When September Ends (6 page)

And how I know all of this is beyond me since I’ve been there plenty of times. It’s just not an appropriate place for her. She’s…well, she…fuck, she just
doesn’t
need to be there! I mean, who the fuck is this dickhead anyway? How well does she even know him?

Did I mention he drives like an idiot on that bike?

Just as I had figured, that is exactly where he’s headed with her. He makes a wide right into the massive parking lot of Cherokee Casino, pulling around to the side lot.

I’m right behind him.

As he parks his bike, and shuts off the engine, I’m pulling my truck up right behind them. September sees me first, does a double-take and then a look of total surprise crosses over her face as her eyes widen.

I have no clue what I’m going to say to her. I decide I’ll just go with my instincts and hope like hell they’re not off the charts.

Oh. My. God.

It’s Jesse and he’s here.

Right here.

As in the parking lot of the casino just as Brandon shuts off his bike and turns to help me with the helmet he had insisted I wear.

He catches my look of surprise, and turns to see what—or in this case—who has my attention. I’m feeling numb, which then morphs into stunned. How the hell does he know where I am?

“Jesse,” I start, as he approaches and I can see that he’s clueless as to what to say. Jesse is mostly a quiet man, well at times anyway. This seems to be one of those times.

“September,” he addresses me, shooting a quick mini-dagger look at Brandon. “I need to speak to you in private. I’ve got something to say.”

Brandon clears his throat, standing up and taking the helmet I’ve just removed. “It’s my stepfather,” I explain, feeling myself wince at my choice of words but, hell, it’s the truth, isn’t it?

My stepfather. That’s all Brandon needs to know.

“I’ll just be a minute,” I finish, as I step down from the bike and close the distance between Jesse and me. We walk over to the other side of his truck.

“Well?” I say, placing my hands on my hips, “Did Gram tell you where I lived or have you taken up stalking?”

“I haven’t talked to your grandparents lately. I have my ways, September. I think you owe me an explanation—other than the letter you left me. Sort of one-sided don’t you think, babe?”

I notice how the “b” popped when he called me babe. Jesse is pissed—no, more than that, he’s angry and he’s hurt, too. “You’re obviously pissed, why?”

“Aw, for fuck’s sake, September, why in the hell do you think?” His eyes are shooting sapphires at me, and his right hand rests on a hip, and I swear to fuck, he still affects me every bit as much as he did the day I walked out.

But he can’t know that.

“Look,” I say, glancing quickly over my shoulder to where Brandon is standing, looking puzzled and a bit impatient maybe, “now is not the time to get into this with you. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of on a…date,” I finish in a whisper.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, quirking a brow, “Gee, what was my first
fucking
clue?” he snaps, his eyes darkening even more.

“Hey,” I snap, “It’s not like you haven’t moved on, so don’t give me shit.”

His expression changes to one of confusion, but his eyes continue to bore into mine. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but how about you telling Dickhead over there that you’ll have to take a rain check. I’m not leaving here without you, September.”

The calm but steel-edged tone in his voice tells me that he means business. As much as I want to stand my ground with him, because fuck yeah I need to do that, now is not the time nor the place. I’m not about to make a scene and have Brandon get all judgy on me.

“Hold on,” I reply, turning from Jesse, and walking over to where Brandon is waiting.

“Are you okay?” he asks, looking me over.

“Yeah, it’s a family thing, Brandon. I need to go with him. I can’t explain it now. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no problem. Family comes first. I hope everything’s alright. Check in with me later?”

“Sure,” I reply, managing a weak smile. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Jesse has the truck parked on a residential street, not far from campus. He shuts off the engine and turns to me. “Why did you leave like that, September? And, most of all, why did you hurt us that way?”

“Us?” I ask, staring right back at him.

“Scout and me, the ones that love you most.”

My head is resting on the palm of my hand. I’ve inched over against the passenger side door, my elbow braced against the glass. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but the fact is that I was hurting, Jesse. And I just couldn’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?’ he asks, his brow arching a bit, his eyes searching mine for some kind of understanding.

“Be your
dirty little secret
.”

I see his jaw twitch and I know I’ve pissed him off, but it’s the truth and I’m all about the truth these days.

“How can you say that?” he asks, moving closer to me, “Have I ever treated you like some dirty little secret? I fucking love you! How many times did you hear those words from my mouth?”

And then it’s my turn to flash some anger his way because that’s exactly how he made me feel when he allowed too much time to pass without showing me his love with his actions and not just his words.

I face him squarely. “How many times did you and I go out in public, Jesse? Huh? Out to dinner or to a movie, like the way you treated Casey when you were dating her? Or maybe a weekend getaway, or, hell, maybe just cluing Scout in like you promised months ago? Yeah, you think about that and tell me how I wasn’t your dirty little secret!

