Winning the Right Brother (13 page)

It should have been reassuring.

Holly hid her face against Alex’s broad chest, which was ironic considering he was a big part of her fears, the fears that were flooding back now as if they’d just been waiting in the wings, driven out of her mind by earth-shaking sex. Probably they’d go away permanently if she could make love with Alex forever, but physically it just wasn’t possible. She could barely move her arms and legs now.

She took a deep breath to steady herself, but then she was inhaling the clean male scent of Alex, soap and rain and the faint tang of salty sweat, and she had to close her eyes.

What did
he
think about what had just happened? He had talked about wanting her, about lust and desire, but he hadn’t said anything about…

Holly stopped herself in time. Don’t even
think
that
word, she admonished herself. The only thing that had happened here was great sex. The only thing Alex had promised her was great sex.

And boy, had he delivered. Only a fool would go scrambling for more right now. Alex wasn’t the ever-after kind of guy. He was danger and volatility and mind-blowing lust, and while those things might be amazing, they didn’t usually come attached to a Hallmark card and a bottle of Chianti.

Alex was a great friend—unless they’d just messed that up tonight—and an unbelievable lover, but it would be asking way too much to expect him to be a boyfriend, too. It would go against his nature.

Holly turned her head so her cheek was pressed against Alex’s chest and she could hear his heartbeat again. She didn’t really want a boyfriend right now, anyway. Especially not one like Alex, who could fog her brain just by looking in her direction. She needed her mind clear right now. She had a job to focus on, and a son to take care of, and a destroyed home to recreate for both of them.

If she let herself rely on Alex for things he couldn’t provide, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Who knew better than she did that the moment you let yourself get comfortable was usually the moment you got the rug jerked out from under you? And honestly, she didn’t think she could take it if that happened again. She had to make herself remember who and what Alex was. He was a good friend to her and to her son, but when it came to man-woman stuff he was nitroglycerin, the kind you left in the bottle if you valued your peace of mind.

A sudden visceral memory of Alex thrusting into
her made her wonder, briefly, if peace of mind might be overrated, but then she thought about Brian—how much she’d trusted him, and how he’d cracked when she’d given him more than he could handle. And Mark, too—in the end, he hadn’t wanted to deal with the burdens that went with dating a single mother.

If she tried to force Alex into a role he couldn’t possibly fill, they’d both suffer for it. And she didn’t want to suffer like that again.

The cold floorboards, and the cold air against her bare skin, was starting to seep into her bones. Time to end this.

She used Alex for leverage to push herself to a sitting position.

“Hey!” he said immediately, sitting up with her and capturing her hands in his. “Where do you think you’re going?”

She hesitated and saw him tense again. Well, he might not like it, but the sooner she made it clear where things stood, the better.

“I’m going to bed,” she said quietly. “Alone. I think it would be better that way.”

Alex rose to his feet and reached down a hand to help her up. Once she was standing he kept hold of her hand, stroking her wrist with his thumb.

“I knew it,” he said, sounding almost resigned.

“Knew what?” she asked as she tried to pull her hand gently away from his.

“Knew you’d run away.” He stood looking at her, and Holly felt a wave of guilt.

“Listen,” he said, drawing her closer. “Let’s save this part until the morning. It’s traditional. If in the harsh light of day you feel the need to turn your back on
what we obviously have going here, fine. But, please, Holly—at least give me tonight. Just one night. Please.”

There was no way she could say no to him. Holly was momentarily terrified that she’d never be able to say no to him ever again, but she put that thought aside for now. One night really wasn’t too much to ask.

“No sex,” she warned him.

“No sex,” he repeated. “That’s fine. I may never be able to have sex again, anyway. I think you broke me.”

Holly grinned, suddenly liking him so much it warmed her all over. “Oh, I think you’ll live to love again. Think of all the disappointment among the female population of Ohio if you retired this young.”

He looked at her a little quizzically, but he bit back whatever he had been going to say. “Let’s sleep in your bed tonight,” he said instead as they climbed the stairs together.

“Sure,” Holly said, surprised. “How come?”

“It’s warmer,” he said as they walked down the hall and into her room.

“Warmer? Why?”

