When The Right Door Opens (14 page)

Sebastian took Jamie's hand in his own, the
guided it to his lips and kissed the knuckles gently.

“I know what you think, but it's not your
fault. It isn't mine either, well not entirely. Yes, I was upset
about the rejection...”

“I didn't reject you.” Jamie interrupted him.
“I simply want to take this slowly. I'm falling hard for you and it
is new and scary to make myself so vulnerable.”

“I know and I should have reacted
differently. I like you Jamie and I never want to see you
hurt...”

“I'd say the same, but look around. Do you
know where you are? Don't do this again. I saw you on the floor. I
saw the tears. I saw your pain, Sebastian.”

“I... I wish I could undo it, but I can't,
but I promise that I will make it right this time. The doctor told
me a bunch of things that apparently went wrong with the old quack
and we are going to make it right. I am hopeful, you know.”

“You look tired.”

“I am, you are right. I want to go home and
get into my bed and sleep. With you close to me. Please, don't get
comfortable in that guestroom.”

“I don't know. It's too soon and you are
hurt.” Jamie shook his head and turned away.

“Please? I promise to behave.” Sebastian
pleaded, guiding Jamie's head back, so that they could lock eyes.
“And I am hurt. You can't deny a wish to a hurt man.” Jamie smiled
and Sebastian smiled too.

“Let's go” and Jamie helped Sebastian
maneuver out of the hospital bed.

~~Chapter 9~~

Life at Sebastian's house changed drastically over
the next few days and weeks.

Kai finally set his apartment up for sale and
moved in to his brother's house. To be closer if needed, and
because he liked the company of Jamie and Agnes. His house was
still empty, but it was mostly, because he was sick and tired of
being lonely and he had the urge to be closer to his family again.
The older he became, the more he became a family-man.

Agnes was allowed to change schools when both
headmasters of her old and her new school agreed and within two
days, she went to a new school, meeting new people and needing to
catch up on a lot of studying. The new school was a private school
that Sebastian paid. At first, Jamie was against it, but Sebastian
and Agnes had worked out a sort of contract that listed chores
Agnes had to do around and in the house, to pay Sebastian back. It
was nothing mean or dangerous, but simple tasks, like freeing the
stairs from the snow that was still falling, cleaning the kitchen
after dinner and things like that. The only trickier point was that
Sebastian insisted on good grades. He had no intention wasting his
money on someone lazy and unfocused. He quickly saw and learned
that Agnes did the best she could do, and Sebastian even
volunteered to help where he could with her homework, essays and
other school projects and the two of the became accustomed to each
other rather well while working together on maths and other
subjects.

Sebastian worked hard to get his leg back to
being useful. Three to four times a week, he saw a physiotherapist
and he was able to notice the first results. He was far from
painless and he still wore the splint, but he had a goal and he
worked towards that, never leaving it out of sight. Some days were
harder than others, but with the constant support of Kai, Karen and
Agnes, it was easier to process set-backs. Jamie on the other hand
retreated more and more and Sebastian let him have his space.

Jamie never moved into Sebastian's room,
under the pretense that he didn't want Sebastian to lose sleep or
being in pain in his own bed, because he took too much space. No
matter how much Sebastian insisted that he wanted Jamie with him,
Jamie didn't give in, he didn't budge. Instead, he became more and
more quiet. He didn't go out and became like a ghost of himself. It
was still hard on him that he had lost his mother without knowing
it, and some days, he felt guilty for not being there, not
insisting that she'd speak to him. He read a lot about grief and
how to process it, but the best books don't help, if you don't
apply what you are reading.

****

Jamie sat in the den and watched the snow covering
the garden. Until now, he hadn't been outside the house and he
hadn't seen the beauty of it yet. Jamie preferred to be as small
and unseen as possible, making himself almost invisible. He pulled
his legs up on the armchair and let his chin rest on his knee,
while covering himself with a warm blanket. This place quickly
advanced to his favorite spot in the whole house. Jamie sipped his
tea and stared into the dusk. He heard the voices of Agnes,
Sebastian and Kai in the distance, but he didn't hear what they
were saying and he didn't really care, he only knew that they were
working on something school related. His thoughts were with his
parents though.

