Whisper (12 page)
“
I
don’t get it.” She glanced between the gladiator and me, face full of judgment and scorn. “How could that possibly work? He only responds to the roar of the crowd—and as far as he’s concerned the louder the better. Why would he pay attention to something he can’t even hear? Something sure to be drowned out by the noise?”
I
don’t get it.” She glanced between the gladiator and me, face full of judgment and scorn. “How could that possibly work? He only responds to the roar of the crowd—and as far as he’s concerned the louder the better. Why would he pay attention to something he can’t even hear? Something sure to be drowned out by the noise?”
“Because sometimes there’s more worth in silence than noise,” I said, desperate for her to understand what I’d just come to learn for myself. “Sometimes everything you need to know is contained in that small quiet space. Sometimes we get so caught up in distraction and noise and seeking other people’s approval we forget the quiet seed of truth that lives in our hearts. But just because we fail to tune in to it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Theocoles loves you. I know, because I saw you together in his cell—I saw the look he gave you after he fell in the arena—”
“Yeah, and it’s because of that look that he refuses to look at me now.” She shook her head, folded her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry, Riley, I know you’re only trying to help, which is pretty amazing after all that I’ve put you through, but I just don’t see the point in—”
“I didn’t see the point in trying on the blue dress the day we first met. I didn’t see the point in manifesting a new and improved version of me. But in the end, it worked, and no matter how things turned out, for a while anyway, the results made me happy.” I nodded, wanting her to realize the truth behind my words, but she was quick to dismiss it.
“That was different, that was an outcome within my control.” She shrugged, looked away.
“Was it?” I quirked a brow, refused to give up. “I mean, I’m the one who came up with the vision of how I wanted to look—not you. So didn’t I play some part in the way things turned out?”
She looked at me, a new understanding beginning to dawn on her face.
“Try it,” I urged. “What can it hurt to try when you have nothing left to lose?”
She nodded, ran her hands over the front of her gorgeous pink gown, fussed with her curls, adjusted her necklace and rings, and approached him. Standing beside him
as he stared at his corpse, mumbling in confusion, where she proceeded to do the exact opposite of what I’d just counseled.
as he stared at his corpse, mumbling in confusion, where she proceeded to do the exact opposite of what I’d just counseled.
Instead of approaching him gently, quietly, she turned toward the crowd, threw her head back, opened her arms wide, and sent them into a state of uncontrolled frenzy—the stadium rumbling with the sound of:
Theocoles! Theocoles! Long live Theocoles, the Pillar of Doom!
Theocoles! Theocoles! Long live Theocoles, the Pillar of Doom!
The chorus repeating again and again as Theocoles stopped, alerted to their cry of noisy admiration, he gazed around wildly, threw his head back, spread his arms wide, and soaked it all in.
“What’s she doing?” Bodhi asked, having come up beside me.
I shook my head in reply. Disappointed didn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
“But, more importantly, what are
you
doing?” he said, staring intently.
you
doing?” he said, staring intently.
I looked at him, unsure what he meant.
“Giving away your Soul Catch to a ghost who tricked you?” He frowned. “The Riley Bloom I know would never do such a thing. She wouldn’t even consider giving up the glory.”
Oh, that.
I nodded, shrugged, unsure just how to explain it other
than to say, “I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do. You know, the kind, mature thing to do. But, maybe I misjudged her.”
than to say, “I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do. You know, the kind, mature thing to do. But, maybe I misjudged her.”
I closed my eyes to better listen to the lecture that played in my head. The one that chided me for my foolishness—that scolded me for trusting someone who’d tricked me numerous times already. But just as that internal dialogue began to take hold, a new thought moved in and stopped it cold.
What I was doing was the same thing Theocoles had done for a pile of centuries. I was tuning in to my hurt pride, my bruised ego, my tarnished self-image, my wounded vanity—I was so focused on the lecture, I ignored the quiet truth that lived deep inside. And once I’d silenced the noise in my head, I realized the noise in the arena had vanished as well.
Messalina had taken my advice after all.
Theocoles staggered, floundered his way across the sand, searching for his helmet, his sword, and his shield—ready to enter into his tireless routine yet again.
But just as he reached for them, Messalina made them each vanish—one by one—until he spun in confusion, unsure what to do.
