Who Loves Her? (10 page)

“
And that Bob,” exclaimed Susan’s mother in her mother-of-the-bride suit.

“Why
, I’m a mother and that Harris--he’s a nice boy.

“
Harris just has more experience in dealing with this kind of thing,” Susan’s Mom hushed her voice, “like with Harris’s poor mother--people who are in our place here in Alexandria sometimes get over their head with worry.  Harris’s mom sometimes breaks down too, so Harris is used to dealing with girls like Susan.”  Her mother smiled with prid. “They will be the perfect couple, just wait and see.”

Susan shook her head in disgust and rolled her eyes
.  How many times had she heard this conversation? It always started in the same way.  “Now, I’m not faulting sweet Bob.  He has the patience of some other saint, but with Bill’s Chevrolet just down the road, we just needed someone like Harris to be able to negotiate the finer things of life around Alexandria without everyone always gawking at our business.  I just wish Susan would use our name instead of trying to be so independent and using Lars’ middle name.  I’m glad she’s so connected to my brother, but we’re no longer a pack of raiding fishermen in a village off the coast of Nova Scotia or wherever it is we came from.  I’m sure he’s filled her head with tales of old country and how our women fought alongside our men, swinging swords and drinking honeywine.  He’s probably even told her a couple of times that we’re all crazy.”  Blah blah blah it went on.

Susan slept; dreams of Vikin
g red and blue oceans swimming through her head.  Vikings are crazy, maybe we are all crazy.  But Vikings are also fearless and tough, and perhaps aggressive.  Vikings would not lay down and surrender at the first sign of trouble, would they? Would Mr. Vanilla lie down and die if Mrs. Vanilla said she was really a strawberry and would be running off with some other old man on a motorcycle?

Susan crinkled her n
ose up in defiance of the mixed-up jumbled thoughts crashing through her sleep.  She grappled with her conscious thoughts to try and take control of the images in her mind.  If she could just get her thoughts back on Susan the Bride, then the Viking images would stop.  A disturbing image creeped into her mind.  A wedding gown, its lace and twinkling sparkles beautiful, but dirtied.  She smiled at the sight of the glittering gems glistening in the sun in the very same way as Bob’s golden hair did.  Susan’s mind recoiled in confusion and fear.  What was on the dress? There at the waist.  A dark circle marred the beautiful fabric.  The stark whiteness of the lace provided the perfect canvas for the blood stain to make its masterpiece.  It grew first at the waist, but spread down and across the fabric like an unseen artist using his best hand.

Susan groaned in her sleep
.  Although her body was still and breathing slowly, her mind was alive and alert with the fear and confusion often associated with dreams.  She tried to wake herself, but the sound of Harris’s voice held her there.

“Harris
!  Where have you been? We are all looking for you, but you have been gone!” Susan tried desperately to get his attention, but he just watched the blood spreading over the wedding gown and laughed.  Pointing at the dress and laughing with other unseen men, she could hear Harris’s deep voice suddenly sounding evil and bad “…and that’s how its done boys!  Watch me get everything I ever wanted.  It will all be mine.  Even her.  She will be the best thing I own!” Susan gasped and forced herself to wake.  Her heart pounding wildly in her throat as she realized something terrible about Harris.

As Susan sat straight up in the bed she knew, even before her beating heart had calmed to a dull ache
, she put her face in her hands and wept.  The truth was that Susan was afraid of Harris.

Susan picked up the phone and waited, breaking her train of thought.  “Mom?”

“Yes, honey?
”

“I just wanted to call and say thanks for letting me run Uncle Lars motel
.  I won’t be here forever, you know.”

“You know
, we all love you, honey.  You need to figure out what you can do.  You know it wasn’t your fault.  Anna, Bob…all of them, honey.  We just don’t know what is all in the cards.  Even the best of us don’t know.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, honey.”

“I’ve got to get back to work now
.  There’s a guest coming to the front window.”

“You be careful
.  Don’t take any guff from any of those…”

“Love you too, Mom
.  I’ll be in touch.”  Hanging up, Susan looked out at the rainy day.  There was no customer.  It just made it easier to hang up on her mom.  She wasn’t lying when she said she was grateful.  She really did love her mom.  The story wasn’t really about her.  It was about Anna.  Anna said you can’t escape yourself.  It didn’t matter what kind of journey you went on.  You could run to New York or San Francisco, and when you were done running you were still stuck with yourself.  Anna could say that because she broke out of Alexandria.  She had seen New York and San Francisco.  Everyone wanted her to become a teacher and said she’d make principal faster than anyone at the school district if she just stuck it out a couple of years.  She wouldn’t have anything of it.  After a small stint at ATCC, she hitchhiked to New York and got a job waiting tables.