“
It's better for you to leave and move out. I
don't want my son being a father at sixteen and I am not going to
support that disrespectful behavior. You are responsible for your
own trouble.”

Jamie could still see her cold blue eyes, and he
could still hear the disappointment in her voice. He also still
knew what she had been wearing. It was a floral patterned blouse
and a brown skirt and an apron, since she had been cleaning up
after dinner.

“
But mom...” Jamie pleaded, his arms fell to his
sides and his shoulders dropped.

Remembering that feeling was awful. He had
repressed so many feelings and emotions for years that it almost
overwhelmed him every time he thought back to that time in his
life.

“
No, Jamie. Enough is enough. I can barely live
with the fact that you are gay. Do you know how ashamed I am? Do
you know how the women at the book-club look at me? But being a
queer and a teenage dad – that is not how I raised you. You should
be better than that.” Jamie’s mother raised her voice. It almost
sounded cruel now.

“
But mom...” Jamie said again, still hoping to get
her attention and to get an opportunity to explain himself.

“
If that Lauren is going to ruin your life and you
are willing to play along, then I don't want to have anything to do
with you anymore.” Jamie's mother turned her back on him and
started doing the dishes. It was her way of showing him that the
discussion had ended.

“
Dad?” Jamie turned to his father pleadingly. He
was the man of the house and Jamie hoped to know that their bond
was strong enough to overrule his mother. But he was wrong.

“
You've heard your mom. And I agree with her. You
have three days, after that, you are gone.” His father was as cold
and as unyielding as his mother and Jamie started to cry, while he
didn't dare look at his parents anymore. His last hope was
crushed.

“
Don't come back unless you are marrying a nice
girl and certainly, don't come back with that bastard-child. I
don't want to see it.” Jamie's mother spat out and pointed to the
door with a hard stare. Jamie knew then that he had to leave and
that, even if he did the right thing, he would never have the
support of his family again.

Jamie remembered the conversation vividly. He
also remembered how he had pleaded for his parents to support him,
to still love him and how cold they had been. And now, his father
wanted forgiveness and to be part of Jamie's life again. After all
they had done to him. If it hadn't been for his parents, Jamie
would never have needed to start hustling. He could have gone and
finished his degree, been an architect instead, he was nothing but
dependent on other people's generosity. A sudden anger flared up in
him and he wanted to scream. What had felt good and right: to be in
his father's arms again, didn't feel good and right now. How could
he have acted on such impulse? He always was level-headed and
maybe, if Agnes had not got out of the car, he wouldn't have talked
to his father.

“
Dad, this is my girl. My daughter. Your
grand-daughter – Agnes.” Jamie said proudly and turned a bit, so
that the new grand-father could have a better look at his little
bundle of joy.

“
We told you to not come here ever again.” his
father shouted whispering. Not once did he look at the baby,
instead, he kept looking inside the house to make sure Jamie's
mother would not appear behind him.

“
But she is your grand-child.” Jamie stated the
obvious. He had come to his parents with the baby because he
thought that seeing Agnes might soften their hearts, but he was
wrong.

“
I don't have a grand-child, I don't even have a
son anymore.” The words stung and hurt, but Jamie was not ready to
give up yet. “But please, I need you.”

“
You should have thought about that before
bringing her to the house. Now go away.” This time, Jamie's father
yelled and baby Agnes started to wail. Jamie rocked her back and
forth and tried to soothe her with gentle kisses and murmured words
and sure enough, even if Jamie was agitated, his voice was soothing
enough for the baby to calm down.

“
What's this all about?” Jamie heard his mother's
enraged voice. “Oh, it's you.” she looked at him, disappointment
shining from her eyes. She didn't acknowledge the baby either,
instead, she pushed Jamie's father back inside the house.