He rubs his hands over the stubble on his jaw. It’s all I can do not to fly back into his arms because, no matter what, I’m still so drawn to him that it’s painful to be so close and refrain from touching him.

“I know, baby,” he says softly, “I fucking know that, for whatever reason, I didn’t step up to the plate but, hell, it always seemed that the timing was off—or some shit was coming down that needed to take priority.”

“Yeah,” I scoff, “Like my mother showing back up? That kind of did it for me, Jesse, you know? You sure as hell made that a priority and that’s when I knew that you weren’t in this for the long haul, and maybe that’s best for all concerned.

“Now wait just a fucking minute,” he growls, “That wasn’t the case at all and you damn well know it! What the hell was I supposed to do?” His eyes are flashing deeper, but I don’t care.

“You were supposed to let me in,” I answer, “But you shut me out. Look, I
get
that you’re not one to open up easily, or to share your feelings, but Jesus fuck, Jesse, you needed to give me something—and you just…
didn’t,”
I finish, turning away to look out the window, so he can’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. “So, I moved on. It’s best for all concerned. So, how’s Mama?”

I feel his hand on my leg, and I turn to face him again. “Don’t,” he says sharply, “Do not bring her into this conversation. This is not about her, and you know it. September, baby, this is about you and me—it’s about us.”

“There is no
us,
Jesse. Haven’t you been listening?”

“Yeah, I hear you, but I don’t for one fucking minute believe you,” he replies dryly. “This is really about you punishing me isn’t it, babe?”

And for a second I kind of want to smack the smug expression he’s got going on. The best I can do is try and convince him that he’s full of shit because I won’t for a minute consider that he may be on to me. I mean, I have not set out to
punish
anyone; this is about self-preservation and maintaining some degree of pride.

“I’m not punishing anyone, Jesse. I simply don’t want to continue living the lie. It’s pretty evident that you’ve done your own version of moving on anyway.”

“Not following.”

“I see that things between you and Casey have gotten…
cozy
again. I know she keeps Scout after school. Pretty convenient setup isn’t it?’

“The hell? Are you serious?”

“I saw it with my own eyes,” I snap.

And then Jesse gives a quiet smirk. “Who’s the stalker now?”

“Whatever. I came by the house to see Scout one afternoon knowing you wouldn’t be home from work yet. I don’t want her thinking I’ve deserted her—”

“Too late, babe. That’s exactly what she thinks.”

“Anyway,” I continue, my voice getting a bit louder, “that’s how I happened to see Casey bringing her home to her house. No stalking involved.”

“Hmmph,” he growls, “Looks like someone put two and two together and got three. There isn’t anything happening between me and her—or me and anyone. It’s you that I love.”

And my belly tingles even though I’ve tried like hell to repress it. But I need to be strong. I can’t let his words change my mind because he’s said nothing about making any changes.

“So, who’s the jock on the bike?”

“Brandon.”

“Okay, sooo, who is Brandon? The dude that helped you pack up and move out of my house?”

“Say again?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “I just met Brandon when I moved into my apartment. He’s my neighbor…and a
friend
,” I finish.

“How convenient.”

“Whoa, hold up—who said anyone helped me move out?”

He gives me a look. “Casey,” he deadpans.

Of course she did.

“For the record, no one helped me. I did it all by myself,” I reply, shaking my head.

“Yeah, well, Casey isn’t the issue here, now is she? I’m not a teenager anymore, September. I don’t do games and drama. I cut to the chase. Are you coming home?”

“My home is about four blocks from here, and I would appreciate it very much if you’d drop me there, but if you won’t, I can walk,” I reply, starting to open the passenger door.

“Wait,” Jesse nearly shouts, pulling me towards him, “So, this is it? This thing between us is what?
Over?”

His eyes are flashing deeper blue as my heart begins to fracture. His hand has my wrist in a vice-like grip. So, yeah, it’s up to me to end this with him, say the words that Jesse won’t say because…
fuck,
for whatever reason he just won’t.

“Yeah, Jesse. It’s over.”

“And I have no say?”

I look at him, and the words finally come to me that I hope will make him understand. “You’ve had your say up until now. You just didn’t know what to do with it.”

He releases my wrist, and starts the truck. I don’t look at his face again as he drives the four blocks to my apartment.

“I’ll text you with my cell number,” I say before getting out of the truck. “Please have Scout call me?”

“Sure,” he replies.

I close the door of his truck and climb the steps to the porch of the apartment building. I hear him pull away from the curb as the warm, salty tears that I’ve been holding back start rolling down my cheeks.

Yes, it hurts.

Again.

But it’s the last fucking time I will allow tears to fall over this…fling that I’ve ended. It was the right thing to do for everyone concerned.

I love Jesse.

Jesse loves me.

But sometimes that’s just not enough when so many others are in the mix.