Fate
smiled down on Anna, and whiz-bang-boom, she landed a sweet job handling different travel arrangements for the stars coming in and out of La Guardia.  She was a special handler.  The perk was she got a bunch of free airline miles with her job and was able to go all over the globe.  She would come home for Christmas when she could and I’d just stare up at her in awe.  She’d always have some bangle around her wrist or in her hair from Bali or Moscow.  Anna was everything.  She made sure to bring me a matching bangle or bauble from everywhere she went.  I lined them all up in my bedroom window and would practice my best British accent, so I could grow up to be like Anna.  She said you couldn’t escape yourself.  I’m sorry I’m me, Anna.  I’m sorry.

Tears fell onto Susan’s keyboard
.  Each new drop of sadness fueled her on.  The wedding.

***

It was her wedding day and something was wrong.  Yes, Harris was missing, and Susan was experiencing some very strange circumstances.  Every one settled around sitting on steps or leaning on cars.  Sitting in front of the church, discussing the strange day and early history of the town, soon speculation began about the fate of the missing groom.

“But why is he missing”?
Susan asked anyone that would pass by.  Most just ignored her.  A couple guests looked down and sneered.  Most of them looked down at her with pity and offered empty words of encouragement.

Susan started talking quietly to herself as she hugged her
legs to her chest and rocked back and forth on the church step.  “There must be a reason for all of this.  All our families are here, the guests are here, and here we are worried.  I am so worried and feeling bad, mom.  Why is God doing this to us?  What could have possibly happened to him?  Mom, do you want to wait here, or should we call it off?  I am afraid something might have happened to Harris.  How are we going to handle it?  I feel so ashamed in front of everyone.”  Finally she couldn’t take it.  She stood up and walked over to her mother and sat down.  “What did I do wrong in this world?  And mom, I have something else to tell you, too.  Can I speak with you in private?  Now?”

The two of them stood up, Susan’s mom firs
t pulled her toward the guests.  It was clear to see the ones who were genuinely worried, and the others who were all feeling irritated and impatient.  They had all offered sympathies, assuring Susan that they would wait a while and that everything would be all right.  At the first sign of trouble they were excited and exchanged theories on what could have become of the young man.  As the day wore on and their bellies began to protest in hunger, the thrill of it all was lost.  Most of the guests were ready to call it a day.  They were sick of Susan and sick of Harris.  They had gotten all dressed up to eat catered food and extravagant wedding cake.  What they got instead was bottled water and stale snacks.  Most wanted to go home, and secretly on the inside, Susan wished they would just go.

Susan pull
ed her mom inside to the room where the choir prepares to go on behind the pastor.  Their heels echoed down the side hallway and the attendance plaque at the front of the sanctuary stared back at them as they walked into the back.  She was telling her what had been settled between Bob and her.  “Mom,” Susan asked helplessly:  “You know something’s been odd today, both I and Harris were detoured from this wedding somehow.  It’s like fate is making its efforts to separate us.”

“What do you
mean, fate?” her mom asked, shocked even for Susan.

Susan continued
.  “Well, Mom, I actually have liked Bob all my life, and after everything that has happened today it has made me rethink.  Her mother’s skeptic glances turned to something darker and more threatening, but still she made no sound.

Mom, I know it’s a shock
, but when Bob thought I was missing, he thought he was going to lose me.  Bob, too, has proposed to me.  I don’t want to marry Harris.  I mean he is absolutely great, but fate has something more in store for me, Mom.  I think my destiny may be better than anything else I have ever known.  Bob just proposed to me a little while ago, and I want to marry him.” Susan stood her ground and tried to appear confident.  “And of course, I said yes.”

Mrs
. Christiansen choked.  “What?!”

Susan
stayed strong.  “Yes, Mom, I am sure and positive.”

Mrs
. Christiansen spoke in an angry hissing whisper that the guests would be shocked to hear coming from her. “Unbelievable!  For all those years, and all the time and money and patience Harris has had to put up with to get you to this point.  Let me tell you one thing, young lady, you are going to march your butt down the aisle with Harris and that is final!  When we find him you will be fine.  You are just feeling frightened because now he has gone too.”  Susan’s mother was angry, scared, in shock, and defiant.  She continued in her tirade, “If you have not figured it out by now little miss, you are no peach of a woman to put up with.  Even though we all have our things to put up with, you have quite a few that put it over the top.  We have spent years grooming you to walk down this aisle, and even though the entire town thinks that you need some kind of collar with a bell around your neck, we have resisted.  We have resisted because of the kindness and compassion of the people of St. Olaf’s, and most importantly of Bill’s family and Harris.”

Susan tried to turn and walk away
, but her mother would have no part of that.  You let me tell you what is going to happen, young lady!  “You will, by no means, tell me you are marrying Bob at the spur of the moment.  It’s exactly like you stealing that dress.  There was no fate telling you to steal that dress.  You just didn’t think.  Like you never think.  You always are just on the verge of exploding and we’re supposed to follow around behind and pick up the pieces.  Well I’m here to inform you, young lady, that I’m tired of picking up pieces.  For once in my life, I’d like to have someone else pick up the pieces.  I’d like that person to be able to support my grandchildren at the University of Minnesota.  I don’t want them to go to ATCC and fix boats or mow lawns for the school.  The person that can do that is Harris.  NOT Bill.  Besides, IF YOU THOUGHT THAT, why didn’t you let us know before, and decide this earlier?  Bob should have figured it out years before today.  He should have had the balls to step up and ask you.  What am I going to tell everyone?  No way Susan.  No way!”