“I know you prefer to hear them,” she whispered, gesturing toward the stadium. She filled the stands briefly
with a crowd that clapped and cheered, noting the way Theocoles’ eyes lit up at the sight of it, the sound of it, and how quickly they extinguished the moment she took it away. “But I’ve indulged you for too long, and now I’m hoping you’ll listen to me instead of them.”
with a crowd that clapped and cheered, noting the way Theocoles’ eyes lit up at the sight of it, the sound of it, and how quickly they extinguished the moment she took it away. “But I’ve indulged you for too long, and now I’m hoping you’ll listen to me instead of them.”
He moved right past her, knocking into her, completely unaware of her, causing her to look my way, her face broken, longing for encouragement, approval, which I happily gave.
“I’ve been trying to reach you for so long now,” she said. “I have so much to tell you. There are so many things you used to care about—so many goals you used to work toward—and though it seems you have forgotten them, that you’ve turned your back and ceased caring about them—I still want you to know that just after you died, I saw that your brother was freed. I told you I would provide the money, I told you that you didn’t have to fight for it, and I kept my promise. I had him released from the mines, and I’m happy to say that because of it, Lucius was able to live a long and fulfilling life. I also had a monument built in your honor. It was a bust of your face, with your name on a plaque just underneath so that no one would ever forget who you were, or that you were once the reigning champion of the Colosseum. It stood for a very long time, hundreds of years, to be sure. It stood just outside of these walls. Though
unfortunately it was knocked down not long after the fall. Yes, the empire has fallen.” She smiled. “So much has changed—some of Rome is not at all recognizable—and some is much like you left it. Not that you got to see much outside of the
ludus
—but the point is, you are no longer stuck here. Or at least you don’t have to be. The choice is yours. But if you choose to stay here, well, you will stay here alone.” She glanced over her shoulder, meeting my gaze as she said, “I’m tired of this same, lame routine. I’m sorry that you’ve never seen fit to forgive me. But maybe it’s time I forgive myself. Maybe it’s time for me to move on to what’s next.”
unfortunately it was knocked down not long after the fall. Yes, the empire has fallen.” She smiled. “So much has changed—some of Rome is not at all recognizable—and some is much like you left it. Not that you got to see much outside of the
ludus
—but the point is, you are no longer stuck here. Or at least you don’t have to be. The choice is yours. But if you choose to stay here, well, you will stay here alone.” She glanced over her shoulder, meeting my gaze as she said, “I’m tired of this same, lame routine. I’m sorry that you’ve never seen fit to forgive me. But maybe it’s time I forgive myself. Maybe it’s time for me to move on to what’s next.”
She moved toward him, grabbed hold of his shoulders and stared hard into his face, repeating the words I’d fed her just moments before. “I wish you would learn to tune out the roar of the crowd, and instead, listen to the whisper of truth that lives in your heart.”
He tried to move away, tried to move past her, still on a quest for his missing sword, but Messalina held firm, her hands grasping his arms as she finished the script I’d given to her. “Your heart always knows what’s important. It always knows how to guide you. It’s pure, and trustworthy—though it will never shout to be heard. It will never speak above a whisper. But if you learn how to heed it, how to hear it, you will never feel lost in the world.”
He pushed her aside, lurched forward, continued to stagger across the sand, as I sagged in frustration, knowing she did the best that she could, that I couldn’t have done any better. I guess this was one Soul Catch neither one of us could cross over.
I started to turn, started to motion to Bodhi to leave. My feelings conflicted, knowing I’d done all I could, though that didn’t make it any easier. Defeat was something I did not handle well.
Reminded of the words Bodhi said before I’d even started this journey, some old Gandhi quote, “
Full effort is full victory.
” And though its meaning was clear, I was hardly in the mood to celebrate any effort that didn’t end in victory, it’s just how I was.
Full effort is full victory.
” And though its meaning was clear, I was hardly in the mood to celebrate any effort that didn’t end in victory, it’s just how I was.
I met Bodhi’s eyes, trying not to feel ashamed in front of my guide, totally missing the way he gestured, pointed behind me, until he said, “Look.”
I turned to see Theocoles, brow scrunched in confusion, as he watched Messalina cross the arena.
The Colosseum so quiet you could hear a butterfly take flight, broken by Theocoles’ fervent cry, “
Messalina!
”
Messalina!
