Wanting It All: A Naked Men Novel (23 page)

Riley slammed a bucket into the sink and turned on the water. “They can sort it out—or not—themselves. Why do you have to get involved? Why do you have to risk your friendship with Logan? Hell, with all of us?”

“Because for once?” Knox paused. He’d had three nights to sort out his feelings and gotten pretty much nowhere. Mostly because he’d concentrated on work to avoid working through them. “This thing with Madison? This relationship has gone way beyond sex. Or even dating.”

“Like you’d know. You with the ‘No Leftovers’ policy,” Riley taunted, putting the words in quotation marks with his hands. “Being with the same woman for a month doesn’t make it special. It barely makes you average.”

Knox deserved every jibe they could throw at him. It didn’t change these new feelings he sure as hell didn’t know how to deal with. “I’m crazy about Madison. She matters. How she feels, when she’s hurt, it all matters. And I know it shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t want my best friend’s little sister.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Josh said grimly.

“Because look what happens when you go there.” Riley rolled up his sleeves. “You’ve got to choose between your best friend…and his little sister. You’re fucked. You basically strapped on an emotional double-headed dildo and screwed yourself. Without lubing up first.”

Scrubbing his palms over his eyes, Josh groaned. “Why would you go and put that image in my head?”

“To make a point. To show Knox there’s no way to resolve this well. You ripped Logan a new one. That’s unacceptable. So just don’t let this thing with Madison go any further. Period. Should be easy for you. She’s way past the expiration date for your bed.”

Did they really imagine he hadn’t thought of that? That with Knox’s genius level IQ and double degrees from MIT he hadn’t realized that he’d walked into and set up freaking camp in the middle of a minefield?

“I’ve been trying not to. Trying to keep it simple. Prepping to work through all these feelings and work them out of my system before Logan ever gets back. I told her from the start that I wouldn’t commit. That I wouldn’t stick with her a season, let alone forever.” God, this tin can on wheels gave him no room to pace. All the words, the feelings he didn’t know how to spit out, jittered like spiders on his nerves. “But Madison got under my skin. I can’t shake how much I want her, need her. Not for sex. Just…I want her in my life.”

Riley slapped off the water with enough force to send the faucet spinning to the side. Something else to fix before tomorrow. “Damn it, Knox. There you go again. Wanting it all, just like always. Except this time, it won’t work.”

“Ry’s right.” Josh planted his feet wide. Crossed his arms. “What will ever be enough for you?”

He owed them an honest answer. “I don’t know.”

How did you shake your greatest childhood phobia? Yeah, he’d had more than his fair share of nightmares about burning alive after escaping from that fiery bus in the Alps. An equal number where he lost all of his friends in various and sundry horrible, mutilated deaths. But Knox’s biggest fear, the one that didn’t wake him up in a cold sweat, but rather didn’t let him fall asleep in the first place, was of not having enough money.

Not being able to give his mom everything she wanted. Not being able to grab any- and everything he wanted. They were right. On paper, Knox had enough. Had, in fact, enough for several lifetimes. So what would be enough? What was he still reaching for?

“I’m not saying I agree with this bug Madison planted in your ear about not selling the company. But it’s another fine example.” Riley held up his right hand and ticked off points on his fingers. “You’ve got more money than you and your mom could spend in three lifetimes. You’ve got the houses, the cars, the clothes, the toys. You’re selling the company to turn a quick dollar. But then what? What would happen if you kept it? Tried to grow something all the way to full flower for once, instead of just snipping it at the bud?”

Why did they have to keep poking at him? Knox shot Ry a steely glare. “We’re talking flowers now? Did Jerry lay out panties and a bra for you to wear today, too?”

“I mean, what if, for freaking once, you tried giving something back.”

Fine. Instead of snapping, Knox took a moment to honestly think about what Josh and Ry were proposing. He didn’t hate it. In theory. “I’m okay with giving away, giving back. I think. There’d just have to be a damned good reason.”

“You’ve got the money, Knox. And you’ve got us. But if you pick Madison—who I guarantee won’t stick, ’cause you don’t bother to make that happen—then there’s a good chance you’ll lose Logan. Break up our circle. How is that possibly worth it?”

