Waking Up (28 page)

“Tell me what I did that has you smiling like that so I can do it again and again,” he says while his hand runs circles on my back.  I’m very aware of every motion he makes.

“You listened.  That’s what you did.  You listened.”  

I stop thinking.  Stop listening to the voices in my head, the guilt in my heart, the insecurities of my body, and plant my lips to his.  I don’t know what I’m doing, but it feels damn good.  It’s not the light touch of lips from earlier.  It’s much more needy.

His body tenses under mine for a brief moment and I’m sure he’s going to stop the kiss, but he doesn’t.  He grabs the back of my head and licks my bottom lip.  I let out a soft moan and he slips his tongue into my mouth.  Holy shit.  I’m kissing Tucker Stavros.  I know I should stop.  I know I’ll regret this later, but it feels too good right now.

I slide my hands up his chest, around his neck, into his hair.  His hair isn’t long, but there’s just enough curl on top that I can get my fingers into it.  I wrap my fingers into it while I slide my tongue into his mouth and turn my body into his, straddling his, not caring that I’m in a skirt.

I feel the bulge of his pants rubbing against me and another moan escapes me.  Wetness pools at my core.  I should stop.  I’m not ready for this, but he’s so hot and he feels so good.

“You have to stop moaning like that, sweetness,” he says, nipping at my bottom lip.  Fuck, I want him.  My body is so hot right now.  I want him to touch me anywhere, everywhere.  I need this ache to stop.

Still kissing him, I start my hands on a hunt down his body, reveling in the feel of all his muscles rippling under my fingers.  There’s hardness at every turn and my mouth is watering at the prospect of what that means.  I want to feel every part of this man.  Want to see him come undone.  Know that I got him there.   

I run my fingertips down his stomach, feel as he jerks a little.  I chuckle into his mouth, knowing that he’s ticklish.  He growls at me, turning me on more.  My fingers find the button to his pants.  Jackpot.  I start to unbutton them when the doorbell rings.

I freeze with his jeans in my fingers the button just popped open, war raging in my head.  Do I ignore the doorbell and keep going down this road with Tucker.  I’m so turned on and know I would do this without thinking about it.  I also know I’ll regret it horribly.

I look at him, not sure what the hell to do.

“Fuck,” he barks out.  “You should probably answer that, sweetness.  I need a second,” he says, motioning to his jeans.  I blush looking down at the obvious bulge in his pants and lick my lips.

He drops his head back, closing his eyes.

“Seriously, sweetness, I think you’re trying to kill me here.”  He picks me up off of him and places me gently onto the floor, giving me a gentle pat on the ass to get me moving.  I’ll be damned if that didn’t get me wet all over again.

Chapter Nineteen

Tucker

While Adriana answers the door, I sneak up the stairs, needing to get my raging hard on under control.  I’m guessing it’s Kale at the door and I am not greeting him with my lower half on display.

Holy fucking shit.  What just happened?

I’m trying to be a good guy here.  Aren’t I?  Shit!  I pulled her into my lap.  That must have given her the wrong idea.  But, when she put her lips to mine…

SHIT!

It wasn’t a kiss really.  It was so brief and she barely brushed her lips against mine, but it was enough to ignite my whole body and make me want her.  Pulling her onto my lap, into my arms– that was as restrained as I could be.  She broke through a wall– is breaking through walls I keep up to protect myself from getting hurt.

I need to stop this before it goes any further.  

How do I stop it when all I can think about is wanting more?  Her lips are as soft as any satin I’ve ever slept on and she tastes so sweet.  I know I’m going to slip up again.  It’s not an if, it’s a when.  I already want to feel her body pressed against mine.

Shit!  Shit!  Shit!

Sitting on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, I pull myself together.  I mentally chastise myself over and over.  Tell myself all the reasons I can’t touch her again.  Why I’m no good for her.  How I’ll only cause her pain.  No matter what I tell myself, it all comes back to her straddling me.  Knowing her skirt was riding up.  I couldn’t get enough of her.  Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get enough of her.

Sighing, I unfold myself from my sitting position and head downstairs.  I can’t hide forever.

Kale looks at me over Adriana’s shoulder when I walk into the kitchen.  “Hey, man.  Glad to see you’re still here.”