”
She stopped, her eyes wide, as she spun on her heel to face him. Her body still, face cautiously hopeful, as though she couldn’t quite believe that the moment she’d been waiting for had finally come to fruition.
“Messalina—where am I?” He gazed around in confusion. “Where have they gone?” He motioned toward a stadium, once filled to capacity, but now empty.
“Home,” she said, her voice like a sigh. “They left the Colosseum a very long time ago. We’re the only ones left. Well, the only original ones anyway.”
“And Lucius? He is free, it is true what you said?”
She nodded, approaching him until she stood just inches away, saying, “Yes.”
“And I—I am free as well?”
She closed her eyes, savoring his question, and opening them again when she said, “Yes. Finally. After all of these centuries, you are now free. That is, if you choose to be. In the end, it’s up to you.”
“And our future?”
She smiled, eyes shining with hope and a surge of crystalline tears. “Ours to seize whenever we’re ready.”
He reached toward her, big, brutal hands cupping her cheeks with a tenderness I would’ve never imagined. Gazing upon her as though she was a precious mirage he feared would soon fade.
“And your uncle—he approves of our union, then?” His thumbs smoothed over her skin, his eyes fixed on hers as though no time had passed, as though he’d merely woken from a brief nap.
“No.” She shook her head, her fingers reaching up to meet his. “I’m afraid, he never came around to the idea. Though he’s hardly an issue anymore. The only thing that can stop us from moving forward, is
you
.”
you
.”
“Me?” He stepped back, gazed around in confusion again, but only for a moment before the weight of his reality hit him. “Then it truly is over. I am no longer enslaved by your uncle—no longer enslaved by …
them.
” He gestured toward the empty stands. “And all of this—” He gazed down at his feet, kicked at the pile of rose petals he once held so dear, suddenly realizing he’d traded a love that’d never once faltered, for one that was as fickle as the wind.
them.
” He gestured toward the empty stands. “And all of this—” He gazed down at his feet, kicked at the pile of rose petals he once held so dear, suddenly realizing he’d traded a love that’d never once faltered, for one that was as fickle as the wind.
“I should hope not,” she said. “But in the end, that is also up to you.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” he asked, moving toward her with purpose.
“We wait for nothing,” she said, smiling as she melted into his arms.
T
heocoles walked alongside me as Messalina hung back with Bodhi and Buttercup. An arrangement I didn’t quite expect, but then again nothing was going as planned.
heocoles walked alongside me as Messalina hung back with Bodhi and Buttercup. An arrangement I didn’t quite expect, but then again nothing was going as planned.
Even though I knew he had a soft side (after all, I’d seen it firsthand when I watched him in the
ludus
with Messalina), it was still kind of surprising to see how gentle he was. I mean, for a big, hulking, mass of a guy—one who definitely lived up to his nickname, Pillar of Doom, he spoke to me with such kindness, I had no doubt that the person I saw in the arena was more like a role he’d taken on in order to survive—a role that got away from him, sure—but it wasn’t who he really was deep down inside.
ludus
with Messalina), it was still kind of surprising to see how gentle he was. I mean, for a big, hulking, mass of a guy—one who definitely lived up to his nickname, Pillar of Doom, he spoke to me with such kindness, I had no doubt that the person I saw in the arena was more like a role he’d taken on in order to survive—a role that got away from him, sure—but it wasn’t who he really was deep down inside.
And while I was more than ready to make the shimmering golden veil right then and there, and send him directly from the arena to the bridge, Theocoles had been pent up in
the
ludus
and Colosseum for so long, he wanted to see what had become of Rome before he moved on.
the
ludus
and Colosseum for so long, he wanted to see what had become of Rome before he moved on.
He wanted to see the real Rome—the modern Rome—the one with flushing toilets and running water.
Though as much as I preferred the new and improved, less barbaric version, Theocoles wasn’t quite so impressed.
“So, what do you think?” I asked, after having made a pretty good tour of the place.
He looked at me, shaking his head when he said, “This is how people dress?” He glanced around again, face dropping into a frown when he added, “I can hardly tell the women from the men!”
I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help but take that personally since I’d ditched the baggy blue gown the first chance I got, exchanging it for jeans, a (super cute) tee, and ballet flats. And with my hair scraped into a ponytail, with my body back to its former stick-figure self, well, the statement felt like it was directed at me. Not to mention the fact that it came from a man who’d spent his entire life wearing a dress!