“Decide what you really want, Knox.” Josh held up a hand. “And the answer can’t be ‘all of the above.’ ”

Madison looked down at her phone. Scrolled through the seventeenth version of the email she’d been crafting for the last four days. There simply weren’t any ways left to rearrange the same words that she hadn’t tried at this point. What started out as thoughtful mulling had morphed into flat-out stalling, about five versions ago.

She smoothed her tan skirt. Straightened the collar of her black cotton blouse. Then squinted her eyes shut. How ridiculous. It was an email to her brother, not a video message. Logan couldn’t see her. Still, it was a big moment. Momentous. Big. Aaaaand, there she went stalling again.

The first email she’d sent him had mattered, of course. But it had been a reach-out to a stranger. This email was different. This was an actual conversation. Now Madison knew what Logan sounded like. She could picture—albeit in a limited way—what his facial expressions might be as he read it.

Stalling. Sick of herself, Madison stabbed the send icon with her index finger. Dropped the phone onto the leather seat. A second later, she snatched it back up. Silence, the quiet to reflect on everything she’d just set in motion, was not what she needed right now. She dialed home.

“I’m running out the door in five to head to work. What’s up?”

Madison absolutely adored the way Annabeth didn’t bother to say hello to her on the phone. She loved that they were comfortable enough with each other, close enough, that social niceties could be skipped over. Loved how sisterly it felt. “I sent the email to Logan.”

“Which one? Version seven that you liked, or version fourteen that I preferred? Notice I’m automatically assuming you ignored Summer’s vote for version six. That was weak. Too gushy-girly-gag-me.”

Madison swallowed her giggle of agreement. It felt disloyal to Summer. “None of the above. I enlisted some professional help to come up with the final version seventeen.”

“Professional…oh. You asked Chloe,” Annabeth said flatly.

No hurt feelings. She’d asked everyone’s opinion, but using Chloe was the obvious choice. “She
is
a professional letter writer. I don’t know why it took me all weekend to think of it.”

“I know why. Because you spent most of the weekend moping over Knox. Who doesn’t deserve it. Who probably spent his weekend up the skirts and down the cleavage of every available bimbo in the District.”

Dragging the toe of her black peep-toes against the carpet, she said, “I thought we agreed to disagree on that?”

“I agreed to wait for proof before kicking him in the ass on your behalf. That doesn’t mean I can’t trash-talk him out of female solidarity.”

Did she have the best friends in the world, or what? It just cemented her rightness in moving to D.C. “Thank you, Annabeth. Truly.”

“I’m proud of you for sending the email, whatever it said. I know it had to be hard.”

“Yeah.” She looked across the spacious leather, wood, and chrome cabin. “But I think karma is rewarding me for it.”

“How? Did you nab a forward-facing seat on the Metro?”

“Better than that.” She kicked off her shoes to send them flying down the immense length of the car. “I’m in a stretch limousine.”

“What? Why?”

Wasn’t that just the biggest question of the week? And it was only Monday. “I don’t know. The driver came into the Library of Congress looking for me. Said he’d been hired to pick me up from work.”

“And you fell for that? Madison, get out of the car. Right now. I’m calling the police.”

Awww. The cynical, hard-edged Annabeth was showing her love by panicking. Madison couldn’t have found a better roommate if she’d searched for weeks instead of moving in with Annabeth after five minutes. “No, it’s on the up and up. I checked.”

“Checked what—to see if there are zip ties and a hacksaw in the trunk?”

“I called the limo company. They verified that he works for them. And that the address where he’s taking me is real. And they sent me a photo of his driver’s license to be sure it matched his face. Geez, you all think I’m super naïve, don’t you?”

There was a long silence on the other end, as if Annabeth were choosing her words very, very carefully. “Not naïve. Trusting. No, make that optimistic. You see the best in people. Even when it might only be a
potential
for the best.”

“Well, this man is doing his best to deliver me someplace in the lap of luxury. He poured me champagne. There are bowls of nuts and chocolates along the side wall of the compartment. It sure beats the gum that’s usually stuck to the bottom of a Metro seat.”

“Aren’t you wondering what it’s about? Who did it?”

