Read Until the End of Time Online
Authors: Melanie Schuster
Until the End of Time (19 page)
Renee sighed deeply and shrugged her shoulders. “I hate to disappoint you, but he said I looked great, he couldn’t possibly love me and we are never getting married. Ever,” she said in a monotone.
By this time they were in Renee’s sitting room, sitting at opposite ends of the cushy sofa that was upholstered in silvery gray raw silk. Everything was coordinated in pink and gray, including the carpet and draperies. The two women looked at each other, each wearing very telling expressions. Renee’s was full of anger and Ceylon’s was total confusion.
“
Renee, come on now. Tell me what went wrong? I saw the two of you together and you looked absolutely beautiful! You couldn’t stop looking at each other, especially Andrew. He never left your side for more than 5 minutes and when he was away from you his eyes were glued to you! I know you accuse me of being overly romantic, but that man is crazy about you! It’s as plain as…as the size of my hips!” Ceylon exclaimed indignantly.
Renee, come on now. Tell me what went wrong? I saw the two of you together and you looked absolutely beautiful! You couldn’t stop looking at each other, especially Andrew. He never left your side for more than 5 minutes and when he was away from you his eyes were glued to you! I know you accuse me of being overly romantic, but that man is crazy about you! It’s as plain as…as the size of my hips!” Ceylon exclaimed indignantly.
Renee even chuckled a little at Ceylon’s comparison. Ceylon was definitely full figured and shapely, and was not in the least self-conscious about her figure. Why should she be, she was gorgeous and men found her irresistible. But she was not to be sidestepped. Leaning forward, she pressed Renee again.
“
Okay, it’s obvious that you two had a fight of some kind. What happened?”
Okay, it’s obvious that you two had a fight of some kind. What happened?”
Renee sucked her teeth, a practice she normally abhored. “Nothing happened. Andrew just thinks I’m a skank whore, that’s all.” She gave the word its time-honored slang pronunciation of “ho”, so Ceylon knew she was riled.
Ceylon’s eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. “I don’t believe you just said that. You’d better explain the whole thing to me and fast before I go to his house and kick his ass for him.”
Renee explained the growing attraction between the two of them and how intent he was on fulfilling the passionate promises they had been making. She further explained that tonight was not the night, due to crowded house and hostess obligations. Then she told Ceylon exactly what Andrew had said, and how she had slugged him. “I mean, really! The nerve of him! Just because I date a man, or men, doesn’t mean that I’m having sex with them! What kind of assumption is that to make about a person, after all?” Renee turned angry, hurt eyes to Ceylon to get some support.
Ceylon’s eyebrows had climbed to her practically to her hairline, and the expression on her face was complicated at best. “Umm, Renee, dear heart?” Ceylon started gently, “I think it’s a fairly normal assumption. Until this very moment I was operating under the same misapprehension as Andrew.” She held up her hand to ward off the angry barrage that was about to explode from Renee. “Hold it right there. I’m not saying that you’re a hoochie-mama or a skank, and Andrew wasn’t either. But you’re a very sexy and sophisticated woman who has had her pick of some very nice gentlemen. Sex is a lovely and important part of life, so why wouldn’t you have a sexual relationship with someone very special?” she asked gently.
Renee sprang up and started pacing around, rearranging items on the small marquetry tables and needlessly fluffing the rose and peony cotton velvet pillows on the loveseat. Ceylon recognized the maneuver as one that meant that Renee was overwrought or uncomfortable, but she wasn’t letting her off that easily. “Come on and give me a facial,” Ceylon said easily. “I haven’t had one in I don’t know when and you give the very best,” she added.
As Ceylon had planned, once Renee was occupied with applying the creams to her skin, she was able to relax enough to talk. And the fact that Ceylon’s eyes were closed made the words flow without hesitation.
“
You know, I used to have a normal sex life,” Renee confessed. “It wasn’t the most prolific, to be sure, but I wasn’t a prude or frigid or anything. I had one boyfriend from my senior year in high school through my freshman year of college. I had one boyfriend through college. And I had one after I graduated. You remember when I was living in Columbus, working at that crummy television station?”