I walk over and shake his hand, truly glad to see him again.  I saw a bit of myself in the little I got to know Kale last night.  He struck me as an outsider, too.  I understand that all too well.  

I see that Adriana is finishing putting containers into bags for him.  I should say something, but I don’t know what to say.  I’m wondering if she looked flustered when she answered the door.  Were her lips swollen, plump and red from my kisses?  Could Kale tell what we had been doing?

I don’t care what he thinks of me.  But, I care what he thinks of Adriana.  I don’t want to leave here having her friends thinking badly of her because of anything I’ve done.

“Kale, I know you want to get back to Dee, but do you have one minute?”  Adriana’s voice breaks through my mental fog.  Instantly, my body is on alert and my eyes zone in on her mouth, waiting for her to say more.  “I have the boys’ pictures in my office.  I was going to give them to Dee last night, but… well, you know.”  She shrugs and she looks so damn cute I want to go to her, pick her up into my arms and spin her around, hug her till she’s laughing.

“Yeah, I’ll wait.  They’ll probably make her feel a bit better.  Thanks, Adri.”  She blushes, shrugs, and heads from the room not able to look at me.  Her blush turns me on, but I can’t think about that.  All I can think about is the fact that she couldn’t look at me.  

Shit!

I knew this would happen.  She regrets it.  It was too soon.  I didn’t start it, but I sure as hell should have stopped it.  Son of a bitch.  What was I thinking?  She just started opening up.  Just started talking about Alex.  
You fucked up, Tucker.  Fucked up big time.
 

“Glad to see you’re still here.  Honestly didn’t think you would be.”  I jerk my head in Kale’s direction.  I’d forgotten he was here I was so lost in thought.

“What’s that?”

“She’s got you tied up real bad, huh?”

I snort at him, unable to answer and not wanting to get into this.

“Look, man, I know this is none of my damn business, but last night you reminded me of someone I know so I’m going to do something I hate when other people do.”  I give him my best back the fuck off stare, but he continues anyways.  “I’m going to talk, listen or don’t.  Up to you.  I was watching you last night.  Sometimes you looked like you wanted to join in on the fun, be a part of the group, fit in, but other times it looked like you wanted to run like hell.  You seem like a loner to me, someone used to being by himself.  Until you look at her.”

I turn my whole body at him.  I don’t know what it is with Adriana’s friends all feeling the need to talk to me about her when I just met her, what they all think they see, but I’m getting sick of the intruding.  My nerves are frayed from this morning and I want this conversation over.

Putting his hands up in front of him.  “Okay.  I get it.  I’m hitting a nerve.  I was like you.  An outsider, looking in.  For a long time.  Moved around a lot.  Had to start over a lot.  Never fit in until meeting Dee. Then, it all clicked.  I see that with you when you look at Adri.  That’s all I wanted to tell you.”  He lowers his hands.  “I also want to ask you to take it slow with her.  I see her looking at you in a way I haven’t seen since Alex was around.  Part of being an outsider is you learn to be observant.”

I don’t get to say anything back because we hear Adriana closing the door to her office.  My heart is pounding.  What does he mean he sees her looking at me in a way she hasn’t since Alex was around?  How am I supposed to take that?

I’m in a stupor as she hands Kale an envelope and tells him to have Dee call her later.  He tells her he will and apologizes that movie night at their house has to be canceled for tonight.  I vaguely wonder if she would have invited me to go with her then mentally kick myself for expecting that.  She has no reason to invite me anywhere.

I can’t remember if I said bye to Kale when she turns to me asking if I’m ready for a tour of the house.  I try to smile and keep my composure, but all I can think of is Mickayla’s comments from last night about her bedroom.  Damn my wandering mind and Adriana for kissing me earlier.

Chapter Twenty

Victoria

I sit in Tucker’s house, staring at the boxes I’ve already packed and the empty ones yet to be packed, a hole in my heart too big to ever heal.  What am I going to do now?  Where am I going to go?  I thought I’d be with Grant.  Thought he loved me.

Love.  What a joke.  He’s a monster.

How did I not see that?  All he wanted was to get at Tucker.  Make him look like a joke, hurt him.  And I helped him.

Tucker may not have always been the most attentive boyfriend, but he was good to me.  He didn’t love me, but he took care of me.  He was loyal and protective and everything I asked him to be.  