“Because it’s yours,” he said simply. Holly looked at him for a moment, not sure how to respond. Then she disappeared quickly into the bathroom.

Alex sighed.
Don’t think about it,
he told himself as he lay down on Holly’s bed, turning his head to breathe in the scent of her shampoo that lingered on her pillow. Don’t think about tomorrow. Hell, tomorrow a meteor might strike the earth, destroying all life on this planet and his minor relationship problems along with it.

Just think about tonight.

He heard her footsteps and switched on the bedside
lamp, turning to see the soft light glowing against her bare skin. “You’re so beautiful,” he couldn’t help saying as she came toward him, and even across the room he could tell she was blushing. He lifted the covers so she could slip under them, and when he felt how cold she was he wrapped her up in the fluffy quilts, tucking her in close to him so his own body heat could seep into her, as well.

Not to mention the fact that feeling Holly’s soft skin and sexy curves pressed against him was extremely pleasant.

“Mmm,” she said as she snuggled into him, and that was pleasant too. Alex let his eyes drift closed, just enjoying the moment.

“Where’d you get the condom?” Holly asked suddenly, and the question was so unexpected that Alex laughed. “I’m serious,” she said, although he could tell she was smiling. “I mean, one second you’re naked, and the next second you’ve got a condom on, like Superman coming out of a phone booth. Well, maybe not quite like that,” she amended as he laughed again.

“I had it in my wallet.”

“You keep a condom in your wallet?”

“Fortune favors the prepared,” he said gravely, and she swatted at him.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I was thinking the other day you probably get lucky every week. Maybe every night.” Her tone made it a question, but Alex deliberately didn’t answer it. He just let his smile grow broader.

Finally she sighed in exasperation. “Look, just tell me. Give me a number. How many women have you been with during the last three months?”

He made a show of thinking about it, counting softly
under his breath, until she swatted him again. “Okay, okay,” he said, grinning. “One.”

She stared at him. “You’ve only slept with one woman besides me during the last three months?”

He held her gaze. “No, Holly. Only you.”

“Oh,” she said, blinking in surprise.

They were lying on their sides, facing each other, and Alex ran a finger down her forehead to the tip of her nose. “New topic,” he said. “Let’s talk about our greatest sexual experiences ever. I’ll tell you mine and you can tell me yours. You first.”

She pillowed her hand under her cheek. “I’m not about to make your head any bigger,” she said severely.

“I just want to hear you say it,” he persisted, grinning.

She sighed with exaggerated patience. “Fine,” she said. “If you insist on having your ego stroked. On a scale of one to ten you were a hundred and three. Anything else you need me to tell you?”

He hid his grin this time. “That’s good for now,” he said, and then deliberately didn’t say anything else until she poked him in the chest.

“Don’t you dare,” she warned him. “I have limited sexual experience and my self-esteem is precarious. You will immediately begin complimenting me in extravagant terms or there will be consequences.”

He let his grin show then, but almost immediately it began to fade as he traced the side of her face with the palm of his hand.

“I don’t think there are words,” he said, and his voice was serious. “I’ve dreamed about what it would be like with you, and even my wildest fantasies fell short. I’ve never experienced anything even close to that with anyone else. You…” He paused and then smiled again. “I thought you were a good girl,” he teased gently.

“So did I,” she retorted, smiling back at him. “And I am, normally. You bring these things out in me.”

Like lightning he rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. “I hope I do,” he said, looking down at her, loving the way her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened and her breath started to come in little gasps. “I look at you when you’re trying to be all prim and proper and I have to get under your skin. It’s a compulsion.”

“An extremely childish compulsion,” she said, trying to speak sternly. “Also, you agreed we would not be having sex again tonight.”

“Who’s having sex?” he said innocently. He lowered himself enough so she could feel his erection between her thighs. “I’m just lying here.”

“Well, cut it out,” she said, pushing at his chest, and he moved away immediately, lying back down on his side to face her.

“Sorry,” he said ruefully. “It really is hard for me not to get carried away around you.”

She laid a palm against his chest. “I need a little time before that happens again,” she said, and her voice was almost pleading. “Maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but I need a chance to…to process. That’s just how I am. Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it,” he said immediately, knowing it wasn’t the offer he was looking for but willing to wait. Then he held out his arms.