You know, I used to have a normal sex life,” Renee confessed. “It wasn’t the most prolific, to be sure, but I wasn’t a prude or frigid or anything. I had one boyfriend from my senior year in high school through my freshman year of college. I had one boyfriend through college. And I had one after I graduated. You remember when I was living in Columbus, working at that crummy television station?”
Ceylon murmured an affirmative, which caused Renee to go on with her story. “Well, I moved to Pittsburgh and took that job with the ABC affiliate there. I was the weekend anchor and spent all week long chasing stories like a big dog because I wanted to be the best. You have no idea how much I loved that job. I really thought I had a future there because the people were kind and supportive and no one was making stupid remarks about how I showed up on camera or anything. I was even getting fan letters! I was so sure that this was my big break,” she sighed.
Renee paused to apply a steaming hot cloth to Ceylon’s cream covered skin. Oddly enough, talking to Ceylon was really helping. She didn’t feel the gut-wrenching nausea that normally accompanied her memories of Pittsburgh. She was, in fact, eager to get it all out.
“
Well, there was a Black anchorman at the station when I got there and he was the toast of the town. One of those pale pretty boys with the light brown curly hair, you know the type. And he was quite adequate in his job, too. He was smart and funny and just the nicest guy you could imagine. He was engaged to a really sweet girl, she was a schoolteacher or something. Anyway, he was kind of like a big brother to me. You know I have all sisters and Bennie’s brothers are the closest things I have to male siblings. But I’ve always had a lot of male friends, guys that I just buddied around with, you know? And he was like that, too.
Well, there was a Black anchorman at the station when I got there and he was the toast of the town. One of those pale pretty boys with the light brown curly hair, you know the type. And he was quite adequate in his job, too. He was smart and funny and just the nicest guy you could imagine. He was engaged to a really sweet girl, she was a schoolteacher or something. Anyway, he was kind of like a big brother to me. You know I have all sisters and Bennie’s brothers are the closest things I have to male siblings. But I’ve always had a lot of male friends, guys that I just buddied around with, you know? And he was like that, too.
“
We would sometimes have lunch together or go to a basketball game or just have a drink with everybody else at the station at happy hour and kick it around. And that’s why I didn’t think twice about letting him take me home one night. My car wouldn’t start and it was snowing and he offered me a lift and I said sure. He brought me home and came inside and we were just laughing and talking and having a good time. I had some leftover gumbo and I heated it up, and he stayed for dinner. Just two old friends, you know?”
We would sometimes have lunch together or go to a basketball game or just have a drink with everybody else at the station at happy hour and kick it around. And that’s why I didn’t think twice about letting him take me home one night. My car wouldn’t start and it was snowing and he offered me a lift and I said sure. He brought me home and came inside and we were just laughing and talking and having a good time. I had some leftover gumbo and I heated it up, and he stayed for dinner. Just two old friends, you know?”
Against her will, Ceylon was holding her breath. She had a sinking feeling that she knew what was coming next, but she still wasn’t prepared for it. Renee sensed her uneasiness and patted her shoulder.
“
I’ll spare you all the gory details. But yes, he did rape me.
Acquaintance
rape, they call it now. They didn’t really have a name for it back then. At least I don’t think they did, I’m not sure. One minute we were laughing and talking, not even flirting, mind you, just goofing around. And the next thing I know, he’s thrown me onto the sofa and he’s ripping…well, you get the idea.” Renee’s hands stayed busy, massaging and manipulating Ceylon’s silken skin to improve the circulation. She ignored the tears that were sliding out of Ceylon’s eyes.
I’ll spare you all the gory details. But yes, he did rape me.
Acquaintance
rape, they call it now. They didn’t really have a name for it back then. At least I don’t think they did, I’m not sure. One minute we were laughing and talking, not even flirting, mind you, just goofing around. And the next thing I know, he’s thrown me onto the sofa and he’s ripping…well, you get the idea.” Renee’s hands stayed busy, massaging and manipulating Ceylon’s silken skin to improve the circulation. She ignored the tears that were sliding out of Ceylon’s eyes.
“
I was definitely traumatized, I have to admit it. He was so casual and cavalier about it that it made me even sicker to my stomach; all he said afterwards was, ‘I know you been wanting me, Renee, so quit pretending.’ Then he used my towels and soap to clean himself up and left me lying there. He actually said that he’d see me tomorrow!”