Wow. Annabeth was really playing this up. Because Madison didn’t doubt for a second that she and Summer were behind the luxurious treat. “Why do you think I’m calling you? I kind of assumed you all pitched in to cheer me up.”

“I ate three cartons of ice cream with you this weekend. That’s me pitching in. Springing for a limo? Not in my budget. Not my style either. I wouldn’t put it past Summer, though. And now I’m bitter that I didn’t get invited.”

Huh. The mystery deepened. “I thought you had to work tonight?”

“Not the point.”

“We’re stopping now, so I’ll text you when I figure out what’s going on.”

“Text me in half an hour no matter what. There still might be something hinky going on.” Annabeth hung up without saying goodbye either. It tickled Madison to death.

The door swung open. The driver stuck his head in and handed her a giant bouquet of red roses, tied with a satin ribbon.

“Um, what are these?”

“Just the beginning.” He then proceeded to hand over equally large bouquets of white orchids, orange lilies, multihued wildflowers, and lavender tulips. madison had to lay them on the seats built into the side. She was fairly certain now that Summer was not, in fact, the benefactor behind her limo ride.

Sure enough, Knox got in and sat down—in a twelve-person limo—right next to her. The door shut behind him. He looked as handsome as ever in a cream suit, pale blue shirt, and mauve tie. “Hi.”

It was crazy the way her heart leapt into a full gallop at just the sight of him. Or maybe at just the deep rumble of his voice. “What are you doing here?”

He wrapped on the window with his knuckles. A few moments later, the car started and began cruising again. Only then did he turn to face her. “I’m here to do several things. Will you give me ten minutes? Hear me out? After that, the limo is yours for the night, no strings attached.”

Wow. She’d missed him so much. When Madison had thought through all the ways she could possibly engineer accidentally running into Knox, having him drop into her limo had never entered her mind. She’d let him stay as long as he wanted. She just wouldn’t let him know—
yet
—how good it was to be with him again.

Crossing her ankles, she said, “Seeing as how I don’t have a car of my own yet, I’d be stupid to turn down an offer that good.”

“If you keep that mindset, this might all work.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m here to apologize.”

Although she wanted to clap her hands and bounce on the seat in relief, Madison waited. Because
saying
he was sorry was far from good enough.
Knowing
what he did wrong was an integral piece of it.

When she didn’t say anything, he huffed out a brusque laugh. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I?” she shot back.

“You could cut me a little slack, seeing as how I’m new at all—” With one look at her upraised eyebrow, Knox cut himself off. “Let me start over.”

“That’s probably a wise idea.”

“I’m sorry I was an idiot. A stupid, thoughtless idiot. I hurt you, which I promised from the start not to do. I’ve tried so hard to be honest to avoid hurting you. I’d call it a rookie mistake in the game of love, but that might sound like I’m making an excuse, so I won’t.”

He’d used the word
love.
That was new. And huge. Was it on purpose? Or just a flowery turn of phrase? “Be more specific.”

Knox ran a hand over his crown, down to his neck. Aside from the night he spent in the hospital, she’d never seen him this visibly uncomfortable. Raw. “I never should’ve walked out on you on Tuesday. I didn’t, actually.”

This apology was taking one hell of a wrong turn. If he kept going in this vein, she’d have to agree with Annabeth that Knox didn’t deserve a second chance. Because waking up without him, being forced to search the house for him, had broken her heart. Madison refused to let him sugarcoat the incident.

“Yes, you did. I was there. Alone. In your bed. You never came back.”

Now his fidgety hand moved to rub across his mouth. “That came out wrong. When I stormed out of the house, I wasn’t trying to get away from
you.
I had to get away from Josh. From the fight I’d just had with Logan. Away from the pressure of all the memories in that house. You were the last thing on my mind. Which, yes, sounds callous. And which is why I said I was thoughtless. I’m so sorry.”

That
version she could believe. With a dip of her head, Madison said, “Go on.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you that night. Or since. I was in my head. Let me tell you, it was a mess in there. You and Logan and the rest of the ACSs and my company and expectations and decisions and priorities all jumbled together.”

Again, what he intended as an apology was really coming off more as an insult. She deserved better than that. “That’s the thing, Knox. I don’t want to be part of a jumble. I want to be your priority.”

