he jumped at the chance to have Guardians on our side. It looked like our best chance to overturn control of Haldis. Corrine was able to gather support among several of her packmates. Our plan was to bring them out first, gather a significant force of several Searcher teams, and then make a combined assault against the Keepers in Vail.”

“But something went wrong?” Shay frowned.

Monroe nodded. He cleared his throat, but his voice remained thick. “Corrine became pregnant.

She’d hoped to avoid it somehow”—he winced

—“but such things can be difficult to control.”

He was quiet for a moment; he folded his hands on the table. “She was afraid to run while she was pregnant, and she didn’t want to take extra risks with the newborn child, so she asked for the plan to be put on hold. To wait until the child had grown, until her son was a year old and wouldn’t be so vulnerable when we made our escape. I agreed.” He paused; I saw his hands trembling.

I forced my question out, despite my growing fear.

“What happened?”

“In the intervening period, the plot was discovered.” Monroe’s knuckles whitened as his hands locked together fiercely. “Instead of the escape, the team of Searchers encountered an ambush at the Bane compound. We lost more than half our number.”

“And Corrine? And her al ies?” Shay’s voice was stern.

Monroe replied in a flat tone. “They had already been handed over to wraiths. Al dead before we even arrived.”

I had to close my eyes as Monroe breathed life into the scenes from my nightmare. My organs felt brittle, ready to shatter.

“But they let Ren live?” I whispered. “They didn’t kil her child.”

“It’s been hard to put the pieces together, but from what I understand, Corrine’s mate was loyal to her master, never a conspirator against the Keepers.

And the child remained in his care. After al , the young alpha for the new pack was stil needed. And as you’ve already said, he knew nothing about how his mother truly died.”

Shay squeezed my hand again and I realized that tears were coursing down my cheeks. I swiftly brushed them away. He looked at Monroe. “Do you have any idea how she was betrayed?”

Monroe’s jaw set; he stared at his hands.

“I think that’s al , folks,” Connor muttered. “Are you satisfied?”

Shay’s head snapped around. “Would you just—”

“No, Shay.” I put my hand on his arm. “Thank you, Monroe.”

Monroe rose, giving us his back. “I’l bid you good night.”

“Me too,” Tess said. She fol owed Monroe back to the staircase.

“Way to clear a room,” Connor mumbled, staring into his empty coffee cup.

“Leave it, Connor,” Adne said, and stood up.

“Let’s just find another way to pass the time.”

He grinned at her. “I have a few ideas.”

“Mine are better and in the realm of possibility.”

Adne sat on the table, put her feet on the bench, and rested the guitar on her knees. She strummed the chords and tilted her head.

“Requests?”

“Ladies’ choice,” Connor said.

She began to sing, her voice rich and low.

“Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” she sang.

Shay perked up. “Dylan Thomas?”

She paused, shrugging. “Yeah. It’s kind of our mantra here. I made up a melody to go along with the poem.”

“How long have you been playing?” Shay watched her fingers move along the frets, clearly fascinated.

“Since I was four,” Adne said. “My mother taught me.”

“She’s a natural, but that’s no surprise. Adne’s good at everything. Child genius and al .” Connor pushed a strand of Adne’s mahogany hair off her forehead. His brown eyes gleamed in the firelight as his fingers lingered on her skin.

A nagging suspicion crept through me. Something lay just beneath the surface of Connor and Adne’s constant bickering. I was sure of it.

So many hidden stories linking all of them
together. These two have secrets of their own.

“I can tel ,” Shay murmured, his eyes fixed on Adne’s swiftly moving fingers. “Could you teach me?”

Adne’s strumming paused. “To play?”

Shay nodded.

She smiled at him, patting the bench next to her.

“Of course.”

Shay moved to her side and she placed the guitar on his thighs. I swal owed hard when she moved to sit behind him on the table, leaning over him so she could guide his hands on the guitar.

Despite my suspicions about Connor and Adne, I wondered if their story was in the past—and Adne had her eye on a future with Shay. I didn’t doubt Shay’s feelings for me, but jealousy stil nipped at me anytime I saw him and Adne together. Even if he wasn’t interested in her, they were becoming fast friends. And that made my chest ache. I missed my friends. Especial y Bryn. Even if she had to pry information from me about my feelings, her constant concern, her presence had sustained me. Every alpha needed that support.

I forced my eyes off Adne and Shay. The thought of turning into a wolf and pinning Adne to the floor was becoming more and more appealing.

“I think I’m gonna cal it a night.” Connor yawned loudly, though he had fixed a hard gaze on the impromptu music lesson. “Adne, can I escort you to your room?”

