After taking her lovely daisies into the house, she and Andrew left to go have breakfast. They went to one of his favorite places, a Coney Island joint on Jefferson. He looked at Renee anxiously before going in. “Is this okay? I never asked you what you wanted to eat,” he began.
Renee shrugged it off. “Please. I love diner food, quiet as it’s kept. I know I act like the Queen of Everything, but it’s all for show. Well, most of it.
Some
of it,” she amended.
They took a booth in the back of the small, spotlessly clean restaurant and chatted about this and that until their orders were taken and their coffee was served. Finally Renee told him what she had told Ceylon the night before. Renee was studying her coffee cup as she spoke, so she didn’t see the rage that built in him as she told him of her rape and subsequent betrayal by the system that was set up to protect her. When she finally did meet his eyes again, she was shocked at the fury contained in his face.
“
Andy?” she said shakily. “It’s okay, honey. It was a long time ago and I’ve finally put it behind me. Yolanda helped and you certainly helped. It’s all over now, Andy.”
Andrew was so filled with anger at the unknown man who had dared violate Renee that he couldn’t really hear her soft voice. “Renee, why didn’t you tell someone? Why didn’t you tell your family?” he asked, bleakly. “Someone should have been there for you.
I
should have been there for you,” he added.
Renee sighed. “You’ve met my mother. Sweet as she is, there’s a real streak of ‘That’s what you get’ that runs through her. She was never the type to dispense hugs and kisses when you fell down. It was always your fault, no matter what. My poor father would have had a heart attack. And I really didn’t want anyone else to know. I already had a taste of how people would react, remember? There’s so much guilt attached to the rape survivor. ‘If only I hadn’t done this, I should’ve done that, why didn’t I do this or that’; it’s incredible. The only person I could’ve told was Bennie and the timing couldn’t have been worse,” she finished.
“
What do you mean, the timing was bad?” asked Andrew.
Renee gently reminded him that his sister’s husband was in the final stages of cancer when Renee’s tragedy had occurred. “Even I’m not selfish enough to have expected Bennie to be able to cope with me and Gilbert at the same time. And there never seemed to be an appropriate time after that. I finally got tired of suffering silently and torturing old men, and I got help. So now it’s time for a new phase of my life to begin,” she said calmly.
The food had come and she tucked into her Western omelet with great appetite, although Andrew had lost his. He was quiet for most of the meal although he did say with true regret that he wished that he had known what had happened. She placed her hand on his and stroked it gently.
“
Andy, it’s all over. What could you have possibly done, anyway?” she asked, rhetorically.
“
I would have broken his neck,” Andrew said immediately. “Renee, do you think for a second that if my brothers and I’d known that someone hurt you we would’ve let him live? Don’t be crazy, woman. You’d be talking to me now through Plexiglas and chicken wire because I would’ve killed the bastard as sure as the world.”
Having made that statement, he went back to moving his food around on his plate so that it would look like he was eating, but he wasn’t. Finally they left and walked back to Andrew’s car. They drove down Jefferson in silence and Renee said nothing when Andrew turned into Belle Isle, the huge public park that housed a botanical garden, among other things. They drove around for a few minutes until Andrew found a parking place near a grove of trees. He stopped the car and got out, coming around the car to open Renee’s door. Before she could ask why they were on Belle Isle, he pulled her close to him and held her for a long time.
Then he bent his head to hers and kissed her; long, slow and sweet. While they were kissing his hands were stroking her back and her arms as if to wipe away every bad memory she ever had. Finally he raised his head and then planted one more kiss on her eager lips.
“
You know I’m crazy about you, don’t you?” he asked.
Renee smiled and nodded her head. “I have that general impression,” she said.
“
I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you again, Renee. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through that, but I am glad as hell that you had the courage to get past it. I always knew you were special in so many ways, but now I know how really amazing you are. You’re a wonderful woman, Renee, and I am very lucky to have you in my life,” he said simply.
Renee was so overcome with emotion that she just turned her head into his shoulder and stood there basking in the warmth of his arms. And he thought he was lucky! She’d never felt so wonderful in her life. It was a heady, frightening feeling and one that she wanted more of. She was about to tell him that when he realized how late it was.
“
I’d better get you back so you can get ready for the to-do at Alan’s house. This has been the longest weekend of my life, and I freely admit to being exhausted. Pop is having a ball, though. Maybe when I have a 50
th
anniversary of some kind to celebrate I’ll be that geeked, but right now, I’m just tired,” he said as they were pulling in to the alley behind the house.
After one more brief kiss, he was gone with the promise that he would see her later. Renee floated back into the house and picked up the giant bouquet of daisies to take up to her rooms.
As luck would have it, Bennie’s redoubtable Aunt Ruth was emerging from her guestroom as Renee hit the landing. She braced herself for a long chat, but Aunt Ruth was a woman on the move.
“
Ha! Looks like there’s going to be two weddings around here,” she said wickedly. Before Renee could ask for clarification, Aunt Ruth answered her. “Well, Benita and Clay, that’s fairly obvious, and then you and Andrew. You’ll be next. I know you and I know my nephew. It’s about time, too,” she added as she sauntered down the stairs.
Renee opened her mouth to protest, but decided against it. What was the point, after all? Aunt Ruth would never admit she was wrong about anything and this was one time that Renee was rather inclined to agree with her. After last night and this morning, anything was possible.
***
Yes, all things were possible, but apparently not probable. Since the tumultuous weekend when Renee had clobbered Andrew and then told him all the next day, he had been treating her like a display of Kosta Boda glassware at an expensive department store; he looked with reverent appreciation, but he did not touch. He acted as though she was so precious and fragile that she’d shatter with the slightest pressure. Renee had tried and tried to convince him that she was not only resilient, but healed, only to be given the sweetest and most loving look, followed by a gentle hug or squeeze.