She hesitated a moment and then scooted over so she was nestled against him, and he wrapped his arms around her as if she belonged there.

Which she did,
Alex thought as he reached across her to turn out the light.

Now all he had to do was convince Holly of that.

I
t was morning. Holly knew this because she could feel warm sunlight against her eyelids.

She knew something else, too. It was hovering just out of reach, some fact of immense significance, something with consequences.

She opened her eyes and saw Alex lying on his side, facing her, a foot of space between them. The blankets covered him to the waist but he was unmistakably naked. He was also awake.

“Hi,” he said, smiling. In the morning light the crinkles at the corners of his eyes were easily visible, and his irises were the color of the sky.

“Oh, my God,” Holly said in dawning horror. She sat bolt upright in bed, but that reminded her of the fact that she, too, was naked. She snatched at the top quilt to cover herself.

Alex continued to lie beside her, one arm pillowed under his head. “You know, that’s really a pointless gesture. I’ve been watching you sleep for an hour. I know what you look like naked.”

Holly gave him a look as she slid out of bed, taking the quilt with her. “I’m sure you do,” she said with dignity.

Alex looked at her in exasperation. “You can’t seriously—” He stopped himself, shaking his head. “No, I’m not going to bother.” He sighed and rolled onto his back. “It’s my fault, really,” he said to the ceiling. “I was the one who said we should save it till the morning.”

“Save what?” she asked suspiciously.

“This. The big dramatic scene where you hit the ground running and we forget this ever happened.” He turned his head to face her. “Only this time I’m not playing. I’m not going to lie or pretend, just to make things easier for you. I want us to be together, Holly. I want to see where this is going. If you don’t want that, fine. But I’d at least like to know why. I’ll respect any decision you make. I just want to understand why you’re making it.”

Holly replayed Alex’s words in her head, trying to focus.

“That’s fair,” she said after a moment. “That’s certainly fair.” She knew she sounded like a lawyer negotiating a settlement, but she couldn’t help that. She was torn right now between acute embarrassment and the desire to go back to that bed and beg Alex to make love to her again. Her thought processes were not at their best. She took a breath and spoke again. “I just want you to know…I’m not running away. Not necessarily, anyway. I just—”

“Need some time to think,” Alex finished for her, clasping his hands behind his head.

“Yes. I do.” She bit her lip as she looked at him, his bare torso unbelievably gorgeous in the golden sunlight that streaked across the bed, a blanket draped across his hips and just barely covering his…

She put a cool hand to her hot cheek. “Cold shower,” she said. “For me. Now. Then I’m going to the gym to work off some tension.”

He grinned evilly. “There are other ways to—”

She held up a palm. “Don’t bother finishing that sentence. I plan to carefully consider all the ramifications of our current situation without having my brain muddled by you.”

“Do you always approach your romantic relations like investment planning?”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “After I shower, during which time you will go back to your own room, I am getting dressed and going to the gym. Then I’m going out to lunch, somewhere far from you and your body, which is screwing up my mental processes.”

“Who told you your mental processes were that hot to begin with?” he asked, grinning.

Holly chose to ignore him as she headed resolutely for the bathroom, her quilt trailing behind her like the robes of an empress. She could hear Alex chuckling from across the room until she slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.

Holly had never worked out so hard in her life. Her inner turmoil translated into raw adrenaline, and she went through her usual circuit with single-minded intensity. When she finished with the Nautilus machines and went over to the stationary bicycles, she was surprised to find Gina on one, pedaling away as if her life
depended on it. Holly put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

“Holly! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Gina, what in the world are you doing here? Aren’t you flying to Vegas tonight to get married?”

“Well, yes,” Gina acknowledged, wiping the back of her neck with a towel. “That’s why I’m here.”

Holly frowned at her friend. “I’m not following you.”

Gina sighed. “I’m scared out of my mind. The only thing that makes me feel better is this, so here I am. It’s almost a shame the wedding’s tomorrow morning. I’m on my way to having the thighs of Lance Armstrong. I could enter the Tour de France.”