“
Come away, Brady. We told him what would happen.
I am not going to change my decision. Good bye James.”

“
But mom. Look at her.” He held Agnes up for her
to see, but his mother still refused with a harsh: “No!” and the
door closed in front of him.

Tears welled up in Jamie's eyes, which he brushed
away angrily. After that, he had only seen his mother once again.
At the funeral of his beloved grand-father. She didn't even look
his way and held Jamie's father back as well. Jamie had felt like
an outcast. The disappointed and degrading looks from his entire
family made him finally realize, that at seventeen, he had no
family left. Except for Agnes.

****

Sebastian watched Jamie from afar. He didn't know him
enough to instinctively know what was happening inside of Jamie and
how he needed to be comforted. He only knew, he saw, that something
was eating at him. Was it appreciated if he asked? Was he supposed
to stay out of it? He didn't know.

The phone rang and Sebastian got on his
crutches to get the call. Despite his initial fear, he managed well
on them and he got better and better with them.

“Sebastian Martin.” he said into the
phone.

“Oh, yes. It's is Brady. Brady McCarrick?
Jamie's father?” his voice was a little hoarse and sounded
insecure.

“Yes, I remember. What can I do for you
Mister McCarrick?” Sebastian asked in a friendly voice and was
genuinely pleased that the old man finally decided to call.

“I wondered how Jamie is doing. I haven't
heard from him ever since we met.”

“I don't really know. It's been a lot to deal
with for him. I think he is grieving.” Sebastian looked into
Jamie's direction and saw him shift to turn towards Sebastian.

“Hum. Can I speak to him?” the question
sounded, as if he almost expected to be rejected.

“Just a second, I'll ask.”

Sebastian covered the phone with his hand and
turned to look at Jamie, who pretended to be staring into the dark
again.

“Jamie? The call is for you.” Sebastian
reached out the phone for Jamie to get up and take it.

“I don't want to talk to him. Not now.” Jamie
said resolutely.

“But...”

“I said No.” Jamie turned to glare at
Sebastian.

“I don't think you're being fair.” Sebastian
didn't approve of Jamie's behavior.

“Oh you don't?! Well, I don't care. I'm not
going to talk to him right now.” Jamie turned around again and
continued his staring out of the window.

“Mister McCarrick? I'm sorry, he is very busy
right now. But I'll tell him that you called.” Sebastian tried to
sound friendly and joyful, but he was a bad actor.

“Oh, I know. Is he moping? He did that a
lot.”

“Mister McCarrick, I don't think that's a
fair thing to say. His life was very troubled lately. He needs
time.” Sebastian defended Jamie, and saw Jamie nod his approval
from afar.

“He doesn't need time. He's spoiled, that's
what he is.” Mister McCarrick answered bitterly.

“How's that? What gives you that idea?”
Sebastian wanted to know.

“I saw the car he is driving.”

“That's my car.”

“Then you are a good catch.” Jamie's father
said condescendingly.

“I think we should end this call now. I'll
tell Jamie that you called.”

“I have no doubt about that.”

“Unbelievable.” Sebastian muttered at the
headset in his hand. He took his crutches and went to the den,
where he sat in an armchair opposite of Jamie. He put his leg up
and waited for Jamie to acknowledge his presence.

“I have no idea what to tell him. Maybe I
forgave him too quickly, but I was overwhelmed to see him again
after such a long time. He is an old man now.” Jamie's voice was
distant and sad.

“Do you really believe that? That you forgave
too quickly?”

“I don't know what to believe. I just know
that he abandoned me when I needed him the most. I was only a
child. If he had supported me, defended me, I would not be where I
am right now. Look at me. I am thirty and I don't have anything to
show. By the way, he didn't even call or send a card for my
birthday. I had dreams, you know?”

“You have a beautiful and intelligent
daughter. As for your dreams; you are still young. You can still
follow your dreams and make them come true.”

“I don't know, if I am strong enough.” Jamie
refused to look at Sebastian, instead, he watched the steam rise
from his tea.