“What?” Adne barely glanced at him. “I suddenly need an escort? Did we have a time warp to the nineteenth century that I missed?”

Connor glared at Shay and then kicked the floor with the heel of his boot. He looked vulnerable, something I’d never seen in the everjoking Searcher before.

“No, I—” he mumbled. “Night, then.”

“Night.” Adne’s attention was back on the guitar.

Connor looked back at Shay and Adne once more, hesitating. The expression on his face was strange, caught somewhere between anger and sadness.

“I think I’l go to bed too,” I said.
Before I tear her
fingers off.

“I’l walk you to your room. I’l even sing you a lul aby . . . and maybe you could show me what makes you howl,” Connor said, a smile sliding across his mouth.

“Hey!” Shay snapped out of his trance to glare at the Searcher.

“Down, boy.” Connor laughed.

“Come on, Shay,” Adne chided, pul ing his hands into place on the guitar. “Pay attention. Put your fingers here and here. That’s a G chord.”

Shay flushed, wrenching his neck to look at Adne.

“Sorry. Uh . . . okay, G chord.”

“Don’t worry; you’l get the hang of it.” She rested her chin on his shoulder.

I fol owed Connor out of the dining hal , a burning knot occupying the place my stomach used to be.

“You hanging in there, kiddo?” He glanced at me as we climbed the stairs. “Pretty big changes happening in your life.”

I rol ed my shoulders back, not certain how to take his question. “Why do you care?” I regretted my harsh tone, but I was stil bristling from watching Adne wrap herself around Shay at the table. Plus hanging out with Connor was like riding a rol er coaster: I didn’t know whether he’d be making inappropriate comments or asking thoughtful questions. The Searchers were giving me emotional whiplash.

“You know you wil have to trust us . . . eventual y,”

he said.

I flashed my teeth at him rather than giving him a true smile. “Eventual y.”

“Fair enough,” he said, pausing at the door to my room. “Sweet dreams, alpha.”

“Thanks,” I said, and pushed the door open.

I didn’t bother turning on the light; instead I col apsed on the bed and stared at the dark sky above, my mind too frantic for sleep to be a real possibility. Nonetheless, I stil felt sapped, weary. But the ache was deeper than that.

I’m lonely.

Until that moment I hadn’t realized that in truth, I’d never been alone. I’d always had the pack, no matter what chal enges life had thrown my way. In their absence I felt lost, utterly without purpose. I’d run from Vail to save Shay but also to save my friends.

Now that choice seemed less like a solution and more like an ephemeral hope that moved further and further away from materializing.

What am I doing here?

I rol ed over on the bed, burying my face in a pil ow, and closed my eyes. The room was a little cold, but I didn’t bother to pul the thick down comforter over me. The uncomfortable chil that crept along my limbs further fed my disconsolate spirit. My body tensed, but I didn’t stir when I heard the door open and then quietly click shut once more. I caught the scent of sun-warmed grasses and clover. Shay’s gentle footfal s crossed the room and then paused.

“I know you’re awake, Cal a.”

I sighed, flipping over to face him.

“What happened to your guitar lesson?” I sounded catty, and it only made me angrier that Adne had so easily gotten under my skin.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He crawled across the bed.

I leaned away, rol ing onto my back.

“You left Adne al alone? I think she was looking forward to teaching you.”
I think she was looking
forward to more than that.

“She had to go back to Denver,” he said. “Silas showed up with a report for her to take back to the outpost. But now that I’m here, it sounds like you’d rather I left
you
al alone.”

I couldn’t decide if he sounded irritated or amused, so I didn’t answer. I let my eyes wander back to the starry sky. Then the tiny, winking lights were replaced by shadow as Shay moved close to me. My breath caught when instead of stretching out beside me, he positioned his body over mine. His weight pressed me down into the mattress.

“Shay.” I was startled, but unafraid. “What are you doing?” My hands moved up to his chest and kept his torso suspended just above me.

His fingers circled my wrists, holding me down, preventing me from pushing him off.

“No more hiding behind your fear, Cal a. No more running away,” he said. “You can try to tear both of my hands off if you real y want to. But I am going to kiss you now.”

I swal owed as I took in the bright, confident gleam in his eye. He had no fear of me. Even through the light clasp of his fingers, I could feel the depth of his strength; it was surprising and enticing. He no longer approached me with the trepidation he’d had as a human; now he was a Guardian. And not only that, but the Scion: he would bear the Elemental Cross. A weapon the likes of which the world had never seen.