Holly pulled her off the bike and marched her over to the juice bar. Sitting Gina firmly down on one of the stools, she ordered two Energy Smoothies and sat down herself.

“Okay, start talking,” she said sternly. “What are you afraid of? You’re crazy about Henry. You guys are perfect together. You can’t wait to marry him.”

“True. All true.”

“Well, then. What are you scared of?”

Gina rested her elbows on the counter and put her chin in her hands. “Everything. Nothing. Just the idea of being married, I guess.”

“You’re not going to…” She let it trail off, not certain exactly what she thought Gina might do.

Gina kept her chin in her hands but turned to look at her friend. “Run away? Leave him at the altar? No way. I love Henry, and, anyway, I don’t let my fears make my decisions for me.”

Holly winced at that, remembering what Alex had said to her last night. “Well, good,” she said. “But I still
don’t get what you’re afraid of. I would have thought you’d be, I don’t know, radiant.”

Gina looked at her in disbelief. “You’ve never heard of wedding jitters? If I’m feeling this freaked out, I can’t even imagine what Henry’s going through. His best man is probably talking him down from the ceiling.”

Holly thought about it. “I guess I thought wedding jitters are for when you have doubts. And it doesn’t sound like you have doubts.”

Gina shook her head, exasperated. “I don’t have doubts. I love Henry. That’s what’s so scary. Haven’t you ever felt something for a man that knocked you on your butt and scared the pants off you?”

“Yes,” Holly answered miserably, causing Gina to jerk upright and almost knock her smoothie onto the floor.

“What! You have not. That was a rhetorical question. I’ve never seen you messed up over a guy. Who is he? Details, Holly. It’s your duty to distract me from my gut-twisting turmoil by telling me about yours.”

Holly played with her straw. “It’s Alex,” she said reluctantly.

She stared at Holly in delighted amazement. “Your son’s coach, right? The guy you’re staying with now? The guy who carried you out of the Bengal Bar?”

“That would be him.”

Gina sat back in satisfaction. “I am really, really going to enjoy this. Tell me all.”

Holly started to brush it off, to change the subject like she usually did when her personal life came up. But then she remembered last night, and closed her eyes, and realized that this time, for once, she really did need to talk to someone.

“You remember him, right? From the bar? He’s got this body…”

“Believe me, I remember. I wanted to start at his toes and nibble my way up.”

“Well, living in the same house with him has not been easy. It was really only Will’s being there that kept me sane. And when he went away this weekend—”

“Will took off? Left you and Alex alone together?”

“Yes.”

Gina smiled. “Smart kid.”

Holly’s eyes widened. “You don’t think—oh, my God, you don’t think he did that on purpose? Trying to push us together or something?”

“I hope so. I’ve always had a lot of respect for Will’s brains.”

Holly shook her head quickly. “No. I’m sure Will wouldn’t do that. But the fact is, the very first night we were alone together…”

Gina leaned forward, eyes sparkling. “Take your time with the play-by-play here.”

Holly sighed. “It was incredible. We were coming in from the rainstorm—you remember how it poured last night. And we—we barely made it inside. We had sex in the front hallway. On the floor.”

Gina blinked. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Well, this is a side of you we need to encourage. Good for Alex.”

“You have no idea. I never felt anything that intense before. It was…” Her hands moved in the air as she searched for words.

Gina nodded. “You’ve gone nonverbal, which can be
translated as off-the-scale fantastic. But this is good, right? I don’t understand where the angst comes in.”

Holly slumped. “The sex was great, and the friendship part is great, too, but I don’t think Alex is boyfriend material.”

Gina looked at her in disgust. “What is
wrong
with you? Who cares if he’s boyfriend material? Just enjoy yourself, Holly. Have some fun. You’ve earned it. You’ve spent fifteen years being responsible and competent and a mom and a financial planner. Why don’t you enjoy being a woman for a change?”

The thought was so tempting Holly had a sip of smoothie to settle the butterflies in her stomach. “I can’t do that,” she said finally.

Gina threw up her hands. “Give me one good reason.”

“Will.”

“Right. Will. Tell me, Holly, how do you think Will would feel if he knew you were using him as an excuse not to be happy?”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Holly argued. “It’s just…I can’t have a wild affair with his coach. Alex is important to Will. They’ve…they’ve bonded.”