I was definitely traumatized, I have to admit it. He was so casual and cavalier about it that it made me even sicker to my stomach; all he said afterwards was, ‘I know you been wanting me, Renee, so quit pretending.’ Then he used my towels and soap to clean himself up and left me lying there. He actually said that he’d see me tomorrow!”
Now Renee could not ignore Ceylon’s tears because she was shedding some of her own. She told Ceylon the rest of the story in short, clipped sentences—how she had gone to the emergency room and told them she was raped. How they acted like she was lying because there was no visible sign of trauma. She told her how she had filed a police report, and how she had been humiliated and scoffed at, especially when she told them who her assailant was.
“
Everyone’s attitude was like I was too ugly for him to have assaulted. Why would he put his hands on a big black cow like me when he had that pretty little fiancée at home? You know something, that’s one thing that still pisses me off; people act like rape is a crime of passion. It’s a crime of
violence
. Sexual gratification is not the aim; it’s punishment and domination. But everyone saw on the one hand a respected, admired member of the community; a handsome, acceptable man accused by a woman who was they perceived as being not attractive enough to get her own man. A woman who wasn’t smart enough to get a job on her own, she had to try to ruin a black man’s life in order to get ahead in her career.”
Everyone’s attitude was like I was too ugly for him to have assaulted. Why would he put his hands on a big black cow like me when he had that pretty little fiancée at home? You know something, that’s one thing that still pisses me off; people act like rape is a crime of passion. It’s a crime of
violence
. Sexual gratification is not the aim; it’s punishment and domination. But everyone saw on the one hand a respected, admired member of the community; a handsome, acceptable man accused by a woman who was they perceived as being not attractive enough to get her own man. A woman who wasn’t smart enough to get a job on her own, she had to try to ruin a black man’s life in order to get ahead in her career.”
Ceylon drew in a sharp, horrified breath and sat up. “Renee, that’s terrible! People didn’t actually say things like that to you! You were the victim, for God’s sake!”
Renee looked at Ceylon solemnly. “Oh, honey, they said those things and much worse. In order to get out of Pittsburgh with my head intact, I quit my job and left in the dark of night, literally. I had gotten so much hate mail and so many threatening phone calls that I had no choice other than leaving town, or at least I thought I didn’t. I really didn’t have a choice about the job, either. The station manager made it plain to me that he didn’t care what had happened, one highly visible light-skinned anchorman was worth two dozen little black gals like me. Oddly enough, he never actually said he didn’t believe me,” she added thoughtfully.
“
And yes, I was a victim then and I’ve been a victim ever since. I tried to do the right thing back when I was attacked. I knew what you’re supposed to do after a rape. Don’t shower, don’t change clothes. Go to a hospital as soon as possible, report the rape to the police—I did everything I was supposed to do and it all blew up in my face. I was treated like trash and I lost all respect for myself. So I refused to let anyone near me again. I never told my family, or any of my friends. Not even Bennie,” she said before Ceylon could ask.
And yes, I was a victim then and I’ve been a victim ever since. I tried to do the right thing back when I was attacked. I knew what you’re supposed to do after a rape. Don’t shower, don’t change clothes. Go to a hospital as soon as possible, report the rape to the police—I did everything I was supposed to do and it all blew up in my face. I was treated like trash and I lost all respect for myself. So I refused to let anyone near me again. I never told my family, or any of my friends. Not even Bennie,” she said before Ceylon could ask.
“
Gilbert was dying and she didn’t need to hear my sad story. I took myself to Boston and helped her all I could and just started my life over again. But I made up my mind that no one was ever going to have me in that position again. I was going to call the shots from now on and no man was ever getting me in a place where I couldn’t walk away clean. And to tell you the truth, the idea of sex terrified me to the point where I couldn’t even think about it for years and years. Until recently, that is.”
Gilbert was dying and she didn’t need to hear my sad story. I took myself to Boston and helped her all I could and just started my life over again. But I made up my mind that no one was ever going to have me in that position again. I was going to call the shots from now on and no man was ever getting me in a place where I couldn’t walk away clean. And to tell you the truth, the idea of sex terrified me to the point where I couldn’t even think about it for years and years. Until recently, that is.”
