What You Do To Me (Unexpected Love) (31 page)

             
“It is,
because
I stayed and I made my child feel unloved.”

             
Derek talked in a quiet voice while wrapping me
tightly
in his arms
. “No, you made those girls feel love
d and they know what love is because of you. You can’t
take
responsibility for David
.
“

             
“No, but I can protect them from ev
er feeling that way again.” I was
finally gaining control of my emotions. I wipe
d
the tears from my face and look
ed
at Derek.

             
“Abbs, you don’t know Alex won’t love them.
Obviously
,
they aren’t my kids, but I love them like mine. I would do anything for those girls, so don’t tell me it can’t be done. You think I want Alex to love them or you? I want to be the one they are with everyday and the one you look at with those blue eyes, but I’m not. Give Alex a chance.”

             
“I can’t, I won’t be made a fool of again. I won’t be that wife at home, taking care of the kids and house while my husband is out sleeping with anything that moves.”
I wanted to tell Derek how hearing the news David died in the car accident didn’t hurt me as much as hearing of all the affairs, but I felt so cold saying it.

             
“Abby, he isn’t
David.
I could tell that the minute I saw him look at you. David never looked at you like that, but Alex looks at you like you are the only other person alive and you look at him the same way. I would love to have someone look at me like that, you have it.”

             
“I just can
’t, please don’t push me.” I laid
my head back on Derek’s shoulder.

             
“
Fine,
Abbs, but your number one is right in front of you.” After
that,
neither of us said much. I remained curled on Derek’s lap as we both quietly looked into the fire. Some point in the night, I must have fallen asleep. I woke sometime in the early
morning, still in my clothes, which smelled like a
bonfire.

             
Derek was leaving that morning. The girls and I got up and made him a special breakfast. When it was
over,
we walked him out to the car. Lily
’s arms were
wrapped tightly around his
waist. Derek was such a big part of her life after David died. Lily needed him. The twins were young enough that they didn’t understand, but Lily did.

             
The girls gave Derek a hug and kiss. I went in for my hug and Derek squeezed me tight.  “This is the part I always hate, leaving you. If you just married
me,
I wo
uldn’t have to leave.” He kissed
me on the check.

             
“True, but I can’t see a corporate lawyer making it here in this town.” I wish
ed it
were
that easy. Marrying
Derek,
I wouldn’t have to worry about the girls being loved and I
knew
he would share all responsibilities in the marriage, but I would still be missing real love.
I kne
w I love
d
Derek and he
loved
me, but not the l
ove that I felt with Alex. I knew I would
never experience that again. If only I hadn’t known
that feeling,
it would make living so much easier.

             
“Remember my surprise?
Well,
I added a few more since I
had
a few extra days alone with you. A few are on the list, but one
isn’t, so
I’ll give you a hint.
We’ll
be going away for a night or two to your favorite
place in this country.” He leaned in and kissed
me on the mouth and I wrap
ped
my arms around his
waist, laying
my head on his chest.

             
“You sure do spoil me.”
I knew where we would
be going and I love
d him for the trip. We would
be in
DC.
I love
d
all the museums and monuments, but getting David to take me was always a fight. So, I stopped asking to go. These next two weeks
would
be
hell,
knowing what I
had
to look forward too.

             
The next two weeks did go
by pretty slowly. My dad and Bru
ce felt the need to
question me on Alex and how he wa
s doing. They both seemed pretty upset
that
I stopped talking to
him,
which I didn’t really understand.
Finally,
after the thousand time of questioning me on
things,
I asked them what the hell their deal was with Alex. Bruce was the first to say anything.

             
“
Abby,
the night I brought him here, he was so excited to see you. He talked about being able to spend some time with
you,
even if it was less th
a
n a day. He was telling me how excited he was to meet the
girls,
because he knew how they were your world. When I
took
him back, he seemed deflated and beat up. I don’t know what happened, but the guy I flew back wasn’t the same guy I flew here. I’ve wanted to tell you, but your dad and I wanted to let you sort things out. We know these past few months have been hard.”
I was
shocked and stunned. I didn’t know how he felt about meeting the girls. I
guess
I just assumed he wanted to see me and be with
me,
and the girls were never a thought for him.
Maybe,
I was wrong. But
it had
been almost a month and he finally stopped calling a week ago. I’m pretty sure I blew any chance with him
that
I had.

             
“Bri,
” my dad grabbed
my hand, “why don’t you call him? It’s never
too
late and you’ll never know the answer to something unless you ask.” He was right, but I felt the minute he stopped calling was the minute he moved on and stopped caring.