I shot him an injured look, saying, “Well, get used to it. Times have changed. Besides, not everyone can be as amazing as Messalina. Some of us are a little less fortunate in the girly department.”
“Messalina truly
is
the fairest of them all,” he said,
gazing back at her to confirm it. Then returning to me, he added, “And you, Miss Riley Bloom, should not underestimate yourself—you may be young yet, but you show great promise.” He leaned down, flicked my ponytail, and sent it swinging back and forth, grinning at me in a way that made his topaz eyes twinkle and my throat go all tight and hot. The guy just oozed charm and charisma, he couldn’t help it, he was magnetic in every possible way.
is
the fairest of them all,” he said,
gazing back at her to confirm it. Then returning to me, he added, “And you, Miss Riley Bloom, should not underestimate yourself—you may be young yet, but you show great promise.” He leaned down, flicked my ponytail, and sent it swinging back and forth, grinning at me in a way that made his topaz eyes twinkle and my throat go all tight and hot. The guy just oozed charm and charisma, he couldn’t help it, he was magnetic in every possible way.
“So, this is pretty much it,” I said, eager to cross him over and move on. “Old stuff, new stuff, cars, scooters, people, busy-busy-busy—seen enough?” We’d come full circle again and the Colosseum sat just behind us.
Theocoles squinted, looked all around, as Messalina and Bodhi continued to conference, the two of them whispering in a way that made me suspicious.
I was so focused on watching them, that when Theocoles looked at me and said, “What can I expect when I get there?” well, I wasn’t quite sure how to answer.
I took a moment to think about it, wondering how to best phrase it, just how much to reveal. I mean, I could give him a heads-up about the enlightening/mortifying life review process—I could tell him that he should definitely expect to be given an assignment of some kind—that it was nothing like the eternity of cloud lounging and harp lessons most people expect. But the more I thought about it, the
more I realized that wasn’t quite what he meant. Those weren’t the kinds of details he was interested in.
more I realized that wasn’t quite what he meant. Those weren’t the kinds of details he was interested in.
He was worried about the choices he’d made—the way he’d lived his life. This was a guy who’d left heaps of slain bodies in the arena, and he was worried if he might somehow have to pay for all that.
And while I really had no idea either way, I was able to say, “All I know for sure is that you will be met with an abundance of compassion, love, and understanding.” Remembering how I was the only one judging my actions in my own life review—I was the only one cringing at what I’d witnessed that day—the Council just wanted me to see my actions as clearly as they did.
Theocoles thought for a moment, then turning toward the Colosseum, he closed his eyes, threw his head back, and opened his arms wide, just like he did at each of his victories.
Though this time, it wasn’t the sound of applause, or adoration, or any of the usual things that he sought—this time he listened much deeper, listened for the truth that lurked in his heart.
And when he was ready, when he gave his final nod of consent, I made the shimmering golden veil and waved him right through. Then I turned to Messalina, motioning for her to follow, only to have her shock me to the core when she made no move to join him.
“Messalina was not part of the assignment,” Bodhi said, as though that explained it. “She is not ours to cross over.”
The veil wavered before me, growing increasingly smaller with each passing second. “But what if she
wants
to cross over? You know, of her own free will? I mean, you
do
want to cross over, right? You’ve been waiting for this moment for over a thousand years!”
wants
to cross over? You know, of her own free will? I mean, you
do
want to cross over, right? You’ve been waiting for this moment for over a thousand years!”
When her gaze shifted to Bodhi, I couldn’t help but sigh. Couldn’t help but turn away, my body strumming with anger as I thought:
Great. That’s just great. Here we go again. Another gorgeous girl with a crush on my guide—get in line!
Great. That’s just great. Here we go again. Another gorgeous girl with a crush on my guide—get in line!
I mean, seriously. Some love story that turned out to be. She swoons after Theocoles for centuries only to dump him at the veil the moment Bodhi with the green eyes arrives.
I felt like a sucker.
The most gullible ghost in the group.
I’d believed in her story—never once doubted their romance—and, as it turns out, it was as fake as the one I’d been engaged in.
“Not to worry,” Bodhi said, trying to comfort me. “There’s a whole group of people waiting for Theocoles, ready to help him get oriented, so don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine. And while Messalina will head over eventually, for now, there’s been a slight change of plans …”
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