Susan stood there
, stunned.  A long time went by before either woman spoke.  “But mom,” Susan tried to convince her.

“No, I am afraid not
, until we hear news about Harris.  We’re not discussing this any further.  Not before I have a word about this all with your father.  If you think I’m going over the top, wait until you hear his version.”

Susan almost crying
now, squeaks out:  “Why ask him?”

Mrs
. Christiansen could barely keep it together.  “What do you mean?  He’s your father.  I mean you can’t possibly mean what you just said.  You understand.  Our family’s reputation is on the line here.  You know that your father will go to great lengths to protect all that he’s built here in Alexandria.  Besides, he looks at Harris as a son.  Harris is his friend and business partner’s son.  If he decided to side with you about Bob because you had another one of your impulsive episodes, Bill would turn his back on him and Bill is the senior partner in everything.  He holds the most money.  Your dad has some say and some equity, but if Bill decided to pull the plug, your Dad would be finished.  He couldn’t get a job as a janitor at the grocery store if this all ended in disgrace.  No way, young lady.  For once in your life we are all not going to go around and pick up the pieces of Hurricane Susan.  For once Susan is going to do something for the family. I suggest we wait for some news from Harris.  If you want to call it fate, then blame it on fate.  If fate wants to put Bob back in the picture, then we can all believe in it then.  Wait.”  Susan’s mom was breathing heavy and sat down and put her hands on her knees.  Her arms were locked and she arched her back to get as much air as she could, breathing it out slowly by making an “O” with her lips.

Susan backed down
.  She let more time tick by and the sun trickle through the window.  The stained glass just off to the side put a light of purple, blue, and red on the back of her mother’s eggshell white dress.  Finally she whispered.  “Okay, Mom, but what are we supposed to do now?”

Her mom replied,
“We just need to wait.  Wait for your father to come back from the police station.”

Susan
closed her eyes and prayed.  “I hope everything just sorts out.”

Her mom
felt a tinge of guilt as she watched her daughter huddled in pain.  She tried to sound confident and supportive as Susan whispered her prayers but instead she sounded cold and distant.  Susan’s mother sighed in surrender and whispered to her child, “Yes, pray, and for a while just stay away from Bob.  Tell him to leave.  Okay?”

Susan blinked through the tears as they spilled over onto her cheeks
.  How could they do this to her and Bob? Why is it that everyone else in the world gets to choose their mate and live their lives except her?  Why should she care about her dad and Harris’s dad’s business dealings? All she wanted was to be married to her best friend and spend a happy, simple life visiting strange lands and play pool with their friends at the roadhouse.

“Okay
, Mom.  I am sure it will work out.  We’ll just both keep praying, okay?” Susan asked, hopefully.

Realizing she had really unloaded on Susan, Mrs
. Christiansen felt guilty and softened her voice.  Her mom let out a couple of more long breaths and straightened up to look at her daughter.  “Yes, I will.  Now you go get Nina and then go to the Sunday school room where you were supposed to get dressed before this whole mess got started.” Susan’s Mom called out to her as she was leaving: “I do love you Susan.  I do.”

Susan, knowing that for the time being
she had no other options, agreed. “All right, Mom, just let me explain this to Bob.  I will tell him that I will be in touch when we find Harris and figure this whole mess out.”  What she did not say was that she was going to marry Bob, no matter what.  A small internal voice whispered, “I love you Bob.”  Susan’s mother stood for a moment in silence, as if searching for the right words to say to her broken-hearted daughter.

“You know I love you dear,” her mother’s voice cracked with emotion
.  “Harris is the right choice; he will keep you safe.”  Suddenly, Susan was not so sure of that safety from Harris.  Something felt wrong to her.

“
Susan…just don’t promise anything, okay?  You understood everything I told you.  It would break your father’s heart to lose his business just because you had another selfish impulse.”  After saying this, her mother exited the room and walked toward the guests.  She paused at the door to emphasize her point, looking down her nose and over her reading glasses.  She waited until Susan looked her in the eye.

“All right,
Mom, I understand.”

Susan started walking toward her friends
, family, and cousins.  Everyone was offering awkward hellos and squirming restlessly in their dress clothes and suits.  The groomsmen had all unbuckled their bow ties and cummerbunds.  They tried to pass the time talking about sports and who had a new trick for catching a large mouth or a Walleye.  A couple of the boys had wandered off toward the creek.  “Probably got a bottle of something good hidden down there around the cool water,” she smiled.  Susan took a moment to imagine the looks on their faces if she were to join them down there, skinny dipping straight out of a wedding gown as she took a long swing off the bottle.”  She shook her head,
maybe I am nuts
, she thought.