“You’re important to Will, too. Why do you think he left this weekend?”

“If, and this is a big if, but
if
Will did leave because he was playing matchmaker or something, then it’s even worse. What if he gets his hopes up? How will he feel if—I mean,
when
things don’t work out? He’ll be devastated. He’s already been abandoned by his father. He doesn’t need to be disappointed like that again.”

“Will’s not a little boy, you know. He’s a young man.”

“He can still be hurt.”

Gina looked at her thoughtfully. “Are you sure it’s Will you’re really worried about? You can be hurt, too, Holly.”

“I can take care of myself,” she snapped.

Gina raised her eyebrows. “Right, of course. I forgot for a minute who I was talking to. Holly Stanton, the woman who doesn’t need help from anyone.”

Holly frowned at her. “You’re starting to sound like Alex.”

Gina sighed. “Look, Holly, it’s your life. You need to make your own decisions. I just think that you could have some fun with Alex without causing undue devastation in Will’s life or yours. Men
can
be fun, you know.”

“Not in my experience,” Holly muttered.

“Exactly my point. You need some new experiences. But go ahead, turn your back on some really amazing sex. God forbid you actually let down your guard for two seconds and enjoy yourself.”

“Hey! I enjoy myself plenty. With or without the sex.”

Gina hopped down from her stool. “I give up. You’re hopeless. Let’s go pedal ourselves into oblivion.”

Holly sighed in relief. “Finally a suggestion that makes sense. Lead the way.”

Alex had no idea what to expect when he saw Holly again. He kept busy so he wouldn’t think about it too much, gathering up the cleaning products Holly had brought into the house and taking them upstairs to his bedroom, wanting to bring some of her warmth, her magic, into the one place she hadn’t been yet.

After he did the floors and the furniture he stripped his bed and took the sheets down to the laundry room.
Holly had bought a new kind of detergent and a box of dryer sheets. An hour and a half later, pulling his bedding from the dryer, he buried his face in the clean scented warmth and felt an ache starting in his heart and spreading to every part of him.

He was upstairs making his bed when he heard the front door open.

“Alex?” Holly called out, her voice tentative, unsure, and Alex went to the head of the stairs and looked down at her.

“Hey,” he said.

She held up a red-and-white bucket. “I brought chicken,” she said, and he grinned in sudden relief.

“I knew you were my kind of woman,” he said, but without a leer or even an eyebrow wriggle, and she grinned back at him.

“Didn’t you notice that it’s getting dark?” she asked as he came downstairs. “I wasn’t sure you were home when I got back, even though I saw your car. There aren’t any lights on.” She was flicking switches as she spoke, in the hallway and in the living room, where she set the bucket on the coffee table. Alex sat down on the couch, blinking at the pools of mellow light that came on where she went, marveling at the way she illuminated everything she touched.

“Sorry,” he said. “How was your day?” he asked, carefully keeping to his side of the sofa when she sat down on the other end.

“It was good,” she said, laying out paper plates and plastic silverware. Alex waited for a minute, wondering if she was going to say anything else. When she didn’t, he frowned.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m trying to let you set the pace
here, but I may need some help with the ground rules. Are we allowed to talk about what happened last night, or—”

“Not yet,” Holly said quickly. “Please? Just give me one more night. We’ll talk tomorrow, I promise. For tonight I was sort of hoping we could eat greasy takeout and watch a movie or something. If that’s okay with you?”

One more night. Well, at least she wasn’t rejecting him. Not yet.

“Of course it’s okay. What do you want to watch?”

“I rented
The Replacements.
”

He raised his eyebrows. “That’s a football movie.”

“Well, of course. It’s football season.”

“So it is,” Alex said, and settled down to eating chicken and mashed potatoes and keeping his eyes on the television screen instead of Holly’s curves.

All things considered, it wasn’t too hard. They watched the movie together and then, before there was a chance for things to get awkward, they each said good-night and went to their respective corners. Or in this case, their bedrooms.

Now
it was hard. In more ways than one, Alex thought wryly, thinking it was a shame that his innuendoes were wasted on the inside of his head.