“Ysabelle,
that life is over now. You receive extravagant things and don’t wear sandals
from Target. Everything in that closet is for you. You exude money and power,
learn it, live it, and fucking love it. Yes?” I nodded.
“Great!
Now take off those fucking clothes, and put some real Goddamn clothes on.
Ladies wear heels, even if they are walking to the dumpster.” With that she
grabbed the trash bag of my clothing and walked out of my room.
I guess we’re
done with the conversation.
I dressed in a pair of Marciano
skinny jeans, Gucci off the shoulder gray top, and black Louboutin stilettos.
As soon as I walked into the room, Madam’s smile lit up the room.
“There
Bella Rosa, don’t you feel better. Honestly…you have to tell me you don’t feel
like a million bucks, because you sure do look it.” I didn’t really want to
agree with her, but I couldn’t help it. I did feel better about myself in the
clothes, she did have a point. I guess that was her reasoning for wanting me to
dress like that.
“Actually,
I do Madam. I can see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry.”
“Oh
Bella Rosa, it’s already forgotten, silly girl.” I grabbed my purse and we were
out the door. I followed Madam to the parking garage, assuming a chauffeur
would be waiting for us. I heard an alarm set to a car and followed where it
was coming from, a white Mercedes CLS caught my vision.
“Wow,
that’s one hell of a car.” I said, while walking to the passenger side. She
slid her hand into mine with the keys.
“Great,
because its yours.”
“What
the fuck? Are you kidding? I haven’t even made any money, yet.”
“Ysabelle.”
I could hear her frustrated tone.
“Thank
you, Madam.” Was all I could say
.
No more complaints or questions. Just
thank you and I understands. She smiled at that and started to walk over to the
passenger side.
I spent
the morning at the etiquette classes, while Madam spent the time on her phone.
The classes were fairly easy; I just didn’t understand why there needs to be
several different types of silverware for one meal.
On the
ride to meet the other girls for lunch, I was a bit nervous. I wanted them to
like me, I’ve never really cared about what people thought of me, but with
these girls I wanted them to think that I’m beautiful and smart. I wanted them
to think that I was one of them.
We parked
and entered Prime on Ocean drive at 1:00 p.m.
“Good
afternoon Senora, the ladies are here. I will escort you to your table, the
usual?
“Yes
Victor and also for Ysabelle.”
“Of
course.” He replied. I couldn’t help, and wonder if Madam had everyone eating
out of the palm of her hand. We walked to a secluded room in the back where I immediately
noticed seven breathtaking women. I felt like I just stepped into the Playboy
Mansion.
“Ysabelle.”
They all said in unison. I was greeted with kisses on each cheek and hugs by
all of them. My nerves subsided and I finally felt at ease. We all took our
seats and I sat at the head of the table while Madam sat at the other side.
“My
beautiful babies, I am so glad we all got a chance to do lunch. I know your
schedules have been rather hectic lately. I’m happy nonetheless, that you were
able to give Ysabelle such a warm welcome.”
I met
all of the ladies one by one.
Victoria
is a Russian beauty, light brown hair, baby blue eyes, petite nose, and pink
pouty lips. Her accent is to die for. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP
for two years.
Milania
is Italian with long curly black hair, dark baby-doll brown eyes, strong
cheekbones, and thin lips. She’s twenty-one and had also been with VIP for two
years.
Nicolette
is Swedish with medium length platinum blonde hair, sea blue eyes, apple shaped
face, and perfect straight teeth. She’s twenty-two and had been with VIP for a
year.
Louka is
Hawaiian, brown long straight hair, brown Asian eyes, slender nose, and smile
to die for. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP for four years.
Tyra is
African American with light brown skin, curly hair, honey colored eyes, oval
shaped face, and plumper lips than mine. She’s twenty and had been with VIP for
two years.
Layla is
a California native with dirty blonde hair, green eyes, prominent face
features, and thin lips. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP for three
years.
And last
but not least, the beautiful Brooke. She’s twenty-two and had been with VIP for
four years. She’s the veteran of the group.
All the
women varied with heights, sizes, and styles. They all have one thing in common
though; they all exuded this confidence that you could feel just coming through
the door, they wore their sexuality on their sleeves. Their demeanors,
conversations, and mannerisms scream, “look at me!”
I
quickly made friends with all the girls, I still hit it off the most with
Brooke, maybe it’s because we shared something intimate or our personalities
just clicked.
I felt
like I was a part of something.
I felt
like I had a family.
It felt
like home.
<>*<>
S
<>*<>
I felt
nails skim my chest. “Hey Baby, wake up.” I moved my head to the sound of the
voice. I opened my eyes to a pair of emerald green eyes, staring back at me.
Fuck…I
did it again
. I
was officially done with Jack Daniels. I groaned and moved to get up, hoping
this chick would take the hint and get the hell out of my apartment.
“I
guess I wore you out, huh? I’ve been known to do that a time or two.” she
laughed at herself and stretched her body, reminding me of a cat. I found a Tri
Del shirt and skirt on the floor and tossed them in her direction. She reached
for them and started to dress. Thank God the girl could take a clue! That was
why I slept with sorority chicks; no harm, no foul. They were looking for a
good time and all I wanted to do was come and get them the fuck out. I must
have gotten pretty fucked up. I never let them stay the night.
“Well
that was fun! I’m glad I finally got to experience Sebastian Vanwell, before
you graduated. The gossip and rumors are true about you. I’ll report back that
you were even better than what I’ve heard.” I smiled, what else was I supposed
to do. Like I cared about what people said. I was graduating in a few months
and all I wanted to do was start the next chapter of my life.