             
The night before we left for
Pittsburgh,
my parents took the girls so they could have time with them. They hated to see the girls go for any length of time. Lexi and I decided to hit a local restaurant on the bay. We
hadn’t
seen each other as much this summer. Her date
went well and the guy, Todd had
become a regular fixture at her house. I wanted to give her space and time with the new relationship. It made me feel good that she was finally happy with someone. She was always so
picky,
I never thought she would find anyone who could keep her interest or please her for any amount of time.

             
We had great conversation cat
ching up on so much we both had
missed. I loved hearing about t
he drama with everyone she worked
with and of course catching up on the
town
drama. We were laughing and having our usual great time, but I was feeling uncomfortable like I was being watched. I looked around several time and each
time,
the same waitress was star
i
ng at us and I didn’t know why.

             
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Lexi leaned over asking me and turning to follow my gaze to the waitress, who was still looking at me.

             
“That waitress, why is she looking at me?” I had no clue, but I wanted to know.

             
“Oh, who knows, maybe she likes your outfit.” Lexi seemed like it didn’t matter, so we went on talking. I did notice throughout the meal that Lexi kept making glances at the waitress,
and
the looks she was giving the waitress were Lexi’s
I want to hurt you looks
.

             
“That’s it, who the hell is she?” I felt my voice raise and I was getting mad.

             
“Abbs, just a
waitress.
Relax
, let’s get another glass of wine.” Lexi shot me a forced smile and I wasn’t buying
it.
Lexi knew her from someplace and I wanted to know how.

             
“Nope, you know
her.
Christ,
you are shooting her looks like you are ready
to
attack her. How do you know her?” I was staring Lexi right in the eyes and the way she was squirming in her chair let me know she was really uncomfortable with this conversation.

             
“I don’t really know her.”

             
“Why is she looking at us and why are you shooting her looks. Lexi, we have been friends for so long, I know that look. You used it a lot in college on the skanks hitting on your boyfriends and
you’re
using it tonight.”

             
Lexi let out a loud sigh and leaned in closer to me. “Can we talk about it when we are done,
after
we leave here? I don’t want to have this conversation here.” I wanted to know, but with the panicked look on her face, I didn’t want to push it. I could wait
until
we were done and at my house.

             
Unfortunately, we didn’t get that chance. The waitress approached the
table,
leaned over and
she
was looking at Lexi. “Look, I know you don’t like me and I really don’t care, but I need this
job,
so please don’t make a scene here, like at my last job you came too.” The waitress didn’t wait for a
response, just
walked away from the table.

             
“What the hell is that about? I thought you didn’t know her, but you must if you don’t like her or visited her work.” I was being lied to and she was keeping a secret from me. Lexi and I didn’t lie to each or keep secrets from each other. I wanted to know what was going on.

             
She let another sigh and this
time,
she grabbed my hand. “I confronted her about sleeping with David.” I was shocked and Lexi must have known
it
by the expression on my face.

             
“Why, why would you confront
her?
There
was
a lot we found out about after he died. You said it wasn’t worth my breath.” I was puzzled
about
why she confronted the
girl,
because Lexi was the one who told me not to
dwell on the past, because
David was gone and I needed to move on.

             
“It wasn’t after he died, it was before.”

             
“WHAT,” I said it loud, loud enough for others to look at our table.
I was confused. After David died and I sta
rt
ed to hear the names of girls,
Lexi told me she didn’t know about any of the affairs or the girls. She said she had ideas, but never knew anything.
“You said you didn’t know about any of
them,
” I said in a loud hissing whisper. I was seething and I had tears pooling in my eyelids.

             
“Abbs, I did know, but I didn’t want to hurt you more. I confronted her and I confronted David. He said it was the first and last
time,
and he begged, begged me not to tell you and that things would stop. I confronted
her,
telling her it would stop. We got
into
an argument. I thought it had ended, but I’m not sure,
even though
David told me it did.”

             
“Why,” tears now streaming down my face. “You were my
friend,
not his. Why would you keep it from me and why lie to me?” I was hurt, my heart ached and I couldn’t breathe. I stood from the table, knocking my chair over and
I walked
towards the exit.

             
By the time I reached my car, Lexi was by my side. She was grabbing at my arm trying to make me face her so I would listen. “Abby, I am your friend, which is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you and I knew
that
even if you knew about her, you wouldn’t leave him, but you would retreat inside yourself and be destroyed.”