Wishing on the Water (Water Series Book 1) (3 page)

"I remember Candice. I remember that you were determined to have a place to make a wish and the stars just wouldn't do.”

I leaned my head back on Jax and reminisced for a moment about three little kids who set out on an adventure to find a new place to wish. We couldn't have been more than seven years old. I remember it was about the time my mom got sick.

“
I was always told never to wish on the first star at night. If everyone wishes on one star, how will the star keep up? A star with too many wishes will just fall out of the sky. Rain drops are plentiful, and there are thousands. They wash away the filth and carry it to a better place. So when you make a wish, wish on the water and let it carry your problems away.”

Jax wrapped his arms around me as my back rested on his chest and my head fell back against his shoulder. He was warm and comforting. He had put up a shield around his own emotions and stepped up to take care of me.

“
Who told you about wishing on the water?” Jax whispered in my ear.

“My mom.”

There was a silent pause. My mom had died of cancer when I was little; and, even now after years, it was still a sore spot. I missed her and still mourned for her to the point that if someone brought her up chances were I would shed a tear.

Grieving came in waves. Sometimes I would be perfectly fine. Other days I would drown in the need to see her or hold her. When it got really bad, I would go to my mom’s grave and talk to her. I would spend hours in the grass next to her. Now I would have to visit Chase there as well.

“
I remember when we found this lake, Candice. You were a tiny little thing. So beautiful with your brown hair in a ponytail. Your bright blue eyes would stare right through me as if you knew all my secrets. I remember fighting with Chase over you, but I let him have you because it was what you wanted and he was always a better man than me."

I didn't know any of that, but it was nice to remember the good times we had had with Chase. I thought it was sweet to hear the boys fought over me at such a young age. I remember thinking we all would be together forever. I turned and put my head against Jax’s heart, wrapping my arms around him.

"It's my fault; I was supposed to go first that day. I got a flat on the way to court and Chase told me he would go first so I had some time. I wasn't there.”

I watched as he tried his best to keep his emotions at bay. I tightened my grip and stared into his stormy eyes, now slightly swollen and red. He was holding back more than I thought. I never once thought he would blame himself. They knew Chase had been targeted. He had received so many threats when he took on an undercover assignment that had been blown.

"Jax, you know it wasn't you. Chase got threats he didn't tell anyone about. You didn't do this. It is not your fault."

“
I was there for his last words, but I wasn’t there to save him. I should have been there. I would have laid down my life for him. I wish….” He broke the sentence with the words stuck inside him and stared at the water. I closed my eyes and hoped he was wishing on the water for himself, and not to trade his life for Chase’s.

I took his hand and walked along the river’s edge.

“
You’re my best friend, Jax,” I whispered as we walked toward the sunset.

“
And you are mine, Candy.” He responded with a softened tone. I could hear the emotions being held back in the slight break in his voice.

“
I love you, Jax.” I pulled him into a hug and wrapped my arms around his neck. My head laid on his chest listening to his heart beating. It was soothing to hear his heart pumping blood. It was amazing the things that you come to realize you will miss when someone dies. I would miss Chase’s heartbeat when we snuggled on the couch.

“
Candice, everything will be alright. I will catch the bastard that did this, and Chase’s memory will always live on inside us. Just don’t ever abandon our friendship.”

“
Why would you say that?” I asked because the last thing he said had me confused.

“
Candy, when your mom died you and your dad abandoned each other. You lived in the same house, but you were practically strangers. Chase and I were closer to your dad than you are. I just want to make sure that doesn’t happen to us.”

“
It won’t Jax. I promise.”

There was nothing left to say. Our emotions were cut open and left to bleed out as we sought comfort in each other. I relished the warmth from his touch and I want to believe I gave him the same, but she was the strong silent type and I would never know if I was helping or hindering.

He took my hand and we walked side by side for a few hours until we reached the lighthouse that sat off the rocks next to where the river flowed out into the ocean. I cried the occasional tear, but Jax and I were able to lean on each other without a word being said. I was grateful we could just be with each other like this.

We watched as the sun set on the crashing waves over the lighthouse and the winds howled from a storm somewhere off in the distance. Right there I made a wish on the water; that both Jax and I would find happiness again one day. We both deserved to smile again.