Could he have been more?

I don’t know.  I was with Grant for the last year.  More than half of my and Tucker’s relationship.  I know Tucker was faithful to me.  He’ll never believe me that I didn’t want to stay with him and be with Grant at the same time.

Why did I listen to Grant?  How could I fall in love with someone who wanted me to be with another man?  How fucked up am I?

Thinking about Grant and his betrayal starts the tears again.  My chest feels like it’s caving in.  I thought finding out they were killing me off the show was the worst day of my life, but I realized that was freeing.  I hate acting.

Finding out Grant used me is killing me.  Not just because I gave him my whole heart, but because I hurt Tucker.  I know he never loved me in the time we were together, but we were at least friends.  

Now I don’t even have that.  

I don’t have anyone.  No one to call and tell that Grant hurt me.  Broke me.  I curl into a ball on the floor, my favorite picture of me and Tuck cuddled into my chest, as sobs shatter through my body.  I don’t know how long I lay there, crying, my body a quivering mess, but light turns to dark and I eventually have to get up to eat.

Peeling myself off the floor, my body is stiff and achy.  Although my stomach is grumbling and I know I need to eat, I don’t want to.  I want to curl back up and cry more.  I want to cry until I disappear.  Instead, I make a bowl of cereal, too tired to make anything else, and sit on the couch to eat my five star dinner.

While I eat, I decide I’m going to find Tucker.  Not to try to get him back, but to warn him about Grant.  Thinking Grant’s name makes me want to vomit the little I’ve eaten.  It hurts so much.  I can never make up for what I’ve done to Tucker.  But, I can stop him from getting hurt more.

I finish my cereal, clean up and grab my cell phone.  Looking through my apps, I find what I’m looking for and start it up.  Trusting Tucker, I think with a small smile as the phone bleeps showing me his location.

Epping, New Hampshire.  Where the fuck is that?

Chapter Twenty One

Adriana

What a day it’s been.  The guilt set in as soon as Tucker walked away.  I felt like I took the walk of shame when I went to answer the door for Kale, but he didn’t seem to notice the inner turmoil I was going through.  When Tucker came in the room, I could tell Kale wanted to talk to him so I gave them privacy.  I wasn’t planning on giving Dee the pictures yet.  I wanted to frame a few first, but I was trying to get out of the way.

I don’t know what Kale said to Tucker, but he was different after Kale left.  Distant.  Lost in thought, I guess.  

Movie night has been moved to my house and everyone will be here shortly, but I can’t bring myself to go downstairs yet.  I can’t bring myself to face Tucker.  If he’s even come out of his room.  After lunch we both went to our rooms to freshen up, relax, whatever excuse we gave.  I can’t remember.

The day keeps replaying in my head like a broken record.  A bad movie you can’t forget.

“You ready for the tour?” I ask him, still not able to look him in the eye.  I want to look into those gorgeous blue eyes, but I’m afraid.  Afraid he’ll see the truth.  See my regret.  See my guilt.  I should have never kissed him.  Should have never let him kiss me back.  My heart and body still belong to Alex.

I can’t stop myself from peeking though and the small, sad smile he gives me tells me he already knows.  My broken heart crumbles a little more.  He shrugs and motions for me to lead the way.  The slump to his shoulders sends a pang of hurt to my gut.  I know I’ve hurt him and I can’t stand that.

“I’m sorry, Tucker,” I say, turning and facing him.  I need to put my big girl panties on and face what I’ve done.  “I shouldn’t have kissed you and touched you the way I did earlier.  You’re my guest.  I’m not that type of girl.  I’m-I’m so sorry.”

Running his fingers down my cheek, making me forget why I started this talk in the first place, he shakes his head at me.  “Don’t, Adriana.  Don’t apologize.”  He squeezes his eyes shut, appearing to be in pain.  I want to comfort him, but that’s what started this mess.

“I get it.  You shared a big part of your world and it felt amazing.  The feelings got the best of you.  I was there.  I shouldn’t have let it get to where it did.  I should be apologizing to you.”

No, no, no, no.  He thinks I didn’t want to touch him.  That it was just because I was feeling happy over talking about Alex.  How do I tell him that he makes me feel again without scaring him?