“You are.” Desperation hoarsened his voice. “I swear.”

“But so is Logan. I know you’ve been in turmoil ever since you found out that Logan’s my brother. We can’t ignore that he’s your best friend.” Because if this was really their shot at fixing things, there couldn’t be any holding back. No hoping that things would eventually, magically change.

He shook his head, slowly. Equally slowly, as if trying not to spook a beaver protecting its dam, Knox reached for her hand. “Madison,
you
are my absolute best friend now. That’s what I realized in this stupid, self-centered, and self-inflicted time-out I took.”

That was the last thing she’d expected him to say. “You don’t mean that. You have the ACSs.”

“I do. They were the ones who pointed out that it was time I stopped chasing money before everything else. That I’d already bought everything I could ever want, and socked away twice that. But they were wrong. All the money in the world can’t buy me a family, a legacy, or the love of the right woman. I’m trying to fix all three now.”

“How?”

“Griff, Riley, Josh, and Logan are my family, by choice. That’ll never change. I’m hoping I can convince you to fall in love with me. Because I’m positive that you are the right woman. The one I’m choosing to love.”

It was the U-turn she’d hoped he’d take. Madison just had to make sure he hadn’t wandered down that road by accident. Because her heart was already trying to leap out of her chest and into his hands. “What about the woman buffet you planned to gorge on for the rest of your life?”

“It’s over,” Knox said flatly. Decisively. “I don’t regret it. You know why? I can unequivocally say that I’ve sampled every other kind of woman—from hair color to height, temperament to career—that’s out there in the world. Riley accused me of not knowing how to stick with a woman. But he’s wrong. You know why none of them stuck?” His hand tightened around hers, almost to the point of pain. “Because I was waiting for you, Madison. A woman who isn’t afraid to call me on being too cocky. A woman who is actually interested in hearing about my scientific leanings. A woman who wants to gobble up everything the world has to offer as greedily as I do.”

It sounded good. Well, it sounded promising. Still not quite there, though. Not yet. “And?”

He blinked. “Did you think I was done? Not by half.” And he flashed that cocky smile at her that absolutely melted her knees. “You want to know why this limo looks like a hothouse exploded? Because I don’t know what your favorite flowers are. I wanted to make the big, romantic gesture, and didn’t know what would float your boat.”

“I like the tulips,” she murmured.

“Good to know. The point is, I want to spend the next fifty years discovering all of that. When I say I want it all? I want to know everything about you. I want to do it all with you.
You’re
the all in my life. All I need. I love you, Madison.”

There. There it was. She swallowed down the tears threatening to choke her throat. “But what about Logan?”

“He prefers daisies,” Knox deadpanned. “Logan is just going to have to deal. He got bent out of shape because he was worried I’d treat you like crap. Hopefully, once I tell him that I plan to treat you right, he’ll relax. Because he’s my family, too. He has to get over it. I choose you, Madison.”

Could the kissing start now? Could she climb onto his lap and just go to town? No. He said there was more. Madison didn’t want to cut short any of his already epic apology. So in the driest tone she could muster, she said, “That’s quite a change of heart.”

“That’s not the only change. I’m not selling the company.”

There was no holding back the delighted smile lifting her lips. “You took my advice.”

“I listened to
you,
” he clarified with a shake of his head. “Then I listened to the guys. And I thought about what I truly wanted to accomplish, instead of just what I wanted to earn.”

“What did you come up with?”

“I’m creating an offshoot foundation to mentor young kids. The ACSs gave me my first sense of belonging and teamwork. Lots of science geeks like me won’t ever get the chance to be on a football team and learn those lessons, forge those friendships. So I’m going to convince them to join travel soccer teams. My Grand Plan is to bribe them into joining.”

Madison could barely suppress the smile at his unintentional use of her words. Her Grand Plan was turning out perfectly. She couldn’t wait to see what Knox did with his.

“I got the idea from this really sharp nephew of Lara’s. I can promise them something like a weeklong trip to NASA’s space camp if they stick it out for a whole season. I’m going to give back the lessons I learned. But I’ve got no clue about the nurturing part of it that comes so easily, so naturally to you. I hope that you’ll stick around to help me.”