She told Ceylon about her therapy with Yolanda, and about how Andrew was the only man she had felt any desire for since the night of the rape. Then she smiled crookedly.
“
And now he thinks I’m nuts,” she said with a shaky laugh.
And now he thinks I’m nuts,” she said with a shaky laugh.
Ceylon rose from the chaise and embraced her warmly. “Dear heart, I am sure he thinks no such thing!” She stood back a moment and looked at Renee closely. “How hard did you hit him?”
“
Pretty hard. As hard as I could, and you know I play tennis several times a week,” Renee confessed.
Pretty hard. As hard as I could, and you know I play tennis several times a week,” Renee confessed.
“
Well, he might think you’re a
little
crazy. But when you explain things to him, he’ll understand,” Ceylon said encouragingly.
Well, he might think you’re a
little
crazy. But when you explain things to him, he’ll understand,” Ceylon said encouragingly.
“
I hope you’re right, because I do want to explain things to him. I’ve never been able to talk about it before, but I think he needs to know what kind of nutcase he’s getting mixed up with. That’s if he’ll speak to me at all,” she said ruefully.
I hope you’re right, because I do want to explain things to him. I’ve never been able to talk about it before, but I think he needs to know what kind of nutcase he’s getting mixed up with. That’s if he’ll speak to me at all,” she said ruefully.
Ceylon hugged her again. “Oh girl, you know I am never wrong about these things! You and he were meant to be together, just like Bennie and that yummy Clay. Where did that lucky heifer meet him, anyway?”
And before they knew it, they had talked until almost morning.
Chapter Ten
It was time for drastic measures, Renee decided. It was time to put her big plan into action. Things with Andrew couldn’t have been going better and yet she was ready to jump out of her skin.
Serves me right for picking the last gentleman on the planet to get
involved with.
And Andrew was truly a gentleman in every sense of the word. Besides being mannerly, he was a very gentle and caring man.
Serves me right for picking the last gentleman on the planet to get
involved with.
And Andrew was truly a gentleman in every sense of the word. Besides being mannerly, he was a very gentle and caring man.
There was, for example, his behavior the day after the gala party. Renee had showered and dressed quickly because she had a mission. She put on a pair of tan cotton Comme des Garcons drawstring pants and a white cotton DKNY tank top. She strapped on a pair of snakeskin sandals and sprayed Annick Goutal liberally before going downstairs and slipping out the back door. She closed the door and turned around, coming face to face with Andrew who was holding a huge bouquet of Gerbera daisies, one of Renee’s favorite flowers. She was speechless.
“
Don’t hit me, I’m not armed,” Andrew said quickly. “This is to apologize for my behavior last night. Renee, it was inexcusable. I had absolutely no right to say those things to you, no right whatsoever. Yes, I want to be with you more than you can possibly imagine but that is no reason to say ugly things to you. I can’t even claim that I was drunk, just made truly stupid by lust. I hope you don’t hate me,” he said quietly.
Don’t hit me, I’m not armed,” Andrew said quickly. “This is to apologize for my behavior last night. Renee, it was inexcusable. I had absolutely no right to say those things to you, no right whatsoever. Yes, I want to be with you more than you can possibly imagine but that is no reason to say ugly things to you. I can’t even claim that I was drunk, just made truly stupid by lust. I hope you don’t hate me,” he said quietly.
Renee felt both of her hands rise to her cheeks, which were flaming hot by now. Andrew was attired very similarly to her, except that he had on a Gap T-shirt and old Levi’s 501 jeans. He looked and smelled like he had been freshly laundered and hung out to dry in the sun. If she wasn’t mistaken, there was the slightest swelling on his cheekbone where she had popped him one. He looked so sincere and adorable that she literally couldn’t speak—the words just wouldn’t come out.
Andrew misinterpreted her gesture and sighed in defeat. He was about to place the flowers on the steps and leave when Renee found her voice.
“
Oh, Andy, thank you,” she breathed. “I was just coming over to your house,” she added.
Oh, Andy, thank you,” she breathed. “I was just coming over to your house,” she added.
Andrew was dumbstruck. “You were? Why?”
Renee leaned over and gave him a sweet little kiss where her fist had landed the night before. “For this. And to talk. There are some things I need to tell you, Andy.”
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