When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (24 page)

MANAGER
: If you leave the car with me this afternoon, I’ll get the brakes fixed.

ARNOLD
: I’d appreciate it very much, thank you.

Arnold found out in this interaction that the much heralded obstinacy of repair mechanics and garage managers is a myth (probably artificially cultured and promoted by the nonassertiveness of many of their customers).
He found that the service representative had only a few stock, manipulative answers as to why repairs are unacceptable and the manager had even fewer. This dialogue may strike you as too easy with not much to use for coping with repairmen. In training novices to be more assertive, I consider it a stroke of luck if the manufacturer or the mechanic screws up something on their car. Sending learners forth to cope assertively with that sort of difficulty is one of the most meaningful and easiest homework assignments I can give them. Not one student has reported a failure in this commercial area even though some have had to stick to their goal for several weeks. Perhaps I owe some thanks to the fumbling Detroit giants since they consistently provide easy grist for the assertive mill!

In the next dialogue, you will see an example of a commercial situation in which asserting yourself requires a bit more persistence and the ability to cope with gross manipulation of your behavior over a period of weeks or at least several days.

Dialogue #14
Jack gets a refund
of $1,800 from
a used-car
dealer.

Jack is a part-time student who also works as a physiotherapist to support himself. He is dissatisfied with his occupation and is taking classes to get his degree and learn other occupational skills. Jack’s old car finally gave up and had to be towed to a junk yard. Jack had known that it was only a matter of time until his old car would fall apart and he had prepared to purchase a new one by saving a portion of his salary for two years. Consequently, he immediately purchased a used car from a dealer the day after his old one failed. Since he had the money in the bank, Jack paid the entire $1,800 cost by check. On the day after he purchased his “new” car, its automatic transmission started to leak heavily. Jack brought the car back to the
dealer and the salesman promised to have it fixed. Two days after getting it back from the repair shop, the transmission started to leak again. He consulted with me and we talked in detail about his options on getting further repairs, another car, or his money back, and how he could assertively cope with this problem. On the way back to the dealer the next day, the car kept stalling and was restarted only with great difficulty, eventually needing a push. As he drove into the dealer’s lot, Jack decided that he wanted his money back and no further business with this used-car dealer.

Day 1: Setting of the dialogue: Jack walks into the sales office and speaks to the salesman who sold him the car.

JACK
: Mr. Kirtz. That car you sold me is a piece of junk and I want my money back.

SALESMAN
: What’s the matter, boy? I thought we got you all fixed up Friday.

JACK
:
That’s right. I thought so too
, but the transmission started leaking again yesterday and now the car runs worse than my old one.
I want my money back
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: Well, we don’t have anything to do with the transmission shop. You’ll have to go see them about that.

JACK
:
I’m sure you feel that way
, but you are the one I paid my money to, not the transmission shop. I don’t have anything to do with them and
I want my money back
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: That don’t make sense. Course you got to deal with them. You took your car over to them, didn’t you?

JACK
:
I did, didn’t I? That was dumb of me to take it over there personally instead of insisting that you take care of the whole business, wasn’t it?
[NEGATIVE ASSERTION]

SALESMAN
: No, that’s the way to do it. Let me explain something to you on how these things work. You see, we did what we said we would do! You don’t have
a problem with us! We don’t have anything to do with that shop! Your problem is with them. You go see them about your transmission. We can’t do anything about it here. We just don’t have the facilities. That’s why we sent you over there.

JACK
:
I understand perfectly that you want me to go over to the transmission shop
, but I’m not going to do that I don’t have a problem with them. I have a problem with you and
I want my money refunded
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: If you feel so strongly about it, I’ll be glad to call them up right now and speak to them for you.

JACK
: Mr. Kirtz, if you want to call up the shop, go right ahead, but you are calling them up for yourself, not me.
I agree that I dropped the car off and picked it up
, but
I don’t have anything to do with them
. I don’t care what you do with the car.
I just want my money refunded
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: (Coolly looking at Jack) If you’re afraid that we won’t stand behind a car we sell, forget it! We’ll get your transmission fixed for you!

JACK
:
Mr. Kirtz, I’m sure you feel that way
, but you told me that the first time and it didn’t get fixed. Frankly, after this,
I don’t believe you when you tell me that
. [FOGGING and SELF-DISCLOSURE]

SALESMAN
: That’s no way to be, boy. After all the trouble I went to to get your car fixed right away. It’s not my fault that the shop didn’t do the job right. You got no cause to say that to me. We’ll get your car fixed.

JACK
:
I’m sure you really feel that way, Mr. Kirtz
, but
I still don’t believe what you say
and
I want my money back
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: Well, if you have that attitude, there is nothing I can do about it.

JACK
:
That may be true
, but
I still want my money back
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: I can’t give you your money back. The papers have been processed in Sacramento. We can’t
change the legal papers. That’s your car. It’s registered to you. Nothing we can do about that.

JACK
:
I’m sure you really feel that way
, so here’s what we are going to do.
Lets you and I go talk to the boss of this place who can give me my money back
. [FOGGING and WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

SALESMAN
: Well, I don’t know if Smitty is around today.