Two weeks had passed and I still felt as though I couldn’t breathe. I refused to go home to the cold, empty house I once shared with Chase. Jax had been kind enough to let me sleep in his room every night. He would just hold me while I cried. I really was blessed to have him in my life.

I sat at Jax’s desk and stared at the blank Microsoft Word page. Once upon a time I won awards for my best-selling novels, now I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“
Candice, why don’t you take a break and come back to it later?” Jax called out from the kitchen where he was making us Tim Horton’s coffee for the afternoon.

“
I need to write, I need to be able to move forward and get back to being myself.”

Jax brought me coffee over to the desk that sat in front of the window just to the right of the front door. The rain had stopped, but drops kept dripping off the gutter. The constant drips that were slowing captivated my attention as Jax placed my coffee next to my laptop.

“
You need to let it happen. If you force it, it won’t flow.” Jax stated as he leaned over and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

“
What the hell do you know about being a writer?” I snapped at him. I was instantly angry and didn’t understand why. I needed to hate him for no reason other than he was right there.

“
Come on Candice. We’re taking a ride.”

Just when I was about to protest, I found myself being carried out to the truck. Jax put me in the seat of his white F250. I crossed my arms as he buckled me in. I gave him the evil eye as he shut my door and went back in the house.

Jax came out just as I was getting ready to get out of the truck with my laptop and a comforter in his hands. He locked the door to the house and then came out and placed everything in the back seat of his extended cab.

“
Time to breathe, Candice,” Jax stated as he started the truck. I rolled my eyes and watched as he backed out of the driveway.

Jax had taken me to the cemetery every day to sit at the gravesite next to where they buried Chase. He even stayed while I took the time and went and talked to my mom’s tombstone.

I assumed we were headed back to the cemetery so I turned and stared out the window of the truck as it sped out of the neighborhood. The constant vibration of the truck was making my eye lids heavy and soon I drifted off to sleep.

“
Wake up Candice.” I heard Jax say, but I didn’t want to open my eyes. “Come on stubborn ass.” Jax chuckled and my lips turned up with a smile. My face hurt with my smile as it went against how I felt.

“
You are the stubborn ass.” I stated with a hint of laughter as I crept my eyes open to be met with the gray eyes of Jax.

“
Whatever, I am the rubber and you are the glue,” Jax stated as he helped me out of the truck.

“
Are we five years old again?” I asked as I caught a glimpse of childishness in his face.

“
Yes, Candice we are five years old, and there is nothing in the world that is holding us back, making us sad, or stopping us from living our lives.”

I turned and looked behind the truck at the park across that sat across from the lighthouse at the edge of the river where it met the ocean. This was where I had met Chase and Jax. The two ornery boys had caught my attention the minute my mother had let me out to play.

I saw the yellow weathered slide where Jax used to catch me as I slid down, and the ladder that Chase used to help me climb up on to slide down again. The multicolored merry-go-round was rusted and looked out of service.

The memories hit me like whiplash, and I wanted to be that little kid again. I wanted to have my pig-tails pulled and push the boys into the sand. I wanted to cry to my mother about the boys that she said, “would hate you today, but love you tomorrow.”

“
Jax it’s all taped off,” I whispered as the memories fled and I took in the dirty and torn down condition of the park.

“
Not enough funding, they are going to tear it down rather than fix it. I heard they may put a restaurant here.”

I walked toward the yellow caution tape. I could see the three little kids we used to be running laps around the bridge that carried us from one side of the playground to the other where the swings rested.

I went under the tape and headed across the sand to the swings. There was minimal rust on the swing set where, as teenagers, we had scratched our names in the metal pole.

I pulled my black flip flops off and curled my toes in the sand that was still packed down from the rain. I used my arm to wipe the remaining water off the swing and sat down.

I relished the feel of being back in the swing as if I was a child that had the whole world ahead of her.

“
Candy want a push?” Jax asked and I nodded my head. He walked over and began pushing me on the swing. I wished on the water that was on the chain that I could just let it all go and not feel like I was drowning anymore. I wanted to be able to bask in the sunlight that was piercing through the gray clouds.

“
Hey, Jax,” I called out as Jax pushed me higher on the swing.

“
What is it baby girl?”

“
In case there is no tomorrow I want you to know I love you.”