She
finally left, and made sure to leave her name and phone number on my fridge. I
tore it off and threw it in the garbage. The years were filled with nothing,
just grief. I had fallen into a deep depression of booze and women, and I
thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t fuck up school and was graduating in the
spring.
I got
ready and headed out to the gym. I became obsessed with working out. It was the
only time I allowed my mind to wander. I can’t explain how much guilt and anger
I held within. Some days it ate me up inside to the point where I didn’t even
want to get out of bed. Other days I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I
had successfully pushed away most of my loved ones, as much as I tried to push
Julia away she wouldn’t let me. She called me at least once a day, sometimes I
answered, most of the time it went voicemail.
Speak of
the devil; her ears must have been ringing.
“Hello.”
I answered.
“Sebastian
Vanwell, what the hell? I have been calling you for the last week and have left
voicemail after voicemail for you to call me back. I’ve been texting you like
crazy. Have you even checked them? I could have been hurt or something. I mean
what the fuck, Sebastian? You aren’t the only one that’s hurting…you’re so
fucking selfish…God…I’m over your self-loathing bullshit. The anniversary of
her death is tomorrow, you prick! I wanted to do something with you.” She took
a deep breath.
“Ugh!!
You know what? I don’t even want to talk to you anymore. You want to live your
life alone with no one around Sebastian, be my fucking guest, because I’m done
with you. You think for one second that Olivia would have wanted this to happen
to you? I mean do you think that she would have been happy that I’ve barely
seen or heard from you these last three years. You’re disgracing yourself, her,
and me! YOU ASSHOLE!”
Click, I
heard the dial tone. I threw the phone to the passenger seat and veered off to
the next bar.
“JD on
the rocks please and keep them coming.”
If I
didn’t feel like a fuck up enough, that was just the icing on the cake. Julia
was right. I had been the worst friend to her those last few years. It was the
time that she needed me the most and I completely fucked it up. I was so lost…I
didn’t know which way was up or which way was down. I failed two of the people
I loved most in this world. I couldn’t help myself.
The
only thing I knew how to do to forget; was to drink myself into a stupor. It
made everything go away. If I could start all over I would take everything back
and Olivia would still be here, nothing would have changed. The pain I felt was
overwhelming. How did I let go? How did I forgive myself? How did I go on? I
had no idea how to do answer any of this. I resented everything. How did I make
amends with someone who is no longer here? All these unanswered questions…
Her
death haunted me everyday. EVERY FUCKING DAY. I pictured that silver coffin
being lowered below the dirt. I saw that stupid fucking box in that long thin
room, being displayed for everyone to see. FUCK. I hated it. I couldn’t let go.
I hurt her. Why didn’t I just do what I felt? Why did this shit have to even
happen?
Goddamn it…she
should have still been there. She should have been enjoying her college years.
“Buddy,
you sure you want another? I can call you a cab. Your car is safe here
overnight. You’ve been here all day. I think it’s time to call it quits.”
I
laughed. “Like you know a damn thing about me…Buddy.”
“You’re
right man, I don’t. What I do know is that drinking yourself into a coma isn’t
going to change anything.”
I
snorted. “I want another.” I assured him. I wasn’t ready to quit. I could still
feel the pain. I needed it to stop.
“"Hey!
I get it.” His statement caused me to look up at him.
“Look
how bad I feel! See how I'm suffering! I'm pitiful! I'm pathetic! I’m punishing
myself, can’t you see!” He said, waving his hands around in the air.
“Everybody
goes through pain man… Life is never going to be completely positive. It's
never going to rain gummy bears, gumdrops, or skittles. Keep your mouth open
anyways and embrace those moments in the rain….at one point you just have to
click reset.” He walked away from me. “I’m calling you a cab.”
I heard
my phone ding with a text message. I fetched it out of my pocket to see Julia’s
face. I opened it up and read.
“I love you, Sebby.”
A moment
of clarity…that’s all it took for me. I can’t even explain it. I saw the text
message, I knew it was Julia’s face, I read the words from Julia, but it’s what
I heard that sent chills through my spine.
Through
my years of discontent and despair I had forgotten a number of things. Mostly
things about Olivia, I couldn’t remember what she sounded like anymore. Her voice
wasn’t clear to me.
It was
one of those things that you start to realize when you lose someone you love. I
couldn’t remember the smell of her shampoo, the taste of her lip gloss, the
sound of her laugh, the look in her eyes when she stared at me across the room
full of people, and I couldn’t hear the distinguished sound of her voice.
I heard
it that night.
I heard
her as plain as day.
It was
instant, the exact same moment that I read the text message from Julia.
“Go.”
That’s
all it took, “take me to the airport,” I ordered the cab driver.
I had no
clue what was going through my mind as I stared out into the dark night through
the plane’s window. I sat by an older lady who clutched a big gray bag in her
lap.
“You
going home or away from home?” she asked.
“Home,”
I smiled, saying the word. I was going home. I turned back to the window, not
trying to be rude, just wanting to let her know that I wasn’t really interested
in conversation at the time. I had too much on my mind.
“You
know, owning your burdens is half the battle,” she spoke again.
“Excuse
me?”
“You
seem to be carrying a heavy heart.”
“You
might say that,” I smiled.
“Love?”
“You
might say that too.”
“Are you
going home to her now?”
“If
she’ll have me. I’ve been pretty shitty to her, excuse me,” I said, catching my
language.