JACK
:
That’s possible
, but if you don’t start the wheels rolling to get my money back,
I’ll still want to see him
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: I’ll call and see. (Picks up telephone, dials, speaks to someone, and then speaks to Jack) He won’t be in until tomorrow.

JACK
: Okay. When can we see him tomorrow?

SALESMAN
: He usually gets in around nine in the morning.

JACK
: Will you be here at nine thirty?

SALESMAN
: Sure, I’m here all day.

JACK
: Fine, then I want you to speak to Smitty when he comes in. Tell him that I want the three of us to get together at nine thirty. Okay?

SALESMAN
: That’s fine with me.

JACK
: Good. And by the way, here’s the keys for the car.

SALESMAN
: We don’t need the keys to your car.

JACK
:
I understand how you feel
, but I’m leaving the car right out there blocking your driveway and you’ll probably want to move it. [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

SALESMAN
: Take the car with you. You need transportation. We’ll straighten this out tomorrow.

JACK
:
That’s true
, but
I’m leaving the car here
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

SALESMAN
: Suit yourself, but park it in the street.

JACK
: I’m returning the car to you.
I don’t care where you park it
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

SALESMAN
: (No response: silently, sternly looks up at Jack and then down at the keys on his desk, picking at them with one finger)
JACK
: See you at nine thirty tomorrow. (Leaves)

That afternoon shortly after leaving the used-car lot, Jack called his bank and asked to place a stop order on his check. The bank informed him that it had already paid $1,800 out of his account and they could not honor his stop order. Nevertheless, Jack was determined to assert himself and get his money returned.

Day 2: Setting of the dialogue: Jack and Mr. Kirtz walk into the manager’s office.

MANAGER
: Sit down. I hear you had some trouble with your car.

JACK
: Yes, and I want a refund of my money I paid you for that car.

MANAGER
: Why don’t you want the car?

JACK
: Mr. Kirtz and I went into that yesterday. Have you discussed this with him?

MANAGER
: Yes, but it seems that the car would be all right as soon as we fix the transmission.

JACK
:
I’m sure you really feel that way
, but
I don’t believe it
, and
I want my money back
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: Are you telling me I’m a liar?

JACK
: Mr. Smith,
I really feel you believe what you are saying
. The fact is that I don’t believe it. I’ve been through this talk of repair guarantee before and
I don’t buy it. I want my money back
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: (Silent for a moment) You don’t like the car, that’s okay. Lot of cars I don’t like myself. Tell you what I’ll do. You go out on the lot with Bob and pick out any car you want and we’ll take your car back and just make a price adjustment. That’s a reasonable offer.

JACK
:
That seems like a reasonable offer
, but I don’t want another of your cars.
I just want my money back
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: You worried about the condition of the replacement? Drive it around a week and if you don’t like it we’ll give you another one. If you want, I’ll help you pick one out. Matter of fact, we got a great little car you’ll really like. We can swap this one even. Bob,
go get that little red jobbie in the back lot and bring it out front.

JACK
:
I’m sure it is a nice car
, Mr. Smith, but
I don’t want another car from you people. I just want my money back
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: Well, that’s impossible. All the legal forms were sent to Sacramento already. You own that car and it’s registered in your name.

JACK
:
I don’t understand. What is impossible about taking the car back and giving money for it if it is possible to take the car back and give another car for it?
[SELF-DISCLOSURE]

MANAGER
: That’s no problem. We just send in a correction to change an error in the car registration.

JACK
:
I still don’t understand. What’s impossible about sending in a correction about refunding money instead of exchanging cars?
[SELF-DISCLOSURE]

MANAGER
: We just can’t do that!

JACK
:
I’m sure you really feel that way
, Mr. Smith, but
I still want a refund on my car
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: Why won’t you take another car? That would solve this whole problem. They’re good cars.

JACK
:
That’s possible
, but
I don’t want to chance another run-around. I just want my money back
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: (To Mr. Kirtz) Bob, let me handle this. You go back to the lot. (Mr. Kirtz leaves.) (To Jack) You pissed with him the way he handled your repairs? I don’t blame you. I don’t think much of that stupid son of a bitch myself. Let’s just you and I talk this over. I’ll personally see your car gets fixed or help you pick out another one. I’ll personally guarantee it. Isn’t that fair?

JACK
: As I said before,
it sounds very fair
, except that I don’t want the car repaired and I don’t want another one.
I just want my money back
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

MANAGER
: You’re asking for the impossible. I just can’t do that.

JACK
:
I’m sure you feel that way
, so
is there someone over you with the authority to do it?
[FOGGING and WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

MANAGER
: You’d have to talk to the owner.

JACK
: What time can we see him?

MANAGER
: He gets in some time after lunch.

JACK
: How about two in the afternoon?

MANAGER
: That’s okay with me.

JACK
: (Rising and leaving) I’ll count on you to set it up and meet you here at two tomorrow.

Day 3: Setting of the dialogue: Mr. Smith escorts Jack to the owner’s office, introduces Jack, and leaves.

OWNER
: Sit down and make yourself comfortable. What’s all this fuss about your car?