“
I don’t want to rush, you, Renee. We’ll both know when it’s time,” was all he would say.
Renee had told Yolanda everything in her last session, and Yolanda was once again full of praise and encouragement for Renee. She also posed a few questions for her.
“
Renee, it sounds as though Andrew cares for you very much. And it would seem that you return that feeling. Are you sure that you’re ready to take that next step and move into a physical relationship with Andrew?” she probed gently.
Renee was emphatic in her insistence that yes, she was ready. “Yolanda, I’d forgotten how exciting and romantic it feels to really
be
with a man! I was never particularly fond of a lot of kissing, even before the rape. I just didn’t like anyone all up in my face, you know? And frankly, it didn’t seem all that hygienic, if you ask me,” she said, making a face. Then, she smiled dreamily.
“
But kissing Andy? Girl, it’s like a little piece of heaven, it really is. I love the way he feels, the way he tastes, the way that beard feels on my cheek…” she turned glassy eyes to Yolanda. “Did I mention that he has a beard now?” she asked, irrelevantly.
Yolanda covered her mouth to hide a grin. “Yes, Renee, I believe you mentioned that several times. And I think that you are experiencing a long-awaited sexual re-awakening, which is wonderful. I caution you, though, to be very sure of your feelings as you enter into this new phase of your life. I don’t want anything to befall either you or Andrew, who sounds like a wonderful man. As I said, he seems to care for you very much and I want you to ask yourself if you could have the same feelings for him.”
Renee had mulled those words over carefully and thought about how far she had come in the last few months. Just a few weeks ago words like that from Yolanda wouldn’t have been necessary. There was no one in her life that fit into that category, for one thing. And if she had brought up something like that Renee would have jumped out of her skin from anxiety. Now she was just as cool as a cucumber about the whole thing.
She was completely ready to start another phase of her relationship with Andrew. She knew that he cared about her, and she returned those feelings wholeheartedly. How could she not when Andrew was the kindest, sweetest, most endearing man she had ever known? There was nothing to dislike about him. He was smart, skilled, dedicated, family-oriented, funny, and affectionate. He was a wonderful dancer and he could even cook. And he could iron better than she could. He admitted to doing the ironing when they were growing up. He did have a temper, that she had witnessed firsthand. But his was a rational anger, if there was such a thing. He only lost it when he was pushed to the wall.
The only thing that she could fault him on was being too patient and considerate when it came to their affair. And she was about to take care of that little detail herself. Renee had tried being demure, seductive, flirtatious and coy to no avail. Andrew seemed to have it in his head that she was some kind of fragile flower that needed delicate handling now that he knew that she had been assaulted. Yolanda assured her that this was not uncommon.
“
Just remember, Renee, you’ve had 10 years to cope with this, plus about 18 months of expensive therapy. Andrew is just finding out about it. So give him a little time, he’ll come around soon enough. And it is an entirely appropriate reaction for him; he doesn’t blame you, he cherishes you and wants to protect you, which is actually quite sweet.”
After a couple of weeks of sweet, though, Renee was ready to pop. They had many sweet, romantic dates that ended with a passionate kiss and hug and that was it. Andrew seemed oblivious to the fact that he was driving her crazy. And he truly was driving her out of her tiny little mind. The scent of him, the taste of him, the sheer beauty and sensuality of him was all she could think about. She wanted nothing more right now than to follow one of those hot, sizzling kisses to its logical conclusion and wake up wrapped in Andrew Cochran and nothing else the next morning. And since he wasn’t cooperating, it was up to her to get the ball rolling. The tennis ball, to be exact.
The next day, she and Andrew were finishing up a game of tennis at the center where she customarily played. Andrew was as strong a player as she was, so he gave her a good game. They each won three games and were more than willing to call it a day as the skies darkened and it looked like it was about to storm. They went into the clubhouse to shower and change, agreeing to meet in the juice bar afterwards. Andrew enjoyed watching Renee as she walked to the women’s dressing room. He loved the way she walked; the way her butt moved was absolutely incredible. He suppressed a groan and went to shower.
The past weeks had been one continuous, tortuous round of hell as far as Andrew was concerned. After years of juvenile sparring, he finally had the woman he adored within his reach and then he found out about her assault. Andrew’s jaw clinched in fury every time he thought about someone putting his hands on Renee. Touching her in passion was bad enough, but the thought that someone she trusted had hurt her, had
violated
her was unendurable. Andrew was completely at a loss as to how he should proceed. He desired her more than ever; he wanted nothing more than to erase her memories of pain and abuse and replace them with something wonderful and erotic. He just wanted to make sure that his timing was right and that he wasn’t rushing her into something she wasn’t ready for. He heard the not-so-subtle hints that she dropped from time to time, but he wasn’t sure that she was ready to handle the volcanic desire that arose in him every time he looked at her.
Until he was sure, there was always a cold shower, like the one he was in now, although he noticed that the cold water did practically nothing to cool his ardor. No matter how frustrated he got, it was critical that he not lose his head with Renee because he had finally realized how much he loved her. Just when he acknowledged the fact that he was in love with Renee, he wasn’t sure. About the time that he found out that they could have a relationship that did not involve bickering, he guessed. All he knew for sure was that he adored her. He loved being with her, talking to her, seeing her, touching her, tasting her; he was completely happy whenever he was around her. And when she had told him what had happened to her, a primitive rage had overtaken him like nothing he had ever felt before. That’s when he knew for sure that she was his woman, because he knew for a fact that he would have happily killed the man who had abused her. He loved her totally; he could wait until it was right for both of them.